thoughts18

April 23rd, 2001,

Do you think falling in love could happen twice? I mean, I've been in love before, at least, that's the closest I've ever been to falling in love... No, I fell in love like someone falling into a pile of shit. When it's stuck on, buddy, it's stuck on and people can smell ya comin' for MILES. *pondering with a confused expression* Do you think? I mean.. hell, I don't know what I mean. I got a fever blister last Friday and it's been bugging the shit outta me for the past couple of days, so I looked up a cure on the internet.. HAHA.. don't make me laugh, it'll crack, but still.. I didn't find one. Anyway, that got me to thinking for some reason. I'm going to hazard a comparison here, folks... Love and fever blisters are identical.

I know.. that's crazy, but.. I think it's the truth. I spent over TWO hours looking for a cure for fever blisters. I never saw the fever blister coming, it's totally ruined my life (for the length of time it lasts), but in a way, I guess it makes me better. I've brushed my teeth more times than I usually do in case of eliminating any possible bacteria that could have come into contact with my lip, I've put on GOBS of lip ointment, taking extra precaution so that I don't contaminate the rest of my finger applied ointment. The rest of my lips were soft and overly pampered over the weekend, but the damn thing is STILL there. And when it dries out or on the way to the door, it leaves a dry and aching spot where it once was. Even running your finger over where it had been is torture (or in the case of love, finding stray thoughts or memories crossing your path hurts like hell). Other people can't or shouldn't touch you when you have a fever blister, much like the exclusivity you feel in love. And in some extreme cases, it leaves scars. And those afflicted by this condition are constantly looking for a way to get out of it. God.. ARE they looking for a way out of it. And this whole thing leads me to wonder, do you think, like fever blisters swinging in and out of my life at unknown and inconvient times, do you think love could happen twice? I hope so. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life without feeling that electrical current flowing through my body when I just THINK about that other person. Or just having a hair off of their head and cherishing and protecting it with my life blood.

You know, that this is just between me and the rest of the people reading this (real secretive, eh?) I've gotten really bitter about finding someone to be with. No one measures up to that feeling I had for someone else. Everytime I'm faced with someone that could, in a perfect world, take that spot that has been made when I never expected to make it in the first place, I tend to shun them away or ignore them.. sometimes even snub them. I don't know if it's a protective gesture on my part, but it's gonna take a little while before I open up again. Or maybe it's I felt like I gave everything away and now no one would be interested in helping me gather up the pieces again. Hell.. where am I going with this? I'm really not interested in falling in love again right now. I just want to have a little bit of fun once in awhile. And while to some people "fun" includes sex, especially when they say it with an evil grin and a raised eyebrow. I'm not interested in having sex with someone I really don't care for. Maybe care is the wrong word.. I have to be physically attracted to that person. And YES that's coming from a fat girl with other things on her mind. Maybe some of ya'll reading this will think it's pointed at you, and I'm telling you it's not. It's just some shoe searching that came up with this subject. So.. anyway, I think I'll turn up some heavy metal music and scream fuck the world over and over in some ratty ass voice for an hour or more. Or.. I'll turn on some music that the lyrics say exactly what I need to hear. ahhh.. music.. the ointment for the soul.

I'm out.

April 24th, 2001,

You know, I was surfing the internet last night and I just had a thought pop into my head. what in the hell am I accomplishing writing a thoughts page every day? You know? What am I trying to do? Have someone understand me? Cheapen my psychologist's bill? Shorten my life span.. blah blah.. what? And I don't have an answer. Not one phrase.. at all. So anyway, I really have nothing to say today except HI EVERYONE!! oh.. and.. I SUCK AT HTML. Oh.. I've got some news that ya'll might think is interesting. Last night some dude IM'd me and asked if I was a virgin, then proceeded to say he'd give me 12 inches. I responded with yeah, well I could stick a broomhandle up your ass too. I haven't heard from him since, geeeee. Do you think that was a little harsh? hmmm.

I'm outtie.

April 26th, 2001,

I will never understand some people's driving skills. And little guys that buy HUGE trucks, and then act like they rule the road just totally disgust me. I was driving a little bitty compact car last night, and going the speed limit, which just so happened to be 40 miles per hour, and all the cars around me were doing the same until this big asshole behind me in a HUGE Maroon ford truck, decided he couldn't wait ANY longer. So.. he starts riding my ass, and about that time, I was feeling pretty good, so I didn't notice it for a block or two, but when I did, my humor quickly disintegrated and I slowed down.. hehe.. apparently the other people around me had the same idea, so this big wheel got blocked in between three little compact cars that he'd been riding their ass and flipping lanes like a maniac. It lasted for a good three blocks, until the one in front of him had to turn left, and of course, he just sped away like a crazy person.. now.. get this.. he speds away, then switches lanes, puts on his brakes and turns into a parking lot. *groan* what a fucking idiot. I see people like that and I want a stupid gun and a license to kill stupid people on the spot. Ask a stupid question -- BLAMO, look like a fool -- BLAMO, oh man.. there are SO many reasons to kill stupid people.. mostly though, so they don't breed. Of course, maybe there should be a three strikes and you're out system or something for stupid people.. cause, I KNOW I do stupid things, and I'd have been killed a gazillion --- BLAMO.. oops.. see.. Maybe we should just have a shocking system. Just shock the piss out of them when it's decided that their action was moronic. Yeah... watch out.. I'm card carrying.. and my shock pistol is loaded for BAAAAARE!!!

I'm out.

April 27th, 2001,

Yes, I'm aware that I misspelt Bear on the previous thoughts issue. Don't push my buttons man, I have a shock pistol and I KNOW how to threaten with it. Btw.. I want everyone to know.. I'M NO GOOD AT HTML... yes.. it's nearly official, folks.. I'll keep ya posted. Ewwie-Weiners is going great, thanks for asking.. though no one has. It's a little stupid, but you know what? I don't care.. hehe... nahh.. I didn't have a storyline at first, just random things that flew out of my head. It gets better with time, like most things. BTW.. if you like webcomics, College Roomies From Hell is getting rather good, I've been watching it for the past month. Also, Living in Greytown is some kick ass draring.. (yes, I know, that was an intentional misspelling). Well, I'm busy most of this weekend with family things, so I guess the mutant growing in the tub drain is going to have to wait another week before I can give it a bath.. poor thing, it's been so neglected. har har har.. thoughts thoughts thoughts.. It's gorgeous outside, have you been out there? Oh god.. I love it. It's so beautiful. I'm thinking about picking up watercolors and seeing what I can do with them. I can't draw, maybe I can smear tinted water on paper and get something out of it, eh? lol.. yeah, that's always a good thing. uhmm.. I don't have any thoughts today, really... my head's been numb most of this week. Maybe next week I'll have a hot topic..

Until then, I'm flipping my switch off and locking down the property. I'm out. Happy Friday!!