RELEASE DATE: 1988
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider 5/4/05
The movie kicks off in the year 1963. Youngsters Felice and Hilary are standing next to a train in the Congo. Felice was being sent off with her aunt and Hilary was to stay with her father. They two say their goodbyes and Felice is off on the train with her aunt. While on the train, Felice and her aunt strike up and interesting conversation. Her aunt shows her an odd relic which can best be described as a snakehead dildo. (Note to self...develop and market the hell out of the snakehead dildo in the future...) Before you can say incest, Felice is in a major lip lock with her aunt. Oddly enough though, her aunt is left dead and Felice disappears with the snakehead dildo.
Fast forward to the future where Hilary is married to a man named Jack and they have a teenage daughter by the name of Amy. We get introduced to the rest of the cast during Amy's confimation party. This consists of:
Father...um...I swear he had no name, hes a nerdy priest...Heather, Amy's frizzed out 80s fashion friend...and Terry the local ice cream cake delivery guy...he hit me as kind of a pussy version of Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice...he also never can keep his diamond cough...(cubic circonia)...cough stud in his ear. Oh and how could I forget their friendly neighbor Brenda who actually ends up making a difference in this movie.
During Amy's party, Hilary gets an odd call from Felice. Turns out Hilary never made mention to Jack or Amy she had a sister. Immediately she leaves the party go pick up some supplies at the local gun store. During her visit however, a vehicle crashes into her knocking her through the store's window. She is rushed to the hospital where she expires from her injuries.
Fast forward again a few months where Jack and Amy are dealing with the loss of Hilary. While visiting her grave, they find a matured Felice standing over it. She introduces herself and is invited over to stay with them. While chopping up some veggies, Brenda barges in and Felice cuts her finger spaying blood all over Brenda's shirt. After a brief introduction between the two we find out Brenda is a nurse and Felice is a supermodel.
Right away we start to see odd stuff happening to those associated with Amy and her father. Heather is injured in a tragic mall injury (snicker) and Amy quickly notices that Felice may not be right for their house. However Jack is digging Felice because she lands him a new job.
After a brief altercation with a black cat that invades his kitchen, Jack gets his bones jumped by Felice. In the afterglow, he notices a wound on her back. Amy, still bugging out about Felice, searches Felice's bags and finds the snakehead dildo along with other odd artifacts and a pair of sunglasses from Brenda. After finding out about her father's dirty deeds with Felice, she turns to Terry for support. I can relate...I often turn to my ice cream cake delivery guy during hard times as well...
Being a good friend (aka hoping for Amy puntang), Terry spys on Felice who at this point in the movie left the house and was staying in a hotel. He catches her in the middle of a seance covered in something that looked like fecal matter. He calls Amy to let her know how messed up Felice is and notices he lost his Cracker Jack box earing. Felice gets hold of it and we find out the way she kills is through personal items of the victims. That and occasionally she gets an evil cat to kill for her. I guess those come standard with being an evil b*tch. None the less...Terry goes out in a blaze of 80s cheeze.
All the while Amy is hinting to Brenda things are wrong with Felice. Brenda, as some of you may have forgot by now, has the blood from Felice on her shirt checked out by the lab in her hospital. Meanwhile as Jack goes away on a business trip, Felice makes her move on Amy. Turns out that Felice is actually a walking corpse that is rotting constantly. She needs to pass on her evil ways to Amy with the kiss her aunt gave her years ago. Amy seeks refuge in the church but to no avail.
In an extra long climax, Brenda lets Jack know that the blood on her shirt was from a dead person. They rush to Amy's side who at this point was abucted by Felice. On a side note I felt Jack should have been more concerned with the fact he had intercourse with a corpse...a 24 hour clinic is what he should have rushed to but hey...what do I know... So to make a long story short...after being brutalized beyond recognition a little lizard creature jumps out of Felice's mouth. Yes all this evil over a f**king gecko parasite. I wasn't sure exactly if this was in fact the thing that transfers during the kiss but at this point...I didn't really care honestly. None the less with Felice's rotted corpse no longer a threat and the lizard thingie dead...Amy, Jack, and Brenda are left standing.
As stupid as the idea of an evil kiss is...something about this movie made me like it. I imagine it is my passion for a crappy 80s plot. That and snakehead dildos are so sexy...
Shes Got Leg - During Hilary's accident scene, she gets dragged away but her severed leg stays where it is. I have to hand it to the filmakers...all kidding aside I honestly didn't expect that...kudos!
Blood On An Es-Ca-Lator - In Heather's mall accident (hehe), she gets the beads on her neck caught in the escalator and nearly gets choked to death. That often happens to me when I'm running from those perfume spraying sadists in the cosmetic department.
Get The Damn Cat Nip - Felice's evil henchcat causes much suffering with her enemies. Not since Uninvited, Goulies, and Critters has such a really awful puppet caused so much havoc.
Turbo Curse - While Jack and Felice get it on, Amy notices the anatomy doll in her class heart beat as blood pours out of it. All of this leads to Amy having her period all at once. On a side note, I think the anatomy doll from this movie and Pin would make a great couple.
Burnt In An El-A-Vator - Father "Whats His Name" proves once again holy folk seldom make a difference in films about evil and gets barbecued well done in an elevator. As of this point I shall keep a running tally of good vs evil in the reviews I do...so far after one round:
Evil A-Holes: 1 - Holy Rollers: 0
Felice - This supermodel keeps trim and fit by the help of a tiny dinosaur in her gullet which rots her body away thus proving bulemia is way overated in the modeling community.
