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4 DAYS.......4 DAYS!!!!!!!!!! Can you actually believe it???????? I can't. Time has flown by so fast. It really wasn't until September hit and the next thing I knew, I was 4 days away from the beginning of a whole "new" life. How insane is that!!!!!!!!! I was talking with my friend Jodi from high school, and it just so happens we work at the same place, today. She came over because she was doing some make-up time. She's also a big gal, not as big as me, but like 250 to 300lbs. When we were in middle school, she blew out her right knee. Well she comes walking over with a brace on her left knee today. I was like, "What the hell did you do!!!!!!!!" She apparently blew out that knee when she was walking up the stairs to her apartment. She had to get a brace for each knee and each brace was $150 a piece. Of course the doctor was like, you have to lose weight. That's when I started talking about my surgery. I swore I told her, but apparently I didn't. She was like, "Good for you!!!!!!!!" I was really glad she took it so well. I mean, I'm still going to do it, but I'm just really glad she was ok with it. She kinda one of those gals who is all like, 'I can do it myself' or 'If they don't like me, well screw them!!!!!' When we were talking about everything, it was then I realized that she is really tired of fighting with her weight. It's kind weird because both our moms grew up in the same area, went to the same school and church, and ever our grandmothers play bingo together to this day. Our grandmothers have known each other for a while, but Jodi and I just hooked up in middle school and found out all this stuff. All the women in her family are short, fat, and big busted. It's truly amazing what a small world it really is. I was just telling her how I'm tired and scared that I'm going to die if I don't have this surgery. There is sooooooo much I want to do. I want to finish school, date around, get married, have children, be successful at what I do, be able to run around with my grandchildren...........things right now I don't see happening if I don't have the surgery. I want to act my age and go out with my friends and be comfortable. It's not my friends that make me uncomfortable, it's the people, mainly the guys, we meet. They are all gaga over my friends, who just happen to be completely gorgeous and sticks. I just kinda sit there and look over on yonder. Jodi has the same problem. She was telling me about how she went out with our friend Jenny and Stephanie. Well this guy comes up to the table and says to Jenny, "Wow, pretty girl." Then he looks to Stephanie, "Hey, two pretty girls." Jodi just sat there stunned. Stephanie butts in, "Excuse me, you mean 3 pretty girls." The guy was like, "Yeah, whatever." CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!! I had something similar happen to me. A bunch of friends and I were out for my sister's 21st birthday. Anyway, we were all out dancing and this guy was like, "Are you friends with her?" and he points to my friend Sarah. I tell him yeah and he's like, "Ok then, I'll dance with you." I just can't believe the nerve of some people. It irks me to no end. I know it's bad, but I really want revenge on all those guys who wouldn't date me because I was fat. But anyway, I need to jet because it's after midnight and I have to get up at 7 a.m. tomorrow, well actually today if you're that technical, which I'm not. I don't believe it's the next day until I sleep. Who knows!!!!!!!!!! I'm weird like that :o) |
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Ok, what the HELL am I doing????? Am I insane??????? Actually I'm not really that freaked out. I'm more freaked out about not knowing what's going to happen afterwards. I just want it done and over with. I'm tired of waiting. I did get all my preop stuff done. Everything looks hunky-dory and it's a go. I'm still afraid that something is going to delay it. I did gain some weight from when I first saw Dr. Sudan. I don't know if I'm ready to say how much though. I have tried REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hard not to, but it's hard, especially when you're not sure if you'll be able to eat that food again. I'm just trying to take everything day by day. I will be getting a treadmill!!!!!!!! One of the friends of our family has another friend who VBG about 10 to 15 years ago. She has lost way over a 100 pounds. She has this treadmill that only goes like 3 miles an hour and it's too slow for her. She figured it would be perfect for me and is going to give it to me. That way right after surgery I can start walking and build up my endurance a little. Plus I'll be able to keep walking during winter!!!!!!!! I don't know if that really made any sense, but I don't care :o) I'm too tired to try to re-explain it. I've been running on empty for the past 5 days, so I'm going to hit the sheets for now. More tomorrow. |
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