The Missal, Page 1

ENTRANCE CHORUS
I call to you all day long, have beer for me, o bar
person. You are good and forgiving, full of chat
for all who call to you.
Celebrant: * In the name of alcoholic purity, and of the
stout and of the holy spirit.
Customers: A beer.
The beer be in you.
And also in you.

The Beer Celebration - We are brought here to ponder on the origins of the brew.

INVITATION TO REGRET
The celebrant invites all to regret their actions.
A pause for silent lament follows:
Head Brewer, you healed the sick:
Arthur, have pity.
Arthur, have pity.
Head Brewer, you forgave abstainers:
Arthur, have pity.
Arthur, have pity.
Head Brewer, you gave us your brew to heal us and bring us strength:
Arthur, have pity.
Arthur, have pity.
May almighty Arthur have pity on us,
Forgive us our vomiting,
and bring us to the everlasting keg. A beer.

G.L.O.R.I.A.
Glory to Arthur in the highest,
     and peace to his descendants on earth.
Oh Arthur, worthy king,
Almighty creator and producer,
     we exalt you, we give you thanks,
     we praise you for your brew.
King Head Brewer, only protégé of the original,
Oh Brewer, for the love of God,
take away the tax on beer:
     have pity on us;
you are seated at the right hand of the original:
     receive our prayer.
For you alone are the holy one,

you alone are the first,
you alone are the most high,
     Head Brewer,
     with your holy spirits,
     in the glory of Arthur, the original. A beer.

OPENING ROUND
Let us ponder
(that Arthur will increase our bladders and bring
to perfection the gifts he has given us)
Almighty Arthur,
every potent thing comes from you.
Fill out hearts with adulation for you,
increase our respect,
and by your constant improvements
protect the excellence you have given us.
We ask this through Head Brewer, your protégé,
who lives and reigns with you and his holy spirit,
one original for ever and ever. A beer.

OLD STOCK READING
A reading from the provider Johnny

Jon 12:4-11

O Arthur, thou hast deceived me, and I was deceived;
thou art stronger than I, and thou hast prevailed.
I have become a laughing stock all the day;
every one mocks me.
For whenever I speak, I cry out,
I shout, 'It wasn't me who puked on your cereal!'
For the free brew of Arthur has abused my bowels and soiled my breath.
If I say, 'I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,'

there is in my heart a chuckle at my conviction,
knowing that I will experience this tenderness again soon,
that I will visit the House of Fun again soon,
that we never learn, only practice.

This is from the beermats of the past.

Thanks be to Arthur.

SING-A-LONG SONG

Chorus: For your beer my body is thirsting, O Arthur my hero.

SAL 32:2-6. 8-9. Chorus: v.2

1. O Arthur, you are my hero, for your brew I long;
for your brew my mind is delirious.
My body begs for you
like a dry, weary land without water. (Chorus)

2. So I gaze on your brew at the bar
and dream of its strength and its satisfaction.
For your brew is better than life,
my lips will experience your excellence. (Chorus)

3. So I will be loyal all my life,
in your name I will lift up my glass.
My body shall be saturated as a banquet,
my speech sodden with joy. (Chorus)

4. For you have been my help;
in the shadow of your brewery I rejoice.
My loyalty clings to you;
my right hand holds the glass fast. (Chorus)

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