I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the muted light of the room. Glancing to my left at the night stand, I noticed there wasn�t my usual clock and telephone in a basic black, but a yellow clock, and a blue phone. I frowned, where exactly was I? I looked up at the high ceilings, and again I was surprised to see a white dry wall pattern, whereas my own ceiling at home was a dark red in my bedroom.
Glancing next to me, the spot of blonde hair and the rays of feminine elegance and beauty, allowed realization to kick in.
Buffy.
She yawned softly, and snuggled closer to my side. I felt her heart beating so loud in my ear, and her breath was hot against my bare skin.
How could I have let this happen? I told myself that I was walking away from her just last night! That I was going to let her have the sunlight and beauty that she so deserved, not the ebony existence that some could classify as my �life�.
I felt her struggling to pull herself from the dark reaches of sleep, and she moaned in a sexy way that reminded me slightly of a cat; elegant and graceful. That would be Buffy.
It dawned on me that though I regretted that her first experience of love had been with a demon who�d fallen helplessly in love with her; I wasn�t exactly regretting that it was me. But then my mind kicked in to a working frame, and I realized that I wasn�t feeling bad about it, because it wasn�t something that I regret. How could I regret finding a lover in the most precious gift known to mankind?
But there�s always a dark side to my silver lining. What if she is regretting it. I don�t think I could honestly bare the thought of Buffy telling me to leave now, and never come back to her. Memories flashed through my mind of the night before. She had given herself to me with such passion, such fire, and such love.
She had wanted everything as much as I had.
No. She wouldn�t regret this. I knew I couldn�t even fool myself into thinking that she would. She had been explicitly clear that it was what she wanted�What she needed.
She turned on to her back, still staying in full contact with me. Moaning once more, she licked her lips, and I felt myself arouse instantly. How could one movement in the blurred reality of sleep make me so hot for her, so suddenly? She was doing things to me, without even knowing it, that no one had ever done in my long, long existence, and I found that it was the most refreshing change.
�Angelus?� she asked as she furrowed her brow, reaching out for me to hold her.
Without hesitation, I pulled her in to my arms and held her close. Kissing the top of her head, I whispered, �shh. I�m here.�
She opened her eyes and looked up at me a little unsurely. �I thought maybe you�d left me. Just left without saying good-bye.�
I found myself smiling softly as I replied, �I can�t leave you Buffy.� My face became serious then as I decided to lay it all out for her to judge me. She had to know why I wanted to leave. �Buffy, I tried to walk away from you, but I can�t. I tried to tell myself that you weren�t what I needed, but the thing is that I need you more than anything. From the very first moment I saw you, I�I just knew I�d never be the same. Do you understand what I�m saying here, or am I making any sense?�
She smiled through her fresh tears that I could only hope were of happiness. �You�re making perfect sense. Because you�re so perfect,� speaking those words, she leaned forward and kissed me tenderly.
Burying her head in my neck to speak more, she continued, �I never knew I could�Feel that way. That someone could bring up such intense emotions inside of me. I felt like�I�ve never�Angelus, you gave me more than love last night. I felt like I was embracing what life is really about.� She pulled her head back to look me in the eye. �I can�t ever live without you now. I want to be with you forever.�
Those words stoned me to the spot. I didn�t move. I didn�t flinch. Forever. Be with me forever. The possibilities that those words brought out of me were endless, yet unthinkable. How could I even contemplate keeping Buffy forever?�But how could I let her go after just one lifetime.
�Buffy,� I began. I had to tell her. She had to know who I was. What I was. She couldn�t go on thinking that I was a wonderful person filled with beautiful thoughts of white picket fences and colonial homes. She had to know the darkness that embraced my existence. But then, she might just want to leave.
She looked up at me with such trust. Such adoration. �What?� her eyes betrayed her innocence. She was still so sensitive. I couldn�t break her heart by telling her that the man she had given herself to, was an evil creature of the night.
�Nothing,� I whispered, leaning down to kiss her.
I couldn�t tell her yet�
But I would tell her...
I had to tell her�
Before she found out some other way.
**
Kissing Angelus good bye as he snuck out the front door, I found myself blushing continuously. I couldn't stop thinking about all the things that he had done to me the night before. The things he had done to my body. I felt a strange reaction just thinking about it.
Angelus had a power of me. He was able to conjure up feelings and emotions inside of me that made me feel so much deeper, so much more intimate that I believed I ever could be. And then he would go about telling me that it was all me, and that he had nothing to do with the beautiful thoughts coming out of my mind when I thought about him and love.
Rushing upstairs, I fell back on to my bed and smiled. I buried my face in my hands, laughing for some reason. I was feeling so positively joyous about the situation. I was falling in love with someone who desired me in return. Life was too perfect.
This is usually where something bad happens.
Just as I thought that, the phone rang. I looked at it for a moment, trying to figure out why it was ringing. Then I realized, and picked it up.
"Hello?" I answered, suddenly feeling a little nervous.
"Buffy!" Willow's voice shrieked.
"Will?" I asked, wondering why she sounded so freaked out. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Willow assured me instantly. "It's all so right! I'm in love, Buffy!"
I frowned, "Will, when exactly did this happen?"
"Last night. I met someone named Spike. He was asking me a bunch of questions about you. He said he was a friend of your friend. I guess that was just his way of getting to know me, because we totally hit it off!" she sounded so happy.
"Will, what kind of questions was he asking about me?" I asked, suddenly concerned.
"Just weird stuff. Like about your past. Your relationship with your father. He asked a few personal ones. Like if you'd ever been intimate," she sounded a little wigged by that.
"Will, this is very important," I said seriously, my voice calm. "Did he say who this friend of his was? Did he mention a name?"
"Yeah," Willow paused then, sounding a little hesitant to tell me.
"What was the name, Will?" I asked.
"Angelus."