Doughnutopia

As with the vast majority of my random conversations from school, this one began in English, and although several of them would in reality breach several Animal Rights laws along with resulting in various obscure and dangerous consequences, please believe me when I say that I would never do any of these things and I am not this insane (Since half the ideas came from Cory / Greame if anybody remembers them). All of these are judged in accordance with the Jan factor and are therefore measured in the amount of Jan's of electricity they produce in an hour, KiloJanHours (kJh).

Steve

Bearded Men Theory:
First you gather all of the bearded men in the country in one large room. Electrodes are connected to the beards, absorbing any and all static energy created. These, in turn, are connected to a lightbulb above all of the subjects. First, we rely on the fact that some random person would scratch their beard, generating electricity, lighting the room. Then, they would all wonder why the light went on and stroke their beards in confusion. In turn, as the light gets brighter, they would become more confused - and stroke harder. If they stopped stroking, the light would go off, and they would become confused by this and stroke once more.
Power Generated: 15kJh per 15 beards (with each beard having an average mass of 0.5kg).
Problems: Must replace lightbulb eventually, and there is the ever-present risk of a meltdown (not pretty).

Falling Bird Theory:
Gather several birds together on a narrow ledge. Every five minutes the ledge tips 90 degrees and they fall into a large waterwheel-like mechanism, and as the birds fall through it the wheel turns. There are multiple cats on the floor, forcing the birds to fly back up to the ledge to avoid being eaten.
Power Generated: 6 kJh per 10 birds
Problems: If the birds die, no further electricity can be generated from this method. More electricity can be generated by heating the cats in the presence of a nitrogen catalyst.

Antigrav Cat Theory:
Strap three or more cats back to back, and drop them from any height. By the law that cats will always land on their feet, the cats will not be able to touch the ground, and so will hover and rotate indefinitely. Attach the group of cats to a mill-like electricity generator, and the infinite spinning of the cats will create a good measure of energy.
Power Generated: 10kJh per 3 cats.
Problems: It becomes difficult to feed the cats while they are spinning. Due to the gravitational forces acting on the cats being changed to rotational movement rather than being opposed by an opposite force, the acceleration would eventually cause the cats to approach the speed of light, eventually giving them infinite mass. When the cats reached critical mass, the Universe would explode. Slight problem there.

Cory

Amber Rod Theory:
First you gather several cats together (preferable siamese, for aesthetic' reasons.), and strap them to a large wheel. Then, these are rotated beside a large amber rod, creating vast amounts of static electricity.
Power Generated: 8.3kJh per 5 cats (7.6kJh for hairless varieties)
Problems: Smell containment.

Graeme

Multifat Theory:
Build large hamster-wheel type contraptions and in each one put a relatively over-weight person. Place an enticing foodstuff on a plate in front of the wheels. Connect the wheels to a power generator, and then electricity is created as the individuals run towards the food. Inevitably, they begin to tire and eventually cannot run any more. This is not a problem! When they tire, they are already in motion and the high mass will cause them to continue rolling for several thousand Jan's in distance. This can only create energy for a short period of time, as the motion inevitably ends, meaning this method would benefit from a low-friction or zero-gravity environment.
Power Generated: 13 kJh per 10 wheels (with each person having an average mass of 32 Jan's)
Problems: Short-term energy source only. Food must be replaced regularly.

Home