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Why is it that I am so polite and eloquent in English, yet <mon dieu> I make these asides in French? It has the little grey cells working overtime, yet I am unable to reach the conclusion, nes pas? The answer, she escapes me, but ne regret pas rein, I am on the case.
I would say, excuse my French, moi amis, but je m'en branle.
Lowest common denominator soft drink
Only Glaswegians would find
amusement in a six foot tall thug budgie, high on stimulants, threatening an
old woman. The bright plumage, tough guy waddle, substance misuse and
violence, so reminiscent of Sauchiehall street. I fail to see what's so damn
funny. Ricky Gervais; sick of himself.
That's the whole act of debasement, flitting between arrogance and insecurity. Giving everything of himself with self referential introspective of the cretin. I'm sick of the cretin, no matter how aware of his own weaknesses he is, I'm far too aware of them already. The same formula of disparaging wit. The distasteful jokes told under the premise that he's an unpalatable person.
Update; series two of Extras
catches up with the pseudo character just as he is becoming famous.
We're not sick of you yet, even if
you are. Newspaper uses "quotations" just in case. Need some extra emphasis? Not sure if something is of dubious legality,
an unsubstantiated allegation perhaps? The editors of the Metro again fail to understand what quotations marks
actually mean. "There's a bomb on board plane" read the headline, when actually they
mean to say: There's a note on board the plane. There appears to be no correlations between pieces of papers warning of
bombs, and bombs themselves. In fact, if a terrorists was to plant a bomb on
a plane. Yet on page 5 of the same paper: We're innocent, insist freed tot death
couple. Without any quotation marks whatsoever. Further down the same page:
Hacker "could be sent to Guantanamo". No need for quotation marks there
whatsoever, as the statement had already relinquished itself from
controversy by use of the word "could". De Menez "not guilty of rape" when, as the article
explained: DNA conclusively
proved innocence. What kind of inference does this to put on the facts? Zombieversary (Easter) special message: Archbishop warns congregation about taking fictional works too
seriously. Was that the Da Vinci Code or the Bible? Latest endorsed beauty products based on personal recommendations.
J-Lo markets magic beauty tissues. Simply wipe them between your bust,
daily, to develop your cleavage by up to three whole cup sizes. It works-
just look at my arse. David vs. Goliath: divine belief combined with superior firepower:
a winning combination. Preying outsourced "God direct, hello you're speaking to Brian." said the disembodied voice
in an Indian accent. Middle class alcoholics new year resolution From now on I will only be drinking the finest eastern European beers
meeting the Rheinheitsgebot law of 1516. Ironically, the same laws which
Budweiser: official beer of the German world cup in does not
meet. Parade leaders sign anti-sectarian pact. Grand master of the Orange order, and the national organiser of Cairde Na
hEireann have signed a (non legally binding with no actual power) pact in a
pledge to a new zero tolerance approach to bigoted abuse. Although the exact
small print of the agreement is not known, it is presumed that the leaders
of the sects promise any further bigotry would be of the inherent, unspoken,
non abusive kind of prejudice which makes the west of Scotland such a
pleasant place to live. In other news A. Hitler promises to control the small fascist element
responsible for giving his organisation a bad name. An insult to hard work, grit and determination: Instant fame, instant
success. If the contenders on "The Apprentice" are such capable people, why
haven't they got their own companies, and have to resort to a "reality"
show? Alan Sugar surprises everyone with his endorsement of "premium
blondes", yet the pathetic challenges reminiscent of the "Young Enterprise" scheme
run at Scottish secondary schools. How exactly to you say "you're fired" to
someone you've not actually hired? Learn ballroom dancing in a month, instant music career- just add karaoke.
Government formalised in Iraq: Terrorism no longer our problem.
Blair attempts to negate responsibility from himself and the other
beekeepers who have removed the old queen and replaced it which a new one.
As the hive erupts into chaos...its easy to blame some of the bees for being
bad and not respecting the new authority. Terrorists are expected to
have the common decency of respecting democracy, and ethic factions just
love being ruled by a government which contains strong elements of their
fundamental opposites.
Why I'm glad Scotland are crap at football.
The irony of some Scots talking about the "auld enemy" whilst wearing an
Argentinean football tops...contrasted with some English fans taking credit
as if Watch the first minister demonstrate his political ineptitude by thinking that it's a vote winner to show anti-English sentiment.
Sudden and mysterious death of Al Zarcarwi sparks fearsome leadership
election battle. Stark raving loony Ayatola's party promised the start of constructive dialog and suspension of all violence and received a grand total of four votes from the worldwide brotherhood and lost their deposit.
The right leaning candidate Abu Hamza al-Muhajir eventually won through to
become the replacement leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq with his promise of "Tough
on infidels, tough on the causes of infidels". Ministerial perks include
a variety of safe houses (one slightly damaged). The dangers of being a young hoodlum in Glasgow A large number of the criminal underclass are they themselves subjected
to crime each day, and it seems that the public and police are unwilling to
help. The next time a victim of crime approaches you having lost their wallet;
and more importantly; their bus/train fare required to get home. Please
help. Take them to the nearest police station and insist that they
report the loss/theft, then ensure the lost souls get home by escorting them
to the nearest station and ensuring they get on that train to Gourock.
Be a
good Samaritan- they'll thank you for it!!! Alternative found for rapid, effective verruca removal Bazooka gel? No. Landmine ointment. The only Bikini diet with guaranteed weight loss is the one which
involves eating nothing but bikinis. Arab
world "surprised" to see soldiers assault stone throwing teenagers.
Is
anything about the reaction of British soldiers a surprise to anyone? Why
let an understanding of natural retribution, cause and effect, get in the
way when there's an opportunity to take umbrage. Those from the For all the fast-food
environmentalists… Pennies from your purchase go
towards an industry which makes McDonalds look saintly. Supporting an
industry which sells a product which is inherently dangerous; in moderation
or otherwise. An industry which opposes measures to protect the health of
non consumers. An industry which denies its product is linked to cancer,
refuses victims compensation, continues advertising and brand management
aimed at anyone who’ll buy; be they in developed or undeveloped countries, educated,
uneducated, rich, poor, young, old. So if you think you're just harming
yourself with a product, consider the multi-billion dollar monster you're
sponsoring. |
Front page news: Foreign "prisoner" captured. Is it appropriate to refer to someone, who has already served their time, as a prisoner? Do we still believe in the notion of redemption, rehabilitation or indeed prison as an effective treatment for criminal behaviour, or are we to consider that anyone with a record is, and forever will be, a prisoner? The headline of free tabloid "The Metro" On the bottom of page four was the slightly more worrying news of the 659 outstanding arrest warrants. Over six hundred violent suspects on the run, charged with murders, assaults and weapons carrying offenses. Why didn't this make the front page? Are we to be more concerned and outraged at the solitary Latvian? Native criminals have the right to be on our streets prosing the risk that we consider them still to pose (even after our ever so effective "treatment" by detention at her majesty's pleasure). Punished twice. What happened to case by case judgements? Tony Blair's blanket statement "Every foreign national arrested will be deported". Why don't we export all our dangerous
criminals to the Falkland islands. Since the people there are so keen on
being British they won't mind coming back to the mainland. I would hasten
a guess that the number of high profile British nationals arrested overseas
for serious crimes is far greater than the number of foreign offenders here.
It seems that we're experts in exporting paedophiles to the far east. True patriots
find the chance of being attacked by someone foreign to be unacceptable. What sympathy and shame the public felt when the pretty exchange student
was killed while staying in this fair isle. Consider public opinion of
foreign countries' justice
systems when they attempt to prosecute accused paedophiles/baby shakers/drug smugglers/ murderers from
this country. Why is the ineffectiveness of the justice system in preventing
re-offending only a serious issue when it's foreigners who may be re-offending?
Why do nationals have a natural right to pose an identical risk? Why would it be better to return a dangerous criminal to a country
where monitoring and policing may be even less effective than it is here?
Patriotism, protectionism, whatever it's called, it's nothing more than geographically specific racism.
We give a damn about a foreign offender posing a risk to OUR children, when
they could be safely deported to pose a danger to someone else's. This human
cost is the same, and the overriding issue of rehabilitation failure escapes
the argument. We don't have a
problem accepting skilled workers; doctors and nurses from foreign
countries; no matter what the effect of depriving those countries has. The Saudi government has stated that any incident involving at foreign
national is the total responsibility of that person, for if they didn't
choose to be there, the incident wouldn't have occurred. Orangytan in court over monkey business. <Court dramatisation> Judge: Now, he's the king of the swingers, Chorus(the jury) Update: with the
release of a videotaped admission, now this cheeky monkey expects the
general public not to believe their ears (or indeed their common sense) in a
see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil type situation. To quote the
eloquent Mr Sheridan 'c*nts'. "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"
Is it healthy to allow victims to totally negate personal responsibility?
Someone exercising their right to free
expression by wearing a
"Fight me" t-shirt could naturally expect to run into occasional
trouble,
regarding behaviour, I personally discovered that an unguarded comment can
lead to being assaulted. One could very well blame drink from impairing my
judgment, society for influencing me to take a drink, but ultimately I did
decide to drink and did decide to unwisely exercise my right to free speech! consequence free world of their
imagination.
The laws of this country are designed to prevent people taking sexual advantage of others, either by force or exploiting impaired judgement. This philosophy is applied with laws to protect the young and mental patients not able to fully understand. Impaired consent is no consent at all. Would it be incorrect to suppose by this logic, that there is very little difference between rape and sleeping with a drunk?
Can a person be responsible for deciding if someone else's judgement is impaired? What about when their own judgement is impaired by the very same substance? Problems pals perpetuation principle.
Background ingredients for fucked up friend. Issues, be they irreconcilable personal/sociological problem(s), or poor self awareness, motivation and self discipline. Their easy going lifestyle is maintained by having a low standard of personal and group expectation. What may appear as tolerance and forgiveness doesn’t actually constitute as such, as the bar is set lower. I.e. what you may see as unforgivable, they see as totally acceptable behavior. Thus their social grouping is dictated. In fact, in this kind of scenario, kudos may actually be gained from being more anti-social or dysfunctional; and thus the unwitting swan among the ducklings may face ridicule for a lack of self deprecation, a low idiot tolerance, and may also have his own successes played down and ignored. Your attempts to help aren’t fully appreciated, your advice ignored. Fraternizing regularly with such damaged goods and you’ll soon meet their misfit mates. In next to no time, is it possible to find that you’ve got a whole bunch of fucked up friends.
Supposing you meet some normal friends in a business or pleasure situation, you may have forgotten what normal expectations are. Your confidence shattered by unappreciative mates, you feel buoyed by the compliments of new acquaintances. Through the conversation the topic of your anomalous acquaintances arises and you end up trying desperately to draw something positive from the experience. You fail to find a summation or interesting fact that doesn’t insult them, and in the process, degrade yourself. Your new mates are suspicious…do you always talk ill of people? What kind of friends do you have, and why? You subconsciously act to impress as you try to escape the old crowd, but your loyalty is torn and your behavior smacks of desperation.
Presuming the stage one audition has been passed and you are invited to socialize…here’s the dilemma; don’t bring other friends, and look like you’ve got no friends. Do bring your abnormal associates, and you’re at risk of get rejected by your new found normal mates if he (or she) acts screwy. Worst case scenario: your crazy comrade hijacks your new social group and paints a less than flattering picture of you. So much for turning the new leaf.
In conclusion; it becomes clear that even having a messed up mate can be enough to make one act in a messed up manner. Soon you realize that the ‘normal’ mates are just as messed up as those you were tying to escape More worryingly still, with some further examination you may even reach the ultimate conclusion that you are the one who is the most fucked up of all. Time required to do this: 8 months. Football club chairman has deep difficulty in understanding term "sectarianism" An initial decision by UEFA had cleared the club of singing bigoted songs with the logic: this is a regional problem inherent in the club. After being forced to reexamine their own code of conduct they withdrew the original ruling. "up to our knees in fenian blood, surrender or you'll die" Club Chairman David Murray is appealing against the decision, but why? Does he feel that the song is appropriate, and not bigoted, or out of keeping with the spirit of the game? Does he feel that Rangers do not deserve to be punished for this behaviour? Does he feel that neither are the fans are the responsibility of the club, nor do they have a duty to the club? Whatever the reasoning, it appears to be condoning of the song "Billy boys" which continues to be sung at Rangers games at home, and abroad.
Unsubstantiated "substantial" terror threat risk announced. If the details of the
threat are known, then presumably the security forces are able to deal with
it, so it's no longer a threat. It follows that the only actual threat is
the unknown one which you can’t deal with. Does attempting to quantify that
unquantifiable risk to those with a poor perception of risk help to allay
fear, or cause it to thrive? Does a mistake damage the anti-terror cause? How many arrests of terrorists
have there been? The fertiliser bombers...teenagers with computer files on
how to make bombs, the shoe bomber, British suspects released from
Guantanamo due to lack of evidence...If the secret services are stopping so
many attacks...why have they made so few arrests? In possession of material
which could be used as explosive, without a plan to use it; where the main
prosecution witness is a plea bargainer provided by the CIA. If you
think this constitutes a plot, I suggest you keep to the fiction section. Quick; make the vague estimation of terrorist threat level public, so that the public know all about what they have no control over. Yes, that'll reduce public anxiety.
Government approved posters to induce a combined sense of terror and national pride. Stupid analogy of the week. One would think a man in his position would realise the failures of attempting to treat heroin addiction with either a "cold turkey" or methadone substitution. Surely knowing this, one would think he'd lend his support to any alternative treatment method; especially one already proven to have shown previous success in trials in Germany. "We don't want to pay to fund addict's habits" |
Workmate officially "funny" but only sort of
Proliferation of the technology to other 'mentalist countries, along with W.E.C (ways of energy conservation)
Not escaping from chains is a trick anyone can perform.
Davina McCall's hidden talent: still hidden.
Which part of "Don't kill innocent women and children" don't you understand?
Ah...so you though the armed insurgents disguised themselves as unarmed pensioners and toddlers. Yes, these barbarians are very cunning. MET office spokesperson apologises for "the hurt we may have caused"; by 250 officers storming a house and shooting an innocent person.
May have caused.
Supermarket encourages sensible drinking with 40 bottles of beer for the price of 20.
Emblazoned across the bottom of the television advert was the proud claim;
but since when does selling over 3 gallons of beer in one special offer
encourage moderation?
I guess I'm just not a "morning" person. I understand the planet you live on has rotated an integer number of
times about the Queen's rule remarkably unremarkable. One mild gag - anus horibulus; Latin gutter
jokes are British upper class wit at its best. Nothing remarkable whatsoever from the figurehead of the nation. Not
even a fart in public or word out of place. (I suppose that's Phil the
Greek's job) The only remarkable thing about the royals is that this undemocratic, classist, elitist, inbred reality show has gone on for as
long as it has. The only thing remarkable about the Queen's rule is that she is
utterly, utterly unremarkable. |
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Del on earth |
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Opinions expressed here are not meant to be taken too seriously. |