Richer living for single Christians:
A Singles Survival Guide, by Diane Kingston

Reach out

• When you are out for coffee, tea or even a meal try sitting with someone else who is alone. Perhaps you could ask "do you mind if I join you?" This is easier if the place is busy. You never know how interesting that time may be. I have met some fascinating people in the cafes in museums, art galleries and specialist shops that incorporate a café. However, do be selective and keep in mind the slight risks in talking with strangers.

• Next time you see someone in church who you don’t know, say hello to them and try to chat with them. (if the time isn’t appropriate for chatting say "hello" and agree to chat later). As church goers we don’t seem to know how to deal with people we don’t know and our culture seems to guide us to ignore strangers. If you have experienced being this ignored stranger you know how much it might mean to others in our situation. Be brave and demonstrate by your actions the message behind what we are told in Hebrews 13 verse 2: "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers for thereby some have entertained angels unawares".

• At church, try to chat with someone before anyone speaks to you, perhaps treating this as a game.

• If you belong to a church where there are not many other single people, or few of the opposite sex, consider how to develop links with them in social activities or for prayer.

• Befriend someone new. Maybe this will be a special friend, but you won't know until you've got to know them.

• If you are a member of a Christian Dating or Introduction service you will be probably be offered many contacts. Even if they do not seem to you to be your likely future partner it is still worth considering these people as potential friends.

• Identify the emptiest time of your week. This might be Saturday evening or Sunday lunchtime or that time between church and home, or Easter, or "family" days. Once you know when this is you can work of filling that empty time by trying to be with people. Perhaps you could invite one or more other single people to join you in doing something. This might be lunch out or a visit to a cinema or a video and takeaway pizza or even a proper Sunday lunch at your home. If anyone you ask says "no" then try someone else - this takes practise to not feel rejected. The objective here is company so don't take it to heart if you don’t get asked back to anything - if you do then that is a bonus!

• Regular entertaining in your own home can be an incentive to occasional tidying and cleaning

• When you invite someone for a meal at your home, keep it simple. Remember that they are coming to enjoy your company and are probably delighted just to be invited. Choose food that doesn’t need much last minute attention. Perhaps choose baked potatoes, a casserole (maybe using one of the various sauces available in cans or jars) and a shop-made pudding. Or if someone asks if they can bring something then this could be an opportunity to suggest a dessert.

• When you invite people to your home for a meal, it helps to have someone else to share the hosting duties. It might be a good idea to try to include someone who will be happy to arrive a little bit early and who will open the door for you and help people feel at home, just in case you need to have a quick panic in the kitchen.

• If you have invited people to your home who you don’t know very well, help them to feel at home by having things to look at during any lapses in conversation, or while you are not in the room. Why not leave out a magazine or a newspaper, or a photograph album with your holiday snaps in. These can also give your friends an insight into your interests and gives you something to talk about.

• Use entertaining as a way of developing networks for your friends, and help to nurture them. Try inviting people who don’t know one another very well, or who aren’t so organised, or outgoing, or haven’t identified the need to network like this.

• If there is somewhere you would like to go to, arrange a trip to it by asking 2 friends and suggest that they ask 2 of their friends too. Inviting 2 or 3 people to join you in doing something takes the pressure off one individual person and can seem less threatening to someone of the opposite sex.

• If you see something interesting advertised at the theatre or cinema then if there is a performance offering 2 tickets for the price of one, buy 2 tickets. Or look out for promotional vouchers. Then ask around for someone to go along with you. If you end up going alone at least it’s only cost you the price of one ticket.

• When someone asks you to join them in doing something, if you would rather not then say so straight away rather than avoiding it; perhaps say "Thanks for asking, but no thank you".

>>>Forward to the next section (Good friends)

<<<Back to the previous section (Widen your circle)

Back to the index

I'd love to hear from you - email me and let me know what you think

If you have enjoyed this guide then please pass the web site address (URL) to everyone else who you think will benefit from it.
This guide is free for your own personal use. Please ask for my permission before reproducing any of it in any form or anywhere.
Copyright©Diane Kingston 2001