The Missal

This page contains links to various forms of The Missal and includes a glossary for those not familar with some of the loutish terms.
 

Brief history of The Missal
During the summer of 1993 I was climbing Croagh Patrick (753m) in Co Mayo, Ireland with 2 friends (Peter K and Eoin K). Before abandoning the climb (it was misty, drizzling and cold) we stopped for a beer (we each brought a can with us) and composed "Arthur's Devotion", a parody of the "Our Father" that appears in Roman Catholic mass.

Arthur's Devotion

Our Can who art in beer cooler,
Hallowed be thy ring-pull;
Thy delivery come;
Thy contents will be drunk at home as it is in pubs.
Give us today our daily session;
and forgive us our vomiting,
as we forgive those who drink minerals;
and lead us not into other brands,
but deliver us from sobriety.
A beer...please.
 

Late the following year I obtained a missal from a Roman Catholic church and began to convert it to a loutish form. This took a month or so and was finalised, in Microsoft Word 2.0, in December 1994.

I passed the missal around to friends, all of whom appreciated it. Since establishing a web site I have been determined to make the masterpiece, er Missal, available in HTML so those not using Windows can view and appreciate it.
 

The Missal Downloads

HTML versions - These pages are HTML version of The Missal and represent the original documents as best as I can create them in HTML.
 Page 1
 Page 2
 Page 3
 Page 4

JPEG scans - I scanned the original printouts (at 100 dpi) in order to see the true formatting. Before accessing these images, note the file size.
 Page 1 (JPG) - 183 KB
 Page 2 (JPG) - 209 KB
 Page 3 (JPG) - 200 KB
 Page 4 (JPG) - 145 KB

Microsoft Word 2.0 for Windows versions - these are the originals created back in 1994 (well there abouts). These are A4 paper size format. Before attempting to print these versions, you may need to compare the formatting to the JPEG scans to ensure accuracy. The document's page margins may need to be modified on your machine. The documents use "Times New Roman", "Arial" and "President" fonts. "Arial" is only used on page 3 ("Take this all of you" bits) and "President" is for the "DaymoBrew" copyright notice.
If you want the US Letter paper size formats, download the US compressed versions below.
 Page 1 (A4) - 49 KB (the graphic in the page boosts the size)
 Page 2 (A4) - 14 KB
 Page 3 (A4) - 13 KB
 Page 4 (A4) - 275 KB (due to the large graphic in the page)

Compressed Files - These are the Microsoft Word 2.0 for Windows documents compressed into two PKZIP files. Pages 1 to 3 are in one ZIP file, Page 4 being in its own. See notes above for printing advice.
 Pages 1 - 3 (A4 format) - 29 KB
 Page 4 (A4 format ) - 144 KB
 Pages 1 - 3 (US Letter format) - 20 KB
 Page 4 (US Letter format) - 147 KB

A Pathetic Glossary
Arthur - Arthur Guinness is the founder of Guinness. A "God" to many Irish people who regularly consume his brew in massive quantities.
CH3CH2OH - This is the chemical symbol for alcohol. I verified this at the time of writing with someone who was studying a form of chemistry.
DaymoBrew - This is the name I gave to my home brewing ventures. I gave my brews the Blackened brand name, partially influenced by the Metallica song of the same name and partially because I could only print the bottle labels in black and white.
G.L.O.R.I.A. - This is a pun on the classic song by Them called "G.L.O.R.I.A."

If you have any comments (other than the obvious: "It's blasphemous"), please e-mail me at [email protected].

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

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