| Sinking Fast
By Antonio C. Abaya Written on March 18, 2009 For the Standard Today, March 19 issue Unless the Law of Gravity has been revised, repealed or rewritten by the Lakas-Kampi-NPC juggernaut in the Lower House, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is sinking fast into oblivion. According to a nationwide survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations from February 20 to 23, Mrs. Arroyo�s overall rating declined sharply from a �poor� negative 24 percentage points in December 2008, to a �bad� negative 32 points in February. This was derived by deducting 26 percent satisfied from 59 percent dissatisfied The sharp decline is attributed to the plunge in her satisfaction rating in the Visayas and Mindanao, where she had in the past posted much higher numbers. In the Visayas, traditionally her strongest bulwark aside from her home province of Pampanga, her net satisfaction rating plunged 19 points, from a �poor� negative 14 points in December, to a �bad� negative 33 points, with 61 percent dissatisfied.. In Mindanao, her rating plummeted 18 points, from a �poor� negative 22 points in December to a �bad� negative 40 points, with 62 percent dissatisfied. Her rating in Metro Manila remained �bad� at negative 44 percent from negative 45 last December, with 65 percent dissatisfied. In the rest of Luzon, her rating fell from negative 23 to negative 24, with 54 percent dissatisfied. The drop in net dissatisfaction with President Arroyo transcended social and economic class lines. In the rural areas, her net dissatisfaction rating dropped from a �poor� negative 19 in December to a �bad� negative 33 points in February. In the urban areas, it also dropped from a �poor� negative 29 to a �bad� negative 32 percent. Only the ABC socioeconomic class, surprisingly, gave President Arroyo a rise, from a �poor� negative 28 in December to a �poor� negative 19 in February. But among the D class � who have minimum wage jobs - her ratings worsened from a �poor� negative 21 to a �bad� negative 31. And among the E class � who have no regular jobs at all and survive by selling things on the sidewalks or by engaging in petty crime � it went down from a �bad� negative 31 to a �bad� negative 42 points. What this all means is that if presidential elections were held today under any pretext, and the elections were free and fair, neither President Arroyo nor her designated hitter would win. If the elections were held in 2010 and they were free and fair, she or her designated hitter could conceivably win if, for example, the economy were to suddenly brighten up and jobs were to suddenly become available, not just to the poorest of the poor, but also to the harried and incredibly shrinking middle-class. But the chances of that happening are very remote. The global recession has not bottomed out even if the stock markets have had a bit of an up-tick in recent days. The most optimistic prognosis that I have read puts recovery to begin at end of 2009. By the time such recovery hits these shores, it would be well into 2010. The most pessimistic outlook is painted by doom-and-gloom Cassandras who predict a breakdown in the social order in North America and Western Europe as well as in China, as tens of millions of unemployed people give vent to their frustrations by staging mass protests and food riots and even - fasten your seat belts - civil wars. I believe that Plan A is still operative, that the move to amend the Constitution to shift to the parliamentary system is still on. It is the simplest and quickest way for President Arroyo to constitutionally remain in power beyond 2010, whatever the surveys may say about how unpopular she is.. The Lakas-Kampi-NPC coalition has a stranglehold on the Lower House. They can and will no doubt revive moves to convene both Houses into a constituent assembly (ConAss) and attempt to vote as one body for charter change. Only the oppositionist Senate stands in the way and it will no doubt insist that the two bodies vote separately, in which case the issue will be deadlocked. This matter will undoubtedly be raised to the Supreme Court, probably by mid-2009 or later. As long as Chief Justice Reynato Puno remains in his position, the Court can be relied on to block any such moves from the Lower House. But if Chief Justice Puno is removed, for whatever reason, then the way is clear for ChaCha and we will have GMA Forever, legally and constitutionally, no matter what the surveys say about how unpopular she is. A variation of Plan A � let�s call it Plan A-1 � would be to postpone, not cancel, the May 2010 elections, by as few as two or three months, on the grounds of social unrest because of the continuing financial meltdown. By coincidence, Chief Justice Puno retires also in May 2010. Postponing � not canceling � the elections by even as few as two or three months would open a window of opportunity for the Lakas-Kampi-NPC coalition to push for ChaCha through a ConAss since CJ Puno would be retiring by May 2010, making possible the appointment of a new Chief Justice friendlier to President Arroyo�s ambition to remain in power beyond 2010. She may be sinking fast in the opinion polls, but if she really believes that �The Lord put me in this position,� as she told Pope Benedict XIV in the Vatican, she can also conceivably believe that �the Lord wants me to stay here.� The Lord can revise, repeal or rewrite the Law of Gravity by the mere act of working the miracle of a new chief justice bodily ascending into the Supreme Court.. *****. UPDATE. By the strangest coincidence, the March 19 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer (page 13) asks: �Will President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo run for Congress (in parliamentary elections) in 2010? In the last 22 days, President Arroyo visited Pampanga five times and four of those visits were all in her home province�s second district.� The Inquirer listed down these visits, in each of which she was accompanied by medical and dental missions. Unmistakable sorties to hustle for votes. Feb. 24 in Floridablanca; March 4 in Guagua; March 9 in San Fernando; March 10, Lubao; March 18 in Lubao again, to celebrate the birthday of her bosom pal, Lilia Pineda, wife of alleged jueteng lord Bong Pineda. No doubt the Lord, the real Lord, guided her to these places..***** Reactions to [email protected]. Other articles in acabaya.blogspot.com. Tony on YouTube in www.tapatt.org. To subscribe, send a blank email with the subject heading Subscribe. To unsubscribe, send a blank email with the subject heading Unsubscribe. . OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Reactions to �Sinking Fast� �Filipinos deserve better� �Pathological Lying� �Monopolistic Kleptocracy� �Echegaray, Jalosjos, Smith� About Philippine Banks Jewish Humor Tony, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will go the way of the disgraced former U.S. President George W. Bush when he left the White House last January. The only difference is that GMA would be worse when she vacates Malacanang with infamy. From president she becomes a pariah, with the strong prospect of being convicted for plunder. Hence, the Portugal scenario sounds plausible. Rick/Rick B. Ramos, (by email), Santa Rosa, Laguna, March 19, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Those ratings doesn't seem to matter... Rudy Galang, (by email), March 19, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Dear Mr. Antonio Abaya, Your statement truly and thoroughly RIGHT, you mentioned the PULL OF GRAVITY OF FALLING. ALL OBJECTS WHATEVER IT IS FALL IN THE SAME ACCELERATION.. SO, IF YOU WOULD EXPECT SOME PARTS OF THE PHILIPPINES SHE WILL HAVE REVERSED DIRECTION, SHE WILL BE THERE IN THE PLACE OF OBLIVION. IT IS BETTER FOR US TO SEE HER COMES DOWN LIKE AN APPLE THAT GONE ROTTEN AFTER FALLING FROM THE APPLE TREE. Respectfully yours, Tony Villan, (by email), Mila, Italy, March 19, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww History has shown how stubbornly dictators, intoxicated with their power, hung on to their positions despite well meant advise. Well meaning and loyal subordinates have been executed for giving good advise that would have saved their countries then. We can remember Hitler and Marcos as examples. Despite repeated appraisals of the situation and obvious unpopularity, they waited for a turnaround, only to be defeated in the end. And even now, no matter how well and often you tell the president how unpopular she has become because of publicized wrongdoings, ineffective implementation of programs to alleviate people's sufferings and of human rights violations by her people, she will hang on the same way believing she is in fact "God-sent". I do not know what psychology is behind these leaders but I can only surmise a gap between what they think and reality. I pray that someone would open up her eyes and make her own turnaround before it is too late--- not for her but for our country. Victor Ma�alac, (by email), March 19, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww May I suggest that we all be united in praying that the Lord call her soon? Bill Ibanez, (by email), March 19, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I have not believed a survey of the SWS since it proudly proclaimed GMA "won" in NCR (see attachment). So I find it amusing that you should base your article on an SWS survey. Robbie Tan, (by email), March 19, 2009 sws exit poll 2003.jpg 28K View Download Reply Forward (I wrote two articles right after the 2004 elections that GMA won, not just in the NCR, but nationwide, based on statistical analysis of the pre-election surveys of the SWS and Pulse Asia, the exit polls, and the Namfrel tabulations. But her winning margin was only about 300,000 votes, not 1.2 million as the Comelec claimed. Roberto Verzola, who did a more extensive analysis of the data, extrapolated a GMA win in 17 out of 18 possibilities, but her winning margin was only between 75,000 to 250,000 votes. To dismiss a professional survey just because its results do not jibe with one�s pre-conceived outcome is not rational. ACA) wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Tony, I wish you would refrain from referring to Pampanga as GMA's home province. Her only connection with the province is that her father came from there. She never spent time there until she campaigned for national office. She can't speak Pampango. Below is what I wrote in my column in the BusinessWorld two days before her birthday in 2007. Oscar Lagman,(by email0, March 20, 2009 Two days from now, the President will celebrate her 60th birthday. As has been her practice in recent years, she will motor to Lubao, Pampanga on that day. No, it is not a sentimental journey as she was not born there. She was born in San Juan, Rizal. Neither did she grow up in Lubao. She lived with her maternal grandmother from the age of four to eleven in Iligan. She did not even go to Lubao for vacation during school breaks. According to her brother Arthur, they went to Iligan for their summer vacation when they were young. When she proclaimed her candidates for the Senate in Cebu City, she addressed the crowd in Cebuano, the dialect also spoken in Iligan. When she goes to Lubao on her birthday to be with her supposed cabalens, she does not talk to them in their dialect. She talks to them in Tagalog. That is because she cannot speak Pampango. When she spoke at the convention of the senior citizens of Pampanga on October 5, 2003 to announce that she was going to run for president in 2004, she started to speak in Pampango. But she got her tongue all twisted before she could finish the opening line of her speech. She spoke in Tagalog and English the rest of the way. When the TV cameras panned on the audience as the President spoke, the senior citizens were seen engaged in private conversation with the persons next to them, unmindful of the President. That was because they did not understand what she was saying. She presents herself as a Pampangue�a because there is political capital in the pretense. The Macapagal name still has enormous residual goodwill in Pampanga. Her father, a native son of Lubao, is considered by Pampangue�os as truly God�s gift, as his name Diosdado says, to them. That is why early in her political career she preferred to be known simply as Gloria Macapagal. She asked the media to refer to her as such. The surname Arroyo was appended when the Macapagal appellation had served fully its purpose. She first ran for the Senate in 1992 when 24 seats were available. She placed 13th, obviously only because of the residual recall of the name Macapagal. It could not have been due to her performance as assistant secretary in the Department of Trade and Industry. The head of that department told me she was the most expendable when Cabinet members were told by President Aquino to reduce the number of assistant secretaries in their respective departments. But she asked to be retained until she could launch her candidacy for the Senate in 1992 so she could use her position as jump-off point for her planned senatorial bid. Had she run as Gloria Arroyo, she would have fared worse than former Cory Aquino Cabinet members Alfredo Bengzon, Jose Concepcion, and Francisco Chavez who all failed in their bid for a Senate seat that same year. They were much more qualified, having greater depth and having held broader responsibilities in government. Also, they had demonstrated their love of country as they openly and valiantly fought the Marcos Regime while she stayed home during those crucial times. ***** wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Tony, It looks like Alex Magno's column on Gilbert Teodoro is a subtle response to yours. Is an equally subtle rebuttal coming? Oscar Lagman, (by email), March 20,2009 (I do not get the Philippine Star, hence I do not read Alex Magno. So, no need for a subtle rebuttal. ACA) wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Again, like all others like her eons ago, she forgets the G_D - factor! One day she will wake up on a different bed, like Napoleon on Elba... and Marcos who thought it was Paoay.... hayayay! People never learn from historyyyyy. The longest distance between the brain and reality is the thin wall called the ego! Touche' Hernan Hormillosa, (by email), New York City, March 20, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Dear Tony, If PGMA would commit the same mistake Marcos made (keeping oneself in power at any cost) she would be courting another EDSA. This time it would be very bloody because all the ire of the Filipino people would be blamed on her, she being the last occupant of Malacanang. Col. (Ret.) Hector (Tarzan) Tarrazona, (by email), March 24, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Filipinos Deserve Better I hope you can spare us a few minutes of your time. With the Elections of 2010 fast approaching, time is running out for us to choose well. Old faces� could it be that they got us to where we are now? Almost everywhere you go, people are tired of the old faces, old establishments, old ties and old players that seem to be our only options. People ask, �eto na lang ba?� We say, �why settle?� We�ve been doing that time in and time out and look where it has gotten us. We personally believe we deserve better choices. We deserve to be given an opportunity to choose good leaders. While there is always a big premium on voters education and getting people to register, one of the loudest arguments against this is � �eh, wala namang pagpipilian � bakit pa?� We believe that Filipinos are not stupid � not bobo. Given a chance to vote for leaders who have an uncompromising stand against graft, make the most use of our scarce and limited resources not for personal gain but to deliver the services needed by the people, political will to make difficult and unpopular yet much needed decisions for the good of the country, will not coddle and protect the corrupt, consistently embody ethical principles, practice good governance and endeavor to be effective public servants, have a heart genuinely for the people, we Filipinos will go out and vote � and vote wisely. Given the chance, we will do what�s right. We hope you can join us in urging Governors Grace Padaca and Among Ed Panlilio to run for the highest positions in the land. Governor Padaca is a victim of polio and needs crutches to walk but despite this she is best known for having fought against well-entrenched powers in Isabela and for winning the elections without use of guns, gold and goons. In her five years as governor of one of the top rice-producing provinces of the Philippines, she has tirelessly worked for the betterment of the lives of her constituents and has improved the conditions of Isabela so much so that today, Isabelinos enjoy the fruits of the rice and corn price stabilization program of Gov. Grace, among the many other improvements she has instituted in her province. Last year, Gov. Padaca was awarded one of Asia's highest honors, the Ramon Magasaysay Award for Government Service. Governor Panlilio�s coming into power in Pampanga is a testament to the Filipinos� desire to reclaim their land. Having won against reputedly the biggest illegal gambling lord in the country and the quarry-king of Central Luzon, Among Gov reclaimed for the Capampangans a sense of pride that they can choose good leaders who go beyond only selfish desires. Today, as he serves the people of Pampanga, he continues to be an inspiration to those who wish to do good and fight against the system of corruption no matter how difficult. Just last month, Pampanga won the Gawad Galing Pook Award for Outstanding Local Government Unit due to Among Ed's leadership. Many say that the biggest problem in Philippine society today is not so much economic. Poverty is not the biggest challenge we face, rather, it is a growing cynicism of people and mistrust in government. A lot have lost hope that government can work for them and that our government leaders have the interest of the people as their primordial concern. We do not need mediocre public servants, we do not need intellectuals who will remain silent and choose to abstain on crucial matters and not stand up for what is right. We are tired of compromised leaders who first seek to appease and repay their financiers, their supporters and their allies before thinking of country. What we need are those who will stand up for the people and promote the people�s agenda, not their own or that of their allies and families only. Eirene Aguila, (by email), March 18, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Pathological Lying Dear Tony, For some obvious reasons, many lies are told by ruthless politicians before, during, and after elections. Politicians who are only concerned about winning in the elections do not mind telling lies. We are sometimes not even bothered by this at all. We usually choose to remain silent and enjoy hearing these politicians as they peddle lies. Worse, sometimes we even repeat these lies ourselves. This is a kind of disease known in the medical community as pathological lying. Any person who cannot control his telling of lies is said to be suffering from this kind of disease. But is it true that unprincipled politicians cannot control their telling of lies? There are politicians who purposely tell lies to manipulate people. Simply put they can control their lies. For purposes of clarity let us look at the definition of lying. Webster Dictionary fittingly defines what lying is and, if I may say, describes the lying attitude of these politicians, to wit: to make a statement that one knows is false, especially with the intent to deceive; to give a false impression or action or false statement, especially with the intent to deceive; to make a false statement in order to evade the truth; and, the invention of a false story or excuse in order to deceive. It would then be wrong to describe these devious politicians as pathological liars. Probably they deserve better title- habitual liars. Lying is everywhere in this country. It has become a commonplace. Like a virus it spreads in our society where lying is almost a way of life to many people. Lying had caused many scandals in the government. Lying had hurt many innocent lives. The moral climate in our country has been declining because of lying. I fear that our children would also fall into the habit of lying because there are few truthful adults to emulate. How many more lies must we listen to from this society? How many more lies must we tell? How many more political scandals must we endure because of lying? It seems that we tell lies because we are afraid to tell the truth. We are also afraid of its consequences. Telling the truth hurt some people. That�s why some opt not to tell the truth. Shall we tell lies then in order not to hurt people? No one likes to be lied to. Even the liar does not like to be lied to. It is very sad that there seems to be more lying lips in this country than helping hands. Let us stop this epidemic lying in this country. The book of Psalms admonishes us- "Let the lying lips be put to silence." ***** Thank you. Very truly yours, Reginald B. Tamayo, (by email), Aparri, Cagayan, March 18, 2009 Member, Sangguniang Bayan. Aparri, Cagayan wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Monopolistic Kleptocracy The hypotheses mentioned by a friend who wrote this letter to me may be worth looking into. A new model of a monopolistic kleptocracy may be shaping up. The Marcos model involved monopoly of the coconut, sugar, and copper industries. What may be shaping up is a monopoly of the power industry. Best, Ben Sanchez, (by email), March 19, 2009 *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Ben, Here�s something for you to "chew on" if you can stomach the idea. As I was at lunch today, a few guys in the next table asked me to join them in a bit of a chit-chat, basically on how do we view the present situation. Crux of the issue: a. The obvious "alliance" between GMA and ECJ (Tito Danding); b. The 'subtle' acquisition of Meralco shares by PLDT and the ECJ (call it SMC); c. Communications: SMC now getting into it although PLDT is a force to reckon with; d. Fuel & Power: Petron is now 'owned' by a foreign group reportedly fronting for Mr.GMA; e. National Power: The units are gradually polarizing towards the GMA camp. Apparently a close friend of Ma'am, someone was placed in some power regulatory board. This person may eventually become head of the power sector. Conversation around the table centered on: � The possible alliance between MERALCO and PLDT (Mr Pangilinan). � There may be an alliance in the power sector amongst SMC + Petron + Natl Power. � The incestuous relationship between GMA & ECJ. (I could not believe my ears when this term was mentioned.) � Politically, Mr Noli de Castro will kuno become President with Mr. Gilbert Teodoro taking the V.P. post. � Mr Marcos took his wealth out of the country. Ma'am is leaving her accumulated wealth at home. This has to be protected any which way without causing ripples in the countryside nor affect well-intentioned men from the military groups. So now, what happens to the 'taipans' � both Chinitos or otherwise �like Henry Sy, Lucio Tan, Emilio Yap, the Ayalas, the Aboitiz family and many others say in the pharma biz (United Drug, Mercury Drug) or in manufacturing? Someone in the group said: �Divided they fall; united they can't remain.� The exchange of ideas lasted an hour. My ears are still ringing with many other comments tabled. But the bottom line was: Most of us are too comfortable to risk losing an arm or a leg. �Why not let these jokers keep holding on to their quasi-zaibatsus until real democracy is established in this country� one said. Two "rules of the jungle" which give me a sense of optimism: � The world continually goes around - and no one will hold a commanding position for a very long time unless that one knows how to spread the joy and be charitable. � You can be a bull or you can be a bear . . . but never be a pig. You will be surprised at the number of pigs I have seen which have gone to hell on the basis of their being all that greedy. Yours, XXXXX wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww About Philippine Banks Tony, I am happy to say that my story about Philippino banks finally had a happy ending. It was a very simple change of plans that solved the problem. My wife went to another branch of the same bank and she asked at this bank for a bank check for our funds. Surprise! No problem whatsoever! She received a check without a bit of trouble. The manager even gave her some helpful advice about her account. My faith in Filipino banks has been restored. Jay Brundage, (by email), Ridgefield, CT, March 23, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Echegaray, Jalosjos, Smith Ano ang pagkakapareho nina Leo Echegaray, Romeo Jalosjos at Daniel Smith? Pare-pareho silang nasentensyahang rapist at kinulong dahil guilty beyond reasonable doubt sa kasong panggagahasa Ano ang pagkakaiba nina Leo Echegaray, Romeo Jalosjos at Daniel Smith? Si Leo Echegaray, mahirap, walang pera, binitay Si Romeo Jalosjos, mayaman, kongresista, nakalaya matapos ang ilang taon ng pagkakakulong Si Daniel Smith, sundalong Amerikano, hindi nakulong sa Muntinlupa, nakulong lang sa US Embassy Pare-parehong rapist, pero pag mahirap ka at walang pera, bitay agad Pare-parehong rapist, pero pag mayaman at kongresista ka, mapapalaya ka pa Pare-parehong rapist, pero pag Amerikanong sundalo ka, di ka makukulong sa Muntinlupa, kundi sa ma-aircon na US Embassy Ganito ang hustisya sa Pilipinas Kawawang Pinoy May pag-asa pa bang mabago at maging pantay-pantay ang hustisyang ganito sa Pilipinas? Jose Leonidas, (by email), Quezon City, March 20, 2009 The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time. ~Willem de Kooning Poverty is the mother of crime. ~Marcus Aurelius The poverty of our century is unlike that of any other. It is not, as poverty was before, the result of natural scarcity, but of a set of priorities imposed upon the rest of the world by the rich. Consequently, the modern poor are not pitied...but written off as trash. The twentieth-century consumer economy has produced the first culture for which a beggar is a reminder of nothing. ~John Berger Poverty is like punishment for a crime you didn't commit. ~Eli Khamarov, Lives of the Cognoscenti Jose Leonidas, (by email), Quezon City, March 20, 2009 Professor of Sociology, Miriam College wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (Forwarded to Tapatt by Fil Juntereal) Jewish Humor You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? But don't you miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their comedy. * A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable? " The man says, "I make a pretty good living." * I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. * I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever Finds out, she'll kill me! * What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" * Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. * We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. * My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. * My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. * She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. * I was just in London; there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry. * The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. * The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" * Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" * A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!" Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!" * A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." * Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. *Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. 1. The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now. 2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school. 3. Q : Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. 4. Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie? A: It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes." 5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! 6. Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale's. 7. A man called his mother in Florida , "Mom, how are you?" " Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. " The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? " The mother answered, "Because; I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." 8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband. " The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." 9. Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner. 10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody" 11. Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat. 12. Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied. 13. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. 14. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised? A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Reactions to [email protected]. To subscribe, send a blank email with the subject heading Subscribe. To unsubscribe, send a blank email with the subject heading Unsubscribe. |
 |
 |
| ON THE OTHER HAND |