thoughts10

March 11th, 2001

Found out my dad's best friend's new kids name... phew.. that was a mouthful, but anyway, it's Peter.

Ok, tell me YOU wouldn't have laughed at this poor child when you were a kid

Peter Ha

Oh Lord, what is with parents? Do they not think out the connotations those names that they bless us with will hold in the future? I mean.. you might as well name the child Richard Head (Dickhead for all of you not thinking on the same line) or Ebony Ivory. Personally, I'm all for powerful names like.. Benjamin, Alexander, Christopher, Donivan, Ezekiel. blah blah blah... Frankenstein. HAHA.. ok.. that was funny, you gotta admit.. a child with that name.. AHHAA>.. oh man.. can't type, must laugh... Ok.. well anyway. uhmm.. not much to say here, I've been playing video games again this weekend even though I've got a pile of work sitting there staring at me. Ho Hum.. it's not like it's going anywhere anyway.

I'm curious how people ever met each other in the world today. I mean, if you're not meeting on the internet or a bar it's like the whole thing doesn't even matter now. I mean, I went to speak to some chick in the supermarket the other day and I'll be damned if she didn't just walk away while I was talking. grrrr.. that pissed me off. I'm a decent person, I'm not attractive or scary in ANY way but.. she just like.. shuttered and walked off. GACK!!! Piss off point. So anyway, that was a crappy thing.. and oh my GOD..

NATHAN'S LEAVING ME!!!

*sniff sniff* 3 weeks and counting, my buddy's moving to Mississippi. Man, all my friends are in different states except Callie.. dear dear Callie. We're stuck here our entire life, aren't we honey? Not that I'm complaining.. Got nice whether, low cost of living and decent taxes on the whole. The only other place I would think of moving to would be Montana or something. I always wanted to travel the country though, spend a year of my life in each state. Of course, that would take me like.. 50 years alone, so I've kinda missed the beginning mark, DARN IT!!!

I think if I get married or connect my life with a special someone ever we're so gonna hate each other. My luck I'll find someone that has lived in the same house for their entire life and then wants to die there. That would suck, but watch, I'll keep you updated. It's either that or some guy that flies through by the seat of his pants and then leaves as soon as he gets what he wants. Yack.. What a dismal future. The nunery is still calling though. I couldn't do it though, I don't think. Not enough to keep my mind on God' work. Besides, I want kids. My kids.. not God's children. Ok.. well.. let's see.. some of my thoughts. I think I want a Dr P..

I'm out.

March 12th, 2001,

I saw the strangest saying the other day

KINDNESS IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOR

And you know, that's pretty much the truth. I hadn't ever thought of it. Myself, I'm not normally a nice person to people I know. I mean, I'm pretty rude and crude and I spit on sidewalks. *shrug* that's just the way I am, I don't hold much respect for people or their rules these days. I mean.. most of them (the rules, that is, of course, this probably goes for people too) are broken all the time by other people, and I say.. why not me, eh? I mean, shoot.. I've been following the rules my entire life, and I think it's time for a change, it hasn't gotten me any happier following them. So... rules be damned, but I'm still pretty kind to strangers. I mean, if I was a stranger to someone I'd like to be treated with respect and kindness and given a chance to prove myself as someone someone else would like to get to know. I don't start out insulting you, it's only when we become good friends when I start doing that. haha.. but it's the truth.

Alright, next thought on the same page. How do people become kind in the first place? I do believe it is a learned behavior. Learned from the people we met on the street, people we share our lives with, and it takes awhile before it takes effect. And how do we begin this wonderful kindness process? Become kind yourself, I reckon. I mean, what comes around goes around, and that holds for kindness too. It may seem as if you're giving and giving and giving in the beginning, but someday you'll get it back. I mean, all it takes is a little patience and a little time. Both of which we don't ever seem to have enough of anymore. I think though that both of those things are just a mind set, and it's like good cheese and good wine, it's got to age before it's great. So all you youngin' out there that are so evil and so impatient and so timeless... just slow down a bit. Look around and pause a little longer before darting out into traffic in your souped-up 78 camaro, I mean, it's not like the traffic is GOING anywhere. It'll still be there when you're gone, same goes for work.. yeah yeah yeah... work's your livelihood.. blah blah blah.. but you know what? Work will ALWAYS be there.. no matter who or what you are, work will go on without you. Yeah, you'll get some flack about not doing something, or doing something but not always correctly, but work will ALWAYS be there. Same as there will always be someone that says you aren't doing enough or you're not pretty enough, or thin enough, or rich enough... and those people.. those people are not the kind ones. They hate themselves, so they push themselves to prove to EVERYONE else that THEY are great, THEY are everything. To truly become kind, you've got to put aside all these prove yourself qualities. You can't PROVE yourself to anybody, they just have to take you as you are.. simple as that. And to become kind, that's what you've got to do.. take yourself as you are... don't go improving on something that perfect.. you're alive, that must mean you're doing SOMETHING right. Become kind, ya'll, I'm not saying this because it's spiritual or religious or any of the above, but because you'll feel happier and you'll learn more if you put aside your ego and actually tell the truth with your kindness and acceptance. That's all people need. And that's Dezy's mixed up thoughts today. I don't think I'll even TRY to sort out all the crap I just wrote down. If you can't understand it, I'm sorry, I can't either, it just flowed out like it's above written and I don't have enough time to sort it out (sounds like I should practice what I preach, eh?)

Yeah yeah yeah.. work will always be there. I'm out.