Mike's Crew Chief Page

IYAMYAS! You Might Be A Crew Chief If....

You've ever slept on the concrete under a wing.

You never go anywhere without your red and black pencils and your line badge (including church).

You've ever wished your jet would drop a Mk 84 on Saddam Hussein's house.

You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."

You know what a "pointy head" is.

You know what an Ramp I trailer is.

You consider 'moly b' fingerprints on food an "acquired taste."

You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.

You know what jet fuel tastes like.

You've ever used a grease pencil to fix an overworn tire.

You have a better benchstock in the pockets of your coveralls than the squadron can supply you.

You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.

Someone has tackled you right before you cuss out the squadron commander over the radio.

You refer to a pilot as a "control stick actuator."

You've ever been duct taped to a tow bar and doused with PET and sand.

You've ever been told to go get "some propwash and a yard of flightline from support."

You've ever worked a 14 hour shift on a jet that isn't flying the next day.

You've ever said, "As long as she starts every other try you'll be fine sir."

You've ever considered a traditional Thanksgiving dinner to be a turkey sandwich in one hand and a 3/4" wrench in the other.

You've ever jumped an intake to get out of the cold.

You've ever been told to tow the jets around so they match the board in MOCC.

You've ever preflighted in really bad weather only to have Ops cancel after engine start.

You've ever been hassled in CBPO for shave/boots/uniform/smell after a 16 hour shift.

You believe your jet has a soul.

You talk to your jet. (In your head still counts)

Your spouse refuses to watch any aviation shows with you.

You've ever said, "That nav light burned out after launch."

You've ever used a wheel chock as a hammer.

The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.

You know more about your co-workers than your own family.

You've ever purposefully exposed yourself other than in the showers.

You don't know what the inside of the good barracks look like (anywhere).

The refrigerators in your barracks only have beer in them.

When you finish a TDY there are enough empty beer cans to build an airplane to fly home on.

You've ever looked for pictures of "your" jet in aviation books.

You know you are the best Crew Chief in the whole USAF and your jet is the best one in the fleet.

You hate people who know nothing about MX doing QVI's on your jet.

You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.

You've ever been ticked off that they can't make up their minds on what the 781's should look like.

You've ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great jet, thanks Chief!"

You take it as a badge of honor to be just called "Chief"

You are proud that no one on base understands you or thinks you are an animal.

You've ever passed gas in the step van in winter just to clear it out.

You relieve yourself more often outdoors than indoors.

A lot of people other than your mother have seen you do the item above.

You've ever worked 7 day 12 hour shifts on TDY while admin goes sightseeing for two weeks.

After getting back from the above trip, the admin pukes are getting an award while you are fixing your jet.

You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a Crew Chief.

You think everyone who isn't a Crew Chief is a wimp.

You can't figure out why your 2 weeks advance per-diem is gone after 3 days.

You can't get through a trip without finding an ATM.

On a trip the first place you go is to the BX on a beer run.

Most of your advance is spent in $1 increments in a "club."

You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.

You've ever asked another C/C for a T.O. ref when you were signing off "a gripe."

You've ever said bad things about the IDIOT that said, "No more nose art."

The SRB is not the main reason you re-enlist.

Your wife understands that you have a "mistress."

Most everyone thinks your job mostly consists of waving your arms.

You've ever looked down your nose at other C/C's that can't hit the mark when parking their jets.

You have scars on you that aren't from your spouse or significant/insignificant other.

You've ever used a helmet as a pillow.

You've ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.

You've ever done the 100 yd dash to the line shack when lightning was called.

You've eaten more box lunches/MRE's than hot meals.

You change underwear and T-shirts more often than BDU's.

You've ever done any of the following:

A. Used dykes to trim a fingernail.

B. Used RTV to fix a stripped screw.

C. Pulled the gun switch while riding brakes.

D. Wiped your hands on your pants.

E. Made tampons out of paper towels for drain hole leaks.

F. Knocked back a rivet stem that was hanging out a drain hole.

G. Wiped leaks immediately prior to crew show.

H. Picked your nose.

I. Thrown up more than two days in a row.

J. Gotten the new guys drunk just so you could make fun of them the next day.

M. Made sure the coffee pot is the first thing in the mobility bin.

O. All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.

R. Hated the crew for not recognizing you in the commissary.

S. Hated C/C's that couldn't hack the line, got admin jobs and promoted BTZ.

W.Hate the fact that admin types get rides on your jet and you don't.

V. Chipped ice out of your moustache or a grounding point.

U. Thrown something living into vented LOX.

X. Wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up the stupid rules.

You've ever been woken up by the returning drunks turning on all the lights.

You've ever returned to the barracks drunk and turned on all the lights.

You've ever had to defuel your jet an hour after refueling it.

You've ever worked in a shop where the person held in the highest regard is the one who can drink a six pack in less than 5 minutes and not puke.

The person held in second highest regard is the one who projectile pukes.

You've ever driven home and don't remember doing it.

You tell your peers you are getting divorced and the first thing they ask is, "selling anything?"

You ex is married to another C/C.

You've ever gone straight to work from the bar.

Because of the above you've done your preflight on "autopilot."

Everyone you know has some kind of nickname.

T. Pencil whipped your training records.

Q. Hated crew for going to club in flight suits.

P. Been to the club/bar before you even unpack.

N. The first thing briefed on TDY is the coffee fund.

L. Taken pride in grossing someone out

K. Worn someone else's hat to go to chow.

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