CAT-ASTROPHE

“Go get a pair of Doc’s clippers!”
As Gus tried to lay down the law.
Then that hound got a hold of the kitten,
“We’re getting this demon declawed!”


It was a frugal fire station,
Our dogs had drained our cash.
So Chief summoned our Dalmatian,
“I have to cut you back.

If you want to keep on spending,
You’ll need to earn your own.
You may not comprehend this,
But it doesn’t grow on bones.”


So they wandered through the want ads
Of the Dixie Daily Gazette,
To find a way to earn some dollars
And keep them out of debt.

“Auto refurbisher ...
Brain surgeon / therapist ...
Catfish caterer ...
Day care specialist …”


“How hard can that job be?
We could open up our own.
It shouldn’t take much capital ...
I doubt we’d need a loan …”

So they fashioned fancy flyers
And on the station stuck a sign:
Daycare, 40 cents a child,
Open 9:00 to 9:00.


In walked Mrs. Flowers
With her kitten Tabby-Van.
“I’ll be back in a couple of hours,
Her things are in this bag.

She needs to wear her stockings,
And don’t forget to brush her teeth …”
“Ma’am, go enjoy your shopping,
You can put your mind at ease.”


“Oochy coochy coo!”
As Max extended his paw.
“What the heckth d’I doof???”
As that dog took a claw to the jaw.

“Why don’t we get out the fingerpaint?”
As Gus tried defusing the fight.
But that kitten came on like a hurricane,
Seizing the easel, she swirled out of sight.


They chased her up a ladder,
Across a catwalk, crane, and loft.
Then she pegged them with the palette,
And smacked them in the spots.

“She’s being mighty naughty,”
As Gus grabbed that cat by the snout,
“We’d better cut her coffee
And put her in time out.”


So they wrapped her in a blankee
And tucked her tail in bed.
“It’s better than a spanking,
And we’ll get a chance to rest.”

Tick ... tock ... tick ... tock ...
As they peered in through a crack.
Tick ... tock ... tick ... tock ...
When there flared a frightening flash!


“Get that kitten away from the matches!!!”
Gulped Gus in a panic to Max,
“She’s going to burn up the mattress!!!
Why can’t that cat take a nap?”

It echoed all over the station
As that baby bed rattled and shook,
When Max had a good inspiration,
“Why don’t we read her a book?”


“See Spot walk.
Walk, Spot, walk.”
But the book had not half of a plot,
And Gus fell asleep like a rock.

“Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.”
But little dog Max was a bad, bad sport,
“I liked the other version instead.”


“I think that it’s time for her snack,”
As Gus went to bring back a bib.
Then he tied it with velcro and straps,
And on her sippy cup fastened a lid.

“Here comes the choo-choo!”
As Gus tried to make it a game,
“And Flying Fortress Foo-Foo!”
But the trains and the planes were in vain.


“Take a bite of your meat, and we’ll let you have pudding,
And you can play with your Pinky Dink doll.”
But she showed them her teeth, and behave nice she wouldn’t,
As she splattered her snack on the wall.

The stain ran up the windows,
Along the ceiling, vents, and lights,
Then dribbled down the firepole,
Across the floor and brand new tile.


It wrapped around the kitchen
Then back on Tabby-Van.
“She’s sure one sticky kitten,
I think she needs a bath.”

So they set out on their mission
To the local laundromat,
That spotted young Dalmatian
And his petite apprentice ...

“Max!!!
We’ll wash this cat at home.
Pick your paws up off the keyboard,
And let the author write the poem!”


They filled the tub with bubbles,
And they drew a nice warm bath.
“Gus! I’m afraid we’ve got some trouble ---
I can’t find the cat.”

So they searched all through the station,
Including every closet,
When gulped that young Dalmatian,
“We forgot to stop the faucet!”


As they bolted for the bathroom,
There came a rolling rumble ...
And a flow of foamy lather ...
Then a wall of whitewash thunder!!!

“Max!!! Grab onto this rope!!!”
As he tossed him out a line.
Then he pulled him from the soap
And saved his dear friend’s life.


As he gave that hound a hug,
“I feared I’d lost you in the flood!”
Then they pulled the plastic plug
To drain the soap and suds.

They wiped up all the water,
And they squeegeed out the mat.
Then they sought and sought and sought her,
But they couldn’t find that cat.


The phone rang, and young Gus got it,
And oh, that look upon his face ---
For it was a call from Mrs. Flowers,
And she was running three hours late!

Then called Mrs. Sumner,
Who’d adopted Tabby’s sister.
“Ma’am, you’ve got a real wrong number ---
We’re going out of business!!!”


The station was a mess,
The dogs were in distress.
Groaned Gus about their guest,
“This pet’s a perfect pest!”

“Gus!” cried Max, “I finally found the kitten!”
But she was hiding in an engine.
Then came a quick decision,
“Let’s put her in detention!”


Gus started up the truck,
And he pulled a full alarm,
And when the firemen showed up,
He dispatched them to the pound!

They took the sign off of the station,
And they tucked it in the trash,
When remarked that young Dalmatian,
“Let’s stick with mowing grass.”


I woke up wildly laughing
At my most amusing dream.
But then, an understanding ---
That rotten cat was me.

But that’s not the way He planned it,
So He sent his Son to set me free,
So I’ll never be abandoned,
For by His love I’ve been redeemed.


David J Allen
January 22, 2008


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