WV REDNECK MEDICAL TERMS
Artery..........................The study of paintings.
Bacteria.......................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium..........................What doctors do when patients die.
Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Cesarean Section.........A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan..........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.............................A sheep dog.
Coma.............................A punctuation mark.
Dilate............................To live long.
Enema............................Not a friend.
Fibula............................A small lie.
Genital...........................Non-Jewish person.
Impotent.......................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain......................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid...........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..........................Cheaper than day rates.
Outpatient.....................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear......................A fatherhood test.
Rectum.............................Darn near killed him.
Secretion.........................Hiding something
Seizure............................Roman emperor.
Tablet..............................A small table.
Terminal Illness.............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor...............................More than one.
Urine................................Opposite of you're out
Varicose...........................Near by/close by
HILLBILLY CPR
Two West Virginians were having the blue plate special at their favorite diner, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down a 'possum burger too fast.
The first hillbilly said to the other, "Think we otta' help?" "I reckon," said the second hillbilly.
The first hillbilly got up and walked over to the lady and asked,
"Kin yew breathe?" She shook her head no. "Kin yew talk?" he asked. She again shook her head no. With that he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and licked her on the butt.
She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.
The first hillbilly turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever' time.
WV Hillbilly Wives
Three Hillbillies are sitting on their porch in Auburn.
One says: Boy is my wife dumb. She's so stupid that she went shoppin' today and bought an air-conditioner. Hell, we ain't got no electricity." The others laugh.
Then the other guy says: "Ah, that ain't nothin', my wife's dumber than that! She went shoppin' yesterday and had a washin machine delivered. They all laughed and laughed, nobody around there had plumbing!"
The third Hillbilly said: "Well, I reckon my woman got � to be the dumbest. Just this morning I was lookin' in her purse for some change and found six rubbers. Hell, she ain't got no d!�_"
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