Another website to visit:Found-Art A group of artists who are seeking to brighten the world through the use of our art. The fun part is that we actually leave it in places for people to find ~ bulletin boards, lobbies, libraries ~ you name it. Betcha can't guess my screen name! Hehehehehe! Here's one of the pieces I'm working on for the project ~ I've only gotten the first layer of pastel down and the light was screwy, so it looks a little rough. I'll post the finished product later...

Latest Acquisitions:
Anyway ~ Kent M. Keith. Subtitled, The Paradoxical Commandments: finding meaning in a crazy world. This is the book that had the quote about people being illogical and such.
Meditation ~ Michal Levin. It seems to be a pretty good book. It touches on a little bit of everything ~ energy, chakras, prayers, etc.

Still Reading:
Lady Chatterly's Lover ~ D.H. Lawrence. Will this book ever end?? I'm starting to get a little tired of Connie and her quivering womb. :::snicker:::

O.k., I need one more entry dedicated to 'the situation'...LOL

I got to thinking a while ago about the situation that happened yesterday and I started to get ticked all over again. I can't believe, after all that happened, that she actually thought that she could forgive me. Instead of listening to what I said, looking back on the conversations she had and exploring the possibility that there may be a problem, she had the nerve to say that. Sheesh.

On an interesting note, when I talked to my mom (I was so discombobulated that I really needed to know whether I did the right thing, despite the way it happened), before I could say anything, she said, "You know, I took a nap this afternoon and the first thing I thought when I woke up at 3 was, "I don't think that she's going to be able to change anything over there." I was also going to go to the bank but I thought that you may come down Skillet Branch road ~ which is odd because you never come that way." (I left my grandmother's house at 3 and as a last minute decision, I did use Skillet Branch road. It's funny sometimes how she claims not to know anything about 'wierd' (read: psychic and paranormal) stuff ~ then she'll say something like this!)

Anyway, so now I'm back to being confused about the paternal side of the family and somewhat...what's the word? Sad isn't quite it. The more I get to know my dad and my grandmother, the more I know I can't get along with them. I feel as if they have stuck themselves on that farm, away from the world and decided that the farm was the world. What they think is what the world thinks, their beliefs are the world's beliefs...except that the world seems to have left them thirty or forty years behind. Gays are bad, blacks are bad...I'm slightly surprised that there isn't some self-loathing since Indians were looked down at one point as being one step below black ~ and there is Cherokee blood on my grandfather's side.

Sometimes, my grandmother will talk about how those farms are my home. I have never felt at home there. Despite all the talk, I feel like such an outsider. I suppose I am one. Before the showdown, there were quite a few conversations where they just talked and left me out. Later, after my dad would leave for the day, most of what my grandmother would brag about is how wonderful he is and how he takes care of her. She also has to tell me about how awful it is that he has to put up with as much as he does from his wife (if there were such a thing as hell, she'd certainly be the Heir Apparent to it...:::ahem::: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend Satan.)

I really hate it when my grandmother gets so...reverential. I absolutely hate it. Don't get me wrong. My dad certainly has his good points but I think of how much time I spent waiting for him to at least call me when I was growing up ~ and beyond. How much time I spent thinking, "Maybe today..." I think about how, at his own wedding, it seemed that he wanted me as far away as possible without actually being outside the church. I think about how it seemed that I wasn't good enough so he went off and got a new family that *appeared* to be better. I can't help but think that those times weren't so wonderful for me.

Oh damn. Haven't I spent enough tears on this subject? I know that if you search through this journal, there are more than enough entries on it. I could cheer myself by talking about the exploits of the Heir Apparent that I know about but I won't. I don't like gossip...plus I don't really want to risk offending Satan again.

I've got to deal with this somehow. I want to move on but I can't until this is dealt with. There are so many confusing emotions and junk. If I keep on writing, I'll have a saga that rivals the complete version of Frazier's Golden Bough. (If I remember correctly, a complete Golden Bough runs something like seventeen volumes...)

Gee ~ judging by the length of these last few entries, perhaps I could become a candidate for Talkers Anonymous. You know what the nickname for it is, don't you? On and on and on. HEEHEE!!!! I do love bad jokes.