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Spider-Man, Film Review
Spider-man
Spare me. This was one sucky film. Don't make the mistake I did and listen to other people. That's always the first step towards failure. Okay, it's an event movie, okay it's really more about making money than pushing back the boundaries of the film-making industry, but it could have at least tried. The script must have been thrown together in a few days, and although there are some cool special effects, you always felt close to laughter at the pathetic attempts to construct some decent characters.
The film starts with the lines you've heard a hundred times already: "if someone told you I was an average kid" yada yada ya "somebody lied". Who the bloody hell would be telling us that he's an average kid?? Why would they think we would care?? How do they make Burger King burgers so damn tasty?? But the opening melodrama aside, there is the standard fare; outsider kid, doesn't live with parents, general geek, crush on school beauty. There's no real explanation why Mary-Jane, girlfriend of rich football jock, is so interested in Peter in the first place, I guess we're just expected to accept it.
Look out, here comes a crappy film
The plot goes something like this:
Teenager Peter Parker is bitten by radioactive super spider, and naturally develops superhuman powers. Instead of dying horribly. But I'm just being picky.
Peter Lives Next Door To Girl
Peter Likes Girl
Girl Likes Peter
Peter Beats Up Girl's Boyfriend
Peter Learns That "With great power comes great responsibility". (Why the hell did his uncle tell him that???)
Peter's uncle is killed, and Peter tragically discovers that he could have saved him. He sets off on his crusade against crime.
He inexplicably finds a rather nifty lycra suit, which he made himself? found in the street? was on offer in Marks and Spencer? had his tailor make? (yes, jeeves, i would like something in red and blue lycra. Yes, i do want it as tight as possible.) Who knows.
Anyway, his best friend's dad, founder of a major weapons company, has a terrible accident which turns him into the evil and insane Green Goblin. Guess what happens next. A point to make here: Willem Dafoe has an incredibly scary face. Really, I could have shit myself. So why did they make him wear a comically retarded mask, which is frankly hilarious? Makes no sense to me.
the frighteningly not frightening Green Goblin
Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin
Your overly-friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man
Tobey Maguire as Spiderman and Kirsten Dunst as Mary-Jane Watson enjoy some quality upside-down time..
Scary, scary man.
On the upside, there are some impressive stunts and special effects, especially the swinging between buildings bit. Maguire and Dafoe do respectable jobs as the lead parts, but are in the end defeated by an amateurish script. It may be an event movie, but you can't say there wasn't potential for a good film. It could have been so much better than this.
Overall disappointing, occasionally hilarious, far too predictable. Sorry.
1 DAVE
Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn
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