A picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Yup. There I am. Talk about the host of the party making the guests feel welcome! That was at M's Housewarming Party there's a paragraph about it there. Not really in depth, but that's probably because I don't particularly remember anything specific.

The evening was kind of a whirl of sound, emotion, and me on my bum on the floor. Enough about that, here is a picture of me with a really hot guy...just the way I like my parties. All the fun, none of the expectations!! I think the more impressive fact is that he's also a dancer. A good one too! He and I were out on the balcony of the apartment using the railing as a bar, and he taught me some ballet moves. It was so cold. Please don't bother asking what's going on with his hand/arm. I probably didn't even know at the time.

Here is a picture of (from L to R) Jen and Greg and Brian. I've mentioned Greg before, and possibly even put in a link to his website Global Greg. It's funny, and very entertaining.

Now for a party related picture that has nothing to do with the Homewarming bash. This is Brian, Danielle, and Curtis. They are three of the best people I have ever met. You all know how much I adore Brian, but D & C really rank high up on my list of favorite people. I'm such a good picture taker...look at how centered that is. No cropping necessary...and the only reason the picture quality online is crappy is because of a bad scan (not done by me)

Well, on to other, more interesting subjects...

I've got an angry angry friend.
Listen to This!

...BEGIN ONLINE JOURNAL ENTRY...

April 6, 2001 ~ 8:33am i miss my bed

I've been so tired all week. apparently this is just one of those weeks where I am doomed to not get to bed earlier than midnight (and usually it's much later). Yesterday was supposed to be my night but nooo.

Even though I had planned on hanging out with Shawn yesterday, playing my video game, relaxing, hiding from the world (I *really* need some hide from the world time); I dropped those plans because Jen really wanted me to go with her to this Mashed Potato Club yesterday to meet this comic book author. And I can totally understand that because I wouldnt want to go alone to meet someone new either. Especially to some downtown bar/restaurant I've never been to. Which was my main motivation in agreeing to go. Even though I felt a little invalidated because I said I had been planning on doing other things, and she was just 'oh, yeah but you can see Shawn friday or saturday or blah blah' (which I most likely won't b/c he's supposed to be with his OTL(tm)). But that's not the point. The point is I had PLANS and a) I like to keep my plans and b) I really could have lived happily without going out last night. I'm so tired and I've been so freaked all week about just changes in my life and stuff. I needed to relax and I needed to sleep. But I went anyway because I didn't want her to have to go alone.

Plans kept changing all day yesterday. I was supposed to pick her up at the gym, then at home, then at the gym, then at home. We didn't know if we were going to eat or not because we couldnt afford it. It was just screwy. The one thing that remained constant though was that we were going to go, hang out for a little bit, and then come home. early. I was thinking by like 10, 10:30 at the latest. (I later found out Jen had been planning about the same with her latest at 11). I REALLY wanted to be in bed by 11.

So I get home from work, talk to Shawn and tell him I'm doing a favor for Jen, felt a little better because he said he was going to go to bed early anyway (I'd been feeling guilty all day for ditching him). Told him what time were supposed to be home and said I'd call him if it wasn't too late. Went to weigh in at Weight Watchers (I gained .8 which I dont think is bad considering I haven't been there for four weeks and haven't really been following the plan). Then I drive to Jen's house. She drove which I was happy with because a) I'm afraid my car is going to break any second (just b/c I can't afford to fix it) and b) I really didn't want to use my gas to go somewhere I didn't really feel like being in the first place. The club was bright yellow outside, and inside looked like, as Jen put it, "a drag queen's attic'. Totally gay servers, not a whole lot of people there, and our guys weren't there yet, so we got a table. They played really good music (mostly 80's stuff) all night. Doug, the comic book author, arrived about 20 mins after we did. Seems like a decent fellow. He's from Canada but we won't hold that against him. :) yet. pretty sure he's not gay. But I have been fooled before. Anyway. I followed some of the conversation but didnt really know much of what they were talking about b/c it revolved heavily around like online comics and different cons (conventions) and people it turned out they both knew (like Jen's ex fiance for one!) and music I didn't know. But I was enjoying the atmosphere and the music so it was OK.

I only had $35 total. and Jen had no cash and only $70 on her mastercard. Drinks last night were half price martinis, and they had a really neat list of different martinis you could get. I also had printed pages from citysearch that we could use to get one free drink each. Jen was having lemon drops, I believe...and I went for an oatmeal cookie and a banana split. First one was good, I didnt really like the second one. Wasn't planning on going past one drink I had to pay for b/c we had no money. Jen kept going...by the end of the night had definitely had four drinks, and I think she was actually at five (this is counting the free one). and even at half price they were still 3.75 each.

we had mashed potatoes with bacon and cheddar for dessert. They were pretty good but they had a funky tang to them that I wasn't crazy about. Also had a scoop of sweet potatoes with marshmallows, caramel, whipped cream and cherries for dessert. The toppings were good but I wasn't crazy about the sweet potatoes. I'd never had them before though.

Doug (the author guy) kept having shots of jack daniels. he had at least three...I think more. And at ten we were joined by Michael, the other guy Jen had been e-mailing with (just another fan of the comic I believe), and he had 2-3 drinks. (He was pretty obviously gay and I think he'd been there before). Michael ended up leaving about ten...thiryish? because he got a phone call. He was going to leave money but Dough said he'd cover him.

A short while after that I asked Jen when we were going to leave. She was pretty noncommital and the two of them were still ordering drinks. I was drinking water and I really just wanted to go home but I didn't want to be the bitch or the party pooper.

It was getting pretty late though. and finally it looked like we were leaving. Then paying the bill came up...it was $76 so jen couldnt charge it...I only had $35...Doug threw in $20. for like his at least four drinks and Michael's at least two drinks (and I think the numbers may have been higher). nothing for tipping our waiter. I was kinda peeved about that. jen only wanted to charge $30. so I ended up throwing ten dollars down for tip and $25 in for paying the bill. and I was tapped. (Jen later stopped at an ATM and gave me $20 b/c I wasn't the one who planned this whole thing and hadn't planned on spending that much). I was pretty peeved at doug only throwing in $20.

then he requested some song by some band they both liked and we had to stay for that.

finally we left the place a little before midnight. I had a voice mail so I checked it, and it was Shawn, and he sounded so lonely...he left it at 10:35, and he was just like 'hi, I was just calling to see what's up because you haven't come over or called...' and he talked about the video game a little and then asked me not to call after 11. I felt SO BAD because we were so supposed to have been home by then and I was going to call him...not like Jen cared that I was ditching another friend to hang out with her though, or that I felt really bad about it. my feelings are not very happy here.

We had offered to take Doug back to the place he was staying, which was like on damon somewhere. I had no idea how to get there from where we were so we drove aimlessly for a while. they chatted happily about comics and things and I just sat in the back seat and cried quietly. I cried because I was tired. Because I was lonely. Because I felt bad about ditching a friend. because I knew jen didn't care that I ditched him because she views him as a lesser entity in my life (or at least that's how I feel she views him and this situation). Because I really and truly just weanted to be at home and I was sorry I went, even though I'd had fun earlier. because I felt like I'd had to choose between friends last night and I HATE that feeling anyway and then I felt the friend I chose let me down. and because I felt bad about feeling badly toward jen because she was just trying to have fun. I cried for all those reasons and it just made me feel worse.

We drove aimlessly, finally found the place Doug was staying, dropped him off, and then drove aimlessly some more while we tried to find the expressway to get home. Finally got back to Jen's about 2AM (I think) and I passed right out on the couch.

only to be awakened by Mandy's beeping alarm at 6:15am. which she finally turned off.

to have jen wake me at 7. and I said to wake about 7:30. So she did. and I got up and basically came right to work. same thing I wore yesterday, mascara smeared under my eyes, and the bags under my eyes feel like they're falling into my cheeks. and my stomach is killing me.

I was sorely tempted to stay home from work today. and jsut sleep. but I didnt.

I think what bothers me most is that I was doing a favor for Jen and she knew I wanted to be home early and still ignored it, even after I brought it up at the bar, AFTER the time I had already wanted to leave. It was fine that she wanted to stay and all, but don't beg someone to go with you and tell them it's OK to go home early and then fuck them over like that.

I am also very upset because I really feel that she completely doesn't care that I ditched another friend to hang out with her. And the reason she doesn't care is because the friend I ditched was Shawn. To me it's like she views him as a lesser being and as someone I shouldn't be hanging with anyway so it's OK if I ditch him. I dont think she really understands that *I* actually wanted very much to be with him last night. They're both very good friends of mine, and I dont like being put in a position to have to make a choice. And I really don't like the fact that she doesn't seem to have any gratitude for the fact that I changed the plans I was really happy with to go and do a favor for her, or that she doesn't seem to care that I feel bad for ditching my friend, or that she doesn't seem like she's sorry for letting the plans get all fucked up last night. I'm just not very happy at all.

and I can't wait to get home and fucking just go to sleep.

....END ONLINE JOURNAL ENTRY...

Niiiiiice....I so appreciate things like this. Especially considering that the number of times she assumes how I'm thinking or feeling, or that I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling, because she didn't tell me.

She says it's because she didn't want to be a party pooper or a bitch. How about being a friend? A friend shares their feelings, good or bad. If she had just said "I need to go now" I would have been gone. End of story. But she didn't ... and then blames me for it.

So we shall see what happens, but I know that trusting someone who makes judgements based on what she thinks you're thinking isn't a smart move. At all.

~Dryad~

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