Condie and Jackie

Insurgents from foreign lands are attempting to alter the balance of power in Iraq and interfere in their politics...and they aren't Iranians.

Do you have any concept of how democracy works? You don't debate things until you reach the conclusion of a compromise. When did you ever see Bush and Blair do that? No. You say "I'm
right - we're doing it my way and here's the evidence to prove it". And if you haven't got
the evidence, well, make something up, get someone with a tiny remnant of credibility to read out your statement, then do what you were going to do in the first place.

It's your job to bring stability to your country, and the whole Middle Eastern region as a whole. Iraq was peaceful when Bush declared the war was over, we gave you the keys, so now it's clearly YOUR responsibility for what happens from then onwards.

What gives us the right to visit your country and demand that you speed up the process? Well, we've got a whole lot invested in this; our companies deserve to be able to embezzle money in a safe environment, and our reputation is at stake. How are we supposed to pretend
that we've made Iraq a better place, if you rag-heads don't stop killing each other? You didn't think of that, did you? Did you not even try rubbing the magic lamp we gave you?

Besides, it's now officially YOUR fault if any more British and American soldiers are
killed in Iraq, because you haven't finalised the democracy which these insurgents would surely respect. Get your democracy sorted out properly and everyone will lay down their arms - and that's a fact.

The art of politics without politics; appearing to say something, appearing to promise everything, but making damn sure to leave an escape route in the words "as far as we are aware" there is no torture of prisoners "to the best of our knowledge"... only the American government could be pleased at their plausible denial of intelligence. The great news coverage you’ll get for that may only just match that of the threat to bomb the foreign news stations (which happened to be at the forefront of the democratisation of the Arab world). Democracy by the gun.

How do you expect to get a regime as well toned as Condie's butt if you're not going to
work it, girlfriend?
 

Snow whit an' the 7 weans

The Disnae classic is being re-written for Scottish audiences with the delightful inclusion of the seven weans: Wheezy, chippie, alchy, sickie, junkie, stabby. There was a seventh, but he was stabbed by stabby (unsurprisingly).

"The best small country in the world" according to the tourist board and their proud proclamation on a poster in central station; we've got 20% of Glaswegians of working age are on incapacity benefit. European centre for knife crime, obesity, alcoholism and drug addiction. 

Quadruple the asthma rate since the 70’s: worst rate of child asthma in the world.

Highest homicide rate of any city in Western Europe, most obese city in the UK. The most drunken pregnant teenagers, self harmers, shoplifters, prisoners, workers with the shortest holidays, the worst pensions and employee protection, roads with the most angry drivers who have the worst credit. Happy New Year in Glasgow was celebrated with five people being stabbed to death. The number of alcohol related fatalities expected to double in the next 20 years.

Yeah. We're number one. 

 This day in 1984;

M. Jackson stands on two dog turds and invents moonwalking while attempting to clean soles.

Terrorism pragmatism and peace.
 

The government finally takes pragmatic action to resolve an conflict which has cost more lives than Iraq. Well, more lives that the government is interested in - British ones.

When making this unpalatable decision to free Irish terrorists to appease Sinn Fein, the public were reminded to remember the victims and  importance of avoiding any further causalities. Remembrance of terrorist victims? Did they do it for Irish terrorist victims? Any citizen murdered for a cause? The threat of terrorism: "Organized, de-centralised; it's everywhere, it's nowhere. You don't know it's there, you can't be sure it's gone".

The failure to address foreign policy with the same sense of realism is double standard not easily explained; the necessary evil, nobody wants to spell that out; sometimes terrorists have semi-legitimate grievances and that terrorist action can achieve something. Better gloss over it, and say that this was reached through debate and compromise, the removal of "all the hidden guns" had to be an issue taken on the trust of criminals. The clincher of the deal to let some of these murderers back onto the communities to deal drugs, rob banks, and do whatever it is they do when not conducting their ungodly hobbies. A concession that gives credence to the idea that the terrorists were waging some kind of legitimate war...which, considering the number of civilians targeted, seems irrational to say the least.

Fight Night Round 1: Prince Nas vs the infidel unbeliever

When Prince Nassem won't fight other Muslims; it puts a strange slant on something which is supposed to be an individual sport.

A member of the RAF refused to serve if they were fighting a Muslim country. Shouldn't he feel worse about killing non-Muslims, as under his belief, their souls aren't going to be redeemed?

Why would anyone tolerate this religious "preference": consider the situation of a white Christian boxer refusing to fight other Christians?

Spot the difference: focus - self harm.

In: Self harm with sharp instruments
Internal adrenaline chemical rush. Influenced by peers and social situation. Majority of participants want to stop. Emotional effect on others. Rarely fatal. Clean razors and rooms for cutters on the NHS. Advertising campaign to make it more socially acceptable.

Out: Self harm with tobacco toxins
External chemical rush. Peer influenced. Majority of addicts want to stop. Mostly physical effect on others. Often fatal. Nicotine patches on the NHS.
Advertising campaign to make it less socially acceptable. Banned in pubs for the sake of everyone.

The government's new campaign; to reduce the stigma of self harm; is it really helpful to
anyone? "40% of people think that self harmers do it for attention" a sensationalist survey announced. Well, 40% of people have a very good point. Publicising self harm is the worst possible thing they could do.

Don't feel left out: join in.

Fundamentalist Ferrygoers Fiasco

The residents of Western Hebridestan reacted angrily to the prospect of a transport link operating on the holy day of the sun. It is fair enough if they are not wishing to break their beliefs and use the ferry, but what about the personal choice of everyone else? Pre-smited on god's behalf?

How do they know that Sunday is definitely Sunday; perhaps a day has been lost in the thousands of years since the bible started; perhaps Sunday was never Sunday. Perhaps these chucters are annoying god every time they close up for the Sabbath, and get up for work on Monday- the real Sunday. We always wait until then for our regular shipment of class A drugs; this is how god willed it to be, and thus it should remain.

Jade from big brother receives OBE for her work improving the nation's deportment.

Chantelle is given a BAFTA an OSCAR, the Turner prize, a Purple Heart, the Booker Prize, a Brit Award, an Olympic Gold medal, four Girl Guide merit badges and the Charles Remy cup for her outstanding contribution to utter pointlessness.

Strange how the tabloid complaining about the wages of G.Ps had surprisingly little to say about the millions the Jade Goodie franchise of fatty workout videos, ghost-written column and "Hello there" interviews has made thanks, largely, to media veneration of unworthy morons.

Blair: there should be a law to stop people like me.

During the recent peerages for loans scandal to hit the government, the prime minister himself suggested that there should be laws in place to prevent the very behaviour which he was caught doing.

Likewise the Tories; not allowed to accept donations from foreign parties, dirtied their hands with loans from abroad. Again, not *technically* illegal. Nor did they have a legal obligation to reveal their donors, merely a moral one.

What is the purpose of the law? To hold to account people who have committed acts which are deemed morally, or socially, unacceptable and punish them accordingly. The only conclusion that can be drawn is that politicians consider the letter of the law more important than it's spirit.

Tick, tock, Tony; time to go.

Come on. You won't have to put up with me much longer. You can't get rid of me, I'm already going. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man.
When am I going? I'll never tell! You don't need to know - you're not the leader - I AM. You want rid of me, but what are you gonna do about it? Who's going to stick their neck out? Voters, MPs, I don't care who you are or what you think.  Why would I?  I'm leaving anyway. You're firing ME? HAHAHAHA You CAN'T fire me... I'm resigning. NOT!
 

Deepcut Inquiry reveals Nicholas Blake QC is the next Russell Grant.

In his investigation into the four apparent suicides at the Deepcut base where new recruits are trained, he uncovered "clear evidence of foul abuse", "harassment, discrimination and oppressive behaviour"; a grinding regime of petty punishments; slaps and punches; tedious training and in some cases outright bullying.

In a statement contrary to the logic of these conclusions; Blake then went on to definitively rule out bullying as a factor in the suicides of the four victims. From this we can only assume that he is imbued with some amazing psychic powers that enable him to examine the exact motivation of each victim before they took their own life. Is Nicholas Blake QC a psychic in touch with the dead, or merely a government lackey unable to admit when something cannot be ascertained?

"No evidence" is not a satisfactory answer. It seems very strange that this investigation can say exactly what DIDN'T influence the youths to kill themselves, yet at the same time does very little to say what DID. What does Blake consider to be bullying, and given the comments he did make, can not the whole system be considered as a bully towards new recruits? Is it any wonder if nobody came forward to give examples of personal bullying against any of the victims? Are we to conclude that the few who weren't bullied were the ones who took their own lives? It seems rather convenient that this case warrants no further investigation, especially since one of the victims somehow managed to shoot himself five times.

Al Qaeda informant "believable"?

Not to comment on the guilt of the four latest terrorists attempting to commit vile nastiness on our sceptred isle, but is a little too much validity and trust being placed on the testimony of star witnesses turned super grass? It seems a little foolhardy, given the strength of evidence sources from defectors of Sadamn's regime, and the reliability of testimony from those in US custody.

T shirt deemed too offensive for offensive t-shirt website

Despite proudly selling products mocking the death of Princess Diana, social underclass's, government ministers and victims of natural disasters...deliberately inciting racial tension, is most definitely not cool.

Why the change of heart?

The right to exercise free speech doesn't negate anyone from personal responsibility in a world of cause and effect. Being right isn't the same as being smart, when

"free speech" is used as an excuse to incitement. Just as someone pressing a big red button knows about the likelihood of what will happen, there is such a thing as going too far for the sake of humour, nobody would wear the garment in the spirit it was intended.

Oh, and I didn't want shot. The pens is more mighty...cartoon kills 14 people.

 
Cartoons of prophet Muhammad first published 5 months ago were unheard of outside Denmark where they offended few people due to the tiny circulation of the newspaper.

If the reproduction of images is prohibited in Islam, why were Muslims doing it? If the images were so offensive, why reproduce them? Were they worried a sect would form worshipping the graven image as a false idol? In matters of faith, why give a damn about someone else's opinion? If it's so rock solid, then what's the problem? Why give a damn what the damned do? When a faith is being accused of being violent, does it make sense to respond with violent protest?

Danish Muslims for their Self-Declared Day of Deliberate Victimhood "We are the victims, we are being repressed." Do you demand equality or preferential treatment? If your religion prevents you from drinking - don't drink, if your religion prevents you from replicating certain images- don't do it. Are those who aren't of a religion to abide by the same laws?

Offense as a method of gaining power; you're offending me, that isn't fair, so shut up. It's on two levels; a dubious appeal to human rights, backed up with a threat: "DON'T OFFEND US, OR ELSE".

Who is instigating this? It's impossible to tell what proportion support these reactions, who pulls the strings. We in the west have exactly the same problem. Religion is like patriotism, and it's not always possible to stick one's neck out to say "enough is enough", without being accused of being unpatriotic, or worse, dissident.

Most dangerous thing in the water?

1.Sharks

2.Crocodiles

3.Hippos

4.Pirahnas

5.Box Jellyfish

6. Stonefish/ Lionfish

or something else?

You've got more of a chance of dying while eating fish, than dying from a fish eating you. More people die from coconuts falling out of trees than from shark attacks. Food poisoning, choking on bones, seafood allergies and deadly sushi kill more people than Jaws ever did.

Hippos kill more people than crocodiles, and not a single  piranha death has been proved. The real killer at 14 deaths per second ; bacteria laden dirty water. Doesn't make for a very exciting film.  Der-der-der-der.

Racist killing - 30 years.

Random killing - 15 years.

The judge concluded that the man's death was random as the gang of Asian youths had attacked people of other races that evening; so their chants of “we killed whitey” were apparently irrelevant. Whether it was a race crime or not,  does a murder influenced by an ignorantly held prejudice deserve more punishment than one done with an unprejudiced disregard for all human life?

Norman Kember reports SAGA holidays to ABTA.

The pensioners break in rustic accommodation, treated to local hospitality didn't turn out to be what he expected.

No shots were fired during "daring" raid to free Norman Kember. Likewise, no shots were fired during my heroic liberation of a packet of cheese and onion crisps from the local SPAR.

How could the raid be "daring" at the same time as meeting no enemy resistance whatsoever? Or would it be too ironic to say that several nasty rag heads were shot during the freeing of the peace protestor.

Bush kowtows to born again Prachett fans in school syllabus policy.

Who can prove for sure that the earth couldn’t be conceivably be flat and carried on the backs of four giant elephants upon a flying turtle going through space? Both ideas of though should be taught in schools; yes the newfangled ideal of the solar system; even the cutting edge heliocentric view proposed by Galileo.

Cats 'n' Dogs.

An old expression says "don’t put the cats in with the dogs; put the puppies with the kittens". If you prefer your kittens to go to a kitten school, have kitten friends, act in a cat-like fashion, obey feline customs, eat cat food and marry a moggie, then perhaps dogland is not for you. Such species-ist segregation causes the felines to think the dogs are dirty ass sniffing toilet water drinkers. and the canines to feel threatened by the feline's dogma and wish they'd go back to Catistan.

After the trouble caused by separating the red setters and wolfhounds from the rest of the mongrels, one would hope that dogland had learn it's lessons.

Creeps with clipboards foundation report 10% increase in donations.

"As we don't work on commission; you can be sure that 100% of your donation goes to a good cause; in this case: me."