Disclaimer : The song used is sang by Jessica Simpson, called "Forever In Your Eyes". It belongs to her, her record label, and whoever wrote it.
Read my usual disclaimer HERE
Feeling Angelus� heavy weight on me, I couldn�t help smiling as he kissed his way down my neck to lay a gentle caress on the rapidly closing wound, with his tongue. �I�m never going to let you go, Buffy,� he raised his head to look down into my eyes. �But there needs to be a reason for you to want be other than passion. You have to obsess over me like I do for you. You have to need me. I�d die a million deaths for a look in to your eyes. And as much as I want to take you away from here�I won�t do that until I know you�d die a million times for me.�
He moved off of me and stood up, offering me a hand to help me to my feet as well. I accepted the hand he offered, and he pulled me flush against his body. I felt a wave of disappointment washing over me. I was terrified about the thought of him leaving. I wanted him to stay so badly.
He could tell what I was wishing from the look in my eyes, and he smiled slightly. Placing a finger on my pouting lips, he said, �don�t worry, Buff. You know I�ll be back. I�ll be back again and again�� he leaned to whisper in my ear in a hot voice, �until you want me so much that you�d kill for a taste of me.�
My eyes fluttered shut, and I took a deep breath; trying with all my might to gather some form of composure. �You�re so sure of yourself,� I whispered in a faint-teasing tone (barely able to manage a tone at all).
He chuckled softly, �you will be too, in a hundred years, Buff.� At my surprised look, he smiled softly, �I won�t ever hide my plans for you, my dear. I fully intend to turn you one day. Just not right now. For now�like I said�I want you, to want me.� With that, he laid a tender kiss to my lips. And before I had a chance to respond with a kiss of my own; his lips were gone.
I opened my eyes and looked up into his eyes, �do you have to go?� I asked in a childish voice that I couldn�t seem to contain.
�For now,� he whispered, and kissed me again. As the kiss left, so did Angelus. But before he left, he told me one more thing: �You know how to find me.�
~~
It was almost sunrise as I lounged in a hot bath. I had filled the water with a rose oil to relax me. It was working quite well. My hair was piled on the top of my head in a messy bun, little pieces hanging down everywhere. I shut my eyes and ran a hand down my leg as I recalled my time with Angelus tonight. Every moment was so passionate. So intense. How would I ever find a way to match his passion with my own? That was the question, as I knew that was what I would have to do in order for Angelus to see me as �ready� for leaving with him.
But there was another question�Angelus made it clear that he wanted to take me away from here. Away from my life. The question was�where would we be going? And what would we do when we got there? I wanted to know all of his plans, but it was clear that I wouldn�t know details until the day that he thought I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.
God knows I want him. I want him so much it hurts. So another question arises of�just how much does he want me? I can�t even imagine wanting him more than I already do, but he seems to think that I�m quite capable of a deeper desire.
I raised a hand to my neck, and felt my wound through the light bandaging I had secured over it before my bath. If it was so dangerous to simply meet Angelus one night, how dangerous would my life be if he became my entire world? Oh dear God, I didn�t care how dangerous things got. All I wanted, was Angelus. Danger, be damned. He was all I needed to get by.
**
Laying awake in bed, I stared up at the black ceiling. My mind was clouded with thoughts that made it impossible to close my eyes and go to a vampire�s form of sleep.
How was I supposed to wait? She was all I could think of. It had been this way for over a century. Now that she was so close, did I really have to wait for her to love me as much as I love her before I take her? Can�t I simply take her away now, and in time her desire will build to the amount of my own? No. She needs to want me. She needs to feel like she would kill for me. She needs to give up everything, for me�as I will, for her.
I tried to convince myself that a day or two would be long enough. A day or two with no contact. Nothing at all. I wouldn�t even follow her in the unlikely event that she left the mansion. I�d simply stay where I was, and exist. I wouldn�t think. I wouldn�t brood. I wouldn�t dream. I�d exist as I had for the last century and a half before I�d found her; patiently waiting.
Easier said, then done. I assure you.
How long could I last? Until she broke. I had to wait until she broke to the point of near-desperation. As a mortal, I didn�t think it would take her so long. A day or two, at the most. And if she didn�t break like I planned her to�
**
I slipped in to my cold bed. All day today, I had slept. And when I woke up around 5, I�d thought for sure that Angelus would come to me like he had every other evening. But the hours passed, and all I felt was the cold loneliness in the realization that he wasn�t coming�at least, not tonight.
~~
But then tomorrow comes, and all day I waited. I thought that perhaps he would come to me now, having waited a day to let me rest. I made sure that when dusk rolled around; I was ready. I dressed in faded, hip-hugging jeans and a royal blue peasant top. And I waited.
And I waited.
The hours passed, and still there was no sign of Angelus�anywhere. Not a call. Not a note. Not a package. Not a word. I began to wonder if he had just been a dream in my head. But no dream had ever made me feel so alive, so I dismissed that thought as absurd.
I lay awake in bed around 2 in the morning, wondering if maybe I had done something wrong. Maybe he�d seen right through my attempts to sound mature, and realized that I wasn�t the prize he had waited for. Maybe he was already long gone by now, and I was so foolish in my childish wishes that I just couldn�t see him saying �goodbye�. Or maybe he�s testing me. Testing my dedication.
I prayed with all I was, that this was all just some horrible test.
~~
Tomorrow came and went. No surprises. No changes. Nothing. Not even a word from Angelus. I lay awake at night, crying over the pain I felt at the loss of what I�d had for such a brief time. Quietly at first, and then a little more. I tried to get him off of my mind. I tried to let it go.
Was this the longing that he sought me to feel? Was this the intense yet unfulfilled feelings of need and desire and love that Angelus wanted me to experienced, just as he had? It had been three days since I�d seen his face�felt his kiss�his touch. And already, it felt like an eternity of torment. I wasn�t sure how much longer I could hold on to my sanity. Every moment, my heart would ache. I tried to console myself with the thought that it only hurt when I breathed�
If only I wasn�t breathing.
~~
I tried to go out, the next day. I tried to see what the world had to offer me. If Angelus really had left me, I needed to know that there was something left for me to fall back on and experience. I needed to know that he wasn�t all that I had left. But in a very short time, I had learned that he indeed was all that I had�and all that I wanted. It was great to wish for a life of luxury and fun and friends�but none of that mattered to me now.
All that mattered, was Angelus.
The streets were crowded and noisy in a way that I didn�t remember them to be. Usually I had loved the dull roar of people in the background while I shopped or explored the world. Now I found it too loud. Too painful for my ears to take. With little regret, I admitted defeat and headed back to the mansion.
It was so cold without him. Four days. Four days of absolutely nothing. No life. No passion. No fire. I bet you�re getting pretty tired of hearing about my lack of completion. My despair and longing for anything that resembled the warmth and fire that I experienced every time that Angelus came near me.
Trust me, I�m tired of hearing me complain too.
~~
One week.
How could he leave me alone for an entire week? If he wanted me the way he claimed to, wouldn�t it be hard for him to stay away? As hard as it was for me to breathe, knowing that he was out there somewhere, and that my life was being wasted on nothingness when I could be in his arms.
I tried with every waking second, to tell myself that this test would be over soon�And that a test, was all that this was. But nothing worked. Nothing calmed me down. I felt like I was constantly panicked; always late for something, but not knowing what. It�s like when you�re waiting for the most important phone call of your life, and someone else is on the phone. You just want to scream at them to �Hurry Up!� lest you go crazy waiting, and tear the phone out of their hands.
Maybe I was already crazy. But this anticipation was driving me insane. He didn�t really expect me to wait as long as he had, did he? Because if that was the plan�I wasn�t sure that I could do it. I�d lose my entire reason for being while waiting�not to mention the fact that I can�t exactly live hundreds of years to wait, just like he did. Humans tend to have a much shorter life span than the immortal�Being as it is that the immortals don�t have one.
It was fitting that a storm was raging outside. Lightning crashes and wild thunderbolts of terror and pain shrieked through the sky like there was no tomorrow. The rain wouldn�t stop falling. It was so dark outside. So depressing. There was nothing left to color the skies but the bitter cold that came along with each stretch of lightning. It felt like a dagger inside my chest every time it cracked.
I clawed at my sheets as I tried to sleep; praying for some sort of relief from this pain. There was no drug and no death that could send me to the brink of my breaking point like Angelus� absence so effortlessly could. Sweat drenched my body as I tossed and turned in the heat. It was too cold to be feeling so hot. Was it desire that I was feeling, or burning rage? Whatever it was, I couldn�t take it anymore.
The thunder. The rain. The lightning. The absence of Angelus. It was all too much for me to deal with. I was dropping here. Falling into a pit of what looked like Hell without Angelus in it.
I couldn�t stand another moment of this incessant torture. Damn it, it had only been a week! How could I be losing it after just one week? I needed him. I needed him. I�d say it again and again until I felt him near me. I needed him with all that I had. All that I was. All that I�d be.
I leapt from the bed, sending the sheets flying to the floor. I didn�t even bother to adjust my short, black silk nightgown. I threw open the doors to my bedroom balcony and stepped in to the pouring rain. The thunder clapped over my head, and I tried to stay calm. But it was no use. I had to do this. I couldn�t turn back and save my pride. I had nothing left to give but my pride. After all�it was my stubbornness and refusal to give up what was left of my past, that was putting me through this Hell of Angelus being gone.
Now it had to go. My past had to leave to make way for my future. Angelus. He was the only future I�d ever dream of again�and he was the future that I was going to have. No matter what the cost.
�I can�t feel you,� I said in a choked voice as the tears began to fall; mixing with the raindrops on my cheeks. I dropped to my knees and looked up towards the sky. �You can�t do this to me now,� I whispered. �Not when I need you the most.�
I wanted to feel a change. I wanted to feel that he was near to me. But I felt nothing but the driving cold. I rocked back and forth through the cold rain. I needed to feel his arms around me, soothing me and telling me that he�d never leave my side. It was strange how he only ever promised those things when he was with me. Whenever he was gone, he made no promises of eternity. Just wishes of passion and longing.
Now I needed him more than ever.
�Why can�t I feel you?� I whispered out loud. �Why won�t you come to me now? I can�t stand this pain�I can�t stand living without you.�
And then I saw a blur of movement. A large, dark blur of some kind�but a blur of something nonetheless. And before I could blink even once, he was standing in front of me. There he was; looking as gorgeous and perfect as ever. The man I had been searching for in my dreams every night. The man that I had been whispering my secrets to all day long for an entire week.
The man that haunted my past and engaged in my present like no one else ever could. Angelus stood before me; as drenched to the bone as I was. He seemed to be panting, as if he had heard my call from wherever he was, dropped everything, and came running as fast he could to find me. I stood slowly, hoping to God that this wasn�t a dream or a fantasy�Or a hallucination brought on by the pneumonia I was probably catching by standing out in the rain, barely dressed. I didn�t want to move too quickly, afraid that he might disappear with any sudden movements.
�You�re here?� I tried to make it a statement, but it came out as more of a question than something that I knew for a fact to be true.
He stepped up to me and cupped my face in his huge hands. �I told you, you just had to call for me,� he whispered into my lips, and captured my mouth for a kiss that felt like a wave of relief. It was that type of relief that you feel on a really hot day when a cool breeze suddenly sweeps over your entire body for just long enough to cool you down and save you from yourself.
Angelus swept me up into his arms, and into the bedroom out of the rain. Laying me down gently on the bed, he moved to cover me, shucking off his long leather jacket to the floor so that he could maneuver a little better.
Kissing him with as much power and passion as I could manage to let out without melting from the heat, I ran my hands over his strong back through the wet fabric of his long-sleeved, black shirt. God, he was so perfect! I reached a hand underneath the thin layer of clothing to feel his cool skin underneath my hands. Hooking a leg up over his hips, it didn�t bother either of us that I wasn�t wearing any panties and that my dripping sex was no rubbing all over his leather pants. It was cold against my skin for a moment. But only a moment. Then I was hot again.
Angelus growled his satisfaction with the way things were going, and ground his throbbing erection down onto my center through the confining fabric of his pants. I didn�t know where he wanted to take this. I needed him so much. I would settle for just his kiss, but I wanted so much more right now. Right now, I was hungry for every inch of him. I wanted to hold him to me and never let go. I wanted him to become a part of me. A part of me, that could never leave.
I parted from his lips to catch my breath, and we joined our foreheads together. I shut my eyes tightly as I ground up against him once again.
He moaned and whispered into my lips, �I want to take you now, lover. You can feel that just by being in the same room as me. And I know now that you will follow where I lead.�
I nodded, kissing his lips to confirm what I was agreeing to. He leaned his head down to nuzzle my neck, and then whispered, �soon, my love. Soon we will leave this Hell. But for now�we have tonight�we have each other.� Looking into my eyes he whispered, �do you want to share this night with me? Make it our own?�
I smiled one of my first real smiles around Angelus, and kissed his lips teasingly, �I do.�
Eyes like fire, burn desire
As we dance away into the night
**
It had been harder for me. That, I was sure of. I didn�t think it would take her so long to give in and call out for me the way she had done just now. But it had taken her an entire week. An entire week of torture and pain equivalent to the rest of the time I�d spent waiting for her. Now that she was here, in my arms, and determined to be my own for eternity � I wanted to spend the night claiming her. Again�
And again.
Her lips called my tongue forward, and I slid a hand up her thigh; damp from the rain. This short night gown she was wearing was barely an obstacle, and I had it lifted over her head in no time at all.
This attraction fuels a passion
That's just too strong for us to try and fight
Parting our lips for just a moment to rid her of the silk material, I kissed her again. As the kiss increased in passion, she reached her tiny fingers to pull on my shirt. I helped her get it off of me so she could feel my bare chest against her own. When she moved to undo the top button of my leather pants, I moved her hands away, wanting time to get her ready for what was going to happen between us.
She protested for just a moment, trying once again with my zipper. But instead I pinned her hands up over her head and began to kiss my way down her neck. Taking my time to lay soothing kisses over the forming scar on her neck from the slash a week ago that had healed almost entirely, I moved down to her chest.
Latching my lips over one pert nipple, I couldn�t help but mentally congratulate myself on finding her, once again. After all this time of dreaming and imagining what she would be like, and what she would feel like�I couldn�t have imagined a better reality. She was gorgeous in every way. Small. Balanced. Slim. And her skin was soft and young. I knew that she�d stay gorgeous throughout the years of being a vampire. She was just young enough to turn now and have her remain firm and young-looking forever.
Each moment we're together,
I just never want to end.
Cause I could never feel this way again.
Teasing her nipples with my lips and my fingers until they were hard, I continued down her body with kisses. Trailing my tongue over her firm stomach, she twisted as I tickled her navel with my tongue.
Finally positioned between her legs, I pressed a light kiss to her mound. I looked up into her eyes. She was watching me closely, wondering what I was going to do. I slid my hands down her smooth thighs, and lifted them over my shoulders. Then I took a taste of her; licking her from front to back. She shivered under my ministrations and let out a pleased gasp of, �Angelus!�
I slid my tongue into her hot center. She was so hot, and so wet. The heat was intoxicating. I tried to build it firmly into my memory, for it wouldn�t so hot here forever. Soon she would carry no temperature. Like me.
I held her ass firmly, pulling her closer to my mouth as I began to rhythmically suck and lick at her clit. She began moaning into my mouth, and squirming against me. I growled to keep her in place, the vibrations of the growl going straight through her and making her all the more excited.
**
Cause nothing else has ever felt so right, To feel your body lying next to mine.
As the rhythm of your heart beats through me, all through the night.
I never thought I'd ever realize, a love that feels so close to paradise.
I could spend my whole life living�Forever in your eyes
In a matter of moments, I was coming in Angelus� mouth. He held my steady as he licked me clean, keeping me on the edge for over a minute before he finally let me topple over the edge and fall into ecstasy. I let out a scream of delight that matched the crashing thunder outside. Dropping my head back onto the pillows, I expected Angelus to come back up to me. I was so new to this, and already I wasn�t sure if I could take it much longer if he stayed down there. I wanted him so much, but the pleasure was just too much.
And then he slid one of his long fingers inside of me, and I wanted to die. �Oh,� was all I could say as he drew it out of me and inserted it again, all the while licking my folds. The thunder continued to crash and the lightning continued to strike. Again and again he moved his finger in and out; driving me out of my mind.
I felt myself climbing again to make that fall. Climbing so high. My breath was coming in short pants and I could barely contain myself. But it was all so much. I tried to move away from his lips and finger. Just a little space. Space to calm down. Space to breathe. But space was the one thing that he would not let me have right now. He growled into my skin and pulled me closer.
The thunder crashed. He continued to growl into my skin, now doing it simply because it made me feel like heaven. He knew I had no intention of leaving, but he continued to growl just the same. The low vibrations, the thunder crashing�Lightning struck outside and behind my eyes as I exploded all around him. Screaming his name at the top of my lungs, I felt my release shoot through me everywhere. Satisfying me more than ever.
Lips so tender, I surrender,
Every thing I am is yours alone.
Cause when you touch me, all that I see,
Are feelings that my heart has never known.
Finally Angelus moved up my body. Only when I felt him hard, pressing against my thigh did I realize that during the time that it took me to come down from my high, he had rid himself of his leather pants. I looked up into his dark eyes, and he smirked down at me. He positioned himself at my center, and kissed me.
I could taste myself in his mouth. Salty, but not at all unpleasant. Whoever said it was, had really never experienced the taste from Angelus� lips. He nibbled on my upper lip as we parted from the kiss. And then he held my eye-contact. Bracing himself just above me on his forearms, he moved to enter me. I took a deep breath, trying to make myself breathe�But instead I found myself holding it.
You're all I ever dreamed of, You're my every fantasy,
Whoever thought an angel could bring heaven here to me.
**
This was it. The moment I had waited centuries to experience. Finally I would feel the completion of being with Her. Being with the one that I�d waited lifetimes to find. I stroked my hand across the side of her face, making her breathe again. And then I moved forward. Kissing her deeply, I began to rub her chest in slow, methodical movements. For every inch I moved in, I made sure to stop and kiss her for as long as it took to get her to totally relax again.
God she was so wet. And so tight. A virgin these days, was not an easy thing to come by. 200 years ago, it was an experienced woman that was hard to come by. Now, the gift of chastity was something that one often didn�t experience�especially from the person that they love with their entire being.
It took all my patience to keep from thrusting forward. I had to remember that this moment was one to be cherished. A vampire had the tendencies to take things for granted. This was a gift that I did not intend to waste.
**
I was glad that he was moving slowly as pain shot through me between my legs. I was coaching myself into a breathing rhythm, and bracing myself for the next bit of pain. Breathe. Brace. Breathe. Brace.
Cause nothing else has ever felt so right,
To feel your body lying next to mine,
As the rhythm of your heart beats through me, all through the night.
I never thought I'd ever realize,
A love that feels so close to paradise,
I could spend my whole life living�Forever in your eyes.
And then he was entirely inside of me. He stopped and looked down into my eyes, pushing my damp hair from my face so that he could see me entirely. �You know I�d give up everything for you,� he leaned down to whisper in my ear in a hot voice that just made me wetter. Every word he spoke was making me so wet. So ready for what came next.
�You�re so wet,� he growled and nipped at my earlobe. Tonguing it tenderly, he continued to speak, �So beautiful. So perfect. I�ve waited an eternity for this moment. This moment of being insane of you. Claiming you. You are mine now, Buff. Forever, and after. When the clutches of Hell reach to earth, you and I will remain together. And when this world finally ends, we�ll still be holding each other.� He paused and then in a low voice he whispered, �just imagine the pleasure we can have with centuries of being together. I can make you cum over a million times.�
When finally he drew out of me and thrust forward again, he had me so wet from his words that I barely even noticed the pain at all. And the pain that I did notice was quickly eased from my mind by Angelus licking my neck.
Kissing me passionately, he continued to pull out and push in. He developed a slow but steady rhythm that was hitting us both in all the right spots. I moaned into his mouth as the last remnants of pain faded and all that was left was hot, molten pleasure as his thick rod stroked every nerve ending in time to the rapid beating of my heart.
You're the one my heart beats for,
You're my everything and more.
It's a burning love I can't seem to ignore.
I could feel it again. I was climbing this cliff. Or more or less being pulled up the edge by Angelus. He was determined to pleasure me. It was obvious in the way that he was moving so slowly despite the look of complete rapture in his eyes. I knew he wanted faster. Harder. But he was holding himself back to make sure that I felt it first before he did. Then he would join me.
**
I could feel the tell-tale signs of her orgasm. She was panting. She was moaning. And with every stroke, she seemed to be fighting for control. And then her inner muscles began to clench in sign of her pleasure, and she screamed my name, moaning it in the back of her throat and pulling my head down for a kiss.
As soon as I felt her completely tip off, I began my assault. Plunging into her with an increasing strength, she shot her eyes open in alarm. Perhaps she had thought that I would remain slow this entire time. But I was determined to show her that more power brought more pleasure. Her mouth opened and she gasped slightly at the new sensations of being sent from one orgasm to the next without having time to calm down.
Cause all the things I feel inside,
Are too strong for me to hide, baby.
And I need you by my side.
Cause I could live forever in your eyes.
I felt my own pleasure mounting. I was so close to my climax, and I wanted her there with me again. That first time I came inside her was going to be magical in its own right. I slid a hand between us and began to stroke her little nubbin in time with my thrusts. I couldn�t contain a slight growl as my head dropped to her neck.
**
Was he going to bite me? I wondered to myself. Did I want him to? Yes was the answer, and it surprised me. I never thought I�d favor blood play when it came to making love�or anything else, for that matter. I could feel his face changing as his pace sped up once again. I looked into his vampire face. I had seen it before, but never quite so close. It alarmed me how defined his features really were in this state.
But then I lost all thought as I started to cum once again. Angelus growled into my neck and sped up that little bit more. And then I could feel him cum as well. His seed shot inside of me as he growled my name into my neck. His razor-sharp fangs descended onto my skin, and just before he could break the skin�he stopped.
**
No. No. This can�t be.
A pain began to shoot through my chest, and I saw a flash of light so fast that I knew Buffy�s eyes had not detected it. It wasn�t lightning. And the breaking that I was hearing, wasn�t thunder. I knew what this pain was. It was ancient.
**
I never thought I'd ever realize,
A love that feels so close to paradise.
I could spend my whole life living, forever in your eyes.
He let out a yell as his normal face returned, and he shot away from me. I sat up instantly, wondering what on earth was going on. He continued to growl as he stumbled off the bed to the floor. �Angelus!� I shrieked, clutching the sheets to my chest and following him to the floor. He backed away from me though; looking at me as if he didn�t understand anything.
�What is it?� I asked, wondering if perhaps I had done something wrong. But no, by one look at his frightened features I could tell that this had nothing to do with me. I had seen Angelus take on a fight with things much larger than anything I�d ever imagined, and at those times he hadn�t looked afraid of anything. But now he looked terrified.
�What?� I begged for an answer, trying to get close again. He backed away towards the doors to the balcony. �It�s�It�s�� he looked to me as he stumbled out into the rain. �I know this pain,� he gasped as the rain began to soak him from where he was on his hands and knees on the floor. I saw a flash of light from his chest, and then lightning struck the ground underneath the balcony, causing a nearby tree to erupt into flames. I took my eyes off Angelus for a moment to look to the burning tree. And when I returned my gaze to my strained lover�
He was knelt forward with his head on the ground; panting though he didn�t need to breathe. �A-Angelus,� I inched closer and reached a hand cautiously to his shoulder. He shot up to look me straight in the face. For a moment I thought he was alright. And then his face twisted with a look of pure agony. Not physical pain though. The look of horror. Of being appalled with yourself for something.
And then he fell forward and collapsed with his head in my lap.
**
I collapsed into her lap. I knew who she was. She was the Saving Grace that I had been promised while trapped in Hell. But now here she was�And the memories of my time as Angelus came rushing back to me in a tidal wave. People killed. Maimed. Ruined. Tortured. Raped.
It was all because of me.
I began to cry, sobbing into her lap as she tried to comfort me. She had no idea what was going on. She was confused. I could feel that. But more than her confusion, I could feel the pain of the thousands I had murdered.
I was back�but how could I expect this precious angel to want me after what I�ve done?
Forever in your eyes
~
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