13th september, 2006
empathy is a priceless tool, and one i think a lot of people (at least me) overlook for most of the time. people come to us with problems and complaints all the time, and when faced with the statement "i don't wanna go to this party 'cos i don't know anybody there", most of us will give simple encouragement, assure them they will be fine and maybe give an off-hand comment like "i know how you feel."
do we know how they feel? obviously the encouragement to go is useful, assuming that going is the best option. quite often these fears are irrational, and so we need to show them that it will be ok really, although emotional comfort helps too. the point, though, is that a lot of the time i reckon we don't actually know how they feel. think back to the last time you were afraid. i was afraid yesterday; there was a nasty flying bug in my room and it was the middle of the night and i had no idea where it was in my room. half way through reading my book, it flew over my bed and right next to me. i, being a coward, was very afraid, but i didn't lose sight of it that time and i got rid of it without too much trouble.
think back to the last time you were afraid. it's not a nice feeling. often common sense goes out the window, but even when it doesn't you don't feel too good.
i think that if we can all keep in mind these unhappy emotions, then we can be better friends to those in need. negative emotions are not to be ignored and hoped that they will vanish, they are to be confronted, and experience is one of the best tools. next time you are afraid, upset, angry or lonely, remember how it feels, note how your mind works at the time and what helps best, and then use that with other people. that is empathy.
of course, you may all be reading this saying that you came to this conclusion years ago, and good for you. :)
and for those less quick people like me, let's learn from this now.
