Merry Christmas! -- I know Jackie is mad at me for leaving work early, but oh well! Certain OPS workers (cough cough) who said they were coming didn't show up, so I left after working only 3 hours. Bwahahahahaha!

I've still got Waking Life on my brain. I tried to convince James to go see it (he and Sarah are going to watch the French film, Amelie). He said he'll have to check it out Christmas day. Jonathan will be coming down, so I'll drag him to see it with me after we watch Lord of the Rings ^_^! Hopefully the Miracle 5 won't do like it usually does with indie movies and yank it out after Friday. That's what happened to Yi Yi... dang them!!

Oh yeah, I removed the comments feature on this... Snoreland was having problems, and its not like I've been recieving any.
Dot adjusted her glasses @1:27 PM

Waking Life -- This weekend Bef and I went to the ONLY theater in Tally-town that plays indie films, the Miracle 5. And yes, it is a Miracle that indie stuff gets here in the first place. Anywho, we watched the film Waking Life. Now from the previews, I wasn't sure what to think of it, but I definately wanted to see the animation of the film (apparently they colored it digitally over the film itself... or something to that effect... yes I'm slow! So sue me!). When I watched the first 10 minutes of the movie I wasn't sure what to think of it, but when it was over I was completely blown away. Probably the most creative thing I have seen in my life. There's no real story, plot, whatever. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bunch of nothing. There is a point to the movie, and a really cool twist to it, but its like no other movie I've seen. Also the animation is supurb! At first you'll think "Oh my gosh with all the moving around I'm gonna be sick!" cuz it's like as if someone shot it with a hand-held camera, and a very UNSTEADY hand. But it's all good. So I encourage everyone to go see it. It might bore alot of you, but those of you who consider yourselves "thinkers" and "dreamers" will like it.
Dot adjusted her glasses @9:49 PM

Why Is It This Way? -- Today I took off from work, and I'm at Beth's house. I probably made a big mistake, and I know I'm going to hear about it when I get home, but I just wanted to get away... Last night I was trying to complete my FASFA form online so I could immendiately send it off once I was finished. First, I had asked him for help on the whole tax form thing because I couldn't understand one question. He blows me off and tells me to ask someone at TCC (the college I'm currently attending). I told him this isn't for TCC, and then he yells at me, "DON'T GIVE ME THAT! blah blah blah". Then, there's a portion of the form where it asks about your parents taxes, social secruity numbers, etc. Then I had asked my father to fill it out, and he tells me "after I'm finished eating". Well, he finishes eating, has an empty plate in his lap and watches television. So I walk to the living room and ask him "So dad, are you going to fill this out for me?" And he goes rabid on my case. Goes on about how I'm being so demanding after he's worked overtime, hasn't finished eating (I guess he likes to eat the plate too...), and just goes on and on.

Okay! First thing, I work overtime ALOT at my job, I don't get home from work until 6, sometimes 7:30, and I don't go barking at everyone. I know he has his health problems but that doesn't give him the right to do absolutely nothing. Such as the time when I was sick, he was in the kitchen, and tells me "You should help your mom out and clean the kitchen." OOOOOKAAAYY!! Yes, clean the kitchen with my yucky germs and while I'm feeling miserable. While on the other hand, he's just dandy, he never helps clean up the house, so why doesn't HE help mom and clean the kitchen? Just throw the dishes in the dishwasher or something, she'll love you forever for it!!

And what hurt the worst was when he rejected my christmas presant! I was giving it to him to cheer him up, AND THE GUY TURNS IT AWAY! And says "I'm tired! Take me home!" Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Oh well... but after last night and the way he's ragging my tail I couldn't take it anymore. I just got in the truck and drove to Bristol and stayed at Bef's house. She's my friend, she makes me happy! We talked to Jonathan on the phone, and he fell asleep... hehe. *sigh* I donno what to say really, I'm just sick of it all.
Dot adjusted her glasses @11:16 AM

The Evils of Work -- Today Chris and I have both been emailing each other back and forth from our "jobs" and here was something he sent me:

The Algebra of Work

Well, it all stems from work. May it is our own work, other people we work
with, other people's work, or our own work that comes from other people not
doing there work.

WORK = EVIL

Unless you are doing something that you have a passion for and feel really
important. Like if you were working on an animation project, you would
enjoy doing it. Basically, you would do it for free (that is if everything
else was free like food, shelter). Therefore, we can surmise that

WORK = MONEY
WORK = EVIL

So...

WORK = MONEY = EVIL

Since most people are only working for money, and not for passion, some of
those people don't give a damn what they do so they will gab on the phone
and not do what they are supposed to causing problems for others. These
people are EVIL!

Not all people are evil. (Like you) Those who are only working to make few
buck to get to their passions are just innocent victims, which end up
getting hurt by the EVIL that surrounds them. With this, we can note a new
variables

GOOD WORKERS = GOOD
LAZY WORKERS = EVIL

With this new

GOOD WORKERS + 2(LAZY WORKERS) = 1/2 EVIL

or..

GOOD WORKERS + EVIL = CORRUPTION OF THE GOOD AND THE WEAKENED SOULS WHO HAVE
TO PAY FOR OTHER'S MISTAKES BECAUSE THE ARE TOO GODDAM LAZY TO LIFT A
FRICKIN' PAPER!!!!

But enough of that... I have to get to work.

and...

You know, it's not that people get older and tired, it's just that jobs
suck the life out of people making them seem older.

I think jobs are the nations #1 killer.

Jobs lead to following health problems:
Heart attacks,
Smoking, (which also leads to Lung cancer!)
Drinking, (also leads to Liver cancer!!!!)
Reckless driving, (look at all the rush hour traffic)
Drug (ab)use,
Domestic violence, (Whadda ya mean diner's not ready, when I come home
from work?!)
Mental breakdowns,
Going "Postal",
Stress (which often causes Strokes!)

I think there needs to be something done about this!

Such truth! Oh my GOSH its so true... *sigh* Because of a need for moneys I'm working late today... *double sigh*

On a good note, since I have nothing to do I'm streaming mp3's. I love Mira's cover of My Bloody Valentine's "When You Sleep"... man she has such a pretty voice! *is in total envy* Although I'm getting pretty pissed at my Launch station cuz now it's bombarding me with indie bands, and hardly playing anything I have rated.
Dot adjusted her glasses @5:18 PM

What I've Been Missing

From now on i just think of my room. The symbol of all that i am. Its decorated with posters that show that im just a nimrod for not painting the walls. And its just inviting for someone to sit in it for the rest of thier lives and not care about what they are missing on the outside of the walls............I want to live in that rooom forever and just sleep knowing im missing everything.........but what does it matter.....it never belonged to me anyway.

Hmmm... sounds like me. Until recently my walls have been blanketed in posters, drawings, magazine ad's, wallscrolls, anything and everything that interested me. Daria, Powerpuff Girls, Alf, Weezer, anime, whatever it was. I also had christmas lights strung about in a sloppy manner along the ceiling. I remember countless nights where I would turn out the lamps and plug in the christmas lights, and just stare at my walls until I fell asleep. My room was my life, it was my house. When I left my room, I was leaving myself behind. I would just be a walking puppet, there to be criticized by everyone in the world it seemed. I was even that way around my family. But when I was in my room I was left to my walls, my art, and my thoughts. My computer was in my room, and there I spent my time with the ELITE, as me. Then I'd go to school, as the puppet.

Now I've graduated from high school. I made friends, I'm moving soon, and I've got myself a good piece of toast. In anticipation of having my own apartment, I've bought a ultra cool rug with a celestial design on it, and other things to go with it. Eventually I took down all of my posters, drawings, until my walls were bare. I have 3 posters up still above my drating table (Miyazaki posters) and a Ramones one where my cd player and guitar is located (it totally matches my room!). I took a hammer and put some nails in the wall, in an orderly fashion this time, and re-arranged my lights to where they look neat. I put up a moble with the sun, moon, and stars under my light fixture, and it spins when the air conditioner is running. When the lamps are off, and the christmas lights are on (and playing a Mira cd) on it has a completely different feel to it now. Rather than be mixed up feelings of anger, anticipation, depression, and isolation, it's a relaxing feeling of tranquity.

I don't really know... honestly I think I died two years ago. I was a coward... I played the part everyone expected of me. They laugh at me, I hate myself for it and sink even further into my little world. I was a prisioner to my room, to the stuff on my walls, to myself. In fact, I remember my friends always asking me why the people I drew always looked so sad... I didn't know then, but now I believe they reflected me. But it wasn't something that could be avoided. But I do believe something in me had died. But with death is rebirth, and a realization of who I REALLY am, inside and out. Now I have taken two of the biggest chanses in my life, something that before, I would have been too timid to bother with. I'm scared of how it all will turn out, but I'm willing to try.
Dot adjusted her glasses @10:55 PM

Who Knew He Wasn't a Children's Author? -- I bought James and Sarah (I hope they're not reading this...) Shel Silverstein's "Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book". I remember James telling me the story about the book and how it shocked MANY parents! First of all Shel was the artist for the comic section on Playboy for several years. Infact this book was featured in an old issue of it. Anywho Shel wrote two children's books, "A Light In the Attic" and "Where the Sidewalk Ends". Apparently when this book was released several moms thought "Oh cool, this would be perfect for little Timmy!" and bought it without reading it... haha stupid moms!

Anywho here's some passages from the book that I found quite humorous:

B is for baby
See the baby
The baby is pink
The baby can cry
The baby can laugh
See the baby play
Play, baby, play.
Pretty, pretty baby.
Mommy loves the baby
More than she loves you.

G is for Gigolo. *picture of the instrament*
See the pretty gigolo.
The gigolo makes beautiful music.
The next time your mommy goes shopping, ask her to buy you a gigolo.
She will tell all the neighbors how cute you are and she will write it in to the Reader's Digest
and they will print it and send you money.

K is for Kidnapper
See the nice kidnapper?
The kidnapper has a lollypop.
The kidnapper has a keen car.
The car can go fast.
Tell the nice kidnapper that your daddy has lots of money.
Then maybe he will let you ride in his car.

Hehe that's all I'm typing. Hehe funny book. See the book? Like the book.
Dot adjusted her glasses @7:37 PM

State Employment Sucks! -- Since the whole problem with the "complaints" we've started to care less about our work since apparently no one else in the file room does. Really pathedic. Yet the funny thing is, I was telling my mom that "ya know, its not so bad because when you're doing nothing, then you don't really have anything to complain about because no one else is doing work either." Now that James stopped complaining, they're on the phone more often, talk even longer, talk more in the confrence room, etc. Same as they were doing before. So what am I doing? Sitting on my ass all day at the front desk doing a few things here and there, while surfing the net WAY too much (there's a big internet policy here at DEP, but what does it matter anyways? Here, rules are ment to be ignored apparently.) and listening to my Launch station. Now that I've had all that free time on my hands "working" I have a good mix of music on my station, finally! What does it matter anyways? Dustin cheating 15 hours on his time sheet, the girls always hogging the phone lines, nothing getting done... seriously, what's the point of it all? Why even have a fudging file room if all it does is accomodate lazy 'employees'?

I've just been in a really pissy mood lately... My father has extremely pissed me off, to the point where I don't even want to lay eyes on the guy anymore... I'm getting so sick of this. Is it something with someone with a chronic/terminal illness that automatically makes them moody? My father has acute asthma, and my mom and I know he's not going to live a ripe old age; we're not even sure if he'll be able to work a few years from now. I understand that when you're feeling miserable all the time, you won't be in the best mood, but you'd think that the person would at least try to put on a decent face or hold their tempers a bit for their family members. Does my father do that? Hell no. I bouth his christmas presant (one that has much sentimental value and quite expensive too) and decide to give it to him early because he was working late one day, and I wanted to cheer him up. Instead he shoves my hand with the gift in it away and goes "I don't care, I'm tired, take me home!" It took everything I had that moment not to cry. When I got home I threw it on the floor and stormed to my room. My mom picked it up, and assumes that I'm giving it to her, but that's not the case. I want him to have it, even though he did that to me. It's been 3 days since that happened and he has yet to say a word to me. I don't care anymore. I just don't care. There was a point I was on the verge of running away because of how he's become. He acts so cold all the time now... never pays attention to anything else except for the television. Mom and I don't exist in his world anymore. He's coming with us to Savannah, I just hope it doesn't suck. I'm trying to convince mom to let me take the truck so I can stay there until Sunday, maybe Monday too cuz I know dad is gonna want to leave Saturday. *sigh*

It's really hard for me... my dad and I have been so close while I was growing up. I remember long drives in the car where we'd spill our hearts out to each other. Infact I'm closer to my father than I am my mom. He always understood me... my love for art and animation, my hard headedness, my love for religion, my desire to be different... he knew me inside and out. But when I think about how things used to be I get upset; especially to see him as he is now. Sometimes it makes me scared to have kids of my own. I always wonder if I'd end up like him. For the sake of myself, my husband, and my children I pray not.
Dot adjusted her glasses @6:45 PM

For Everything Else, There's Mastercard!... or maybe not -- Well I filled out my application for financial aid... *sigh* I contacted some people from my church asking if there was anyone there who needed a roommate, or needed a place to stay. I'm hoping to get some apartments in the historic district... with a roomate I'd only have to pay $200/mo in rent. Perferably, I'd much rather just stay by myself, but since I can't afford to be too picky...I just hope it works out.

So the world is being inhabited by more geeks! What's so wrong with that? I was a chubby tubby once in my life, lost the weight, gained a few back... but its nothing like it was before. Common give the fat kids a break!
Dot adjusted her glasses @7:36 PM

By George I Think She's Lost It! -- Britney Spears... a very interesting article. Same topic from a father's point of view.

I have set a date! Feburary 22 is my moving date gosh darn it! I quit my job on the 14th, and the week after that I'm outta here! I won't have a computer for a little bit once I move so all of you who wish to keep in touch, send me your addresses and I'll write you!
Dot adjusted her glasses @1:48 PM

I'm Sad... ;_; -- This so sucks! I didn't go to the Good Charolette show, OR Dashboard Confessional. What made it worse was the local college station played some Dashboard songs that night... I WAS SO ITCHING TO GO! Then IMooner is playing and guess what! I can't get anyone go to with me *sobs* Why must I have such bad luck with bands? Oh Hello Kitty! Why must I have bad luck period? I'm a girl so I can't go anywhere in town alone... stupid college kids!

I spent a few hours working on the IMooner website design... I hope they like it.

Dot adjusted her glasses @9:43 PM

So Many Shows.... -- Man this week is an awesome week go to The Cow Haus! The Dismemberment Plan, Dashboard Confessional, and Good Charolette are playing! EVERY DAY THIS WEEK! OH MY GOSH! But ya know what? I can't go! Well... I'm going to see Good Charolette with Bef (hopefully)... but boy would I love to go to Dashboard tommorrow...

Oh BTW for you Tallahassee folk: At the festival of lights, my friends Isaiah Moon will be playing around 10... (I think).
Dot adjusted her glasses @8:38 PM

The Employees Who Cried "I Quit!" -- Poor poor James... Roger called him into his office to tell him that he complains too much about the other "employees" in the file room. James was extremely pissed and upset at this. "He's been getting complaints about the same employees by other people who've had my position and look at what happened?! They're gone and ones they're complaining about STILL work here! Now how f***ked up is that?!" And yes, I highly agree on that one. So for a little humor I sent him the following e-mail:

Dear Mr. Daniels,

I have contacted you to make you aware of certain "complaints" that I heard.
Apparently the complaints are that you complain too much. Now I'm not sure
if the complaints about your complaining are valid complaints, but the people
that complained about it don't normally complain much, period. So I
addressed the complainees and told them that I would address you about these
complaints of your complaining as soon as possible, much like I am doing now.
So I must ask you to please stop complaining so that these people who
complained to me will not have to complain anymore.

I know you're wondering "What can I do to stop complaining so much so that
other people will not be inclined to complain about me complaining about
them?" Well the answer is simple my friend. Work as if you're not here!
That's it! Just do your job (not too fast now!) and ignore everything around
you. What Jackie's on the phone again? Oh wait... I'm not here! Hahahaha.
Silly me. How can she be on the phone if I'm not here? Everyone is laughing
it up on the conference room? What confrence room? I'm not here! I guess I
won't sort some files that I'm not here to sort since I'm not at work!

Ya see? It's as simple as that. You just pretend you're not at work, and it
all comes to you! Then you don't worry about what anyone else isn't doing
because you won't be doing anything either! Thus no more complaints about
your co-workers, and no more complaints from your co-workers about your
complaining.

Thank you,
-Your Supervisor
Dot adjusted her glasses @4:45 PM

Call Me Snotty Dotty -- Ugh! I'm still very sick, but I'm starting to show some small improvements! (Whooo hooo!) Anyways since I couldn't really do anything I sat infront of the television all morning. But the sad thing is... I watched the Real World marathon for FOUR HOURS! FOUR HOURS OF REAL WORLD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Also today is the first day I've been able to eat since Thursday... I think I'm gonna barf it all up cuz I'm overdoing it too much. My mom ordered a cake from the Cake Shop in Tally (big no no!) and I've had two pieces....but now I'm feeling queezy... not good. I couldn't even eat my chicken fajita half-way, yet I can eat some sugar-loaded frosting!
Dot adjusted her glasses @3:42 PM