Richer living for single Christians:
A Singles Survival Guide, by Diane Kingston

Good Friends

• Develop into a good friend and good friendships will develop. Have a think about what you like in a good friend such as loyalty, dependability, trust-worthiness, fun, unconditional acceptance, someone you like to be with. Then concentrate on growing these areas in yourself to become a good friend.

• Work on being loyal and dependable to those around you. If you get asked to something then say "yes" or "no" rather than "I’ll see if I’m free nearer the time" - this sounds like "in case nothing better comes up". Don’t let a friend down by changing plans because something "better" comes along.

• Nurture friendships of every kind, for friendship’s sake rather than what it might offer in terms of a potential partner . These could include same sex, opposite sex, children, families, married people anyone recently moved to the area, neighbours.

• Be generous, tolerant and inclusive in your friendships, as Jesus demonstrated in his relationships with his assorted disciples.

• Cherish your friends. As you get older, your friends become to you the support and encouragement that your family may have been.

• Develop friends of the same sex with whom you can confide emotions. Women tend to do this, but men may find they need to work on this.

• Balance your friendships. Identify those friendships that make you feel good or build you up and nurture those. Equally, identify any friendships that drag you down and remember to say "no" sometimes.

• During a relationship and after marriage keep in touch with your friends. Likewise, when friends get married ensure that you maintain the friendship that you had before they got married.

• Broaden the age range of your friends instead of limiting it to people around your own age. People much younger and older than yourself can be good friends.

• Befriend a family. Children like the company of adults other than their Mum and Dad, and you could become a surrogate uncle, aunt or grandparent. It gives you the chance to indulge in fun things like kite flying, the latest kids film or trips to a theme park!

• For one week, each day contact a different person. You could send an email or a postcard, or phone them. This could be a good way of getting back in touch with a friend you’ve lost touch with.

• Review how often you contact old friends: you might consider getting in touch more often than with a regular Christmas letter.

• Surprise someone by noticing a need and helping them before they ask.

• Care for something else - a cat, goldfish, plant, grow something from seed. But be realistic about what is practical and consider its potential impact on your social life or service commitments.

• Find someone with a dog you can walk occasionally. Strangely, the owner usually thinks that you are doing them a favour! You’ll probably find that other walkers talk to you, and if you become a regular walker then you find new friends.

• When you go out with someone you might get nervous or self conscious. To overcome this, try to forget about yourself and concentrate on the needs and comfort of the other person.

• If you are invited out by a couple who are obviously trying to be "matchmakers", accept even if this isn’t your cup of tea. Be philosophical and you could still have a good time and meet a new friend, even if they are not your idea of the right partner.

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Copyright©Diane Kingston 2001