RELEASE DATE: 1976
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider - 10/30/08
Cut to a university where a Dr. Tom Parkinson, an apparent reptile expert extraordinaire, is chatting away with his colleague Howard who teaches about birds. Parkinson talks of being invited out to the desert to investigate rattlesnakes for $200. Wow, what a paycheck that was in the 70s. The two part ways, Howard goes downstairs and ends up chatting with a janitor named Sam. Figuring that a janitor will understand his work with birds, he invites him into his lab. Apparently to Howard�s brilliant research, pigeons who are stressed eat more. To think, I thought they eat regardless of what their mood was. Well anyhow, Sam idiotically knocks open a cage which frees a cobra. Luckily for Howard, Dr. Tom arrives to distract the snake with his silly movements.
A few scenes later, Dr. Tom rolls into his desert location and meets with the Sheriff. He arrives at the sheriff�s station who are holding the bodies of the boys. Are Sheriff�s offices in mom and pop towns supposed to have those by the way? The Sheriff slides the boy�s bodies out of a freezer that looks more like a filing cabinet than anything. The bodies, which I�m guessing are two decorative pillows under a bed sheet, are looked at by Dr. Tom. After he gives a look of disgust, he heads off to continue his investigation. By the way, I�m not sure why the boy�s remains were in the same cabinet.
Dr. Tom tells the Sheriff that the bite marks are a bit odd. The Sheriff tells him that an old man killed in his sleep was also found with similar bit marks. Dr. Tom gives a snake lesson for dummies and mentions how it isn�t like snakes to attack unprovoked. With that said, Dr. Tom decides to head out to investigate the crime scene with an Officer Rogers. As he wanders about the desert, with no protective snake handling equipment I might add, he finds a cloth but not much else.
Cut to a young man named Rick who is working on a muscle car. His mommy comes out to tell him to get his father down at the horse stables for dinner. On the way, he encounters his dead dog, a few dead chickens (one actually moves when he kicks it which I found funny) and a rattlesnake that pegs him right in the head. Rick�s mother, back at the farm house, also finds herself surrounded by rattlers. All of which seem to be acting in a non threatening manner but she acts terrorized none the less.
The Sheriff decides to invite Dr. Tom Back again seeing the whole family was killed off by rattlers. Um, so what was the point of his first visit might I ask? Dr. Tom arrives and is introduced to a young lady named Anne who is to photograph his investigation. You figure Dr. Tom would be thrilled to have an attractive young lady by his side alone in the desert. Nope, he acts like a complete d*ck for no apparent reason to her. He even chastises the Sheriff for picking a woman to accompany him because she supposedly can�t take care of herself. What a jerk. Who knows, maybe at heart Dr. Tom likes �snakes� in men�s trousers the best.
Cut back to Dr. Tom with Anne in the desert. At this point he is being a bit nicer to her. Dr. Tom somehow figures out the attacks are linked to an old army base. They head there to check out the base, which looked more or less like a gated community, and are allowed in to talk to the commanding officer Col Stroud. He tells them of one of his men who died of mysterious snake bites. Dr. Tom meets with a Captain Delaney who sports a toupee that looked like stuffed animal. Not much of anything important gets discussed and Dr. Tom decides to ask Stroud to borrow a helicopter. The colonel says �sure� which blew my mind Wouldn�t there at least be a signature involved on a waver somewhere? Sigh�moving on�
Dr. Tom leaves Anne with Delaney who calls her �a sexy looking young thing� which prompts an �awwwww� kind of look from Anne. I�m sure in real life it would get you a knee to the groin in most cases. Delaney gives her directions to a site which she drives to via jeep. I guess Dr. Tom figures she�d be safer on the ground. You know, where all the deadly snakes are located. Meanwhile Dr. Tom farts around in the rather non-military looking helicopter. The pilot mentions about a substance buried in a desert mine shaft which will of course explain the snakes� problems later.
Back to Anne who hears some rattling and takes off. On the ride back she notes a rattlesnake in the back of the car via rearview window .. I�m not exactly sure how she spotted this seeing any standard rearview window should reflect the upper parts of the back seats/the road behind you. Maybe she didn�t adjust it or something. However I�m banking on that this film is rather stupid at times. She doesn�t panic at first but comes to a screeching halt (on a dirt road) when she spots an army fellow. He does a half assed check which yields no results.
Back on the ground, Dr. Tom confronts Col Stroud about the mine shaft and Stroud shoos him away. Dr. Tom talks with Anne about things being rotten in Denmark. Stuff comes up about Delaney being a bio-med guy and Anne mentions how she took pictures of top secret buildings on the base. For now they head back to their campsite to call it a night. Back at the base, Stroud gives a tongue lashing to the pilot about disclosing information on the mine.
Later that night we join up with two army patrolmen who come upon a blowout. One notes that the puncture marks on the tire resemble a snake bite. I couldn�t help exclaim at this point �are you f*cking kidding me�. It turns out the snakes did bite through radials and they take out the two guys. Dr. Tom gets called in by Delaney to see the bodies behind the back of Stroud. He gets them transportation to where the attack took place. Once there, Dr. Tom follows the tracks to aforementioned mine shaft. Dr. Tom and Anne doing some time killing spelunking until they come upon the nest.
Anyhow, the two make it out alive and out of nowhere fall in love. We get �treated� to an annoying montage of the two kissing and dancing and whatever. You know, because now that they know the location of a giant swarm of deadly rattlesnakes, who cares if more people get killed. They can always blow it to pieces later. Before you can say �poetic justice� the two, after some unseen sweet lovemaking in their tent, get attacked by a swarm of rattlers. Anne is bitten but apparently the venom, which killed men twice her size in this movie in mere seconds, doesn�t really effect her much. Why you ask? I don�t know, maybe it was from getting porked by Dr. Tom�s love hammer. Dr. Tom, while treating her wound, angrily demands to see Stroud.
On the way we learn more about CT3 which is nerve gas designed to be dropped behind enemy lines. It basically makes the enemy go batsh*t (is that good?) and leaves them at the will of the army. Well they arrive at the mine and Stroud is there to greet them with bullets. A few horribly misplaced shots happen until the Sheriff shoots Stroud thus causing him to fall into a cave. A grenade he was holding goes off destroying the cave in the process.
A few scenes later, Dr. Tom and Anne drive away into the sunset. He talks of how the explosion killed off the snakes and the gas. Apparently the term �fallout� has no meaning in this film. As they speed away, the camera pans over to a cave where some rattling is faintly heard. Wow�didn�t see that coming�um yeah.
In our cinematic counter culture, snakes do cause a lot of trouble don�t they? The killer snake gambit has been run at least several hundred times it seems. Its always the same crap and this film, although made before the snake film explosion of the 90s/current time, follows the same old sh*t method. Plus all of this is minus the CGI factor which often makes snake attacks cooler than they really are. The film is laughably acted and the plot line is filled with more holes than the rattler victims in this flick.
I�m not expert in military routines but I have no doubt if I was, this review would be much longer. The uniforms look like they were bought at the local surplus store off the discount rack. That and some of the actions of the military in this film are rather questionable. Imagine if the common layman went into a base and asked for a helicopter ride? Seem ridiculous? Well apparently not for this film.
Perhaps the most unintentionally funny characters in this movie is Anne. Dr. Tom is a chauvinistic d*ck to her yet she ends up giving him some free love in the end. The guys all flit away with her and she takes it like cherished compliments. Wasn�t this film made after the women�s movement? I�m sure if more people bothered to actually see this flick, they�d be pissed off.
I guess the only compliment I can give this film is it falls under the �so bad its good� category. It isn�t unwatchable like many others I�ve seen. However, it will numb your mind worse than snake venom.
Well we�ve explored some reptilian pests in this film. See what other vermin await you by clicking the banner below�
