At The Movies

As much as I love music, I might be an even bigger movie fan. For quite a while me and my friend Curt have kept and debated over unofficial top ten movie lists, so I have to have a movie ranking page. I will also have my exclusive Top Ten over here which will change depending on the mood I'm in. I hope to also have mini-pages for all my A+ movies eventually, which will be accessible from this page (just click on the movie jacket). Well, here are my recommendations. They go in alphabetical order by letter grade.

A+

Almost Famous

American Beauty

American Pie

American Pie 2

Baseketball

Clerks

Clueless

Up until this weekend, I hadn't seen Clueless in probably 5 years and over that time my opinion of it dropped off from being one of my couple favorite movies to "a good movie". That's what happens when Alicia Silverstone goes on to do nothing (other than bad movies with Benicio Del Toro and Brendan Fraser) and the movie's reputation is driven through a muddy drive by the weakly spawned TV spinoff. After 5 viewings of the movie in 2 days, I can safely say that I made a mistake in forgetting this movie. With both my mother and brother missing Clueless the first time around (my brother was 10 and my mom...well she's clueless), I was obligated to at least 2 viewings, which ended up expanding into 5 times when I needed movies to go to sleep to and when I was generally bored. This movie has one of the top couple funniest scripts maybe ever (only 10 Things I Hate About You, Baseketball and Mallrats can really keep pace with it's oneliners), which I had forgotten about. Alicia Silverstone is both amazingly hot (think about the outfit she wears in the aerobics scene....damn!) and cute and loveable in one movie...things she's been generally unable to be for pretty much the rest of her career since. A great, though largely unknown, cast fill out some great characters. Also this movie holds significance to me, the teen-comedy connesiour, as it was the first break-out teen comedy of the 90's (albeit half-way through the decade) and would pave the way for many of my favorite movies. It's also notable that of the teen movies that have tried to invent their own language from scratch, this one's been the most successful as 6 years later it still has left a mark (Think "Whatever!" and "As If!"). Truly a must-see.

Dirty Work

Dude, Where's My Car

Fight Club

Good Will Hunting

Heathers

High School High

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back

Liar Liar

Major League

Mallrats

Orange County

I think I may have just seen one of the best films of my life. When I get this hyped up to see a movie, as I have through watching the constant commercials the last 3 weeks, I am usually at least mildly disappointed. I can only think of a couple off the top of my head (Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back and Baseketball come to mind) that have been able to withstand my critique when I am too psyched up for a movie. Add one more to the list.

I'm not sure why I loved this movie so much, though. I mean it was very funny with great characters and a real heart, but so do a lot of movies that I have ranked well below this. And while it it funny, it's not one of the top couple funniest movies I've ever seen (though Jack Black is an absolute GOD in this movie). So why do I desperately wish that I had gone to the 4:00 showing so I could've seen it two more times and blown all the cash I have on me? I'm not sure, to tell the truth. I think it's because of how real and absolutely loveable these tremendously fucked up characters are underneath their neuroses. You start by feeling so sorry for this guy who has had the absolute worst day in history (and that's before the movie really starts going...and it does get worse) that you about want to shoot all the people who are ruining his life. But by the end of the movie I was wishing I was him because of those very people. There's his deadbeat hopeless druggie brother (Mr. Black, of course, in a role that I've heard more than one person compare him to John Belushi for) who continually ruins his life just by his very existence. Or his drunk mom who throws fits becuase he's leaving for college. Or take his girlfriend for instance. While attractive, she's not a drop-dead knockout by any means. Yet she is so sweet I would give up Tara Reid for her anyday (and I usually am not that into redheads either). And the characters aren't just stereotypes (except for maybe his surfer buddies). They aren't perfect, but...fuck I don't even know what else to say. I am rambling on and on because I just want to do this movie justice; it deserves it. I know I will probably just succeed in raising the expectations too high for a movie that most people will probably just deem "a good movie", but I really love this movie. I might just miss an NFL playoff game tomorrow so I can see it more than once (if I've got that much cash on hand). Great characters, funny movie, and maybe the best usage of high-profile cameos throughout. Also I just found out that the stars are the son of Tom Hanks and the daughter of Sissy Spacek. Not sure how that factors in, but I knew I had to squeeze it in somewhere. See this movie!!!!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Seven

Scary Movie

She's All That

South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut

10 Things I Hate About You

Wild Things

A

A Time to Kill

America's Sweethearts

A Julia Roberts movie in my A list?!?!? WTF!?!?!? Fear not, I have not been converted to the darkside. If I ever get up the courage to watch something like Notting Hill, Runaway Bride, or Erin Brockovich, it will only be for there full-on assault of my "worst" list. If there's anyone who's gone down worse in film quality than Sandra Bullock (who had a few good hits like Speed and the Net before making the "Sandra Bullock Movie" a genre all to its own suckines), it's Roberts who went from Pretty Woman (Ok), to The Pelican Brief and Conspiracy Theory (both quality little films), to her current career of Chick Flick super-suckdom.

This, fortunately, is not another Julia Roberts movie. Killer, and somewhat fucked up, cast includes Billy Crystal (who wrote the script), Catherine Zeta-Jones (truly paying due respect to the mega-bitch role), John Cusack (I don't think the guy's ever done a sucky movie), Christopher Walken (extremely funny in a small yet important role as a nutcase director), Seth Green (almost unrecognizable with a shaved head), and a hysterical performance from Hank Azaria (you wouldn't know him from any movies, but he's the voice of about a gazillion Simpson's characters including Apu, Chief Wiggum, and Moe). That is just one weird group of people to put together for a movie, so something's gotta come out of it. With Crystal's phenomenal writing, something good, no very good comes out. Even Roberts isn't annoying for the first time in ages. This movie's got a really sharp, dry wit and I was about in tears by the time the actual "movie" that this movie is based around gets shown. Just a hysterical look at the fakeness of hollywood and people in general, from beginning to end. I also loved the "Eddie & Gwen: America's Sweethearts" montage; a nice Julia Roberts-tsyle-movie parody within a Julia Roberts movie.

Basic Instinct

Bad Boys

Boomerang

Can't Hardly Wait

Cruel Intentions

Die Hard

Quite simply, one of the best blockbuster action movies ever. I actually hadn't seen it (or the two that followed) until very recently. Die Hard stands out above the pack in my mind for a few reasons. First of all, it's really smart. Most action movies you can see somebody about to make a mistake and fall to the bad guy from a mile away and you get the "Don't do that" voice going through your head. This movie has that moment where you're sure it's going to happen and then either Bonnie Bedelia or Bruce Willis swiftly sidestep the obvious mistake. Secondly, it's got a true great villain in Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber. I didn't think he was that tremendous in Dogma, but he is absolutely wicked in this movie. Third, Bruce Willis is a great action star and the John McClane character is a character that everyone loves. Finally, it's just got a great and witty script. Only Will Smith can match Willis when it comes to firing off one-liners, and he's at his best in this one. While some think that limiting the action to one location limited it, I felt that it actually contributed a lot to the excitement and pacing of the movie. Also of note, is that the catch-phrase of the movie (a must for 80's action movies) "Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker" is actually pretty nicely set up (unlike the other movies where he seemingly just says it because it has to be said). Really what an action movie should be.

Dogma

Heartbreakers

This may be rated a bit high because I just saw it, but it's a damn goood movie, which surprised the hell out of me because I expected a cringe fest with the plus of Jennifer Love Hewitt in skimpy outfits. Got the Hewitt in skimpy outfits, but no cringe. My eyes immediately lit up when I saw Jason Lee in the credits and the film only got better from there. Funny, funny movie with a good love story in the center. Oh, and Jennifer Love Hewitt is really frickin' hot.

Independence Day

Loser

Me, Myself, & Irene

Memento

Stunning movie that kept me in suspense and thinking for the entire movie. I'd heard this one was real good from a few different people and I wasn't disappointed. The hook of this movie is that it starts at the end and works backwards. While this may sound very confusing, it's actually a very good way of getting into the main character's head. You see, when his wife was raped and murdered he suffered a head injury and can no longer make new memories. Sorta like amnesia, except he remembers everything before that. So both you and the main character start out at the end, but with no recollection of what's happened except interpreting the photos and notes he's kept for himself. But how much can he trust these? A good movie with lots of twists and a great ending.

Men in Black

Not Another Teen Movie

I must say I was impressed with a movie I'd originally considered boycotting. Before I'd seen it, I had three problems with the movie: 1) The advertising looked so much like Scary Movie's that it felt like a ripoff (a ripoff of a parody, that's interesting); 2) I'm a hardcore "teen movie" fan and was too sensitive to that; and 3) The trailers didn't look all that funny (except for Pressly's "It's already been brought it" line). I relented, though, partially because I really wanted to see a movie or two this weekend (to take my mind off finals) and partially because I realized that I loved both Scary Movie and Scream, why can't I love Not Another Teen Movie (of course I did go into Scary Movie anxious because I wanted the other "scary movies" to be parodied to death, but still). Also I heard about the gratuitous amount of nudity in the film, and that clinched it (I'm sounding more and more like a cliche'd teen movie fan by the minute). Anywayz, it was a very funny movie throughout (I coulda gone without the toilet scene, but other than that) and really seemed to be made by people who were actually fans of the genre as weird as that sounds. And not just the recent teen movies, but dating all the way back to Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Risky Business, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Grease and the John Hughes Brat Pack movies. There was a scary level of attention to detail with little things like the names of buildings (the students go to John Hughes High and eat in the Anthony Michael Dinining Hall (allusion to Anthony Michael Hall who was the nerd in pretty much every Hughes flick)) to the constant use of music from the movies (Off the top of my head, I'm thinking about the frequent use of Don't You (Forget About Me) from the Breakfast Club and the cover of Somebody's Baby from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (I started laughing my ass off as soon as I heard that one coming on)). There was also quite a few people from those teen movies on hand, whether in obscure roles (Ferris Bueller's dad shows up briefly as a dad and the teacher who ran the detention (and lead villain) in the Breakfast Club reprised his role for that scene, "Bogey Lowenstein" from 10 Things I hate about You played the "Slow Clap" guy) to more important roles like "Billy Bob" from Varsity Blues playing the same character only stupider as "Reggie Ray" or Molly Ringwald (teen queen of each and every John Huges film from Sixteen Candles to Breakfast Club to Pretty in Pink) showing up in a pivotal role at the end of the movie. Oh, and I should mention, the movie was funny as hell. Really funny parodies and some unique little twists (who would've expected Mr. T to show up in a movie parodying teen flicks (as an aside, though, I don't know if "Rudy", which is the movie from which T's character parodies, is really a teen flick). Very funny movie.

Orgazmo

Saving Silverman

Scream

Silence of the Lambs

Swingers

I know a million corny reviews have said this line, but Swingers is "money, baby". You just gotta love cheesy movie reviews that quote the movie to make themselves look clever. I, of course, have never been and never intend to be clever, so I just used it because I can't help myself. This movie is just a really good movie. I've always had it in the back of my head that I need to see this movie, but never really got around to it. Finally this weekend i decided to pick it and Made (the reunion of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau) and check em out. While Made was a decent movie, this one was great, mixing great lines, a catchphrase that you'll be repeating for days, some self aware bits (the "every movie rips off other movies" followed by the Reservoir Dogs shot was hilarious), and a great story (hey I'm a sucker for any movie with a guy who has trouble picking up women; go figure). Quality, quality flicks.

The Patriot

The Usual Suspects

The Waterboy

True Romance

Normally I'm split on the "genius" of Quentin Tarantino, but this movie he wrote is frickin' incredible. An absolutely awesome cast and a wild ride culminate in a guns-blazing climax. Man I sound like one of those lines they put on movie covers. In all seriousness, though, this movie is phenomenal. Christian Slater is as good as he'll ever get outside of Heathers and the rest of the cast reads like a who's who of good acting. You've got Christopher Walken as a mob boss, James Gandolfini (Mr. Tony Soprano to you) in a pre-Sopranos role as a mob thug, Dennis Hopper, a quick role from Samuel L. Jackson, Brad Pitt as a forever stoned junkie, Patricia Arquette as Slater's wife, and even Val Kilmer. OK, I know I said good acting, but Val plays Elvis, so I'll cut him a break. Somehow ends up being both a really great love story (one of the better ones I've seen) and a violence-filled Tarantino movie all in one. And pulls it off well. Really good movie.

Varsity Blues

A-

Airheads

Beverly Hills Cop 2

A rare movie trilogy that peaks in the second movie, albeit just barely better than the first. What put it over the top of the first for me was more of Billy (Judge Reinhold) and Tagert and more (and just as importantly funny) running gags. Billy's gun obsession in particular sticks out. Just to note for people who haven't seen any old Eddie Murphy movies: this was when he was funny. Yes he really was at one point. I believe the turning point would be Beverly Hills Cop 3, and his last good movie was either Boomerang or the Distinguished Gentlemen (can't remember which came last).

Beyond the Mat

Wow. I didn't see this movie until it'd been out on video for well over a year. I'm a gigantic wrestling fan, but I didn't know how interesting the movie would be. I mean, for one, it's a documentary which don't usually capture my attention no matter what the subject matter. Secondly, I'd already read many reviews of the movie and the subject material I would've already known anyways because I am somewhat of an inside fan. Still, this week I decided to rent a bunch of DVDs and so I finally rented it. This was a tremendous movie. By the time that it got to Foley's infamous Royal Rumble match with the Rock (the one in which he took 11 unprotected chair shots to the head with his family in the front row), I was completely emotionally engrossed in the film. As Blaustien (director and narrator) mentioned the nervousness going into this match I felt a shiver run up my spine because I knew what was going to happen (even if I didn't, though, Blaustein built it up pretty well and there was some foreshadowing). By the time the film ended with a bloody Foley and Terry Funk in the ring, I was emotionally spent. Then the little postscript about Droz's paralyzation popped up (which I hadn't even thought about while I was watching it) and I nearly broke down in tears. Very, very powerful movie, whether you like wrestling or not.

Blazing Saddles

Broken Arrow

Con Air

Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood

The first Wayans brothers parody movie...and the one with the longest title (although it is a little known fact that Scary Movie's original title was either going to be "Last Summer I Screamed Because Halloween Fell On Friday the 13th" or "Scream If You Know What I Did Last Halloween "). Still, this one would wipe the floor with it (in terms of words in the title).

Don't Say a Word

Brittany Murphy is absolutely incredible in this movie. One of the best thrillers I've seen in a long time.

Dumb and Dumber

Fallen

The ending to this movie is truly a thing of greatness. I would mention a bit more, but I don't want to spoil it for any one. Also makes the Stones' "Time on my Side" one of the most haunting songs ever.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Finding Forrester

Really good movie from Gus Van Sant, the director of Good Will Hunting. This movie also has sort of a Good Will Hunting feel to it in more ways than one. It's got a person with a great intellectual talent but in the wrong setting and just a lot of the same realistic human feeling of that movie (not to mention a cameo by Matt Damon). A very well acted movie from everyone from Connery to Anna Paquin to Rob Brown in his screen debut. Also an impressive job by Busta Rhymes in just his 2nd movie (he also wasn't the only rapper in the movie; this was Lil' Zane's (a guy who's voice is a dead ringer for 2Pac) first movie). Movie gets better and better as it goes on.

Foxfire

Pretty damn good movie and one of Angelina Jolie's first (after Hackers but before Gia for those who are wondering). While the persective was mainly feminine (I don't think there's a non-evil guy in the entire movie) I was able to justify that the nudity scene offset this in my male mind. Aside from all that, this movie has some great performances and is a pretty touching movie. Also marks the first appearance of Shampoos' song "Trouble" ("Uh oh, we're in trouble, Someone's come along and burst our bubble") in a teen flick starting quite a tradition (it also gets a prominent displaying in Trojan War and is all over the trailers and commercials for Jawbreaker).

Gladiator

Ghostbusters

This is Bill Murray at his wisecracking best. I know I say that about just about all of his movies, but dammit I mean it whenever I say it. While there is good action, Murray completely and totally holds this film together...which is really something when you consider the rest of the cast includes Dan Ackroyd, Rick Moranis, Sigourney Weaver, Annie Potts and Harold Ramis. Great combination of action and comedy as well as probably the best title song maybe ever (As a kid, this was my song). Movie also features a quote which is among my personal mottos: "when someone asks you if you're a God, you say YES!!". A good rule to live by (or would that be a guideline?).

Happy Gilmore

Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade

I used to love this movie, so I was a bit apprehensive about watching it again. I mean, look at "Home Alone". That one didn't age all that well with time. This, on the other hand, is what an action movie should be. Great action sequences, funny ("We named the dog Indiana"), and has the triumvirate needed of great hero, great villain and hot chick. For a twist the hot chick turns on the hero in this one, something you usually don't see in movies (although if you've ever watched pro wrestling, you'd know it's the oldest trick in the book). Oh, and killer theme song. If you catch yourself making up words to an instrumental, it's damn good ("Indiana-ana Jones..)

My Cousin Vinny

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Includes perhaps the greatest single speech in movie history (one which I hope to transcribe for this site in the near future) in Chevy Chase's landmark expletive-laden tirade that truly broke new ground and added phrases like "Hallelujah! Holy shit." and "hap-hap-happiest" to my vocabulary.

Primal Fear

Pulp Fiction

Reindeer Games

Revenge of the Nerds

Ruthless People

You know a movie has to be killer if I put it this high on my list even with Bette Midler in a lead role. Actually she's way good (in this movie) and this is probably the funniest movie of the 80's.

Save the Last Dance

Scary Movie 2

Scream 2

Speed

Stripes

Quite possibly Bill Murray's best work. Coming from a guy who still loves stuff Murray's doing to this day ("The Man Who Knew Too Little" is way funny and I absolutely love his small role in Wild Things; the guy takes over). I might have to watch What About Bob again to confirm this, but that's possibly the only thing in Stripes' way. Great movie with a great cast in Murray, his Ghostbuster-mate Harold Ramis, John Candy, hilarious in one of his first movie roles, a pre-Night Court John Laroquette (he was the ultra sleazy Dan on that classic show), and a pre-Fast Times at Ridgemont High Judge Reinhold. Not much story, but Bill Murray can go off like no other and Candy and Laroquette both giving shining comedic performances. In particular, I think that Candy's "Ox" character's mud-wrestling match against 6 hot, scantily clad women should go in a time capsule somewhere of all that is good about movies. One fun movie.

Swordfish

The Craft

The Distinguished Gentleman

The Godfather

The Godfather Part III

The Replacements

The Sixth Sense

B+

A Civil Action

A Nightmare on Elm Street

If Halloween II has a contender for best horror flick of all time, this is it. They approach things a bit differently, though. Whereas Halloween is pretty much a non-stop adrenaline rush with Michael Myers constantly killing people, Nightmare has a more story-driven approach. Basically, until the end Freddy only gets a small portion of screen time as the heroine Nancy tries to figure out how to stop him as well as deal with the many problems in her life swirling around this issue. It's also interesting to watch Nancy break down through lack of sleep as the movie goes on (she figures out pretty early that if she sleeps Freddie will kill her through her dreams). In a lot of ways, this movie could almost be looked at as a precursor for the Scream movies. First of all, it was one of the first horror flicks since Halloween came out to break "the rules". For awhile it follows along the usual path (people have sex then get killed), but late in the movie it throws in a shocker when Nancy's kind boyfriend (Johnny Depp in his first big screen role), who has abstained throughout this movie, gets slaughtered. It also differs from other horror flicks in that it is more or less character driven (you actually get the time to care about and root for Nancy and her friends) as well as having a strong female lead who decides to confront the killer rather than run (ala Sidney Prescott from the Scream Trilogy). All of this keeps you wrapped up in the movie all the way up to a killer ending that blows you away. Very, very good movie.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Armageddon

Bandits

Funny, good movie with great use of music (a couple excellent uses of "Beautiful Day" as well as the use of Bonnie Tyler songs ("Total Eclipse of the Heart" and "Holding Out for a Hero") to identify the female character with). Good twists and a good movie.

Beavis & Butthead Do America

Beatlejuice

In my short Winona Ryder Heather-inspired movie spree (because as much as I love her in Heathers I got a strange feeling I couldn't last through a lot of "How to make an American Quilt" "Little Women" or "Autumn in New York) I decided to revisit this old favorite. As a kid I loved this movie and the animated version was one of the few on my can't miss list (I can still remember the weird way they drew Lydia). And when I was looking at reviews for it I realized that I remembered very little of it, so I gave it another shot. This is one bizarrely funny movie with a cast I really like. Keaton is an absolute God as Beatlejuice (actually spelled Betelgeuse in the film) of course and Winona does a good job as the "strange and unusual" Lydia. Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin are also actually very funny as the recently deceased Maitlands. But it's the bit characters that I really love like Catherine OHara, who was the mom in both Home Alones and the great Orange County (where she really rocked). Or Jeffrey Jones who actually isn't playing his usual annoying asshole part (he would be the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the game show host who terrorizes John Ritter (something I'd like to do) and the hotel manager in Heartbreakers). And especially Ortho (Glenn Shaddix), the paranormal expert/interior decorator who is also in Heathers with Ryder (he would be the priest "We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book!"). Good movie.

Beverly Hills Cop

Once again, this was when Eddie was funny. Just have to always get that out of the way. Good action-comedy mix (and don't forget the strip clubs) makes this one of his best movies and a launching point for what would become Eddie's only trilogy (48 hours stopped at 2 and thankfully Dolittle and Nutty Professor appear to have stopped there as well). Axle Foley is also, by far, Eddie's coolest character ever and his character's theme song "Axle F." is pure 80's, but in a good way. Hey it was a top 10 hit and it's a frickin' instrumental. They don't get much better than that.

Bulworth

Chasing Amy

Cruel Intentions 2

Damn near everything pointed to this being a bad movie. It's not a sequel, it's a retelling of the events of Cruel Intentions; in other words it's a ripoff of a ripoff (Cruel Intentions being based on Dangerous Liaisons) and with different, unknown actors. Then I noticed that it wasn't neccessarily such a ripoff; it's written, directed and produced by the same people as Cruel Intentions. So, I gave it a looksee. And I was pleased. While I absolutely love the original, this version decides to put a decidedly different spin on the events. This movie has a lot less drama and heart, and a lot more comedy and sex, retaining much of the dark and sexual humor found early on in the Reese Witherspoon-Ryan Phillipee-Sarah Michelle Gellar version. While sometimes it does feel a bit like a ripoff, like when the Cecile character (called Cherie in this one) cribs a lot from Selma Blair's act and when they recycle the Long Island Ice Tea joke. ON the other hand the actress who rips off Selma's act, Keri Lynn Pratt (who was also pretty good in The Smokers), does it better and funnier than Selma, something I didn't think possible. If you're looking for something along the lines of the first one, this isn't it. On the other hand, if you want to see a different way they could have gone with the same story (with a few tweakings), give this one a try.

Evolution

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Ghost World

Gossip

At times a chilling and truly scary movie, not in the scary movie sense but in the "it could happen" sense. A bit obscure, I was drawn to this movie by the names Kate Hudson and Joshua Jackson who play important parts, but not the central parts. James Marsden and Lena Headey are both excellent in this movie. The plot is great although the ending is a bit cutesy (and I had it pegged well before the end). Still, though a bit flawed, a very good movie.

Grosse Point Blank

Hannibal

Halloween II

This is definitely one of the two best horror movie I've ever seen along with A Nightmare on Elm Street (note: I don't consider Scream a full-on horror movie), but it's hurt a bit because some things in it aren't quite as good as the original. While it doesn't have as good a beginning as the legendary beginning to the first one, it's still innovative. The movie literally picks up where the last film left off by opening with the ending scenes of the first movie which show Michael Myers unsuccessfully trying to kill Jamie Lee Curtis and Loomis failing to kill Myers (even though he shot him 6 times and Myers fell out of the 2nd story of the house). The story then unfolds as the night grows later. This could almost be called Halloween 1.5 as it is a continuation of the events of that night (Halloween 1978). Unlike the first one, though, this one never lets up. It's staged almost entirely in the hospital that Jamie Lee's taken to and the action picks up rather quickly as Michael makes it there within the first half hour or so of this 90 minute film. In particular, there is one shot where Michael Myers fades in out of the darkness that is terrifying. A very good film.

LA Confidential

Jerry Maguire

Josie & the Pussycats

Talk about a pleasant surprise. I approached this movie with much dread and only because it wasn't my money spent renting it (Jamie put it on at a time that I didn't feel like leaving the couch). While I do enjoy looking at Tara Reid (now that's an understatement if I've ever made one), watching her act for a whole movie that from the looks of previews starred her and was based on a cartoon...that just didn't sound like a fun prospect. Shockingly this movie not only didn't suck, it was pretty damn good and funny. By the time that they killed off the boy band in a plane crash 10 minutes into the movie I had already gotten behind it. By the time it became apparent that Rachel Leigh Cook was the star (someone who is also very hot but also can, you know, act) I was hooked. I also loved Tara Reid's ditzy blonde character ("but wouldn't it be cool if you could be in two places at once? I could be here and in the bathroom...and there and here and..."). Good, smart, and funny little movie. Oh, and it includes some very hot chicks.

Jurassic Park

Needful Things

Major League 2

Meet the Parents

Ocean's 11

Aside from being badly shown up by me unexpectedly loving Not Another Teen Movie more than it when I saw both in the same night, Ocean's isn't a bad movie. Pretty solid movie with some great interaction between Pitt and Clooney and a great cast (Clooney, Pitt, Damon, and Garcia were obvious, but also adding in Casey Affleck and Scott Caan was a pretty cool touch as both are pretty underrated and overshadowed by relatives (ironically they play brothers). Hell, even Roberts wasn't that bad.) I also liked how they didn't reveal how they were going to rob the banks and how everyone fit in (at least not all the details) for as long as they could. It added a bit more intrigue for me. Pretty decent movie.

Overnight Delivery

Surprisingly funny little comedy. But possibly the biggest shock is that Reese Witherspoon is, you may have to sit down for this one, not a blonde. Yes, the title character of legally blonde is a brunette in this one. Not that I really care; she's hot either way. And, thank god for the sake of this picture, she's a good actress. She's also paired opposite Paul Rudd, whose not all that well known but I think's a pretty good actor. His only major roles outside of this that I know of were as Alicia Silverstone's half-brother in Clueless and in 200 Cigarettes opposite Courtney Love. This movie's pretty good and a bit less predictable than you may guess, too.

Private Parts

Pump up the Volume

Though obviously not as good as he was in Heathers, this is definitely one of Christian Slater's best roles in a surprisingly good movie. Slater plays a shy new kid at school who becomes "Happy Harry Hard-On" at nights on a pirated radio station. The Harry moments are great, especially the post-suicide broadcast, and Samantha Mathis is incredible in her first film role. Somehow this movie manages to pull off the "be yourself" message without being overly preachy.

Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion

Rules of Engagement

Scream 3

Shrek

Spaceballs

Storm of the Century

Possibly the most chilling ending outside of Fallen

Tommy Boy

The Green Mile

The Long Kiss Goodnight

The Man Who Knew Too Little

What can I say: Bill Murray's a God. Between this movie, his small but memorable role in Wild Things and his old stuff (Groundhog Day and Caddyshack especially), how can you not like him.

The Rainmaker

The Rock

The Shawshank Redemption

The Truman Show

Twelve Monkeys

Very Bad Things

What About Bob

Wonder Boys

B

As Good as it Gets

Black Sheep

Conspiracy Theory

Coyote Ugly

Dazed and Confused

Dick

Disturbing Behavior

Double Take

Enemy of the State

Face Off

Fargo

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Halloween

It was really, really tough to rate this film because it really goes up and down. There are some boring stretches in it, which there really shouldn't be in this type of movie (and which Halloween II was noticeably void of), but their were some phenomenal and historical things in this film, too. For one, off the top of my head, I can't think of a better opening scene in any film than this one has. I'd get into it, but I don't want to spoil it. The Halloween theme is very creepy (you'd recognize it if you heard it) and is used incredibly well in this one. Without it, this movie would probably drop a full point which is pretty impressive. Beyond those two incredible elements, this one was also very interesting to look at in a post-Scream view because this was pretty much the horror movie template for much of the 80's. It was the first movie to bring together all of the formula "rules" that Scream mentioned, such as "sex=death", "unkillable killer", "I'll be right back", and many others. They weren't cliche at the time, but they became the formula that pretty much everything after followed for quite awhile. As for the movie, it's a bit boring for long stretches (but maybe that's just because I'm not and never have been all that interested in Jamie Lee Curtis even when she was young), but becomes pretty good once Michael and Jamie Lee meet up through the end. The visual quality (at least on the tape) is a bit annoying because not only is it a late-70's movie (which means it has that weird out of this world color to it), but it was also an independent film which means production goes even further down. Normally I'm not such a stickler for things like picture quality, but it gets a bit annoying. Also it's a bit obvious when Michael's going to appear sometimes because they frame the shot off-center so you can see that he is obviously going to come in. Good movie overall, though especially with that killer opening.

Jackie Brown

Jawbreaker

Joe Dirt

Mixed emotions about this movie. On one hand, it's funny throughout and has a nice heart to it. The casting is phenomenal too (Dennis Miller is perfect for a shock jock and Kid Rock couldn't have picked a better small role for his movie debut). I really loved this movie, but had to knock it down a few notches because of it's obsession with cheap gross-out jokes that were (to me) only somewhat funny, characterized by the movie's kinda scary little obsession with shit in many forms. On the other hand I loved some of their other cheap jokes (I was crying through the incest joke segment...ya know incest jokes are the true golden standard that will never grow old), so maybe I'm not the one to talk. Regardless, it's a good, funny movie with a nice little story. And David Spade has the single-worst haircut of all time, so that's always worth a look.

Kiss the Girls

Made

Not as good as Swingers, but some quality storytelling and funny.

Major League 3: Back to the Minors

Mission Impossible

Mistrial

Whatever happened to Bill Pullman? Was Lake Placid that bad?

Mystery Men

O

Porkys

Primary Colors

Raiders of the Lost Ark

The first movie in the Indiana Jones series. Good movie, although it would be a lot less fondly remembered if the series had stopped at the horrible follow-up Temple of Doom rather than the kick-ass Last Crusade. Regardless it's a good movie that stands on its own and is an easy recommendation.

Reality Bites

I wanted to love this movie so much more. It was good, very good actually. It was funny, the dialogue seemed more real somehow than normal movies, and it had a lot of people I like in it. But I hold a huge grudge against the fact that Ethan Hawke's character got Winona in the end. I knew it was coming from the very beginning, but I so wanted it not to happen. I know, I sound like one of those pathetic people who watch soap operas all day long but dammit I was pissed off. Mainly because I could tell that they were planting the seeds for it early on and praying like hell that maybe they'd take a different turn and actually have Ben Stiller's character be the hero. I don't know something about Ethan Hawke in this movie really rubs me the wrong way. Other than my personal grudges, this is a damn good movie and I'd have to say that the "define irony" scene really stands out as a symbol of the 90's MTV sense of humor.

Risky Business

A young Rebecca DeMornay as a hooker and Tom Cruise as Pimp of the Century: What's not to like? One of the older teen comedies out there, but a good one. Also makes "What the Fuck" (as a statement, not a question) a memorable line.

Road Trip

Romeo Must Die

Romeo and Juliet (Danes & DiCaprio version)

Rounders

Rushmore

Probably the oddest movie that I've ended up liking in the end. Max Fischer is definitely a "different" character and not really like any other character I've ever seen. But it's not really out of line with this film, which I would probably be most likely to describe as "different". The unbalance actually adds nicely to the film adding a bit of unpredictability that's best summed up late in the movie when a nervous Bill Murray says "I hope this has a happy ending". To tell the truth you're not really sure how it will end until it is over, because the characters are so unconventional.

Shaft (2000 version)

Sixteen Candles

As a pre-requisite for the script I'm writing I'm going back and hitting every teen movie known to man: this weekend I hit the John Hughes movies I either hadn't seen or hadn't seen in awhile. This is probably the 2nd best behind the legendary Ferris Bueller and is the quintessential 80's teen movie. Like a 90's teen movie only with a few different ingredients: 1) it's cheesier and more over the top 2) the parents are the worst things in the kids lives (until the end when they find out they really love them) and 3)nudity (aside from American Pie, name a 90's teen movie with some skin). Actually this is a pretty decent one above some of the cringe-worthy efforts of the era.

Snake Eyes

The Cable Guy

The Devil's Advocate

The Fast and the Furious

The Glass House

The Godfather Part II

The Last Boy Scout

The Ladies Man

The Negotiatior

The Nutty Professor

The People vs. Larry Flynt

The Whole Nine Yards

Tomb Raider

200 Cigarettes

Odd, but good little comedy. Phenomenal cast with many people who would become at least minor stars in the next couple years such as Kate Hudson, Christina Ricci, Jay Mohr, and Casey Affleck (whose big brother has a small role in the movie and along with Courtney Love was the only star when this came out).

US Marshalls

B-

Ace Ventura 2: Nature Calls

Billy Madison

Best Laid Plans

Big Daddy

Boys & Girls

Celebrity

A different little story shot in black and white about an ex-couple that go on wildly diverging paths along the lines of celebrity. We've got the ex-husband who realized he wasn't satsified with his life and wanted to get into movies, but fails. The ex-wife ends ups in show business unintentionally by marrying a producer and becoming a well-known gossip reporter. It's almost feels like a play as you watch these two peoples lives crossing each others at several points on one's way up and the others way down. Unfortunately, neither of the main character's are really that interesting. Luckily along there paths they meet up with people of all types (mainly celebrities or wanna-be celebs), who keep things very interesting. Leonardo DiCaprio is one of these and he's actually (I can't believe I'm saying this) entertaining. Of course it's because he's a self-absorbed, hard-partying, questionable sexual orientation movie star...gee that must have been difficult for him. There's also Charlize Theron as a supermodel who has orgasms by people merely touching her skin, a pornstar who teaches the repressed ex-wife how to give a good blow job by deep-throating a banana, and Winona Rider looking absolutely stunning (I'm not a big fan of hers, but she looked fucking incredible...maybe it was the black and white picture) as the ex-husbands love interest who's constantly trying to screw around on him before dumping him. Unfortunately, these characters come and go and the ones that stay are the ex-couple. The movie has it's high points, but it's definitely different.

Dead Man on Campus

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

Election

Hudson Hawk

Party Girl

Planet of the Apes (2001 version)

Harmless, but not that spectacular of a blockbuster action movie. Fairly entertaining, but not one of those where you walk out of the theatre thinking you've seen that summer's "big thing". Didn't really suck like a Godzilla or Jurassic Park 3, but was far from the level of an Independence Day, MIB, or Armageddon. In one word: mediocre. Hence the B-.

Poison Ivy: The New Seduction

Sure it's a horrible movie with very little discernible plot, but Jaime Pressly is so hot and nude for enough screen time to make up for it. The champagne scene alone boosts this a full letter grade.

Say Anything

Shallow Hal

While Jack Black is convincing me more and more everyday that he is God, this movie isn't tremendous like I thought it would be. It was good, though, don't get me wrong. I'd gladly recommend it. But it still wasn't as good as it could've been. I think most of this was because of the film's creators, The Farrelly Brothers. While they continue to create some of the funniest movies out there (There's Something About Mary; Me, Myself, and Irene; and Dumb and Dumber to name a few), I'm generally turned off by a good portion of there gross-out humor. The fact that I still hold those movies pretty high without liking that stuff should tell you how highly I regard most of the rest of those movies, considering the gross-out stuff is usually what most people really look forward to in those movies. Now I'm sure I'm sounding really fucking high and mighty here, so I should clarify. Some cheap laughs I laugh at harder than anything in the world; others I just get annoyed at. Take a non-Farrelly movie, Joe Dirt, as an example. I about killed myself laughing at some of the incest jokes, yet only found myself looking for the fast forward button when I saw a dog's nuts frozen to a porch and the many many instances of shit-related humor in the movie.

Teaching Mrs. Tingle

The Smokers

There's Something About Mary

C+

Body Shots

See Poison Ivy above only insert the words "Tara Reid" for "Jaime Pressly". It's truly pathetic when a movie whose sole focus is sex and has both Tara Reid and Amanda Peet can fail to hold my attention for all but a few scenes.

The Breakfast Club

Down to You

Just too strange of a movie. If the director hadn't been on acid this probably would've rated a letter grade or so higher. Not a horrible story, but way to many weird back and forth effects (kinda like Pulp Fiction or Jackie Brown only without any real reason).

Glitter

Believe it or not, this movie's not as bad as you may imagine. And I'm not sure how it manages to almost make it to the "decent movie" plateau. There are no real actors in the movie. The directing in the first 20 minutes is just awful, marred with weird visual effects. But realistically after those 20 minutes, which also feature unquestionably some of the worst acting from everyone (which is really bad), the movie actually settles down and becomes a decent movie. If not for the ultra-sappy ending (which was saved from being one of the worst and most predictable only by a freak turn near the end), it might have regained enough to place it in B- territory. First I should get this out of the way. Mariah Carey is not a good actor. Surprisingly, outside of a few awkward moments, she's not horrible. Of course, the problem is that the star of a picture shouldn't be described as "not horrible". This was a horrible mistake for her to star in this, her first movie (cameos in "The Bachelor" definitely don't count...I said real movie). A better role for her would've been something on the scale of what her friend Da Brat did in this movie, a small supporting role. It should also be noted that Da Brat is probably the only person in this entire movie who was anywhere near entertaining and may have a future in acting. The same could not be said for many of the "real actors" in this film. The lead guy opposite Carey is just awful, especially early on. It almost looks like he tried to be so bad just to make Carey look a bit better....on the other hand he doesn't get that much better later on. And as I said, the directing is flat-out annoying with little visual effects popping up all over early on. Checking out his filmography on the DVD, the guy has only directed a few little movies other than this and it looks like he was just trying to get attention. I guess he figured that everyone would watch the movie to determine if Mariah sucked or not and that he would be able to steal the spotlight with his horrible effects. Guess he didn't even get that audience, and it serves him right. aside from all the negatives, though, it does end up being a fairly decent movie after that even though it goes fairly by-the-numbers.

Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World

C

High Fidelity

Definitely not among my "top ten" movies. I was kinda looking forward to this movie, but it sucked pretty bad aside from Jack Black. Also the only movie I can think of with Cusack that's sucked (although I haven't seen Pushing Tin which I've heard could definitely qualify).

Pretty in Pink

What's the Worst That Could Happen?

What's the worst that could happen....so many opportunities for a punchline there. The sad thing is that any shot I could take at this movie by twisting it's title, no matter how lame, would be funnier than anything that happened in the first hour of it. I didn't even laugh at this comedy until well after the hour mark (I know because I got so bored that I checked). This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that this is supposed to be a comedy. Instead it's just a story that meanders forever before finally hitting a few comical moments late in the film and by then it's way too late. The worst thing is that there should be no way in hell that this movie could not be funny. Besides Martin Lawrence, who I usually enjoy, it has Danny Devito opposite him playing the same rich character he did in Ruthless People which was hilarious. Yet somehow it falls unbelievably flat and unfunny. For that reason I nominate this as the worst scripts of all time. There really are no funny lines in this movie. None. At least something like Unbreakable was trying to work towards something. This movie seemed to just keep crawling along waiting to die.

C-

Beverly Hills Cop 3

For a while this was the only Beverly Hills Cop movie I'd seen. Thank God I saw the other two or I'd have thought this was one weak-ass trilogy. Felt like a movie written by a fan rather than by the normal writers (surprise: it was) and the removal of Tagert hurt bad. If Reinhold and Eddie Murphy weren't incredibly good (or if this were made a few years later after Eddie forgot how to be funny) this would have been unbearable. Also, this is the first and only Beverly Hills Cop movie not to have a strip club scene. Damn that 90's movie censorship.

Jurassic Park 3

Oh how the mighty have fallen. At least I had fun making fun of it.

Soul Survivors

Oh god was this one horrible movie. From the opening scene where the lead character is stalked and "killed" by guys in what i guess are supposed to be "scary" masks, I knew this was going to be bad. I was only watching it because the night before I had heard on the Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back commentary track that Eliza Dushku had a lesbian scene in this one. With my head running wild with thoughts of Eliza, I figured what the hell. I mean it's got Casey Affleck, so it can't be that bad. Scratch that, it can be and it is. For the longest time the only reason that I kept watching this was for the Eliza les scene. When it finally came and went unspectacularly, I decided I had to see just how bad this movie could be. It didn't dissapoint. With fifteen minutes left I finally figured out the movie's "surprise ending"; the only way they could possibly get out of the mess they had gotten themselves in was to pull the "it was all a dream" ending out of the bag (with a slight variation in this case). Awful awful movie and only recommended to watch it if you wanna see how bad it is.

D+

D

Any Given Sunday

Oh god, where do I start. This movie tries to be a million things and sucks at them all with gusto. It tries to show what "really goes on" in the life of the aging coach played by Pacino. Then it completely bursts the reality aspect with a mind-numbingly stupid sequence on the field where a player gets his eye knocked out on the ground. What's wrong with this picture? Pacino's character's also not all that tremendously interesting as he fumbles to regain control over his personal and professional life. Really the only bright spot is Jamie Foxx, who plays a Deion Sanders-style primadonna, and actually shows he can act. I didn't really expect that and he did a great job considering the absolute shit around him. The rest, though, yikes. The eyeball popping out on the field really is a definitive moment, and not in a good way.

Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom

How could they have gone any more wrong on this one. This movie demonstrates the cash-in-while-it's-hot principle as well as any movie and displays all that's wrong with it. First of all, horrible script for anybody not named Harrison Ford. The "hot chick" in this one (who reall wasn't all that hot), is especially horrible in a comic relief role. I don't think I could have wrote worse and cheesier lines if I tried. Oh and she big-time over acted everything. The only memorable thing about this was the beating heart scenes and they are the only reasons I can think of why anyone would remember this fondly. Thankfully, I don't.

Office Space

Once again we have a movie that benefitted (in the worst rankings anyways) by being a grand disappointment that I had very much looked forward to. I was a fan of Beavis & Butthead and liked Mike Judge's first full length movie (which was a B&B cartoon), so I'm not at all turned off by his humor. The previews for this movie made it seem like a must-see with some good quotable stuff. Once again, the premise sounded really good: A guy who just stops caring about work (this time through hypnosis if I remember the (horrible) plot correctly) and fucks with everyone. Somehow a somewhat serious movie like American Beauty pulls this concept off thousands of times funnier than this "comedy". Really the only funny parts in the movie are the ones I saw in the trailers. The movie moved so soooo slowly with nothing funny coming along except for said preview material. The first time I watched this with my cousin we got bored and stopped watching it midway through to surf the net. To tell the truth I'd have done damn near anything at that point just to keep from falling asleep. Walk the dog. Check! Clean up the house. Check! Listen to Vanilla Ice...well I did eventually go back to see the movie later (just to give it a fair shot), so it's safe to say even I wouldn't go as far as to give Mr. Rob Van Winkle an extra listen or two. Oh, in case you were wondering, the movie sucked even more the second time through. If I were faced with a 3rd time I might just hook myself up with the Ice Man.

D-

The Great White Hype

This was one of those movies that I was really hype up to see and was greatly disappointed. The cast is a good one, especially for a comedy (Samuel L. Jackson, Damon Wayans, Jeff Goldblum, Jamie Foxx). The plot sounds very promising: a Don King-like (Jackson, of course) promoter has a champion (Wayans) that is running through opponents so easily that people don't care about his matches and don't buy them. So, Jackson builds up a smokescreen of hype around a little-known white guy who beat Wayans once and promotes it like mad. To be fair, Jackson isn't bad in this, though he still doesn't steal the show like he should given the character. Damn near everything else, though, sucks. Horribly boring and extremely unfunny (the premise sounds a gazillion times funnier than anything that actually happens in the movie). Just overall suckfest that disappointed royally.

F

DoppleGanger

An early 90's Drew Barrymore movie that defies logic...over and over again. I think they just kept changing the script as they were filming. And they were on crack. Definitely large doses of crack.

Titanic

I don't even have to see it to make this judgement.

Unbreakable

Ouch. I actually considered trying to get a refund after renting this "movie". What's truly impressive is that they were able to make a film with two of the best actors out there (Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis) and make the worst film of either of there careers in one movie. Bravo. One of me and my brother's favorite derisive comments is now the ultra-sarcastic, "But I bet it's no 'Unbreakable'".