All I see here is endless pain. Death mocks us by not giving us what we really need - a quick and final end. I don't believe anyone is truly happy now, maybe they never were. Everywhere you see people seeking pleasure, good times and fun. It gets crammed down our throats by the people who profit from it. The only reason we seek these things is to keep us from seeing the truth. The truth is pain. If we stop running away and look at it we can't help but realize that it's the only certain thing you can expect in this world. If you're not feeling it now, you will be, just wait. But, we won't stop to look around. it would destroy the comfy world we've built in our minds. Our pretensions would come crashing down and we would see how insignificant our lives really are. Besides, it's so much easier to let our hormones do our thinking for us. A cancer has to spread, that's its reason for existing.
All of this makes it very clear to me that there is no god. Not a Christian god anyway. How can anybody say "God is love" and be serious? If anything, god is a cruel, unfeeling sadist. Maybe He enjoys watching the misery we endure in our rotten lives. Maybe He simply doesn't care. Either way, do you really want to die so that you can spend an eternity with him? Not me. If there is a Hell I'll be there. I think I'm going to fit in. It won't be much of a transition from this place. Maybe God created man in his image and created Hell in Earth's image.
What reasons do I have for being alive right now? I can�t think of much. It seems that as the years have dragged on I would encounter something, a glimmer of hope that would keep me going. All of these things have proven to be nothing but distractions. It�s almost as if I�m being toyed with just to see how much I can take and how long I�ll put up with it. Something really good would happen to me. I�d see the light at the end of the tunnel only to find out that the tunnel never ends. There is no way to get out of here. There is no way to go back up once you�ve begun to crash. Never get your hopes up. Getting your hopes raised for something is only a way of assuring your disappointment.
