Wrapping myself in the bed sheet, I went through the doors that led to my own sitting and resting rooms. Once I was safely inside with the doors shut, I let out a sigh of total relief. How could women ever be willing to give their husbands their bodies, when they act like that? Which leads me to my next question�Do all men act like this when taking the virginity of their new wives?
I didn't have long to ponder, before there was a knock on the door. My breath caught in my throat as a horrid idea flashed through my mind of Angelus coming in and forcing me to finish what we had started, and I had ended.
Gathering what was left of my courage, I cleared my voice politely and called, "come in!"
The door opened and in walked a timid girl. With long, red hair and curious eyes, she looked to be about my age. She smiled softly when she saw me and said, "good morning, Ma'am. My name is Willow. I'm your new maidservant. May I help you to get dressed for the day?"
I smiled softly. Willow seemed so gentle and kind in nature. She made me feel instantly calmer. "D-do you think I'd have time for a bath?" I asked her softly, wishing with all of m soul that I could get clean of what Angelus had left inside/on me.
"Of course," she smiled. "I'll get it prepared for you." And with that, the petite redhead was gone from the room.
~~
I followed Willow into the bathroom, where she had prepared a warm tub, filled with steaming water and scented oils. I looked at her questioningly, wondering how on earth she knew that I would need the particular soothing oils that she had put into the bathing water.
She smiled softly, "woman's intuition, Ma'am."
"Call me Buffy," I smiled appreciatively at her, feeling my weary soul growing stronger with every passing moment that I spent with Willow. I noticed then, the way she was waiting expectantly for me to drop the sheet and get into the tub. I felt self conscious of what I may look like, now that I had been deflowered.
But if she noticed this, she didn't let on. Instead, Willow took hold of the sheet and stripped it from my body. She then helped me step into the tub.
Once I was standing in the hot liquid, I looked to Willow-still holding her hand. "I don't love him," I found myself blurting out, without even thinking about it.
She gave me an encouraging smile. "Perhaps in time, that will change."
**
I paced back and forth in my study, waiting for Buffy to come downstairs for breakfast. I had sent specific orders to the house staff, to have me alerted when she came out of her room, so that I could rush to meet her at the bottom of the stairs, and show her that I can be a gentleman.
Just a few moments ago, I had made the decision to put my remorse over last night's events, to the back of my mind. Instead of worrying over what could not be changed, I would focus on what I knew I could do to make this a happy marriage for both my beautiful, not-so-blushing bride, and myself.
"Master Angelus," came the voice of my butler, Giles. I turned to face him, and he cleared his throat and said, "Miss Buffy has emerged from her dressing chambers. But according to Willow, her new chambermaid�she won't leave her tea room." The look of bewilderment on my butler's face, didn't bother me at all.
The staff of my household, had no idea that Buffy and I had not met until yesterday. I had simply informed them that the woman I had been courting, had agreed to elope with me recently, and that now she was to be waited on hand-and-foot as my Queen. Any disputes with her, or lack of respect to my wife, would result in immediate loss of job, and the ruining of reputation towards all future possible offers of employment.
"Thank you, Giles," I said under my breath as I rushed past the older man, and raced towards the grand staircase that led up to the living quarters of my new wife and I. I took the steps two at a time, desperate to get there as fast as possible and see what could be the matter.
I reached the door to her dressing room, and burst inside. Crossing through the room of gowns and beauty supplies, I made my way to the doors that led to Buffy's tea room. Much to my annoyance, I found the doors to be locked. I banged on them twice, and called for my wife. "Buffy!"
"What?!" came a shrill reply.
"Damn," I muttered under my breath, in awe. "She is mad at you." I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. "Buffy, darling, will you please unlock the door so that we can rationally discuss whatever it is that is bothering you?"
"Rationally?" she scoffed. "How can we talk rationally? You can't rationalize the unrational!"
I frowned. "�What?" The things she said were making no sense to me. I questioned the idea that perhaps she had been sucking back a glass or two of brandy in secret. Maybe there was a good reason for the fact that I couldn't understand a word she spoke.
"Dammit, Buffy, open the door," I tried to calm my voice from the angry tone that escaped my mouth.
"No," she replied simply, suddenly sounding closer, as if all that was separating us was an inch and a half of solid oak. "�I can't," she whispered.
"Buffy, I know I've hurt you. I know I haven't taken the time to worship you as I should have. But�I want a chance to prove to you, that what I feel for you isn't just infatuation. I want a chance to show you the wonders of the world that you haven't had the chance to explore. I want to be able to watch the look of sheer delight in your eyes, as we explore the wonders of the world�together."
There was dead silence as I finished speaking. I waited several moments, wondering if perhaps she had fallen asleep at the sound of my voice. Maybe I was a really boring person to listen to.
And then, I heard the sound of a miracle.
The door slowly unlocked, and opened just a pinch. But that little opening was all I needed, to know that my efforts had not been in vain. Perhaps there was a chance for the love I felt for her, to be shared by the both of us. There was certainly enough to be shared between us.
"I'll be down in a minute," came her soft, tear-choked voice. I was about to say something, when she added, "if you want me to come down, go now. Don't say a word. Just turn, and leave without another sound. Will you do that for me?"
Though she could not see me, I nodded. Staying quiet, I turned and left the room as rapidly as I had entered it.
**
I shut the door again and let out a sigh of relief. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I turned to see Willow; watching me with tears in her own eyes. I laughed slightly as I dabbed my cheeks with my handkerchief. "Not you too," I attempted to lighten the mood as much as I could.
"I think he could love you," she whispered.
I knew the story that Angelus told his staff, wasn't the true one. But seeing as how Willow and I were to be close, I wanted her to know the truth. So I had told her the entire, tragic tale while she bathed and dressed me. It felt good to get my thoughts and feelings off my chest to someone. If Clarice, my old chambermaid, had been here-I would have poured out every little detail that there was. As it was, I made certain to leave little insignificant details out of my tale, solely because I didn't know Willow enough to trust her entirely yet. Although I felt quite certain that she was someone I could trust, I wanted to be cautious. Especially if Angelus forced her to tell him about our conversations like I'd heard some husbands do.
~~
Arriving in the dining hall, I almost turned and ran once more at the site of Angelus, standing with his back to me at the windows that lined the far wall of the room. He looked so large. His broad shoulders and muscular back made him seem as if he were nothing but a wall of muscle. Stone. Sturdy and strong. Something dependent and reliable, though occasionally a little rough. Like how he treated me that first time�
But the morning after, he managed to be so respectful. So gentle. It was as if I was barely being touched, though my every nerve felt alive with fire being forced into my blood lines. Oh bad Buffy! These thoughts will get you nowhere.
I politely cleared my throat, deciding that it was extremely rude for me to stare at his back all day and allow my thoughts to wander free to lands that would do me no good to be. Angelus turned abruptly, and a small smile broke across his handsome features, succeeding in lighting me on fire.
"Buffy," he spoke my name like a prayer. I felt my stomach flutter. He came over to me, and offered a hand. I took it rather reluctantly, and he guided me to my seat, next to his own at the head of the table. He held my seat for me, and kissed my hand tenderly when I was properly seated.
Taking his own seat next to me, he smiled. "I have something for you," he informed me. He reached a hand to the chair on the other side of him, and produced a single, long-stemmed, red rose. It was a wine-red colour that reminded me of one, simple word�Romance.
He handed it to me. I accepted it and inhaled its sweet fragrance, unable to keep a smile from forming on the corner of my lips. "It's beautiful," I whispered.
"It can't compare to your beauty, my dear," he replied, never taking his eyes off me. "You are far sweeter than any fragrance to be called sweet."
I felt a warm blush coating my cheeks. It confused me that my emotions could be so off-base about this man that I had been forced to marry. At first, he was animalistic and barbaric, and I wanted nothing to do with his devilish good looks, or his dark, alluring eyes. But on the other hand, there was a softness in him when he looked at me as he was looking now. It was a softness that calmed my shattered nerves and scattered wits. It was incredible.
That's all I can say about it.
~~
Breakfast passed with little to no surprises. Angelus made casual conversation in what I see as an attempt to actually get to know me. He asked simple questions that didn't pry too much, and he listened intently as I chose my words to answer. He asked about my parents. He asked about my childhood. He asked me about my hobbies, at which I revealed my obsession with studying the night sky, and talking long walks through the gardens. That last confession led to Angelus' idea of a thorough introduction to the grounds of the estate.
So taking his arm as he offered it, Angelus toured me around the gardens. I found myself in complete awe of the beauty that I found in this home that I'd just hours before-seen as a prison. After walking through garden after garden for what seemed like an hour, Angelus stopped.
"I fear, my love, that this is the end of the beauty in the gardens," he informed me. "There is more garden area beyond the tall bushes ahead, but I must confess that I haven't had it tended to entirely well. It's mostly overrun with weeds and wild flowers. It would take quite a bit of work to restore it, and my staff have their hands full maintaining the rest of the estate as it is."
I was silent a moment, and then I asked cautiously, "may I see it anyways?" I looked up at him with timid eyes, not too sure of the reaction I should be expecting from him.
He smiled warmly down at me. "Of course," he answered.
He guided me off the perfectly groomed cobblestone path, to a simple dirt trail that led to tall bushed he had pointed out. Reaching the bushes, Angelus whispered to me, "wait here." He then went forward and into the brush a little. After a few moments of pushing and pulling, I heard a door swing open. He returned to me then, and took my hand. "You've been warned," he smiled teasingly at me.
Using my free hand to push away any stray branches that threaten to smack my face, I made my way through the brush-covered gate with Angelus' help. The garden that we entered, was just as Angelus had promised; overrun with weeds and wild flowers. But it had a tinge of beauty to it as well. There were angelic, marble statues situated around flowing waterfalls and stone pathways. It was definitely rough, and in some serious need of attention-but it was still gorgeous in its own right.
"If the idea suits you," Angelus' voice knocked me from my awed daze, "I could arrange for a new landscape designer to come in and clean this garden up. We could have it designed the way you'd like it, and it could be like your own private...sanctuary." He turned me slowly to face him, and looked down at me with sparkling, dark eyes.
I smiled softly into his genuinely kind face. "I'd like that," I answered. "It would be..." I couldn't think of a word besides, "...nice."
"We'll do that then," he smiled, happy that he had found something to keep me contented during my first few weeks in my new home.
~~
The midday meal passed in much the same fashion as the rest of the day. Nothing earth-shattering happened. I caught Angelus watching me more times then I can count, and each time he did it, I'd find a way to lower my head even more. Despite his gentle attitude of the day, I couldn't find a way to relax around him entirely. Letting down my guard, was something I wasn't looking to do any time too soon.
After lunch, Angelus showed me to the library, and he encouraged me to choose a book that I could take to the deck and read while he read a book of his own. This seemed like a suitable arrangement. It didn't sound too private or close, so I agreed and made a selection. The book I chose was a basic tale of a young girl from Ireland-struggling to make it in her new home in Britain. It was about how she deals with her new husband from an arranged marriage, and the new customs of the country.
Angelus settled me on a comfortable, white daybed with a million throw pillows. There was a white, silk canopy draped over the top to provide me with a little shade. He sat in a chair next to the daybed, and focused his attention entirely on the book in his lap. Although I knew I shouldn't be thinking right now, I couldn't help my thoughts from the places that they wandered.
Sitting so close to Angelus, I was certain that I could feel his heart beating. Or was that my own? Any matter, I knew I was tense. I tried to relax to the best of my abilities, and focus on my novel, but how could I be expected to do such a thing when Angelus had me so confused? He's presented me with a million points to ponder in just a day's time. If he could make me think this much in a day and a half, what would the next few years be like? My brain would be near exploding by the time I ended the third week with my new husband.
My husband? Did I really just refer to him as my husband? How odd is that. Yesterday I didn't even know the man, and now I'm referring to him as my husband, as if I've known him forever.
But I haven't. I have to keep that in mind when he looks at me with those dark, alluring eyes. I have to repeat that to myself when he tosses me that sexy half-smirk that makes me tingle for no reason at all.
"Is it in a different language?" came Angelus' voice, knocking me from my trance of thoughts.
I looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"Your book," Angelus pointed to where it rested in my lap. "You've been on the first page for about twenty minutes now. I'm starting to wonder if it's in a different language." He smirked.
I smiled softly, "just having a little trouble finding my concentration. That's all. I'm sure I'll flip the page soon."
He smiled softly. "No rush." His double-meaning of the phrase, was not lost to me, and I smiled in appreciation of his kindness.
~~
Dinner arrived all too soon, and it was like I couldn't find a way to slow time down. I was deadly afraid of what would happen at bedtime. What was Angelus expecting of me? Was he expecting to sleep with me tonight? Or would we simply roll over and fall asleep without a word about making love?
And then it happened. Angelus offered his hand to help me to my feet and guide me to our bedroom. I hesitated momentarily, looking into his eyes to attempt reading his thoughts. Needless to say, it didn't work. So without a clue in the world as to what was going to happen, I accepted the offered hand, and allowed him to pull me up. He surprised me by simply whisking me into his arms, rather then allowing me to walk on my own two feet.
Carrying me up the stairs and to my room, he set me down in my changing room. "Willow will be in momentarily to help you change. Then I'll be back to get you for bed," he smiled softly at me.
I nodded softly, feeling so nervous and anxious for reasons unknown. He sensed this, and pulled me closer, placing his fingers under my chin and tilting my head up so that he could look into my eyes. "Hey," he got my attention. "I love you. You're safe with me. You always will be."
And somehow, I knew he meant it.
He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. It was like the kiss of a butterfly. It was there one moment, and gone the next. Barely leaving a lingering sensation in my lips, but being firm enough to send a chill down my spine. I opened m eyes to see him gazing down at me, examining my face. I was so close to just melting. Couldn't he see that? Couldn't he find a way to help that? I didn't want to melt like this. I felt so helpless. So vulnerable to him.
And with that, I reached up and pulled his lips down to mine once again, to have the taste that I'd wanted, but not received when he kissed me. He seemed surprised at first, but once he realized what I wanted, he was completely willing to allow me a chance to explore. He pulled me flush against his hard body, and parted his lips to encourage me further.
I accepted his encouragement, and took the opportunity to slip my tongue in between his lips, and press into his own. He took this chance to massage my tongue with his own, causing me to moan outwardly. How could one man be so incredibly seductive to me?
Finally, we withdrew from one another's lips. I gazed up into his eyes, breathlessly awed at the fire shooting through his eyes. He was driving me crazy with that look. All I wanted, was to feel that fire that seemed to be exploding inside him. Could it be as hot as the fires inside of me?
"I'll let you get changed," he whispered, somehow maintaining the mood of allure despite the fact that he was telling me that he was leaving�for now.
I could only manage a nod in response. I still hadn't managed to catch my breath. And with one final kiss to my lips-which I took the time to savour despite the briefness of it-he turned and left the room.
**
So much for taking things slow. The moment I stepped away from Buffy, I felt cold again. She was seducing me without even knowing it. My ideas of waiting to make love to her again, were slowly receding to the back of my mind.
Damn it. This was going to be a long night if I managed to hold away from her. If not�Things could be passionately intense.
**
Willow tossed me one final smile as she left the room. I could tell she was going to be a great help to me from now on. Not just for helping me get ready for the day, but for other things. Already, she was giving me smart advice that I would be foolish not to take.
She gave me such encouragement for dealing with Angelus. Her exact words were, "maybe he won't be as bad as you think. I've known him for many years now, and he's always exercised a way of kindness when he speaks to me. Perhaps in time, you'll learn to love him as he loves you. But for now...I wouldn't push him away, and worry about what could happen in the future. Now, you must worry about now."
As I sat in a chair next to the fireplace, awaiting Angelus' return, I pondered her words. Could I one day love Angelus? Could I one day look at him without the slightest sense of fear or hesitation in the back of my mind? Maybe I could. But Willow was right. For now, I had to focus on what was happening NOW.
The only problem is, that NOW, I can't seem to get my mind off the taste of his lips, the feel of his kiss, and the way that his hands had held me close. Not to mention the extreme pleasure he had brought me to this morning. I had no idea I could ever feel so wonderful. So...alive. Was that what ecstasy felt like? If so, I want to go there again, and this time, I don't want to leave.
It was at this point in my thoughts, that Angelus returned to the room. He smiled softly and crossed the room to where I was sitting. Without words, he bent down and picked me up as if I weighed nothing at all. Perhaps to him, I didn't. He is so much larger than me. Everything about him is big and intimidating.
Especially those dark eyes...
"Buffy?" his voice came through the fog of my mind as I gazed into his dark eyes. I realized then that we were already in our Master bedroom. He smiled softly, "I asked what side of the bed you'd like." The amusement tickling the corner of his eyes made me relax to a slight degree. My fears were slowly easing, though they were still apparent in my actions and my thoughts.
I was about to reply, "whichever one you're not on," when I realised that wasn't true. I wanted to be on the side that he was on. I wanted him to hold me. To be close to me. After the passions of the day before, he hadn't made a move to do anything besides tenderly kiss me for a fleeting instant. And despite how thankful I should be that he was allowing me space, I can't seem to convince myself that being close to him once more, would be such a bad thing.
So instead of my cruel reply, I smiled softly and said, "it doesn't matter. I have no preference."
He smiled and carried me to the right side of the bed, furthest from the door and the windows. I knew instinctively, that he did this so that he would be protecting me, even in sleep. If he was closest to the door and window, then any attackers from the outside world, would have to go through him first, in order to get to me. My heart again, began to melt.
Laying me down gently, it seemed to take an eternity for him to get me settled, and to then climb in to the other side of the bed. An awkward moment passed as I laid on my back and gazed at the ceiling. What was I to do now? Was he expecting me to cuddle in to him? Or was he waiting for me to turn onto my side, facing away from him completely?
We lay there for what seemed like ten minutes, simply breathing. My thoughts ran wild with possible actions for me to take. This gorgeous man was so close, and it would be so simple to just reach out to him...and be loved by him. I knew he wouldn't reject me. Not now. And despite my common senses...I knew...Not ever.
"Buffy," came his deep, gruff, hesitant voice in the darkness.
I barely dared to breathe. "Y-yes?" I answered finally.
"C..." he trailed off. He waited what seemed like another minute and a half. What was he doing? Trying to gather his nerve? He hadn't had so much trouble with his nerves last night! "Can I...Um...Would you be terribly angry if I asked to hold you?" I could sense the trepidation in his voice, and it made me smile. He was nervous! He was actually nervous about holding me!
Out of nowhere, I found my strength. Without words, I shifted onto my side-facing him, and I began to move closer. At the first touch of my hand to his arm, I heard him let out a sigh of relief. He turned also, to face me as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me to his chest. Wrapping both arms around me tightly, he whispered, "I thought you were going to say 'yes'," his voice held a chuckling tinge, though he didn't actually laugh out.
I smiled softly in the darkness. "...So did I."
~~