It was around eleven thirty when I crept inside my large home. In my opinion, it looks more like a mausoleum with its dark vibes and eerie statues posted on the front terrace of this gigantic, stone castle. Having been in meetings and interviews all day about the merger with Hank, I hadn�t exactly had the time to think about last night. But Buffy was on my mind the entire time.
Waving a hand at my security guard in mild acknowledgement, I stepped inside and dropped my jacket to the table next to the front doors. Sighing, I put my hands in my pockets and looked up at the ceiling. It was carved with angels and Celtic designs. It truly was a work of art, and I wondered briefly why I ever bothered to buy a home that was so beautifully wasted on me?
I heard something in the back reaches of my mind, and turned my head to look to the left to see who had intruded upon my home.
There was Buffy.
I began to smile, but stopped myself when I detected her hostility, and her anger. What was wrong? Had she found out from someone? No, that can�t be it. No one knows.
�Buffy?� I begin, slight confusion narrowing my features. �What�s wrong? What are you doing here?�
�Am I a person?� she asked me, her voice shaking as she tried to control her anger. �Tell me, Angelus. Am I a God Damned person, or not?!�
I calmed myself as I realized just how angry she was. I couldn�t think of anything to say in response to that, that wouldn�t sound completely lame, so I replied with a solemn mask, �yes.�
She shut her eyes as tears formed. But she fought them back and opened her eyes once more. I could see her so well in the pale moonlight that filtered through the windows. She was so hurt by something. Was it something I�d done.
�So tell me,� she started, her voice sounding almost pained. �Tell me why I can�t be treated like one.� At my lack of response, she continued in a louder voice, �Tell me why I can�t be treated like a fucking human being, Angelus! With some damn respect!�
I knew all of a sudden, that she�d found out something I hadn�t intended for her to find out. During the first few days that I met Buffy, I had asked a few people some questions about her, and being the likable being that I am, these people were all too happy to ensure that they could answer my questions in full. I realized though, that I had forgotten to tell William not to ask around any more. IN my loss of mind with my passion for Buffy, I�d completely disregarded my plans.
Bad move.
�I know, you know what I�m talking about.� Buffy took a step towards me. �You had someone ask my BEST FRIEND, if I�d ever been intimate with someone. Angelus, do you even know how much that hurts me? To find out that you�d be so cruel? It hurts more than anything you could have said or done. You invaded my privacy. You invaded my LIFE.� Then, in a shaky voice as the tears began to fall, she whispered, �and you invaded my heart.�
She looked to me, her expression full of pain, �can�t you see how much that hurts me?�
�Buffy, I never wanted to hurt you,� I stepped forward, but she stepped back. I took a breath that I didn�t mean, and tried again. �I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to know. I wanted to know about you. I HAD to know.�
�So why didn�t you ASK me!� she was begging me for an answer that I couldn�t give, and it broke what was left of the soul that I had tortured for so many years. �Why didn�t you just ask me, if you had a question? I would have told you anything you wanted to know. I mean�� She wiped at her tears, trying to pull herself together. �I mean, what kind of a man are you?�
Suddenly I realized I had to tell her. Better to get the pain over with now then to wait and break her again and again with every shameful secret of every shameful past in my soul.
�I�m not a man.�
She furrowed her brow and managed to ask, �W-what?�
�I�m not a man, Buffy. I look like one. I talk like one. I act like one. But I�m not a man, Buffy. I�m nothing like you. I don�t have pretty little visions of children and sunshine, because I can�t. I�m not human. I haven�t been for a very long time.� There. I said it. Now to watch her explode.
But the fireworks never came.
Buffy stepped back to the wall, and leaned against it for support. �Oh my God,� she breathed under her breath. �I knew it. I knew there was something.� She shut her eyes as the tears fell now, of their own will and power.
�Buffy, this doesn�t change a thing about how I feel for you. So I was too coward to ask you myself some of those things that I just HAD to know. But that doesn�t mean I don�t care for you,� I found myself trying to justify aloud, what I had done. But there were things to come, that I could never justify.
I could never make her see everything.
�So what are you?� she opened her eyes, looking at me like I�d just destroyed every hope she had, and every dream she�d spent so long planning. �What are you?�
I straightened my back again. I looked down at my hands as I nervously played with my Claddagh ring. Shit, why was I so nervous? I haven�t been nervous in over two hundred years! �It�s not important,� I could only hope that she would take that answer and settle.
But of course she didn�t. �No, that�s not what I said. I want to know what the Hell you are!� she stepped up to me, and I found I had to work to keep myself from cowering back from the intense look in her eyes. �I want to know what I�ve fallen for, if it�s not an angel. I want to know what kind of devil-loving, cradle-robbing, man-hating, respect-dismissing ass-hole I�ve allowed myself to love!�
�You don�t need to though,� I tried to reason with her.
But Buffy would have none of it. She sighed, �Angel�Just tell me, okay? Just tell me what you are�WHO you are. I just want to know the truth.�
I was tempted to quote the famous line �you want the truth? You can�t HANDLE the truth!� But I refrained and with one last glance at my sanity, I leapt, replying, �I�m a vampire.�
She looked at me for a moment with an unreadable expression. Then she scoffed, �a vampire?� She laughed once. �A vampire?� She looked away from me as new tears formed. When she looked back, she was almost giggling. �You meant to tell me I�ve fallen in love with someone who sucks necks to stay alive?� She started laughing then, �well, Angelus! That makes me feel really good about my abilities in the bed!� She continued to laugh. �But seeing as how you�ve probably had WAY worse over the years, I supposed I shouldn�t feel all that bad.�
�Buffy, I�ve never felt anything like what I feel with you,� I confessed. I was slightly unnerved by the way she was reacting to my secret. She seemed to be taking it along with a few thousand emotions of hysterics. This was probably bad. This usually meant that she�ll explode in to a fit of rage any second now.
But Buffy never was one for following the pack.
�So, you�re a vampire,� she calmed her laughter and started sorting things out. �You�re a vampire who kills. You meet me. You can�t resist me,� she rolled her eyes half way. �And so you have people ask around to see if I�ve ever given head or shit like that. Then you make me feel things I�ve damn sure never felt before�And then you tell me the truth-but only when I force you to. I just have one question Angelus, or whoever you are.�
I didn�t say anything. My eyes had darkened as she tore up everything we�d had, and everything we�d done and made it seem so small and inferior to passions of lovers past.
�Did I ever mean a damn thing to you?� she finally asked, her voice breaking for the billionth time.
It was at this point, where I rushed to her. I pulled her into my arms, devouring her lips before she had a chance to think and pull back. Now that she knew, and now that I knew she cared-there was no way that I could let her go. I�d fallen for her, and damn it may be selfish, but there�s nothing left now, that could keep me from her side.
She�s mine�For eternity.
**
Looking at Angelus as he confessed had strengthened my resolve. Now, all I knew was that despite his past, his life-I wanted him. I wanted him more than I�d ever wanted anything in my life, and there was no way I was giving him up.
He tasted so dark. I allowed myself to feel the darkness, and I found that as long as it was Angelus-I didn�t particularly mind it. It suited him so well. He was beautiful, yet dark. Such a dark angel. A dark God.
Whoever thought an angel could bring ebony to me?
I kissed him back with a passion that surprised even me. My entire body was like ice, melting beneath the touch of this bright angel. I felt the wetness of my melted core pooling at the pit of me, and I moved closer to him, somehow knowing that the closer I got, the better I'd feel. And if last night went to show for anything, I knew that I was going to feel a LOT better.
"Angelus," I gasped as he finally released my lips, tilted my head back to lick and nip his way down my neck. I tightened my grip around his neck and sighed again. This wasn't exactly what I had planned to do this evening, but it was turning out in a much more interesting fashion, in my opinion.
Before I knew it, he had me backed against the wall. Reaching my hand down-unashamed of my actions-I gripped him through the material of his pants. He was as ready as I was. Oh God, please just let him take me now...
He growled as I squeezed him, perhaps in anticipation, or perhaps because he was trying to excercise some form of control and he was rapidly losing it with every breathy moan I made, and every flicker of my wrist against the base of his arousal.
His left hand pinched and twisted my nipple until it was a tight peak, and I felt like coming on the spot as he licked at my neck. His free hand travelled down, over my ribs and my stomach, to the base of my thigh. He slid the material of my knee-length skirt up with a soothing gracefulness that I knew was unique and all his own. No one else was this beautiful when making love.
Though I had no experience to compare him with...I found I just knew.
His lips burned a trail back up to mine as his fingers found my center, and pushed aside my lace thong. He slid one digit inside of me, and the moan of satisfaction that we both let out was so intense that it caused the butterfly nerves in my stomach to twitch again at an even more alarming rate than before.
God, he was driving me insane!
Nipping on his bottom lip as I lifted myself to follow the pace of his fingers, I felt the world coming all around me. How could he make me so hot, so fast? It was completely unfair to display such control over me. But then again, he was just showing the truth. He was the ultimate ruler of my body. There would never be another after him. There would never be a time when he wouldn�t be here for me. I had to have him in my life�In my heart�Forever.
Forcing me to my first peak, I released myself from his kiss and let out a cry of his name. He growled appreciatively in to my neck, licking again at my skin.
�God, more!� I gasped. �Please. I need you Angelus. Just�Please.� I knew what I was saying wasn�t coherent, but I also knew that he was getting the message.
Pulling his fingers from me, I heard the sound of a zipper as Angelus freed his hard arousal, and lifted me on to his hips. Pushing me back against the wall, he impaled me with one thrust, making me climax for the second time with the sheer force of his arousal and desire. I screamed, ripping his shirt open as I orgasm for him with an intense passion.
He settled in to me with a brutal rhythm that might have frightened me if it wasn�t Angelus. He was so tender, even in his darkest moments, and I somehow just knew that it was impossible for him to hurt me.
Kissing me hard, his hands ripped open my halter much the same as his shirt. Breaking the kiss, he looked in to my eyes. I let out a faint smile, and then shut my eyes again as the pleasure increased ten-fold with his next thrust�And his next�Again, and again.
He leaned forward and latched on to one of my nipples, tonguing it with an endless passion for making me feel as complete as I could in his arms. Oh God, the things he did to me! With one hand on my ass, pulling me in to every thrust, he slid his free fingers of my thighs and in to my center. Flicking over my bud with practiced, polished ease, I found myself once again at the edge.
With one more thrust, one more lick, and one more flick; I was over. I screamed, clenching all around him. He joined me in orgasm, and I reveled in the feel of him coming inside of me�Filling me with the very essence of his being.
Settling in to the aftermath, I sighed. I opened my eyes to see he watching me intently. �Buffy?� he whispered, not being too loud so he wouldn�t disrupt the peaceful silence.
The golden period of the �after�.
�Hmm?� I smiled, feeling light headed and dizzy.
�I can�t ever let you go now. You know that, right?� He was completely sincere.
I smiled, shutting my eyes again as I leaned my head back against the wall. �Yeah,� I admitted. �I know.�
~~