Disclaimer of poem :
The poem used is by Philip Sydney (1554-1586), called :
�My True Love Has My Heart�
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After dinner, Angelus escorted me to the library, where he read to me as we sat together before the crackling fire. He read lines of poetry to me. Words so beautiful, and so new to me that my heart couldn�t help but open to his as he spoke. It was as if his soul was embracing my own with lyrics so precious and pure. My shattered nerves were at total ease for the first time in months, and I could feel my entire being breathe a sigh of complete relief at the chance to lie still.
My true-love hath my heart and I have his,
By just exchange one for the other given;
I hold his dear and mine he cannot miss;
There never was a better bargain driven.
My true-love hath my heart and I have his,
I held my eyes open despite how lovely I knew it would be to shut them, and I watched as Angelus read to me. The light of the fire flickered across his dark features, and his eyes narrowed at the pages, as if he was trying to bring the words to life but never finding the way to do just that.
Poem after poem. Word after word. I couldn�t continue to count the pieces that he was reading to me. And yet every poem seemed to be the first he�d read, for I found a tender sweetness in his voice every time he began a new one, that I had never seen or heard in him before. Oh how I wanted to loathe this man! I wanted to look at him with revulsion, rather than intrigue and sentiment.
His heart in me keeps him and me in one;
My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides;
He loves my heart for once it was his own,
I cherish his because in me it bides.
My true-love hath my heart and I have his,
And just then, a thought crossed my mind.
If I was Angelus�, that made him my own�did it not? For surely to own something, you in turn belong to it. So that meant that I had a power of control over that which belonged to me�Angelus.
Now came the task of learning how to exert that power in ways that I�d never heard of a woman exerting it before. I had to learn to demand respect from Angelus, just as his mere presence demanded respect from the world around him. I had to learn that which no woman had learned before�how to have the presence of a man, but the allure of a woman. The attitude of a gentleman, but the persona of a lady. And last, but certainly not least�
The control of a man, but a woman�s ability to resist temptation. This would surely be the greatest task of all, for as Angelus took my hand to help me to my feet to take me to bed�I felt my resistance crumbling as if it was made of sand.
**
It seemed to Angelus as we awoke the next morning, that I needed a change from this home, and this world. The concept that I was still adjusting to all of the recent changes, seemed to fly right over his head as he made a suggestion.
He suggested that we take some time and leave this place. Go somewhere that had no memories for either of us, and simply learn to leave the past behind and create a future together. I willed myself to resist and tell him I had no wish to be somewhere new and unknown with him, but something inside of me urged me to accept the adventure and simply take it as it would come. For surely it couldn�t be all that bad.
I assure you it wasn�t bad�Just unexpectedly enjoyable.
~~
Delanna Park, a summer home in England�s beautiful country hills, was an estate beyond compare. With its sparkling white beams, its white marble floors, and its red velvet carpet, this 13-bedroom palace was a heaven-on-earth. The rolling green lawns, pink and white rose gardens, and tall, stone protection walls made it look so peaceful and serene. Just one glance at it and it was obvious that I would be enjoying my time. After all, who wouldn�t enjoy their stay here in paradise?
Angelus had rented it from a friend, Doyle, whose great grandmother, had willed the property to him in her passing just a few months earlier. Doyle had intended to spend many happy years here with his young bride, Cordelia, but the death of their first-born a weeks earlier, Sarah, had weakened Cordelia�s state-of-mind. As such, Doyle had decided to keep her in London for another year or two while they both re-covered from the loss.
A family of 4 maintained Delanna Park. A delightful black family that made our stay even more enjoyable. Gunn, the eldest son, tended to the Gardens. His father, Henry, was a general handy-man. His mother, Marie, was the cook. And the daughter, Madeline, kept the home neat, tidy, and sparkling. I had insisted on taking Willow with us, as she was the only person I knew that I could confide in, and I wanted to be able to talk out whatever was in my head with another sensible human being. Naturally that meant that Angelus would probably not be the choice for my talks, as he doesn�t seem to be�well�sensible.
The carriage stopped in front of the large stone steps that led up to the huge wooden-doors of the front of the manor. Angelus stepped out of the carriage and turned to offer me his hand. I couldn�t keep my eyes off the beautiful building before me. So much so that I didn�t pay attention to the small carriage steps, and I lost my footing and began to fall. But I had barely begun to slip before Angelus had me wrapped and held safely in his arms.
I let out a slightly surprised gasp at the sudden way in which he had caught me. Had he been watching to catch me if by chance I should fall? Or did he merely have good reflexes? I willed myself to believe the second, though I knew inside that he had really been watching to catch me.
Gathering my footing, I removed myself from his arms. For some reason I kept my hand tucked lightly into his arm though, and smiled up at him as he began to speak.
�We can stay for however long you want,� he began. �I�ve heard so much about this estate. They say it has the ability to heal even the most wounded of souls. There�s a garden out back that belonged to Lady Delanna, the former owner. It�s rumored to have been the most beautiful place on heaven and earth. But no one has ever seen it. They said she had it constructed in secrecy, hidden amongst the other gardens, and that she decorated it with Orchids and Lilies, Roses and BlueBells, Begonias and Tulips, and the most beautiful Iris flowers you�ve ever seen. When she passed, Doyle had the gardens searched entirely. But no one found it.�
�Perhaps it doesn�t exist,� I said in a soft voice. I was stuck in a daze as I envisioned this beautiful garden in my mind.
�It exists,� Angelus assured me. �Lady Delanna used to disappear all afternoon with a book, and she�d claim to be in the gardens. But no one ever found her. She told Doyle�s mother about it on her deathbed some months ago. She said that she had a glass room built, and a golden bed inside of it so that she could rest during the afternoons.�
�It sounds wonderful,� I whispered, imagining laying on white sheets on a golden bed in a room made entirely of glass, centered in this gorgeous, mystical garden.
�Perhaps you�ll find it,� Angelus smiled slightly down at me. �If there is any beauty to be found, you�ll be the one to discover it,� he took my hand from his arm and bent down to lay a tender kiss to my skin, �for you, are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes upon.� With those words, he looked deeply into my own eyes.
My heart raced, and my skin tingled at his words. A goofy grin spread across my face. I tried to keep from blushing by averting my eyes from his intense gaze, but it helped nothing.
�Everything is going to change now, my sweet,� he whispered as he guided my chin with his fingers so that he may look into my eyes again. �For the better.� He began to move closer to me, and I found myself giving in to the temptation of his kiss. His gentle lips, his sweet taste. It would be so simple to just give in�
�AHHH!� A terrified shriek interrupted the almost-kiss, and I leapt away from Angelus. The owner of the scream came tearing around the corner of the manor.
Willow.
�Help me, Dear God!� She screamed as she ran past us. Angelus and I watched her in utter confusion. What on earth was she so frightened about? Willow was usually so calm and collected. But now she was in a total panic as she bolted to stand on the back of the carriage.
�Master Angelus, I simply cannot stay here!� She cried, tears streaking down her features. Angelus looked at me and I at him. Stepping forwards to the carriage once again, he asked Willow in a low voice, �Why on earth not?�
Just then, I heard a low clucking noise. Willow heard it too, and began to cry even harder as she buried her face in her hands. Her sobs racked her entire body.
I turned, bracing myself to see perhaps the most terrifying sight of my life. I thought that perhaps I could be attacked and harassed by whatever it was that had frightened Willow so. And then I saw him. I saw him come along the lawn as if nothing could beat him down and make him submit. He knew he had the power to make people fear him in the manner that Willow was now terrified. What was he? You may ask. I�ll tell you what I saw�
A rooster.
�Willow, for all that you have preached to me about authority and stating claim over your pride so that no living thing can make you feel low without your consent�You are afraid of a chicken!� I looked at her like she was absurd. This entire situation was ridiculous. She said nothing. She only looked at it in total fear, watching its every little move, probably thinking that at any moment it would attack and beat her senseless with its beak.
And then I saw Angelus. He too, was frozen in fear.
I threw up my hands in submission. �My best friend and the man I am married to, are nothing more than slightly moved by me. But the sight of a chicken can bring them to tremble in fear. Can someone please explain to me what�s wrong with this picture?�
�I can!� Came a low voice. From around the corner came a young black man. He tipped his straw hat at me, �Gunn, Madame,� he smiled and introduced himself politely. �I�m terribly sorry for the inconvenience,� he spoke as he scooped the protesting bird into his arms.
�Don�t apologize to me,� I sighed. �I�m not the one having a nervous break-down,� I motioned with my hand to where Willow was curled up on the driver�s seat of the carriage.
�So sorry, miss,� Gunn called out to Willow from where he stood. �He pulls a fast one on me from time to time.�
�He�s liable to pull a fast one on you in the middle of the night and come thrash my throat! Master Angelus, I simply cannot reside in this estate!� Willow was completely distraught. Angelus still hadn�t moved from his place. He didn�t even blink as he looked at the rooster.
�Oh for Heaven�s sake,� I sighed and went over to where Gunn was standing with the rooster.
�Buffy, don�t!� both Willow and Angelus yelled in distress as they saw where I was heading.
�It�s a bird!� I told them, and went over to pet the rooster. At this, Angelus rushed over to me and took me by the waist, pulling me towards the front steps. I didn�t bother to protest his ridiculous actions. As he walked, he refused to even look at the rooster. �Pleasure meeting you, Gunn. Please get rid of that thing. Willow! Willow, please come inside now!�
Willow ran past a chuckling Gunn without a word. What were the odds that the strongest people in my life were afraid of a bird? This was certainly going to be some time. That, I was sure of.
~~
After dinner, Angelus thought that I should be heading to bed since our day had been rather long. But I still hadn�t seen the rest of the manor, and I was dying to explore the estate.
�It�s already dark outside, Buffy. I can�t let you and Willow go out in the dark. You have no idea what�s out there, and you don�t even know your way around. You can explore the gardens tomorrow. For now, you should be getting some sleep,� Angelus insisted.
�But I want to go outside! I was cramped up in that carriage all day, and now you�re telling me to just go to bed. This is preposterous. I shouldn�t be held from going outside simply because the sun has left the sky, Angelus!�
I tried my best to reason with him, but he remained firm in his decision. �Buffy, you�re not going outside alone at this hour.�
�Then come with me.� The words left my mouth before I even had time to realize what I was suggesting. A moonlight walk with Angelus? Oh God how would I be able to resist him among the most beautiful gardens, surrounded by the magical glow of the moon? Just standing next to him made my thighs wet with desire in a way I�d never before known possible.
He smiled softly and said, �I will.�
~~
Before I quite knew what was happening, I was walking through the most romantic gardens in the world, with Angelus at my side. Angelus had insisted that I wear a hooded cape to keep me warm, and I had given in to him. But I wanted to be able to see everything, so I left the hood of my royal blue cape, hanging off my shoulders. With my long, blonde, loosely-curled hair free I felt like a princess in a fairy tale.
I stopped for a moment and looked up at the starry night sky. Angelus stood beside me and also looked up. At his side, I felt so small and weak. But at the same time, I felt secure. Like no matter what happened, I knew I�d be protected. Protected from the world that is, not my heart.
�Angelus?� I asked, wanting to hear his voice to break how intense the silence was. �Hmm?� He answered. I took a moment to think of what to ask, and then I wondered out loud, �have you ever looked at a star and wondered if somewhere out in the world�someone else is looking at that exact same star?�
Angelus lowered his gaze from the sky, to me. I tried to focus on the sky, but eventually I turned to look at him as well. He was so handsome, and the pale moonlight only contrasted with his good looks to make him look even better to me. He took my hands in his own, and stepped closer to me. Looking down into my eyes, he whispered, �I don�t want to rush you.�
�I know,� I answered in a trembling voice. It was all I could do to form two syllables. I could feel my entire body alive with nervousness�and excitement�and anticipation of what could happen.
Resisting him was so hard. My gaze flicked to his lips for just a brief second. They would taste so sweet. They would feel so smooth and comforting. Why not give in? Why not just take control this way? Why not just fall head over heels in love with this beautiful man before me. I wanted him so much. What was the point in fighting? The heart wants what the heart wants.
I tried to hold back. I wanted to resist. But I found myself leaning in closer to him with every passing moment. I just wanted a taste. Maybe a taste would satisfy me. But he was talking again. Talking about�What was he talking about? I didn�t even know. I tried to listen, but it was so hard to understand.
�I just want to know�what you�re thinking about-� he was cut off suddenly, when I reached up to pull his face down to my own for a kiss. It was like I suddenly couldn�t control myself. I had to have him, despite what my mind was telling me. I had to follow my heart, and what it wanted. And all it wanted, was him. He seemed surprised at first, as if he hadn�t been expecting this from me at any point, ever. But then he was all too willing to give me what I was asking for�or actually, what I was demanding.
Angelus pulled me close and devoured my lips with his hot, passionate kisses. I felt as if I was on fire, and although I had no control-I didn�t care. I could feel his hard body pressed against my own through our clothing. I could feel the longing in his kiss. We had both been wanting this for so long now, and we both knew it.
His tongue against my own felt so relieving. His hands slid around to pull me closer against his hips, and his erection. I felt so out of breath, and I had to pull back from his lips for air. But that didn�t stop him from pursuing my neck. It seemed that now that he had my consent to kiss me, he was going to take full advantage of it. Finally I caught my breath and attacked his lips again.
My neck was hurting from leaning back and up so much to be able to reach his lips, but I wanted to keep kissing him. Opening my eyes for a split second, in the darkness I could see a nearby bench. I began to back Angelus towards it. He went with it easily, not even second-guessing what I was trying to make him do. When he was standing right in front of it, I pushed him down so that he was sitting. Then came the challenge of maneuvering all of my heavy dresses so that I could straddle his lap.
He seemed to instinctively know what I was trying to do, because he lifted my skirts and pulled me forward onto his lap like it was his idea in the first place. I thought he�d remove his hands after I was settled on his lap, but he didn�t. Instead, his fingers moved towards the center of my thighs, and he began to stroke me lightly through the lace of my undergarments.
A thought crossed through my mind that maybe this was too soon. Or maybe I shouldn�t even be doing this at all. But what he was doing to me felt so amazing. My entire body was tingling, being pushed onwards by the feeling of his large hands stroking me. I moaned and continued the kiss, sliding my tongue along the roof of his mouth and delighting in the moan he let out. Pushing the side of my lace panties over, Angelus slid his fingers in to caress my bare skin. I was dripping wet�yet I was on fire. How was that possible?
Abandoning the kiss, I dropped my head back and closed my eyes from the harsh accusations of the skies. Angelus continued to stroke me, driving me to the point of insanity with every touch of his fingers. His lips pressed feather-light kisses along my neck and collarbone. Oh God. I didn�t know what was happening to my body. Could this be the endless flight of passion that all those that were experience in the acts of love spoke of? I could feel something. Something was going to happen. What, I had no idea. I just knew that it felt incredibly good, and it all started with Angelus� hands�and lips�and tongue�and hot breath on my neck.
But as suddenly as it had begun, it ended. I opened my eyes, and lowered my gaze to Angelus� own, guarded expression. He looked concerned but passionate. As ever, he had that same intense look to his features that spoke of great worry.
�Why have you stopped?� I asked in a breathless whisper as I sought to ease the ache between my legs by rubbing myself down wards on the hard bulge in his pants. The absence of his fingers was making me ravenous with want, and it was all I could to keep from screaming.
�I don�t want this to happen here,� Angelus whispered. Reaching his hands up, he cupped my face and pulled me down for a long, dizzying kiss. �I want this to be right.� With that, he helped me to my feet, and kissed me once again. Then he asked, �Would it be wrong of me to ask you to come to bed with me now?�
I shook my head, never once losing eye contact with him. He smiled slightly, and bent to scoop me up into his arms; thick dresses and all.
~~
His lips pressed against my own, drawing my tongue out for a sensuous battle. Slipping off the heavy dress I was wearing, Angelus moaned into my mouth. His hot breath mixed with my own made me even hotter. His fingers slipped to the back of my corset. He stopped just short of untying the strings. I opened my eyes to see his dark and hesitant expression as we kissed. Pulling back from the kiss, I asked him in a soft voice, �what�s wrong? We both want this.�
�Do you?� he asked, searching my eyes for answers.
I nodded, and reached a hand to his face, pulling his head down for another kiss. Against his lips, I whispered, �I do.�
I was naked against him before I knew it. And then I began to assist in removing him of his own clothing. I had the time and leisure that I hadn�t had before, to explore how his muscles felt when they flexed. I could run my fingers down his bare chest, feeling the hard-as-marble surface beneath my finger tips and knowing that it was something I wanted to feel against my own chest, rather than something I wanted to run a knife in to.
Finally naked against me, Angelus parted our lips and looked at me. I felt so bare to him. So vulnerable. The passion in the room was overwhelming. Clasping my waist firmly in his large hands, Angelus leaned me back to stretch my aching limbs. Pulling my body up against his once again, he captured my lips for another heated kiss, and picked me up to carry me to the bed.
Laying me down, he covered my body with his own, and asked me once more if I was sure. I didn�t answer with words, but by trailing a hand down to the erection I felt against my leg. Gripping it tightly in my hand, I pulled him towards me and positioned it between my legs.
Bracing himself up on his elbows, he ran his fingers through my hair and leaned down to kiss me gently as he slowly moved inside of me. I was so hot, and so wet, and so ready. But there were still remnants of pain as this was our first time together since that awful night. It was my second time, and naturally I felt the pain as the last bit of my barrier broke down around his thick manhood.
I let out a light gasp at the intrusion against his lips, and waited until he was entirely inside and settled before I dared to even breathe again. He watched me, and waited patiently; giving me time to adjust, or perhaps time to change my mind. When finally I found myself calm again, I leaned forward and kissed him. Taking my signal, he drew out and pushed forward again, still moving incredibly gently.
He pulled out again, and moved his lips down to my neck. Tracing his tongue over the vein where he could feel my racing heart, he pushed inside again-this time with a little more power than before. I felt a moment of surprise at the sensation, but then I found the delicious pleasures that followed. And the next time, I pushed forward with him.
Angelus guided me into a tender rhythm that was making us both moan and sigh with delight. He held my face in his hands and peppered a trail of soft kisses over my skin as he moved inside of me. I shut my eyes; the emotions and sensations almost becoming too much for me to deal with.
With every thrust, he was making me feel more and more completed. It was as if I was approaching something intense and spectacular. I felt as if I was on a cliff, standing with my back to the edge and raising my arms outwards as if to get ready to let myself fall backwards. I never thought I�d want to fall like this before. I wanted to jump. To simply throw myself over the edge without even looking to see what rested at the bottom of the drop.
And then Angelus spoke. In a low, raspy voice he whispered, �I-I love you.�
And that�s when it hit me. A thousand sparks of pleasure igniting inside of me like fireworks. I screamed under the sensations and clung to Angelus as he pushed harder and deeper into me with each fast stroke. He joined me then, moaning my name and pushing inside of me for the final time.
I continued to fall. In the darkness I was weightless. The sensations of flying through the air made my skin prick with excitement. How could no one have ever told me that passion could be so satisfying? When finally I opened my eyelids to look up at Angelus, I found I could barely see him through the tears that had gathered in my eyes. His light expression darkened as the light from the moon flickered over my wet eyes and he saw that I was crying.
�What? Did I hurt you?� He searched my face for an answer, looking panicked that perhaps he had abused me again against my will.
I shook my head and took a deep breath to calm myself. And then I whispered simply, �I never knew.�
Angelus moved off of me, but pulled me with him so that I was laying with my head on his hard, sweat-dampened chest. Stroking my own wet skin with his large hands, he laid a tender kiss to the top of my head. �Rest your eyes,� he whispered in my ear, �nothing will happen to you, here with me.�
Little did he know, that something had already happened to me. I was falling in love�and for once, I couldn�t bring myself to care about what that meant. All I could think, was that I was winning. I had wanted to control Angelus. I had wanted to be his equal. It dawned on me that I had known how to all along. I had just been trying to balance myself in the wrong way. A woman�s power is not solely in her mind, but in her body as well.
This was knowledge that I intended to use to the fullest extent possible.
~~
The Next Part...
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