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Ok, I can't believe how close this is getting!!!!!!!! I feel really weird. I really excited but I want to get it over with. I'm very emotional, but I don't know why. I think it may be because for the first time in my life I feel that I'm getting MY chance. God I hope I don't screw it up!!!!!!!! Please don't let anything go wrong, this I am begging. As weird as I feel telling you all this, I doing to do it anyway. There is this song I've kind of "adopted" as my theme song through out all this kaos. It's called "Reflection" by Christina Aguilera. I really can't stand her, but the girl can sing and the lyrics are just tooooooooo perfect. It's actually from the soundtrack of the movie "Mulan". Ok, I know this sounds extremely corny, but I'm TOTALLY serious on this one. Here are the lyrics:
REFLECTION
Look at me, you may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me.
Everyday it's as if I play a part.
Now I see, if I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart.
Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside.
I am now, in a world, where I have to hide my heart and what I believe in.
But some how, I will show the world what's inside my heart and be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside.
There's a heart that must be free to fly. That burns with a need to know the reason why.
Why must we all conceal what we need, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside.
When will my reflection show who I am inside.
It just so says what I feel!!!!!!!!!! It's amazing how music can just say how you feel without directly coming out and saying it. But tomorrow I promise to put all the details I know about Friday. All I know right now is that I'm scheduled to be in surgery at 7:30 a.m. I don't think I'll probably sleep tomorrow night, I didn't the night before my kidney surgery. Hell, the way I look at it is that I'll pretty much be walking and sleeping the next week anyway. Anyway, I'm heading to bed. In a little more than 24 hours I'll begin a whole "new" life!!!!!!!!! |
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Well I went and saw 'Riverdance' tonight and all I have to say is "Damn, I wish I could do that!!!!!!!!!!" It was totally AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I went and saw 'Lord of the Dance' last year and I have to say that 'Riverdance" kicks it's ass :o) It did a really good job of keeping my mind off of surgery for 2 hours. Well actually that's a lie, but I tried. I did dress up, I really didn't have to, but it's just a habit I picked up from being in theater. I really hate dressing up!!!!!!!!! When I lost about 50lbs a year ago, I didn't mind because I had a few cute outfits to pick from. But I've put on too much weight and I really only have one. I also had to wear this shit I totally hate because it's the nicest one that's long enough to cover my rolls. I was bitching about looking like a cow and my sister says, "Well you won't have to worry about it after too long. You'll finally be able to throw away that stupid shirt you hate!!!!!!!" I was like, "Rock on Little Sister!!!!!!!!" It just kinda set in that this will more than likely be the last time that I will have to wear this outfit. I mean, I like the outfit, it's just that it's kinda tight and not really comfortable at this point in the game. Plus when I do go to "the theater", I won't have to squeeze my ass into the chair like a sardine!!!!!!! I know it sounds kinda dumb, but it's really exciting. I really love to go to see shows that come to town, but I hate going because I have to dress up and the seats are to tight to sit comfortably for 2 to 3 hours. This is just totally INSANE!!!!!!!!! I can't believe this is actually going to happen. I'm really excited, plus extremely tired because I've been up since 5:30 a.m. and it's close to 1 a.m. On that note, I'm off to bed. I'm starting to ramble and I really hate when I do that. I promise I'll put a "real" entry in tomorrow. Night :o) |
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