The Hell House
Movies and Specials
The Hell House Special Uh... The Hell House Special By Emily Palmieri Edited By Clarissa Palmieri Original Idea By Kelly Nelson CREDITS Clarissa: Clarissa, Just There, Narrorator, Narrorator San, Narrorator 1, Huh, Someone, Dead, Parent Kyle: Kyle, Fred, What, Mad Scientist, Billy Bob San, Billy Joe San, Dead Kelly: Kelly, Leha, Leha San, Kelly Packard, The Bad Person Emily: Emily, It, It San, Narrorator 2, Deer Kenneth: Kenneth, Fred II, Fred II San, Vise Roy Nick: Nick, Bob, Bob San, When, Butt Special Effects Clarissa: Camera Person, Sound Effects Person Kyle: Camera Person, Sound Effects Person Kelly: Camera Person Emily: Camera Person Nick: Camera Person, Sound Effects Person (Kelly Packard's face.) KELLY PACKARD: Hello and welcome to this special edition of The Hell House. We are all gathered here today to see ever single character ever introduced into The Hell House to make the funniest show on the planet. We're even introducing the camera people and you know that you love him our sound effects person from Japanese Idiotic Temple. Please enjoy. ______________________________________________________________________________________ CREDITS (Music Plays. Clarissa is recording. Records where no one is standing.) NARRORATOR 1: Here is our first character....... KY LE! (Turns the camera toward Kyle.) KYLE: Hi. I played myself, Fred, What, Mad Scientist, Billy Bob San, Billy Joe San, and at one point Dead. And I was a camera person and... a sound effects person. (Everyone cheers accept for Narrorator 1. Kyle says how he likes The Hell House, how he dislikes The Hell House [If any.], and what show he liked to do the best.) NARRORATOR 1: Kyle do you know what you have won? KYLE: No. NARRORATOR 1: YOU HAVE WON THE BEST SOUND EFFECTS AWARD OF 2002! (Hands Kyle a piece of paper.) There is your reward. How do you feel? KYLE: (Starts to cry and crumples up the paper.) Oh this is the greatest reward I ever received! Thank you Hell House Inhabitence! (The camera turns towards where no one is standing again.) NARRORATOR 1: And the next actor is... KELLY! (Turns the camera toward Kelly.) KELLY: Hi. I played myself, Leha, Leha San, Kelly Packard, and The Bad Person. For special effects I was a camera person and the original idea for The Hell House was my idea but Emily chose the title. (Kelly says how she likes The Hell House, how she dislikes The Hell House [If any.], and what show she liked to do the best.) NARRORATOR 1: You have won... THE BEST ACTING AWARD OF 2002!!!!!! (Hands Kelly a piece of paper.) How do you feel? KELLY: THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!! (Turns away from Kelly to where no one is standing.) NARRORATOR 1: The next actor is... EMILY!!!! (Turns the camera toward Emily.) EMILY: I played myself, It, Narrorator 2, the deer, and It San. I was a camera person and the writer. (Emily says how she likes The Hell House, how she dislikes The Hell House [If any.], and what show she liked to do the best.) NARRORATOR 1: You have been nominated... THE BEST WRITER OF 2002!!!!! (Hands Emily a piece of paper.) How do you feel? EMILY: (Has a normal look on her face.) Over come with emotion. (Turns the camera to where no one is standing.) NARRORATOR 1: The next actor is... KENNETH! (Turns the camera toward Kenneth.) KENNETH: I played myself, Fred II, Fred II San, and I also played Vise Roy. I didn't do any of the special effects. (Kenneth says how he likes The Hell House, how he dislikes The Hell House [If any.], and what show he liked to do the best.) NARRORATOR 1: You suck. (Kenneth cries.) NARRORATOR 1: You win... THE MOST SERIOUS PERSON OF 2002!!!!!! (Hands Kenneth a piece of paper.) How do you feel? KENNETH: I hate you. (Turns where no one is standing.) NARRORATOR 1: Our next actor is... NICK... NICK: I played myself, Bob, Bob San, When, and Butt. I like to scream. (Tells how he likes The Hell House, how he dislikes The Hell House [If any.], and what show he liked to do the best.) Let me guess. I don't get an award right? NARRORATOR 1: Yes you do. You win... THE MOST HORRIBLE ACTING AWARD OF 2002!!!!! (Hands Nick a piece of paper.) How do you feel? NICK: Terrified... (The camera is recording a place where no one is standing. Emily is recording.) NARRORATOR 2: Our next actor is... CLARISSA! (Turns the camera toward Clarissa.) CLARISSA: I played as myself, Just There, Narrorator, Narrorator San, Narrorator 1, Huh, Someone, Parent, and Dead. I record most of the time, I do sound effects, and I edited the scripts. (Tells how she likes The Hell House, how she dislikes The Hell House [If any.], and what show she liked to do the best.) NARRORATOR 2: You won... THE MOST HARD WORKING ACTOR OF 2002!!!!!!! (Hands Clarissa a piece of paper.) How do you feel? CLARISSA: (Says a few words for the camera.) ______________________________________________________________________________________ (Downstairs in the living room. Kelly's face.) KELLY PACKARD: And I thought that would never end. Now that you have heard of everything about the people in The Hell House. I think that someone owns us and you an apology. KYLE GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!!!!!! (Kyle steps out of the bathroom.) KELLY PACKARD: I do believe that you have some forgotten lines that you need to do. KYLE: Yes, I do. And I think that you have some forgotten lines to. KELLY PACKARD: Please enjoy this next section of The Hell House Special. ______________________________________________________________________________________ FORGOTTEN LINES NARRORATOR: Everyone... Kyle's apology and forgotten line. (In a room of Kyle's choice Kyle is teaching his weird class to Kelly, Nick, and Kenneth. After he finishes he says a few words for the camera. Then, in the ping pong table room with the lights off Kyle has a flashlight under his face.) KYLE: I am so... so sorry. I'm sorry that I skipped The Hell House four! I'm sorry that It had to take all my lines! I'm sorry! Please forgive me. Please, please, PLEASE! NARRORATOR: Forgotten sene from The Hell House four. And sense we can't remember which sene we forgot we give you two sene's. (A couple minuets after. It is recording. Leha is still sobbing.) IT: Come on Leha. We have to go. Remember he was just your stupid brother. LEHA: But this time he is really dead. BOB: We have to get as far away as the weird phenomenon will let us or we're all going to die. LEHA: Okay. (A couple minuets later. It is recording.) IT: This thing. What ever it is, is following us. We have to cover lots of ground today so pull yourself together Leha. BOB: But we'll just end up back at the same place again eventually. IT: It will make it harder for the thing to follow us. NARRORATOR: Just some extra sene's that we made up. (In living room in the basement. Someone is standing in front of the couch. Leha walks up to Someone and pulls the sheet off.) SOMEONE: Exposed. LEHA: Look! Just There can talk! Wait a minuet! You look a lot like parent! (Way upstairs by the couch. Fred is making the light from the flashlight shine on the wall.) LEHA: Dead lives at this house now? BOB: No it's just stupid Fred. (Points at Fred.) LEHA: I knew that. (Fred II is sitting on the couch in the living room in the basement. Leha comes down the stairs.) LEHA: Fred II you're supposed to be behind me! FRED II: Oops. (Get's up off the couch and get's behind Leha.) (Bob and Fred II run into the house. Leha is recording. Leha goes into the house.) LEHA: You are supposed to be dead! (Bob and Fred II fall on the floor.) LEHA: There we go. (Get's a close up.) (In the back yard Bob is standing on a rock howling his head off. Leha comes out of the house.) LEHA: Bob! Shut up! I know your possesed but still! Other people live here you know! (In the basement in the living room. Bob is walking towards Leha, It, Fred, and Fred II like he is sleep walking.) PARENT: (Calls down the stairs.) IT'S TIME TO EAT! (Fred, Fred II, It, and Leha push Bob down and run up the stairs yelling food.) (Way upstairs by the computer. Leha clicks on a picture on the computer.) LEHA: This computer is slow. FRED: You should get a dell. (Outside in the field.) FRED II: lkdjfalkjdflskjdfaldjflakjdflakjdlfjalkdflajdflksjdlkjs? FRED: Oops I forgot to dub it. (Downstairs in the living room Mad Scientist is standing on the stairs. Fred II is behind him. Bob is walking towards Mad Scientist.) MAD SCIENTIST: MY CREATION IS RETURNING... I mean Bob. (Bob turns around.) MAD SCIENTIST: NO TURN AROUND! (Bob turns around.) MAD SCIENTIST: THAT'S IT! (Bob turns around.) MAD SCIENTIST: NO!!!!!!!! Forget you! (Upstairs by the piano Leha is talking to What, When, and Huh.) LEHA: There are 200 million doors in this house and 200 million keys. ______________________________________________________________________________________ KELLY PACKARD: Now I know some of you are into song and dance sorta things so here is a small section of song and dance. ______________________________________________________________________________________ SONG AND DANCE (In the ping pong table room music is playing and everyone is dancing and drinking and eating.) (Upstairs by the piano Kyle, Kelly, Kenneth, Nick, and Emily are standing by the piano.) KELLY: We know that you would want that old christmas favorite back so here it is. The extended version of We Wish You a Merry Jiggly. WWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Wish you a merry jiggly! We wish you a merry jiggly.! We wish you a merry jiggly and a jiggly new year! Good tiding to you and all of your jigglies! Good tidings for jiggly and a jiggly new year! KELLY: Now for a new song that none of you have ever heard, Black Socks. Black socks they never get dirty the longer you wear them the stronger they get! Some times I think I should wash them but something inside me keeps saying not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet! Black socks they never get dirty the longer you wear them the stronger they get! Some times I think Black socks they never get dirty the longer you wear them the stronger they get! I should wash them but something inside me keeps saying not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet! Some times I think I should wash them but something inside me keeps saying not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet. KELLY: Wasn't that a nice song to brighten up your day. That song was by Bill Harly. Sure we kind of stole it but we wanted to share it with you. Now here is another one of his songs that was made different by us. It's original title was Dad Threw the TV Out the Window but we changed it to Fred Threw Fred Out the Window. Please enjoy. KELLY: Oh one sunny Saturday Fred II got up out of bed. He went to watch TV for a few days or so. When Fred came in and said. FRED: That's just a bunch of crap. You shouldn't be watching that when the chores aren't done and your room is a mess. KELLY: And Fred II said. FRED II: Come on I got to watch this show. KELLY: Fred Picked up Fred II and skipped across the rug and Fred II yelled FRED II: FRED NO! KELLY: Oh, Fred gave Fred a heave and he watched Fred II GGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOO OH!!!!! EVERYONE: OH FRED THREW FRED OUT THE WINDOW! BOOM! THE WINDOW! BOOM! I THINK HE'S FINALLY CRACKED! OH FRED THREW FRED OUT THE WINDOW! AND I GOT A FEELING THAT HE ISN'T COMING BACK! KELLY: Oh, that Fred was in trouble. He really, really was. That Bob drove him crazy by saying... BOB: I'M GOING TO DIE! KELLY: But Kelly surly insisted. Let me do the work and she shoved Bob about until heeeeeeeee fell out toooooooooo!!!!!!! EVERYONE: OH LEHA PUSHED BOB OUT THE WINDOW! BOOM! THE WINDOW! BOOM! I THINK SHE'S FINALLY CRACKED! OH LEHA PUSHED BOB OUT THE WINDOW AND I GOT A FEELING THAT HE ISN'T COMING BACK! KELLY: Now with two murders and 1 on the brink the house was a pig sty and without a maid or wife the stuff just kept pilling up and up. Oh the It couldn't take it she walked up to Leha and she shoved her right out the door! EVERYONE: OH IT SHOVED LEHA OUT THE DOORWAY! GRUNT! THE DOORWAY! GRUNT! I THINK SHE'S FINALLY CRACKED! OH IT SHOVED LEHA OUT THE DOORWAY AND I GOT A FEELING THAT SHE ISN'T COMING BACK! KELLY: Now with only two people there was only one thing to do. They both wrestled around until the whole house shook. Then Fred gave it a heave and out the door she flew! EVERYONE: OH FRED THREW IT OUT THE DOORWAY! GRUNT! THE DOORWAY! GRUNT! I THINK HE'S FINALLY CRACKED! OH, FRED THREW IT OUT THE DOORWAY AND I GOT A FEELING THAT SHE ISN'T COMING BACK!!! KELLY: And none of this wouldn't have happened if... EVERYONE: FRED DIDN'T THROW FRED OUT THE WINDOW! BOOM! THE WINDOW! BOOM! FRED DIDN'T THROW FRED OUT THE WINDOW! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED YET! KELLY: Oh another song to brighten your spirits. Well, that is all for today. Good night. ______________________________________________________________________________________ KELLY PACKARD: Well, now that we have had some interesting encounters we are going to do a small section on some holidays we hope. Enjoy. ______________________________________________________________________________________ HOLIDAYS (In the living room on the middle floor where the Christmas tree is supposed to be.) LEHA: Where's the Christmas tree?! (In the ping pong table room in the dark Fred is putting the flashlight up to his face.) LEHA: Look! It's the horrible pumpkin head! BOB: No, that's just Fred. (In the kitchen everyone is sitting around the table. In the middle of the table is a deer.) LEHA: Parent, can't you cook anything besides deer? It's thanksgiving! (In the living room on the middle floor everyone is looking around.) LEHA: We have searched this entire house for Easter eggs. Did you even hide them Parent? PARENT: No. (In the kitchen everyone is sitting around the table. There is a deer in the middle of it.) FRED II: Deer for my birthday? I WANT CAKE!!!!!!! ______________________________________________________________________________________ KELLY PACKARD: (Sniffs.) That... was... the last section of... The Hell House Special... I hope you've enjoyed it. (Stops sniffing.) So anyway. If you want to have a better copy of The Hell House Series GIVE US SOME FREAKEN TAPES!!!! Then you will feel all happy inside. The Hell House Gold Edition coming soon to Theaters and Video. AND ALSO this just in THE HELL HOUSE SECOND SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With more characters, twice the laughs, AND 1/2 the fat.
The Hell House Movie By Emily Palmieri Edited By Clarissa Palmieri Original Idea for the First Season By Kelly Nelson Original Idea for the Second Season By Emily Palmieri CREDITS Cast Clarissa: TV, Voice, Stuffed Animal, Parent, Government Leader's Leader, Fake Leha 5 Kyle: Fred, Dan Rather-would-be-somewhere-else (Dan), Gander, Big Foot, Soldier 2, Fake Leha 4 Kelly: Leha, Government Agent 1, The Crazy Elf Emily: It, Parent #2 (Parent Pound Sign 2 Parent Number 2), Government Agent 2, The Dead Elf, Emily (Cont.): Chupacabra, Soldier 1, Fake Leha 3 Kenneth: Fred II, Government Leader, Mary Pippin, Fake Leha Nick: Bob, Devil, Fake Barf Bag, Fake Leha 2 Special Effects Clarissa: Camera Person, Sound effects person, Prop Person Kyle: Camera Person Emily: Camera Person People that Deserve Credit Warner Brothers, Disney, Popular CD's, Art Bell, Nickelodeon, Universal Studios, Virgin Records Eiffel 65: Contact (I Been Lucky in my life) Daft Punk: Discovery (One More Time, Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger) Linkin Park: Hybrid Theory (Paper cut) The Matrix (The Matrix Theme Thing, The Matrix Reloaded, Neo) Lord of the Rings (Frodo Baggins, Mary, Pippin, Gandelf, The two elves with unknown names) Spirited Away (No Face) The Big Foot Video Spongebob Squarepants (Gary) ----------------- ---------------- -------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- -------------- ------------------- INTRODUCTION (A sign is put in front of the camera. It says "The Hell House Movie" on it. I Been Lucky in my Life is playing and Leha, Fred II, and Bob are dancing to it. Fred is standing around and It is messing around with the music. The music is on low so the audience can hear the Narrorator. Clarissa is recording) NARRORATOR: Welcome to The Hell House Movie. We know that you have been waiting for this for many years now but it's finally here. Happy birthday. (Clarissa records for a few more minuets and then the camera turns off) ----------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- -------------- ------------------- ACT 1, SCENE 1 (Downstairs in the living room Fred, Fred II, It, Leha, and Bob are sitting on the couches. Clarissa is recording) FRED: We have to pay our bills some how! LEHA: Sense when did you start caring about the bills? BOB: Yeah! Shut up your making my brain hurt! FRED: I don't know now that I think of it but still WE NEED TO PAY THE BILLS! IT: It's Parents job to pay the bills not yours. BOB: Yeah! Shut up your making my brain hurt! FRED: So? I can drive so I can pay the bills. IT: You drive a cardboard box. BOB: Yeah! Shut up your making my brain hurt! FRED: Well... you do too! BOB: Don't forget about me, Fred II, and Leha. We all can drive cardboard boxes too! LEHA: We know that but that's not why we are here in this room. FRED II: Well, then what are we doing in this room? LEHA: Uh... I don't know... Why don't we just start this show over from minus a few minuets before the show started. BOB: Yeah! Your making my brain hurt! FRED, FRED II, IT, AND LEHA: SHUT UP BOB! BOB: Okay. FRED II: But that part's boring. LEHA: Well, then we'll make it fun! FRED: Why don't we just make this into a highly dramatic scene and then we all go outside all mad like. LEHA: Good idea. You just ruined it for the audience but let's do it anyway. Turn the camera off please. (The camera turns off) __________________________________________ (A few minuets later in the living room Fred, Fred II, It, Leha, and Bob are sitting on the couches. Clarissa is recording) FRED: (Stands up) Why can't you understand me! LEHA: What are you talking abou... I mean... because you never understand me! FRED II: You all suck! BOB: Your making my brain hurt! (Everyone in the room starts to argue including Clarissa. Soon everyone except Clarissa run out the sliding glass door and ask each other "Why are you following me?") ----------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- -------------- ------------------- ACT 1, SCENE 2 (Fred, Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob are all driving down the drive way in cardboard boxes. Clarissa is recording from the porch) __________________________________________ (A few minuets later Clarissa has moved to the bottom of the drive way. By then Fred, Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob have all gone out in different directions. Fred is coming down the driveway, Fred II, is coming down from the grass, Leha is driving down the road, It is driving up the road, and Bob is coming in the other direction of the road Leha is on. They all meet in the middle of it all. FRED, FRED II, LEHA, IT, AND BOB: (Say in slow motion) Oh sh... (In slow motion Fred runs into Fred II who runs into Leha who runs into It who runs into Bob. The slow motion wares off and all of them spin around fast. The camera turns off) ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ---------------- ACT 1, SCENE 3 (On the third floor Fred, Fred II, and Bob are sitting on the couch while Leha and It are sitting on the floor. They are watching the TV that isn't on. Clarissa is recording) TV: Today there was a major crash on 15 Tawni Dr. Well... uh... no one was seriously hurt but still it was serious because the people in it were main characters in a movie. There was also another car crash on Do-the-dew Lane but no one cares about them because there not in a movie. LEHA: (Whiney voice) They're making a big deal out of nothing again. IT: They seem to do that a lot. BOB: Yeah, there's stupid and they make my brain hurt. FRED II: What do you mean? It was serious! See? (Holds up hand and points to pointer finger. In a whiney voice) I have a cut on my finger. (Puts hand down) LEHA: Baby. FRED II: Jerk. BOB: I like beef Jerky. LEHA: Well, good for you Bob. Why are you bringing that up now? BOB: Isn't jerk short for Jerky? LEHA: No, I don't think so. FRED: Have you noticed that we all have a cut on the same finger in the exact same spot? LEHA: Something tells me this movie either has a cheap costume designer or it is supposed to be that way. BOB: This conversation is boring and makes my brain hurt. Let's go play ping pong. FRED: Hey that's my line! Let's go play... LEHA: Okay, I heard it enough. ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ---------------- ACT 1, SCENE 4 (In the ping pong table room Fred and Fred II are playing against It and Bob. Clarissa is standing behind Leha and Bob with a sheet in front of her like a wall. On the sheet there is a piece of paper on it that says "This is a ghost portal. No loitering!". They are playing ping pong through out the scene. Emily is recording) FRED II: There is a ghost portal behind you. LEHA: (Turns around) No there isn't. (Turns back) And this time I'm not lying to protect my sanity. FRED II: It says it right there "This is a ghost portal. No loitering". LEHA: Quit trying to scare me. If YOU'RE that paranoid you can get Priest over here again to (Makes quote signs) "rid the house of evil". FRED II: Well, okay then but it's the truth. VOICE: (Evil sounding) Fred II... get them out. FRED II: Did you guys hear that? BOB: Nope. FRED: Negative. LEHA: Your crazy. BOB: And you make my brain hurt! FRED, FRED II, IT, AND LEHA: BOB SHUT THE... UP! BOB: Why didn't you swear? I can swear see? BEEEP! LEHA: Bob we a trying not to swear in this movie because all the people watching this won't appreciate it. BOB: BEEEP, BEEEP, BEEEP! FRED: Forget him let's just get back to our other conversation. FRED II: No I'm not. Anyway I need you all to get out of here. LEHA: Why? FRED II: Because... THERE'S AN EVIL GHOST IN HERE RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!!!! LEHA: If you insist. (Fred, Leha, and Bob put the paddles on the table and walk out of the room) VOICE: (Evil sounding) Good, Now... (High pitched voice) ... can you help me with my problem? (A little stuffed animal comes in {connected string connected to a fishing pole that is out of sight from the camera} ) VOICE: (Normal voice) And my problem! (A person enters the room.) VOICE: Heck you might as well fix all of out problems! (Soon a whole line of people are in front of Fred II {All the people from the show}) FRED II: Alright I'll fix your problems but not with the camera running. STUFFED ANIMAL: (High pitched voice) Darn, I really wanted to be on TV! -------- ------------ ------------------- ------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ---------------- ACT 1, SCENE 5 (On the middle floor in the living room Fred, Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob come running in from different rooms and freeze. Clarissa is recording) NARRORATOR: I'm sorry I'm a little late but... a few hours later. (Fred, Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob unfreeze) LEHA: What are all of you people doing in here? BOB: Uh... I dunno. FRED II: Has anything weird been going on with you guys? BOB: No, besides the fact that I can do this. (Opens up his mouth like he is screaming. Daft Punk: One More Time starts to play. He shuts his mouth after a few seconds and the song stops playing) Hear? I can make pretty music when I try to scream! FRED II: (Mocking voice) I can see things you can't! HA HA HA! IT: I can watch an R rated movie. LEHA: Anything else? IT: I can move objects. LEHA: COOL! I can move REALLY, REALLY fast! FRED: I can pick up REALLY, REALLY heavy objects. (Walks over to the couch where a pillow is on it. He acts like he is struggling with it as he lifts it up. After a few seconds of grunting and groaning he lifts it over his head) See? I am strong... to the extreme! IT: This all has something to do with that car crash I know it! LEHA: Well, we'll find that out when it is time to eat. If Parent has special powers then this is just a REALLY, REALLY weird phenomenon. ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ---------------- ACT 2, SCENE 1 (In the kitchen Fred, Fred II, Leha, and Bob are sitting at the bar. Parent #2 is hiding behind the counter. Clarissa is recording) PARENT #2: (Jumps up from behind the counter) HI! (Leha, Fred II, and Bob jump out of there seats. Bob "screams" causing a little of Linkin Park, Metroit Theory: Paper cut to play) PARENT #2: My name is Parent Pound Sign 2 but you can call me Parent Number 2. LEHA: Where's the original Parent? PARENT #2: Recording. LEHA: I see. PARENT #2: By the way you have a call. (Hands the phone to Bob) VOICE: (Scary voice) I'm going to kill you! (Bob puts the phone down on the counter, gets out of his chair and starts running toward the stairs. Clarissa is making the theme for scary parts during The Matrix) LEHA: Bob, Bob, Bob! Settle down! It wasn't that dramatic! (Bob stops running a turns towards Leha) LEHA: It's just a telemarketer. Come here. (Bob comes back, takes the phone from Leha, and put it up to his ear.) VOICE: (Scary voice) I'm going to kill you! (Happy voice) If you don't buy The Matrix Reloaded available where ever they sell videos that is what I'm going to do! BOB: Strange that doesn't even come out till next month. (Puts phone back on receiver) LEHA: Oh, how spooky. PARENT #2: And there is also something on the news for you. Watch the screen. (Points to old TV) (Everyone watches the TV) ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ---------------- ACT 2, SCENE 2 (On the third floor Newscaster is sitting at the table near the book case. He has a piece of paper in his hands the he is crumpling and uncrumpling. Clarissa is recording.) DAN: Hi, I'm Dan Rather-would-be-somewhere-else. News from the top secret government that you are not supposed to know about. They have just figured out that the serious car accident with the people from the movie is top secret. You weren't supposed to know that either. It seems that each one of them has gained a power which you also aren't supposed to know about. The government will be making a semi circle around there house and to force them out they have signed a top secret treaty with... (Stops crumpling the paper and makes quotes) ..."the underworld"... (Starts to crumple the paper again) ...other wise known as Hell. Here is some actual footage of the devil signing the treaty. (The camera turns away from the table towards Devil and Government Leader. They are shaking hands. Devil has an evil grin on his face while Government Leader is trying not to scream scents Devil's skin is burning hot. They stop shaking hands. Government Leader turns around) GOVERNMENT LEADER: HOLY...! (The camera turns back to Dan really fast) DAN: Well, that was just lovely. Here is some footage of the semi circle around the house. (Clarissa walks over to the window and points it outside. Outside Government Agents 1 and 2 are standing in front of the door with guns. Clarissa walks back to the desk) DAN: It's a little less than a semi circle as we all can see but as I have to play Mr. Obvious and tell you as you also all know. And after the break we will show the ending credits. Once again I'm Dan Rather-would-be-somewhere-else good night. (Starts to rip up the paper like a mad man) NARRORATOR: This has been THH News with Dan Rather-would-be-somewhere-else. ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ---------------- ACT 2, SCENE 3 (Back in the kitchen. Clarissa is recording) LEHA: You know for being a parent you certainly do have a lot of bad news. PARENT #2: And here's some even more bad news! You have to leave the house because of the ghosts living in your basement for they will move to the top of the house! I'm sure they're busily discussing plans to move up here. __________________________________________ (Downstairs in the living room all of the ghosts are partying and making a whole bunch of noise. This is recorded for about 10 seconds. Clarissa is recording) __________________________________________ (Back in the kitchen. Clarissa is recording) FRED II: But I don't want to go! PARENT #2: Well, that's just too bad. FRED II: Can't we say good-bye to the REAL Parent? LEHA: I don't think we should because if we meet up with her she might make us skin a deer or worst! FRED II: A moose? LEHA: Could be. FRED II: A cow? LEHA: Could be. PARENT #2: Just pack your bags and leave! ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ACT 2, SCENE 4 (On the second floor of the garage Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob are walking up the stairs. They are talking as they walk up the stairs. Parent is standing at the bar. Kyle is recording) FRED II: Why are we going up here? LEHA: Well, maybe we can stay here instead of traveling halfway across the planet to get away from this house. (Reach the top of the stairs) PARENT: What are you doing here? LEHA: Uh... what are you doing here? PARENT: Your mind games won't work on me! But as punishment for trying you will have to clean... the dreaded spoon. LEHA: We've cleaned that... (Make quote signs)... "dreaded" spoon throughout the whole series don't you think it's clean yet? PARENT: Fine if you don't think cleaning an already clean spoon is hard enough you will also have to clean... the dreaded plate. BOB: Is that all you got? PARENT: The dreaded cup. BOB: Is that all you got? PARENT: The dreaded knife. BOB: Is that all you got? PARENT: The dreaded fork. BOB: Is that all you got? PARENT: The dreaded bowl. BOB: Is that all you got? PARENT: Skin the moose then! FRED II, BOB, and LEHA: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! IT: What about the SOUP LADLE. PARENT: Oh, yeah! The dreaded soup ladle. BOB: Is that all you... LEHA: Bob shut up! We'll settle for that Parent. (Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob go over to the sink and starts to clean all the things. Talk as they clean) IT: How long have you been up here Parent? PARENT: All day. LEHA: Wait a minuet if you were up here all day then who was recording us? FRED: What a mystery. PARENT: Clarissa. LEHA: But I thought you were... never mind. IT: Can we stay here? PARENT: NO! Get out! (Fred II, Leha, It, and Bob go back downstairs) ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ACT 2, SCENE 5 (Outside in the back yard. Clarissa is recording) LEHA: Good thing it was only a... (Make quote signs) ..."semi circle" around the house. FRED II: Now what do we do? FRED: We go out on a quest for adventure. LEHA: Fred, we're not going to look for adventure. We're looking for a place to stay for the rest of our lives. BOB: Like Frodo Baggins? LEHA: Yeah... I guess so. FRED: Who's he? Do you mean Fake Barf Bag? BOB: YEAH! FRED II: Would this traveling thing be like Mary or Pippin? LEHA: Sure. FRED: You mean Mary Pippin? FRED II: YEAH! IT: I want to be... uh... LEHA: That elf lady? IT: YEAH! LEHA: I want to be that elf lady! FRED: There's two elf ladys. IT: I want to be the one that dies right away! LEHA: I want to be the crazy one! FRED: I want to be Neo! LEHA: Fred, Neo has nothing to do with The Lord of the Rings. FRED: Oh, yeah. Then I will be Gandelf otherwise known as Gander! IT: Okay, now we have to play as our characters and die sometime or another and come back sometime or another. MARY PIPPIN: From now on I will only be known as Mary Pippin. THE CRAZY ELF: Isn't that a girls name? MARY PIPPIN: I don't know. Is it? THE CRAZY ELF: I don't know. Anyway from now on I will only be known as The Crazy Elf! THE DEAD ELF: From now on I will only be known as The Dead Elf. (Pause) THE CRAZY ELF: Why aren't you dying? THE DEAD ELF: I don't know. FAKE BARF BAG: From now on I will only be known as Fake Barf Bag! THE DEAD ELF: How can a barf bag be fake? THE CRAZY ELF: I don't know. GANDER: And from now on I will only be known as Gander! Okay can we get on with this? I'm getting bored and when I get bored... I get bored. THE CRAZY ELF: Okay. (Everyone starts to walk towards the bottom of the hill. Mary Pippin who was under the porch takes two steps and stops) FAKE BARF BAG: What's the matter, Mary Pippin? MARY PIPPIN: If I take one more step it will be the farthest away from home I've ever been. THE CRAZY ELF: Oh, your just lazy. Let's get a move on people MARY PIPPIN: But it's true. ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ACT 3, SCENE 1 (A whole bunch of different scenes as Gander, Mary Pippin, The Dead Elf, The Crazy Elf, and Fake Barf Bag go through fields and over hills and all that stuff. After a while Gander, The Dead Elf, The Crazy Elf, and Fake Barf Bag are on the hill in the middle of all the houses. Clarissa records) THE CRAZY ELF: Something is not right. There is something in the air. GANDER: Well, of corse something's not right. Your crazy! And as for something in the air it's called OXYGEN! You know we breath it? (Takes a deep breath and lets it out) (Government Leader comes up the hill) GOVERNMENT LEADER: I knew you would be up here! After waiting for two hours I knew you had escaped. Well, now I caught you and now you are mine! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... (Continues) __________________________________________ (On the hill.) NARRORATOR: 2 and � hours later. (Government Leader is laughing through conversation) THE CRAZY ELF: I spy with my little eye something that is... green. THE DEAD ELF: Grass? THE CRAZY ELF: How did you know? GOVERNMENT LEADER: ...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... oh that was a good laugh. (Shoots Gander, Gander shoots something out of the scissors he has as a staff) GANDER: Fullfieje you fools. (Government leader and Gander disappear) __________________________________________ (A few minuets later on the hill Gander and Government Leader are not there. Mary Pippin is now there.) THE DEAD ELF: Did you catch what Ganders first word was? THE CRAZY ELF: Nope. FAKE BARF BAG: What useless last words. THE CRAZY ELF: Don't you remember? He has to come back. That's what we said in the beginning. MARY PIPPIN: Let's just get off this hill. (Everyone walks a little ways when they see Big Foot. He is walking the way it was in the famous Big Foot Video and turns his head towards them in the same way also) MARY PIPPIN: Look! It's Big Foot! I always wanted to meet him! (Starts to run down the hill) THE CRAZY ELF: His autograph is mine! (Runs after Mary Pippin) FAKE BARF BAG: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs down the hill) THE DEAD ELF: Oh well. (Runs down the hill) __________________________________________ (At the bottom of the hill Fake Barf Bag, The Crazy Elf, Mary Pippin, and The Dead Elf are trying to get Big Foots autograph) THE CRAZY ELF: Sign my shirt! FAKE BARF BAG: Sign my knee cap! MARY PIPPIN: Sign anywhere! THE DEAD ELF: Kill me now! BIG FOOT: (Sound like No Face from Spirited Away) Uh... Uh... (Takes a club from under his skin and hits The Dead Elf with it. The Dead Elf falls down and disappears) __________________________________________ (At the bottom of the hill The Dead Elf is gone. The Crazy Elf and Mary Pippin are looking at Big Foot like he's crazy. In the meantime Fake Barf Bag is still raving about how great it is to see Big Foot) THE CRAZY ELF: How could you kill The Dead Elf? BIG FOOT: (In a scared voice) Uh... Uh... Uh! (Takes a piece of paper out from under his skin with a pencil and signs it "Big Foot". He hands it to The Crazy Elf) THE CRAZY ELF: (Takes paper) Well, in that case who cares? She was dead anyway MARY PIPPIN: Let's get out of here. I think this hill is cursed or something. Two people from our group have... (Make quote signs) ..."died" all ready. FAKE BARF BAG: But there supposed to come back aren't they? THE CRAZY ELF: Or have they already returned. (Looks at Big Foot suspiciously) __________________________________________ (On a different part of the hill Fake Barf Bag, The Crazy Elf, and Mary Pippin are walking towards a rock with Big Foot following them) FAKE BARF BAG: Is it just me or is Big Foot following us? (Everyone looks behind them at Big Foot) BIG FOOT: Uh... Uh... Uh... (Everyone looks strait ahead again) THE CRAZY ELF: Looks like he's following us. MARY PIPPIN: Why are we still on this hill? THE CRAZY ELF: I don't know. (A chupacabra springs out from behind the rock) FAKE BARF BAG: Oh, look it's a cute chupacabra! CHUPACABRA: (Sounds like Gary off of Spongebob Squarepants) Mow. FAKE BARF BAG: I'm going to call him Gary! CHUPACABRA: Mow. THE CRAZY ELF: Gary where's you holiday spirit! CHUPACABRA: (Sounds like Gary barking) Ruff! THE CRAZY ELF: Better. (Camera zooms in towards Mary Pippins face. Chupacabra gets near his leg) MARY PIPPIN: We should really get off this hill. It's giving me the chills. THE CRAZY ELF: No that's just Gary licking your leg. (Camera zooms back out. Chupacabra is by Mary Pippin's leg. CHUPACABRA: Mow. MARY PIPPIN: (Steps away from Chupacabra) Bad Gary! NO! CHUPACABRA: (Sounds like it's about to cry) Mow. THE CRAZY ELF: Mary Pippin! You made him cry. MARY PIPPIN: Let's just get off this hill for the BILLIONTH TIME! ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ACT 3, SCENE 2 (In a field Mary Pippin, The Crazy Elf, and Fake Barf Bag are walking. Clarissa is recording) THE CRAZY ELF: Is it just me or did Gary and Big Foot stop following us? __________________________________________ (Behind them Big Foot and Chupacabra are standing there. Clarissa is recording) BIG FOOT: (Gets more and more desperate sounding) Uh... Uh... Uh... CHUPACABRA: Mow. __________________________________________ (Back to Mary Pippin, The Crazy Elf, and Fake Barf Bag walking. Clarissa is still recording) MARY PIPPIN: That's very odd... I thought they like me! FAKE BARF BAG: Well, they don't so HA. THE CRAZY ELF: Well, maybe they just don't like you Fake Barf Bag! FAKE BARF BAG: Or you! (Soldiers 1 and 2 walk up to them) SOLDIER 1: We finally found them! SOLDIER 2: Yeah. SOLDIER 1: We win! SOLDIER 2: Yeah. SOLDIER 1: The boss would like to see you... three? Where'd the other two go! SOLDIER 2: Yeah. SOLDIER 1: Would you cut that out! MARY PIPPIN: Uh... they kinda died. SOLDIER 1: Oh well you THREE will come with us any way. __________________________________________ (In a different part of the field Soldiers 1 and 2 are surrounding Fake Barf Bag, The Crazy Elf, and Mary Pippin. Clarissa is recording) THE CRAZY ELF: What do you want with us anyway. SOLDIER 1: Didn't you watch the news? THE CRAZY ELF: Uh... I kinda forgot what happened... sorry... SOLDIER 1: We want to find out more about your powers and how they came to you. THE CRAZY ELF: Powers? OH YEAH! I kinda forgot about those too. MARY PIPPIN: Why would you want those powers anyway? They're pretty much useless. SOLDIER 1: Useless or now we want them. (Pause) MARY PIPPIN: I'm bored. SOLDIER 1: Shut up! FAKE BARF BAG: Let me entertain you! SOLDIER 2: NO!!!!! FAKE BARF BAG: How about the best song ever? MARY PIPPIN and THE CRAZY ELF: YEAH! SOLDIER 1: Oh how can I resist? YEAH! SOLDIER 2: You've gone with that music too? NOOOOOOO!!!!! I'm all alone now! FAKE BARF BAG: (Sings Daft Punk: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.) Work It, Do it, Make it, Makes Us... MARY PIPPIN, SOLDIER 1, and THE CRAZY ELF: DING DING DING DIDILIT DING DING DING DIDILIT!!!!! FAKE BARF BAG: Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger... MARY PIPPIN, SOLDIER 1, and THE CRAZY ELF: DING DING DING DIDILIT DING DING DING DIDILIT!!!!! FAKE BARF BAG: More Than, Hour, Hour, Never... MARY PIPPIN, SOLDIER 1, and THE CRAZY ELF: DING DING DING DIDILIT DIND DING DING DIDILIT!!!!! FAKE BARF BAG: Ever, Work is, After Over! Work It Harder Make It Better Do it Faster Makes Us Stonger More Than Ever Hour After Hour Work Is Never Over! MARY PIPPIN, SOLDIER 1, FAKE BARF BAG, and THE CRAZY ELF: YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOLDIER 2: I think I'm going to retire soon. ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ACT 3, SCENE 3 (A sign is in front of the camera that says "To be concluded". Another sign comes in front of the camera that says "I jokes!". All the signs clear out and it is in the computer room. Government Leader's Leader is sitting on a swivel chair facing the wall. Three chairs are facing towards the wall too but not so close. The Crazy Elf and Mary Pippin along with soldier 2 come in humming Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. The Crazy Elf, Fake Barf Bag, and Mary Pippin sit in the chairs. Emily is recording) THE CRAZY ELF: Could it be? GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: (Spins the chair around so it faces The Crazy Elf and Mary Pippin) Yes... THE CRAZY ELF: It's Parent! GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: No I'm not Parent! I'm Government Leader's Leader! MARY PIPPIN: Leader's Leading Government? GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: Yes, Government Leader's Leader. Hey I thought you said we had three of them not two! SOLDIER 2: Uh... we kinda lost the other one. GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: Oh... you two do your powers now! (The Crazy Elf and Mary Pippin bable like idiots and do other things) SOLDIER 2: Silence! (The noise stops) THE CRAZY ELF: Uh... which power did I have again? MARY PIPPIN: Hey I can't even remember what power I had! THE CRAZY ELF: Hey my scratch is gone. MARY PIPPIN: Hey mine is too! GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: You got your powers from scratches? THE CRAZY ELF: Uh... we think so. GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: (Mumbles) Oh this was just a big waste of time. (Talks) Pack it us Soldier 2. Get me Devil. (Soldier 2 walks out of the room) DEVIL: (Walks into the room) You called? GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: I want to take the curse off their house. DEVIL: Okay. (Waits a few seconds) Done. Good-bye. (Leaves the room) GOVERNMENT LEADER'S LEADER: You can leave. Your some of the most stupidest people I've ever met. THE CRAZY ELF: Okay. (The Crazy Elf and Mary Pippin leave the room) ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ACT 3, SCENE 4 (In the front yard The Crazy Elf and Mary Pippin get on the trampoline and sit. Clarissa is recording for the moment) THE CRAZY ELF: I'm changing my name back to Leha. MARY PIPPIN: Same here. LEHA: Your changing you name to Leha? FAKE LEAH: Yes, now I'm Leah. FAKE BARF BAG: (Appears out of nowhere) Same here. LEHA: Why is everyone changing their name to Leah? FAKE LEAH 2: Because it's the most creative name on this show. (Chupacabra and Big foot get up on the trampoline) CHUPACABRA: I want to be Leha! BIG FOOT: No I want to be Leha! (Throw off there costumes) __________________________________________ (Emily is recording) JUST THERE: (Appears out of nowhere) No I want to be Leah! LEHA: I feel so loved. (Fake Leha 5 gets on the trampoline) FAKE LEHA 4: Leha? LEHA and FAKE LEHA's 2 and 5: What? LEHA: Will you all just be who you are? BOB: Okay. FRED II: Why are we still recording? JUST THERE: Hello? Movies over! LEHA: Just There your talking! JUST THERE: You didn't notice? I get my own special part because I'm special! FRED II: So that's why we're still recording. LEHA: You know what? If someone were to rate this movie they would probably say that there's too many characters with the same voice like they did with Oddworld: Munches Oddysee. IT: (In a voice like on the commercial) Rated T for teen! FRED: Let's jump! (Everyone starts jumping. Emily records for a minuet or two and the camera turns off) ---------------- ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ------------------ ENDING CREDITS: Using some type of computer program (3d movie maker) NARRORATOR: Thank you for watching The Hell House Movie. Here are all the things we did so I don't have to tell you! THE HELL HOUSE MOVIE CREDITS Cast TV Clarissa Palmieri Voice Clarissa Palmieri Stuffed Animal Clarissa Palmieri Parent Clarissa Palmieri Government Leader's Leader Clarissa Palmieri Fake Leha 5 Clarissa Palmieri Fred Kyle Nelson Dan-Rather-Would-Be-Somewhere-Else (Dan) Kyle Nelson Gander Kyle Nelson Big Foot Kyle Nelson Soldier 2 Kyle Nelson Fake Leha 4 Kyle Nelson Leha Kelly Nelson Government Agent 1 Kelly Nelson The Crazy Elf Kelly Nelson It Emily Palmieri Parent #2 (Parent Pound Sign 2, Parent Number 2) Emily Palmieri Government Agent 2 Emily Palmieri The Dead Elf Emily Palmieri Chupacabra Emily Palmieri Soldier 1 Emily Palmieri Fake Leha 3 Emily Palmieri Fred II Kenneth Nelson Government Leader Kenneth Nelson Mary Pippin Kenneth Nelson Fake Leha Kenneth Nelson Bob Nick Palmieri Devil Nick Palmieri Fake Barf Bag Nick Palmieri Fake Leah 2 Nick Palmieri Writers Writen By Emily Palmieri Edited By Clarissa Palmieri Original Idea for The Hell House First Season By Kelly Nelson Original Idea for The Hell House Second Season By Emily Palmieri All Seasons and Specials Written By Emily Palmieri Directed By Clarissa Palmieri Kyle Nelson Kelly Nelson Emily Palmier Kenneth Nelson Nick Palmieri Special Effects Clarissa Palmieri Emily Palmieri Kyle Nelson -Camera People Clarissa Palmieri -Sound Effects Clarissa Palmieri -Props People who Deserve Credit The Hell House Company and The No Any Sense Company Warner Brothers The Matrix -The Matrix Reloaded The Matrix Theme Thing Neo Linkin Park -Metroit Theory Paper Cut Disney Spirited Away -No Face Popular CD's Eiffel 65 -I been lucky in my life Art Bell The Big Foot Video -Big Foot Chupacabra Nickelodeon SpongeBob SquarePants -Gary Universal Studios Lord of the Rings -Frodo Baggins Gandelf the Gray Mary Pippin The two elves with unknown names Virgin Records Daft Punk -One More Time Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger Oddworld Muches Oddysee And a special thanks to all of you people who took the time to watch this!!!!! (Especially the credits)
Last Update: 2-25-07
Created by: Emily Palmieri
