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ACT 2 Scene 1 The Jail (The OCHESTRA plays the EXIT music as ENTR’ACTE. After applause the ORCHESTRA goes into a VAMP) (REPORTERS are discovered on both sides of the stage talking into imaginary phones. They anxiously await the "news" about ROXIE) (VELMA appears on the bandstand, lying on the piano. BILLY stands stage left) VELMA: (To the Audience) Hello suckers, welcome back. Roxie’s in there being looked over by the State Medical Examiner. She’s says she’s gonna have a baby. Now why didn’t I think of that? "I KNOW A GIRL" VELMA: CAN YOU IMAGINE? I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE? DO YOU BELIEVE IT? I MEAN, DO YOU BELIEVE IT? I KNOW A GIRL A GIRL WHO LANDS ON TOP YOU COULD PUT HER FACE INTO A PAIL OF SLOP AND SHE’D COME UP SMELLING LIKE A ROSE HOW SHE DOES IT HEAVEN KNOWS (A DOCTOR brings a frail ROXIE out Stage Left) REPORTER: Hold on everybody, she’s coming out now. Well, Doc, is she or isn’t she? VELMA: She is. DOCTOR: She is. VELMA: I KNOW A GIRL A GIRL WITH SO MUCH LUCK SHE COULD GET RUN OVER BY A TWO-TON TRUCK THEN BRUSHES HERSELF OFF AND WALK AWAY HOW SHE DOES IT, COULDN’T SAY BILLY: Doc, would you swear to that statement in court? DOCTOR: (With a big smirk on his face) Oh, yeah… BILLY: Good…uh… button your fly. (DOCTOR & BILLY exits) VELMA: WHILST I ON THE OTHER HAND PUT MY FACE INTO A PAIL OF SLOP AND I WOULD SMELL LIKE A PAIL OF SLOP I ON THE OTHER HAND GET RUN OVER BY A TRUCK AND I AM DEADER THAN A DUCK I KNOW A GIRL WHO TELLS SO MANY LIES ANYTHING THAT’S TRUE WOULD TRULY CROSS HER EYES BUT WHAT THAT MOUSE IS SELLING THE WHOLE WORLD BUYS AND NOBODY SMELLS A RAT. ROXIE: (To the REPORTERS) Please, ladies and gentleman of the press – leave the two of us alone so we can rest. VELMA: The two of us? CAN YOU IMAGINE? I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE? (All the REPORTERS start to exit. One hangs back.) REPORTER: Could I have one last picture, please? ROXIE: (Smiling) Sure, anything for the press. (REPORTER snaps the picture and exits) VELMA: DO YOU BELIEVE IT? I MEAN, DO YOU BELIEVE IT? ROXIE: MY DEAR LITTLE BABY VELMA: (mocking ROXIE) MY DEAR LITTLE BABY ROXIE: MY SWEET LITTLE BABY VELMA: MY SWEET LITTLE BABY ugh... Baby baby, balla balla…. aaargh! (Lights off the bandstand on ROXIE who performs the number with two male dancers, all in bowler hats) ROXIE: LOOK AT MY BABY AND ME! "ME & MY BABY" ROXIE: ME AND MY BABY MY BABY AND ME WE’RE ‘BOUT AS HAPPY AS BABIES CAN BE WHAT IF I FIND THAT I’M CAUGHT IN A STORM I DON’T CARE MY BABY’S THERE AND BABY’S BOUND TO KEEP ME WARM WE’RE STICKING TOGETHER AND AIN’T WE GOT FUN SO MUCH TOGETHER YOU’D COUNT US AS ONE TELL OLD MAN WORRY TO GO CLIMB A TREE ‘CAUSE I’VE GOT MY BABY MY SWEET LITTLE BABY LOOK AT MY BABY AND ME (MUSIC continues. ROXIE and the BOYS dance in slow motion. MARY SUNSHINE and BILLY stage right.) MARY SUNSHINE: I don’t see how you could possibly delay the trial another second, Mr. Flynn. My readers wouldn’t stand for it. To have her baby born in jail! BILLY: I can assure you she’ll come to trial at the earliest possible moment. And you can quote me on that. (Lights out on BILLY and up on AMOS on bandstand) AMOS: Hey everybody! I’m, the father! (lights out on AMOS. ROXIE sings) COMPANY: Yuk Yuk Yuk Yuk! ROXIE: LOOKA MY BABY MY BABY AND ME A DREAM OF A DUO NOW DON’T YOU AGREE WHY KEEP IT MUM WHEN THERE’S NOTHIN’ TO HIDE? AND WHAT I FEEL I MUST REVEAL IT’S MORE THAN I CAN KEEP INSIDE NOW LET ME ASSURE YOU IT WON’T GO AWAY I CAN ASSURE YOU IT GROWS EVERY DAY I WAS A ONE ONCE BUT NOW I’M A "WE" ‘CAUSE I GOT MY BABY MY SWEET LITTLE BABY LOOKA MY BABY AND ME (ROXIE continues dancing. Lights up on MATRON & BILLY stage right) MATRON: I think it’s sweet. First time we ever had one of our girls knocked up. BILLY: I’ve got it and it’s brilliant. I’m gonna get Amos to divorce you. That way all the sympathy will go to you – not him. You’ll be the poor little deserted mother-to-be and that crumb is running out on you. (Lights down on BILLY and MATRON and up on AMOS in the bandstand) AMOS: That’s my kid! That’s my kid! (BOYS have entered and now sings & dances with ROXIE) ROXIE & BOYS: LOOKA MY BABY MY BABY AND ME FACING THE WORLD OPTIMISTICALLY NOTHING CAN STOP US SO, NOBODY TRY ‘CAUSE BABY’S ROUGH AND FULL OF STUFF AND INCIDENTALLY, SO AM I GET OUT OF OUR WAY, FOLKS AND GIVE US SOME ROOM WATCH HOW WE BUBBLE AND BLOSSOM AND BLOOM LIFE WAS A PRISON BUT WE GOT THE KEY ME AND MY BABY MY DEAR LITTLE BABY MY CUTE LITTLE BABY MY SWEET LITTLE BABY MY FAT LITTLE BABY MY SOFT LITTLE BABY MY PINK LITTLE BABY MY BOLD LITTLE BABY LOOK AT MY BABY AND ME (ROXIE & BOYS split center and exit. Lights up on AMOS on the bandstand) AMOS: I’m the father! Papa! Dada! (He starts down the stairs) Did you hear me? Did ya? No, you didn’t hear me. That’s the story of my life. Nobody ever listens to me. Have you noticed that? Am I making this up? Nobody ever knows I’m around. Nobody. Ever. Not even my parents noticed me. One day I went to school and when I came home, they’d moved. (music up) |