| Did i finally break down and start writing a journal? entry 2: if i don't look at it it will go away... this is fucking tragic so, today was my birthday. whopdedo. i'm kinda bitter about turning 21... or shal i say having turned 21? whatever the case. today was odd, i had a sad moment when i was sweeping in front of the store before opening, (yes i did go to work today, and school too. it bugs the hell outa me when people decide that they can take a personal holiday just cause they're celebrating their birthday) well like i said sweeping and i saw something on the ground next to one of the pillers that holds up the awning in front of the store that somewhat resembled a frog... but like a beige color? opon further inspection i saw it was a dead featherless baby bird that was not baige so much as it was in the process of turning grey. disgusting to say the least... well, during the couple seconds it took to muster up the courage to sweep the dead thing into the dust pan (without looking of course) i thought aboutt that bird's life... or it's lack there of. at first i thought "hey you didn't have to experiance suffering, you're lucky, you're saved) then on the way to it's final resting place, the trash. i thought some more... "poor thing never got to experiance anything, what did it ever know? it never got to fly in a clear blue sky, it never got to see the earth from above in the heavens, it never lived at all.) well the way i thought about this bird's life and what it could have been shows the mentality i have twords anything, i have sudden mood swings, but not from normal to angry, more like sudden boughts of depression and optimism. one second i can be thinking of sarrow and loss and the next it's all sunshine and happiness. maybe that's why i think i relate to the cure's music. it's sad with a happy tune. that's me, i'm happy said sadly. i'm morose with an air of optimism. so i'll end this entry with some cure lyrics since that's what's in my cd player right now. "Yesterday i got so old, i felt like i could die, yesterday i got so old, it made me want to cry, Go on, go on, just walk away Go on, go on, you're choice is made Go on, go on, and dissapear Go on, go on, away from here And i know i was wrong when i said it was true That it couldn't be me and be her inbetween without you" Inbetween Days 5-15-02 |