>>>August two, oh one, 11:11 PM: I'm back like the killer in a cheap sequel to a cheap slasher flick whos only special effects are nudity and gallons of unconvinsing pinkish blood. The events that accured during my span of employment are too terrible and bizzare to impart this soon after they happened. Actually, I'm too lazy right now. The future holds lots of work, what with school, relationships, and total world domination all coming up. That's right kittens! Freestanding Nude Media is gearing up to...uh...gah! I need a cup of coffee before I start slinging business clishes...

Moments later...

11:30: Gug, weak coffee, no grounds. After I figure out how to register for next year's local comic book convention, I'll be able to provide a definate list of what we'll be offering, but untill then, I can speculate you a list:

• Deconstructionist comics drawn on the back of AOL cds that will make the the toast of the town.
• Mind altering posters that might just save your life.
• T-shirts that will make beautiful women strip naked at the very site of you wearing them.
• Comic books that will cause you to turn your back on reality.
• Stickers that will win you friends and influence people.
• Assorted other items that would make the Marquis de Sade piss himself in some emotion.

While I'm at work putting everything together, my minions are out hunting acetate, DVD burners, paper, and booze. While all this is going on, it's almost sad to think I know people who are PoE worthy. I actually know the party responcible for this. I can properly describe it. It's worse than most of the other sites I've railed against. Worse than a goth site, worse than a angsty whinefest, worse than witchcraft pages. Yea, it's almost inhumanly terrible. It wins the kick-in-the-nuts content+design award. Yes, I do believe that's all for now.

>>>7/11/01 10:36 PM est: I have to do work as a camp counselor (your children are not safe), and do other stuff, so I'll be gone. This will be my last update for a good long time so I'll make it count. Listen: In my absence, my POP3 account will be deleting all mail. This is a result of getting over 50 penis enlargement ads, 20-30 weight loss ads, and an email telling me I was already approved for a credit card if I would agree to a pyramid scheme distributing panties for increasing breast size in palm pilots. Since I don't give a damn and don't want to go to all the trouble of deleting it all (I am a lazy bastard anyway) everything goes straight to the lake of fire. However, if you think it's so terribly piss-your-pants important to contact me, my webbased account is [email protected]. If you write there, it won't get deleted off the server, but chances are I won't have time to reply. That out of the way, time to get to the stuff. AOL/Timewarner is Evil and Microsoft is Evil, but smiles frequently. I am associated with Portal of evil now. My user name is Duke Redstar, so look forward to my contributions in eagerness and fear, with a side of sexuality. On this momentous occasion as I stand on the threshold of total world domination and chinese buffets, I realize that in some 3rd world nation, people in gasmasks are KICKING EACH OTHER IN THE CROTCH.

If that doesn't leave you pleased then here is some ear candy for you. I won't tell you what it is, because if I did, I'd be arresting for violating the Digital Millenium Copyright Act. Trafficing an illigal circumvention device, that's me! I could be in that movie traffic for pulling this. Don't drink gasoline while I'm gone and send me videos of all the "stuff" you do since I'm going to miss it.

>>>7/10/01 7:09 PM est: I would like to keep my life a simple as possible, but sometimes it starts to get complex. You, of course, don't care about that. That is to say, you don't care about it unless it involves fundamentalist christians, Chinese food, high-performance sport cars, outlaw journalism, and sex, which oddly enough, would mean you would care about what's going on. Bah! Like any of that really matters! What matters is that the narrator section has been redone to provide even less information about me than EVER! The backend has had a face lift too. So has linux! Now, if you think linux is too unholy, you can get jesux! That's right! Now you badass christian hackers can stop useing that heathen operating system and use an operating system that is more limited, can't encrypt, blocks certain sites, prevents logons on sundays, lacks several important useful funtions, and accepts hexadecimal modes, such as 0x01B6. Wow, but everyone knows God runs Win. NT on his system because he needs the networking tools. Speaking of facelifts, I wonder if all facelifts make you this bad at making coherant webpages. Probably so.

>>>7/9/01 10:47 PM est: BAM! Too dangerous to write for the gazette! That's right, add the gazatte to places I've been banned from! Why? It was this article that pushed them over the line. That makes this website the homepage of a dangerous outlaw writer. Is it because I've got ideas that "our Society tries to quash beause it is a challenge to the bullshit it insists is real". No. Probably not. The article isn't that horrible to warrent the it-would-be-better-if-you-didn't-write-for-us-anymore responce. I've got opinions the editor can't handle. I suppose being kicked off of a)the school newspaper b)the real newspaper, because "you [me] have the skills neccesary, but [looks at article and frowns] this is why we can't have you [me, duh] on the staff" makes me an outlaw writer. Our title image now reflects out apparent outlawship. The music page has been fixified, and the FAQ has been nuked. It will return, like, tomorrow hopefully. Untill then, you can enjoy our page on Besonic.com, the new mp3.com that doesn't suck.

>>>7/8/01 7:43 PM est: Right, what type of what type of cool stuff do I have for you today? Well, if your like me, [in voice of Yogi Bear] you know DJ Shadow is one funky mothafucka! Somehow, I can hear Yogi saying that right now, Boo-boo! Yogi does seem like the type that would drive around in his cadillac blaring a DJ Shadow megamix, in that case, he would want to know what songs/things DJ Shadow has sampled. It's a really big, complete list, with audio, and would make any beat head happy. Just in case your not happy: 1, 2, 3, 4, Homemade. No one leaves here without being pleased, if I have to use up all my webspace and buy them a prostitute!
In other news: I'm going to have to over haul the music page, since I'm divorcing mp3.com. Right now, the intro is now totally innacurate, along with all the links to the artists. That will get fixed and correctified at approximately the same time as the FAQ, which is also hopelessly outofdate. It's important to keep everything on the internet well maintained. Speaking of things on the internet, this is what I might be if my brain stopped growing in middle school, I started to listen to brain rotting music, I stoped trying to improve myself into a supreme badass, and if my personality left me to join the circus. Actually, I woulden't be able to be this bad. Fortunatly, I didn't turn out like that. The page has to be seen to be properly loathed. The best part is reading about how he claims to be against the norm, anti-establishment, etc, with ideas that "our Society tries to quash beause it is a challenge to the bullshit it insists is real" and then when you read his bio, he's this pitifully normal shmuck. Just in case you still arn't pleased:

It will take forever to load, and it's not really that funny.
but at least it's interesting.

Ending on a note thats pleaseing to me: Family guy is back! We're all very happy about this.

Epilogue: What keeps the worker bees working? Poontang.
>>>The End>>>