TITLE: Popcorn

RELEASE DATE: 1991

RATED: R

REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
THE PLOT: Mmmmmm...I do enjoy a bit of popcorn from time to time.  I like it nice and salty with a liberal amount of butter.  On a side note, I always thought those bastards that run theaters put some kind of airborne drug in the popcorn to catch your attention.  That way you can drop 5 bucks on something that costs them 1 cent to make.  Anyhow, this movie was supposed to have something to do with the hot treat.  I saw it being served in the flick but really had no f*cking clue what else it had to do with the movie otherwise. 

Moving on, the film opens up with lead character Maggie having a nightmare.  Incidently, Maggie is played by Jill Schoelen who is known world wide for her monumental role as Mary Contrary in
Babes In Toyland. Um yeah... you know this film has great expectations already.  She wakes up and records her memories of the dream which consists of some bearded guy in an odd ritual. Once again Dee Wallace Stone plays a concerned mother...this time Suzanne to Maggie.  Yeah Dee Wallace Stone... leave the gratuitous nudity to Linnea Quigley and Shannon Tweed...play that mommy role again you animal you.

Maggie heads off to college where she bumps into douche bag love interest Mark.  She blows him off and heads to her drama class which is being taught by Mr. Davis.  She is joined by her classmates Toby, Bud, Leon, Joanie, Tina, and Cheryl.  Apparently registration for the class was a little light.  They talk about going to a nearby theater and holding a horror movie night.  The flicks they will be featuring are the made up epics Mosquito, The Amazing Electrified Man, and The Stench.  All these films feature special audience effects that add to their  terror. 

Well after a kind of pointless appearance from the late Ray Walston as Dr. Mnesyne, the class start putting the place together.  All the while this awful reggae song about movies plays which makes UB40 sound like Bob Marley.  After the team puts the finishing touches on the theater, they find a short video called Possessor.  They pop it in the projector and the images from Maggie's dream are in the film.  She faints and when she wakes up, Mr. Davis tells her of Lanyard Gates who made the film.  He was part of some death film cult that would film each other staring into the camera.  Apparently he killed his family on stage after Possessor debuted and burned down the place it was showing. 

Well the show must go on and everyone heads home.  Suzanne gets another odd call after Maggie goes to bed and she heads out to the theater armed with a pistol.  Why...well she is Dee Wallace Stone concerned mother remember?  While at the theater, Suzanne experiences some odd supernatural crap involving Gates.  The letters on the movie board shoot out at her and the word "Possessor" takes it's place.  While in the theater she meets face to face with Gates on the big screen.  It is obvious the two know each other and Gates talks of completing his work from years ago. Suzanne gets abducted by a shadowy figure when the lights go out.   Now do me a favor, remember this "supernatural" crap because it will make no goddamn sense later...trust me. 

The next day, the theater group open up for the huge premier.  Tons of people show up dressed in Halloween costumes.  Apparently this sh*t is bigger than the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  While collecting tickets, Maggie spots Mark with a new bimbo named Joy.  She also comes across a menacing character who calls her by name.  She knows this is Gates and looks for him in the theater.

While the films are showing, the predictable stuff starts happening.  Members of the film group start getting knocked off unbeknownst to the audience who is enjoying the films.  All the while, Maggie starts realizing her dreams are a reality from years ago.  She was in fact Gate's daughter and her real mother was killed off by Gates at the "Possessor" disaster.  Suzanne in fact was her aunt who shot Gates before he could kill Maggie. 

Turns out that the real Gates died in the fire and Toby from her class was the man behind the mayhem.  His parents were part of the death cult and he was at the theater the night it burned down.  He had burns over 90% of his body but survived the fire.  He happens to be a master of disguise who molds the face of his victims for masks.  All his life he wanted to complete Possessor and kill off Maggie.  He figured the horror premier would be a rather good place to do it. 

Well anyhow, Suzanne is still alive and in a big ceremony Toby almost kills Maggie on stage.  She is rescued by Mark who slides in from the balcony using his belt.  By the way, why can't f*cking heroes in sh*ty movies use normal methods of entering?  Its not like a death defying stunt is going to make me forget the other crap the script put me through.  Toby gets knocked off and the end of the film finally arrives.

Now...remember all that supernatural crap from earlier at the theater?  Where exactly does Toby being the killer fall into that sh*t?  I mean after all, he is just a normal guy...well a little burnt crispy...but still a normal guy.  Would he really have the powers to chuck letters off a reader board toward Suzanne and replace them with the title "Possessor"?  From the looks of things, they were going with a possessed movie idea and gave it the "Aw F*ck It" treatment last minute to make it a standard slasher script.  I imagine the script writers cried when they saw how well the scary video idea worked in The Ring. 

Overall the movie had good intentions of shedding light on campy classics.  The film was actually shot in Jamaica which would explain all the reggae music. Although I think they grabbed the band in the movie off a beach somewhere.  Just as well, it wasn't like a well known act would actually appear in this garbage. All I can say is the next time I fire up a bag of popcorn and think of this movie; someone will have to pay for such an evil act as naming such a bad flick after such a wonderful treat. 
ITS THE INNARDS THAT COUNT: (most gruesome/odd moments)
1.)
Get The Damn Citronella Candles - Mr. Davis and Toby both get impaled by a huge mosquito prop.  I imagine that would leave a bug bite that would itch more than a case of crabs, shingles, and dandruff combined.

2.)
Handicapped-Off - Wheelchair stricken Bud gets electrocuted in his wheelchair.  Ah yes, remember the old days when picking on the crippled was allowed in movies?  Nowadays it seems to be taboo.  Let me say now that I am for equal killing fodder rights and think everyone (regardless of size, sex, and condition) has a free right to get mutilated in horror movies just like anyone else. Otherwise it is unethical and downright un-American.  I am The DarkSider and I approve this message. 

3.)
Silent But Deadly - Leon is killed off in a bathroom when Toby tosses a scent cartridge from The Stench movie into a toilet.  This is after Toby pisses on him while sharing the urinal next to him.  Don't listen to this movie guys, the urinal is still the safest when it comes to not getting golden showered on by a stranger in public bathrooms.  If we could just find a way to teach "stadium urine troth etiquette" we'd be all set. 
YOU'RE A GRAND OLD A-HOLE (the A-Holes of the film get their moment)
1.)
Toby - Toby...not too menacing of a name is it?  Sounds like your pet poodles's name or some sh*t. 

2.)
Laynard Gates - His film cult produced odd, plot-less videos that were short on stature and social value.  Oddly the film makers who brought us Popcorn used his ideology for the entire film. 
MOVIE COVER ALERT (righting movie covers gone completely wrong)
BIG NAME TRICK: This offense is committed when the movie poster features images/names of somewhat big named actors in the movie who have much lesser roles than the main cast.  This method is used mainly to fool people into thinking seasoned actors make up the film.  The suspects in this movie:
Dee Wallace Stone
Screen Time: Less than 10% of movie
Verdict: Guilty

Ray Walston
Screen Time: Way less than 5% of movie
Verdict: Guilty

Tony Roberts
Screen Time: Less than 10% of movie
Verdict: Guilty

Remember bad movie covers...we'll be watching you.
OVERALL GRADE
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