 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Journal |
|
Page 3 |
|
|
|
|
|
Please sign my guestbook!!!!!!!!! |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
September 2, 2000 |
|
|
|
Ok, I did have an entry for September 1st, but I accidentally deleted it. I don't have a clue how I did it, but I did. I'm really trying to work on my homepage more. I want people to visit it and keep coming back to read it. I want it to looking interesting as well as be informative. Plus PLEASE sign my guestbook!!!!!!!!! I'm begging you. I know it's corny, but I want to know who's been here. (Many thanks for those who already have!!!!!) I like ya all that much :o) I hope everyone's having a great 3 day weekend. I get to work all weekend, but it just means that much more dinero. Which I do need extra on since I now have a car payment to worry about. Not much new on the homefront. I'm still eating everything I can get my hands on to. It very hard not to. I don't want to get any bigger before my surgery, which I'm already failing at. I just feel like a week person. My weight is getting the best of me and I'm letting it win. I truly believe that I can no longer control it. And trust me, I can't stand not to be in control of the situation, ask my family and friends :o) I've tried to never let my weight hold me back from things I love or want to try, it just keeps getting harder and harder not to let it take control. Does that sound weird? I'm not exactly sure how to put into words what I'm trying to say. Anyway, I'm signing off because I have a kink in my neck and I'm tried of working on my homepage. I'll write more later and I'll continue to look for the September entry. |
|
|
|
August 27, 2000 |
|
|
|
Only 25 more days to go!!!!!!!! I've been really trying on not focusing so much on the surgery. It's been really hard, but I seem to be doing well. I got my preop information packet with all my "appointments" to get ready for surgery. I do all that on September 14th. I'm going to be at the hospital practically all day. It's not like I haven't spent the last two entire months up there (my grandma has been in and out). At 8 a.m, I have to get an upper GI (x-ray of my stomach). They're also going to draw some blood, do a chest x-ray, and an EKG (tracking my heart). I can't have anything after midnight the night before. I HATE that!!!!!!! It's not really so much the food, but the liquid. My medication for my depression gives me "cotton mouth", so I'm constantly drinking water. At 10 a.m., I have to have some pulmonary function tests. At 2 p.m., I have a preoperative clinic appointment with Dr. Sudan. That's going to be at least 2 hours long. I'm guess I'm going to also meet with the dietian. That anesthesia department is also suppose to give me instructions for the day of surgery. They still haven't given me the time of my surgery. Hopefully I'll get it when I go that day. I'm hoping to get my front and side pictures taken sometime soon. I really HATE pictures of myself!!!!!!! I can't believe how HUGE I've gotten. A lot of people who are bulimic, anorexic, or obese have what doctors call "body distortion." I know it sounds kinda weird, but it's something my therapist told me. All this came about when I got my pictures back from my friend's wedding I was in. (I FINALLY have a page with "new" pictures - Go here) I look like a HUGE Macy's Thanksgiving Day float!!!!!!! I knew I was big, I just didn't realize how big. Apparently it's a normal thing, if you consider it normal. Anyway, I just thought I'd share it with you all. More tomorrow. |
|
|
|
August 17, 2000 |
|
|
|
Only 36 more days!!!!!! I'm getting excited, but I'm also trying not to think about it as well. Makes a lot of sense, this I know :o) I've been doing really bad about eating everything I can get my hands on to!!!!!! I'll get myself convinced that I don't really need it and then BAM, it's in my mouth. It's just really hard because I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat that particular food again. I know this surgery is something I want and will save my life, but at the same time, I'm "morning" the lost of food that I'll never be able to eat. I know it's a small sacrifice for what I'm getting out of the whole deal, but my entire life I've been able to eat whatever I want whenever I've wanted. God is FINALLY answering the prayer I've been asking for my entire life. But now I'm like, "Well I don't know." It's like I can't really grasp the concept of it all. I almost feel like my whole world will collapse or that it's not going to really happen that my world is FINALLY not going to revolve around food. I don't know, I just feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. It all just seems to unreal to me. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!!!!!!!! |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Home |
|
|
|
Next Page >> |
|
|
<< Back |
|
|
|