| Rat's Comedy Corner |
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| EMAIL da RAT |
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| How to tell your boy rat has reached puberty? 1. You find chewed copies of PlayRat magazine in his stash when cleaning his cage. 2. He's given up all his favourite healthy treats in favour of yogurt drops and coke. 3. He demands you put a lockable privacy door on the litter tray. 4. 555-HOTRATS is programmed into your phone's speed dial. 5. You discover that your drivers license has been "fixed" with a photo of your rat, so he can get into clubs. 6. Scratches are no longer acceptable in public places. 7. He dribbles pee all over your house without embarrassment |
| The Rat's Revenge Uli Stein |
| Rats by Dr Seuss If your ratty gets all scatty 'cos his coat is getting matty And he's acting kinda batty now he doesn't look so natty If he starts to get all chatty and to voice pratty demands Then beware! You've got a bratty tatty ratty on your hands. If your doe has had a go with all her bro' bucks in a row And you've seen her face aglow and her belly grow with woe If she's getting glad and gloating and gargantuous in girth Then at any time you guess that your grand girl is gonna birth If your buck has had no luck getting his lazy butt unstuck And you pluck him from his hammock to a chorus of "You suck!" If his flaccid furry form is in a squishy slug disguise Then it's right to get this roly rotund rat some exercise. |
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| ToDo List Dan Wedeking |
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| Marriage counselling Uli Stein |
| Ratty Rights! Just managed to nab your naughty escapee rat? Caught your bad rat chewing on the rug? Found your studly buck illegally liaising with the girls? When you take him into custody, remember to read him his rights: "You have the right to squeak wildly. You have the right to squirm and scratch and bite my hands. You have the right to expel your bodily excretions all over my shirt. Anything you do or say will be taken down and used against you when you're returned to your cage... where you will plead innocent, we will crumble at your cuteness and you will be offered a yogurt drop." |
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