I watched her in the clutches of sleep, her face revealing a thousand emotions. I couldn�t believe how so suddenly, I could love someone. Obviously, I knew very little about her, yet I felt inside as if she had been inside of me since the day I was born into this world.
Overcome with complete regret for the pain I�d put her through, I wondered why on earth I hadn�t simply released her from me and ended her torture. I could have bought her a beautiful home somewhere she desired, and allowed her to live her life as she wished, with every luxury in the world at her disposal, and left her alone since she probably hated me. But for some reason, I didn�t want to give up yet on these impossible odds. It was unlikely that she�d want my touch for a long time to come, but I found I was willing to wait. I owed her that�At least.
My mind travelled back to when I�d first about her from William. He had been rather drunk at the time, but he was still solid enough to give me the few details that he had about the mysterious blonde that locked him out of her room when he made an attempt to seduce her. He�d laughed at the absurdity of the situation. �Imagine that, Angelus!� he�d exclaimed. �A woman residing in the Summers home, actually said �no� to a romp in the sac!�
In response, I had laughed and said, �obviously you haven�t met with a mirror recently, William. It�s been at least three days since your hair saw the light of a comb�or a drop of water.�
This had sent William into a drunken rave about how he�d never been turned down before this night. I had enjoyed listening to his inconsistent rambles, but only half of me heard him. This was the point in which my infatuation with Buffy Summers had began.
I wondered now, if it would ever end.
Suddenly the precious blonde in my arms began to move. Her face contorted with fright, and she began to push me away. �Please no,� she whispered in a desperately helpless voice that broke my heart.
It didn�t take me long to figure out what she was dreaming about.
**
I screamed out as loudly as I could, and pushed against the hard chest next to me with all the strength I could muster up despite the fact that I was half-asleep. The body in the bed with me tried to calm me, reassuring me in a deep, masculine voice, that it was okay, when it most certainly was not! When he tried to pull me into his arms once more, I screamed again, and slapped his face.
My eyes shot open as I rushed from the mist of sleep. I saw Angelus� dark eyes in front of me. They looked so dark and terrifying to me, and the only thing I could think about-was getting away from him. �Please let me go,� I began to beg. �Please let me go. Let me go. Let me go.�
When finally I felt his arms loosen, I leapt from the bed and ran for the door. I began pulling on it in the darkness, hoping that it would open.
But it wouldn�t budge. Not at all. I banged loudly on it. �Somebody help me!� I screamed. �Somebody, please! Help!� I turned abruptly then, with my back glued to the door, to see Angelus getting out of the bed. �Please don�t touch me,� I begged, tears beginning to fall from my eyes despite the strength I wished I could show. �Please just let me go. Please.�
�I can�t,� he said in a soft voice, breaking my heart despite how tender he was trying to sound. �I can�t let you go, Buffy. You have to stay here with me.�
�Why?� I asked. I slid down the door, to the floor. Holding my hands to my broken soul, I asked him again, �why?�
�Because I love you,� he answered with little to no hesitation.
I shook my head. �No. No,� I sniffed back the new tears. �No. You don�t love me. You can�t love me. You don�t know me.� This man was completely out of his mind. He wasn�t even a man. He was a demon. A cruel, unrelenting demon of torture and pain. His joy in life, was hurting others. I was just one of his many victims. I kept telling myself that as he tried to reason with me.
�I do,� he took a step closer.
I shot my hand out, as if trying to form a barrier with which to block him. �You don�t love me. You hurt me. You hate me. As I hate you!� I tried to scream it, but my voice broke around the words as I sobbed helplessly on the floor. Where was my guardian angel when I needed it?
�Buffy, stop that,� he sounded as if he was the one begging now. �I don�t want to hurt you. I don�t want you to be afraid of me�Afraid of my touch,� he tried to come closer again.
I gripped my night clothes tightly around me. �I could never want you,� I told him bitterly. �I could never love you. Why have you done this to me? Why did you take me from my home and send me to this Hell?� I looked up for a moment, wondering if there was any escape near me.
Of course, I found none. Lady Luck was just not on my side today�Or yesterday�Or the day before. Where on earth was she hiding?
�This isn�t your Hell,� he told me, his voice firming slightly. �This is your home now. I know that if you took your time to adjust, you could love me too!�
I gathered my shattered courage and slowly slid up the wall until I was standing up. Looking at him, I whispered through shaking tones, �you took me against my will. You raped me�A-ask me�Ask me to love you now.�
**
I looked at the tender woman before me. I let out a sigh of defeat. She wasn�t going to love me back�At least, not right now. I still retained a shred of hope that I could one day win her affections�But that shred of hope was deleting itself with every passing argument and outburst.
Could it be too late?
~~
I knew that things weren�t going to go as I planned. As much as it pains me to say, I almost wish I hadn�t married Buffy�At least, not this way. I should have taken the time to court her. To woo her. To win her over with my affections and my undeniable devotion and passion for her.
But like I said�Things didn�t go as I planned.
The next morning dawned dark and rainy. With her maid servant, Willow close by; I had allowed Buffy to go out for a walk through the gardens on the grounds. She had been all-too-thrilled to get some fresh air�And some space from me. I knew without a doubt that she didn�t want me around right now. And how could I blame her? After last night�s quarrel, I was beginning to question where I stood with her�Yet again. One second she hates me. Then she seems almost accepting of her situation. Then she sleeps on it and decides she hates me again.
Are all women like this? Maybe. Maybe not. This just further proves that besides the pleasure of the flesh, I know absolutely nothing about the female race and what goes on in their minds�at all.
I watched from the library windows as Buffy and Willow wandered the gardens. Stopping to smell a rose, Buffy shut her eyes to savour the sweet scent. I saw there, the remaining innocence that she was clinging to with all of her soul. How could I be so cruel as to taint that perfect spirit and vivacious fight in her?
The sound of thunder off in the distance knocked me from my thoughts. I looked to the darkening skies and sighed. She would have to come inside soon. But luckily, Willow would know that and I wouldn�t have to go out to get her, or send someone to get her. That would probably only further annoy her, rather than show that I cared for her safety and well-being.
**
�We should head in soon, Buffy,� Willow said-still sounding nervous about my request for her to call me solely by my first name. �The skies are darkening and it looks like there could be lightning.�
�Let it come,� I sighed as I ran my hands through the water in the pound I was sitting next to on a stone. �I�m starting to think getting hit by lightning would be a blessing in a painful disguise.� I looked up to the skies and shut my eyes. �A miracle from the Gods.�
�Don�t talk like that,� Willow knelt down before me and placed a hand on my knee. �I know it seems bad now, but think of all the good that can come out of this seemingly�bad�relationship.� She frowned at her choice of words. �Women these days don�t always have a choice, Buffy. You�re a rare case. You have a choice. Angelus is being patient and tender with you, because he has seen the error of his ways and he wants to do right by you now.�
�But how long until his patience fails him?� I looked down into her eyes. �I find myself wanting to trust him. Wanting to know him�But every time I start to let myself know a little bit more of him�I snap inside. It�s like my mind flashes to what he did to me, and I can�t get over it. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to learn to love someone when I can�t be around them?�
�I wouldn�t be the one to answer that,� Willow sighed. �But I can tell you that the patience of a man that loves you as deeply as Angelus�It will not fail him. And in time, you will learn that. And one day�everything will make sense. Maybe then, you can speak freely with him, as you�ve spoken with me.�
I smiled softly at the red head before me. �Thank you, Willow. You seem to know exactly what to say to me.�
She helped me stand, and as we began to walk again through the gardens, she added, �plus you did tell me he knew how to kiss you.�
�Willow!� I shrieked in amused shock.
**
�Has Buffy returned yet?� I asked Giles as I entered the front lounge. �It�s raining, and�� I trailed off and tried to take a deep breath to calm myself.
�I�m sorry, sir,� Giles shook his head. �But Miss Buffy and Willow have yet to return from their walk. Shall I send someone out to look for them?� He cocked his head to the side thoughtfully.
�No, Giles. That�s alright. I�ll go myself. Thank you,� I nodded at him and he nodded back. With that, I turned and left the room. Exiting through the front doors, I made my way around the back of the house to the gardens.
Looking around, I didn�t see any sign of Willow or Buffy. So I continued on through the gardens in search of them.
**
�Buffy, you�re going to fall!� Willow shrieked for the millionth time since I�d first climbed this tree. �You�re going to fall and break your neck. Then Master Angelus will have my head for letting you go up there and in the first place. Then all that will be left of you and I-will be our heads! And surely Master Angelus will have mine planted on the wall of his den!�
�That�s preposterous, Willow!� I laughed. �Not to mention incredibly barbaric. He doesn�t do things like that, does he?�
�Not to my awareness, but I wouldn�t put it past him if you were to die,� she sighed and continued to pace at the bottom of the giant tree I had climbed. �So will you come down?�
�In a moment,� I told her with a laugh. �I just want to fly for a moment longer.�
�If you want to fly, go to the roof of the manor and jump off! But do it on someone else�s watch. I don�t feel like losing my life today!� Willow continued to complain.
�One minute, Willow,� I laughed again. �I�ll be down in just a minute. Relax.� I held out my arms and raised my face to the sky as the rain began to fall over my skin. I opened my mouth and felt several refreshing drops fall onto my tongue. I laughed and let out a sigh of relief. This was true refreshment. After this, I would be able to deal with Angelus for sure.
Unfortunately, Lady Luck was once again hiding from me as always before. This was proven as Angelus� voice came booming into my ears as he called Willow�s name sharply.
**
I spotted Willow and ran over to her. �Willow! Where on earth is Buffy? It�s dangerous to be out in this weather. You ladies could be struck by lightning and such. I expected you would have known this and brought her inside by now!�
�Master Angelus,� Willow squeaked when she turned to face me. �Buffy is, umm�She is momentarily detained. I believe she is�Well, you see�The thing is�Umm�She�Oh,� she pouted as she looked around her for something to say to calm me.
**
Spotting the trouble that Willow was in, I let out a sigh. �I�m here!� I called to Angelus. He looked all around him and I laughed at how cute it was that he couldn�t find me. �Look up!� I yelled.
He raised his head to look up into the tree I was in, and the look on his features was too good. I laughed out loud, clamping a hand to my mouth to hide my amusement. He did not look at all please. He was surprised, to be sure. But angry.
�Buffy?!� he called. Will you come down here this instant? It�s incredibly dangerous to be up there right now�or at all. �Please come down!� He turned to Willow then, �I can not believe you let her go up there!�
�She did not let me!� I snapped at him. �I went on my own. Willow was against it from the start, and was in the process of talking me down when you came over and began yelling and throwing your ego around. So if you�ll turn around and avert your eyes, I can come down and yell at you face-to-face for being so harsh with your tone!�
Now where on earth did that power and assertion come from?
**
I was shocked that Buffy would say that to me. It seemed that the fight in her had returned in full force since she had gone for her walk. I turned around to respect her privacy, and asked Willow in a low voice, �Willow?�
�Yes, Master?� she gave me her full attention.
�What did you say to her?� I frowned. Perhaps Willow had said something to Buffy that had made her energy return. Or perhaps Willow had simply listened to Buffy speak. But something had happened. Somehow, Buffy was different. She was no longer broken and awkward. She was Buffy again.
�What do you mean?� Willow seemed confused at my question.
�She�She was mean,� I looked down.
**
Arriving on the ground again, I took a moment to readjust my clothing. And then I said, �okay. You can turn now.� When Angelus looked at me, he seemed to be in awe. I moved my head back slightly in confusion. �What?�
�Feeling better?� he asked softly.
�Much,� I answered. �I�d be better if you would mind your tone around me and Willow. We don�t appreciate being yelled at like baboons�� I turned to look at Willow. �Do we, Willow?�
Willow lowered her head and said nothing.
�See?� I pointed to the upset girl. �She�s afraid to say anything to you, for fear of upsetting you and losing her head! How can you expect your employees to do anything for you willingly, when they�re afraid of everything you do!�
�They respect me,� Angelus said, as if that made anything better. He spoke it like an offering. But I knew he was simply clinging to the wind.
�They�re afraid of you,� I said. �Willow?� I asked, and when I had her attention I said, �go on inside out of the rain. We�ll be in shortly.�
Willow nodded and left. Which left me alone with Angelus. Oh�perhaps I hadn�t thought that order through. Dammit. Why can�t I think before I speak? That was so stupid. I looked away when I noticed the way he was watching me so intently. �What are you looking at?� I finally asked, still avoiding looking at him.
�You,� he smiled softly. With that, he offered me his arm. I looked at it and smiled softly. Shaking my head, I looked into his eyes to see if he could tell what I was trying to tell him without words. He smirked back at me, and held out his hand, laying the other hand flat behind his back, and bowing slightly to me.
Accepting his hand, I stepped up to him.
�What can I do to make you happy?� he asked, gazing into my eyes with his own dark ones. He searched my face for an answer.
I tilted my head softly and said in a simple tone, �treat me as your equal. Things can change, if I�m your equal�Instead of your possession.�
He said nothing for a few moments, and then he asked, �do you hate me?�
I shrugged softly and looked to the right. I spotted the trees and door that led to the garden he had given me. I smiled and looked back at him, �I thought I did�But maybe I�m getting better now.�
�No,� he shook his head. �I am.�
**
The way that she was looking at me made my heart flutter in a way I thought it never would. She didn�t hate me�at least, not right now. We�ll see what the night brings. But for now, she seems to accept me. Would it be so awful of me to take advantage of the situation.
Her hair was coming loose as the rain continued to fall lightly on us. �I probably shouldn�t have worn white today,� Buffy whispered-as if trying to break the intensity of the mood that surrounded us as we stared into one another�s eyes. �I�m filthy from climbing that tree.�
I couldn�t resist. I leaned down and applied a tender kiss to her lips. She held her tiny form completely still, and I wondered if she was going to push away. So for a moment, I made no move to do anything but kiss her.
And then I felt her hands slide around my neck.
**
I didn�t want to give in to his kiss, but I couldn�t resist it. Without control, my arms slid around to his neck. His hands then moved to my back, and I stepped forward to close the small gap between our bodies, so that I was held flush against him. I could feel his hard body pressing into my own as he parted my lips with his tongue to taste the inside of my mouth.
After several moments of exploring my mouth, he drew his head back. I kept my eyes closed for a while longer, licking my tongue over my lips to taste the remaining salt of his kiss. When I did open my eyes, I found Angelus watching me intently. I smiled softly at him.
�Hungry, my dear?� he asked in a low voice.
I nodded softly.
~~