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| ON THE OTHER HAND |
| Fixing the �Philippines� By Antonio C. Abaya July 1, 2004, Manila Standard The Philippine ship-of-state, the �SS (for �sinking ship�?) Philippines,� is embarking on a brave new voyage through stormy seas, buffeted by strong winds, tossed around by huge waves, and weakened by structural flaws: the keel is cracked due to the absence of a moral backbone, the hull is leaking from corrosive electoral fraud, the bilge pumps (like Namfrel) are malfunctioning, and the bulkheads of justice are so rusted from decades of benign neglect they will not close. The rudder is intermittently out of control because of poor leadership, the propellers are bent out of shape from hitting some rocks in the Gringo Shoals, and the gyroscopic compass of good governance has been stolen, allegedly by the leaders themselves. The ship does not have enough fuel to allow it to reach its destination, but must be re-fuelled from stocks borrowed along the way from usurious lenders. Most of its lifeboats have been commandeered by crew and passengers who, despairing of ever reaching their destinations, have decided to strike out on their own for other shores. And the vessel is dangerously overloaded. While the perfumed passengers in first class enjoy elbow room and decent meals in air-conditioned comfort (except when the generators conk out, as they often do, because of poor maintenance), the passengers in steerage are packed like sardines, multiply like tilapia, and subsist only on tuyo and rice. Who is responsible for this state of affairs? And who can fix it? The present skipper, Capt GMA (�Good Morning, America!�) has been at the helm for three years and, with a PhD. in maritime science, claims unrivalled expertise in steering a ship-of-state, even if she has had to stand on three PLDT telephone directories to be able to see the ship�s bow from the bridge. Her First Mate, however, is gossiped to be shaking down the ship�s chandlers and equipment suppliers for kickbacks. Capt. GMA is being challenged by would-be skipper Capt. FPJ (�Fwedeng Pwede, Jeprok!�). But he does not know port from starboard, has never seen a nautical chart in his entire life, and is deathly afraid of water deeper than one meter. When asked why he thinks he is the best qualified to skipper the ship-of-state, Capt. FPJ replied that he was �sincere� and that, furthermore, he had once played the role of a ship captain in a Tagalog smash-hit picture titled �Lulubug, Lilitaw sa Taeng Kalabaw.� As the leaking ship-of-state struggles on towards Cebu and Butuan and parts unknown, Capt. GMA is being threatened by Capt. FPJ with a mutiny on board by most of the crew and most of the passengers in the sardines-tilapia-and-tuyo sections who, he says, chose him to be the skipper. Capt. GMA, backed by the passengers in first class, claims a similar official mandate but will not let anyone peek into her appointment papers. Meanwhile, as if rough seas, dilapidated equipment, overloaded facilities and a mutiny by half the ship�s crew and passengers were not problem enough, a small group of red-eyed militants under Capt. JOMA (�Just One More Agitprop�) conspires to seize control of the ship in the chaos and confusion of the threatened mutiny. Another group under Capt. ABU (�Allah, Be Unmerciful!�) plots to blow up everything and everyone with a giant suicide bomb, while a third under Capt. GRINGO (�Go Right In �N� and Grab Oakwood) is serenading the officers to take over the vessel. In the meantime, deep in the bowels of the ship�s hold, a fire-and-brimstone preacher declaims on a soap-box that he was anointed by God to be the skipper. Can anyone fix the �Philippines�? ***** My articles now appear every Thursday in the Manila Standard (www.manilastandardonline.org) and every Saturday in the Philippines Free Press. All articles are archived in www.tapatt.org. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Reactions to �Fixing the Philippines� dear mr. abaya, this has to be one of your best. what an inspired metaphor! all the pieces fit!! best wishes, epi espaldon ayala alabang [email protected] July 01, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Dear Mr. Abaya, What a simile! Take out the comical expressions, and one gets a very accurate and objective description of the the country in such a brief statement. Congratulations for your profound thoughts. You know, my initial reaction to your satire is to let the ship sink, so that a new breed can restart a true Philippines that claims its rights as heirs to the heroism of our brave ancestors of the 1890's. Most of the passengers anyway are products of years of brainwashing that took away their past and muddled their culture, arts and literature. Unless we reconnect ourselves to the spirit of the 1890's and aspire to realize the dreams of our ancestors we will never achieve unity and dignity as a nation. I have more to say on this but time and space is not mine. Yours truly, Virgilio. Leynes [email protected] July 01, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww You should come out with a compilation of these humdinger, witty, and hard hitting satire and make a book of it, Tocayo! Bravissimo! Best.. Tony Joaquin - from San Francisco [email protected] July 01, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Newsflash! Largest Maritime Disaster Caused by World War 2 Sub Holdout Barely a few days out in sea the SS Philippines was torpedoed and sunk by a relic from the Second World War, the Kriegsmarine U-Boat U-777 commanded by Captain Von Trapp. The U-777 was last seen in 1945 during the last days of the Third Reich. Presumed sunk, rumors persisted that it roamed the high seas intent to carry out the wishes of the late unlamented ex-artist, ex-corporal, ex-Austrian and ex-Fuehrer to purify the world of the Untermensch. As fate would have it, on the night of July 10, 2004 as the SS Philippines zig-zagged aimlessly east of the Strait of Malacca, it unbeknowingly crossed path with the ancient Nazi U-Boat and its geriartric but racially pure Aryan crew. The German crew went immediately to battle stations but were dismayed to find out that their torpedos were too old to function properly. The order was given to surface and use the deck guns to engage the SS Philippines. Again, to the dismay of the German crew, only the puny anti-aircraft gun could work...and it couldn't even go automatic. Captain GMA was too distressed to notice the threat that literally rose from the seas at starboard side. This was because earlier, news reached her that the First Mate had made some groovy moves on the young lass at first class causing quite a scandal indeed. The good Captain was in the middle of tearing out clumps of her hair as she rued the day she met her portly First Mate when suddenly the German shell smashed into the bow of the ship. Captain Von Trapp was astonished as he saw the effect the 37mm round had on the SS Philippines. Although the shell shot away a very, very small portion of the bow of the ship, for some unexplainable reason (that is to "perfectionist" Germans and not to "cost cutting, come what may, that will do, let's use substandard items" Filipinos) the ship practically disintegrated. As the ship vanished into the sea, not a single survivor bobbed in the waters since all the passengers clung like crabs to each other thus making everbody perish. Overcome with shock and awe, Captain Von Trapp decided that this would be the last kill of the U-777. The ship and crew had done its duty to the Fatherland and the Aryan race. The following week, he surrendered to the East Timorese thus finally putting an end to the Second World War. Jose Custodio [email protected] July 01, 2004 MY REPLY. And Julie Andrews pops out of the water and breaks into �The seas are alive with the sound of music��.? wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Shiver me timbers! George Bush to the rescue? Ray Eced [email protected] July 02, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Dear Tony, Food for urgent thought and action. As a shipping person we should ALL already be panicking into change at the sign of the storm. Thanks. Doris Ho [email protected] July 02, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Dear Mr. Antonio Abaya: If the SS Philippines is considered not sea worthy by your description, why would it sail in the first place? Fixing the ship is futile because of its severe state of disrepair. The crew are in discord and might even lead to mutiny or outright rebellion. What to do? Build a new ship from the scratch. Forget the old ship. Capt. GMA should select her own people and work out a pragmatic solution to build a Noah's Ark, strong in construction and framework; designed to handle the rough seas. It is the only solution to ferry the passengers to the promised land. Promised land? Forget the promised land, just make it to the other side. What about Capt. FPJ? Obviously, somebody is pulling the string to make him act like he is awake. Is that the reason why he wears sunglasses even in zero lumen surrounding? Awake or asleep, he doesn't have enough testosterone to bark even at the wrong tree. Because if he faced with the law of supply and demand in some difficult economic situation, I am sure he will demand exit. The new ship will sail strong and free. And maybe Filipinos from other shores will come home and enjoy once more the real taste of pinakbet and lechon cook in our native kawali. Just a thought. Thanks for all the articles. Sincerely yours, Emil Diaz, Jr. [email protected] July 02, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Here is a response to your article from my offce colleague. We have a service called rustbusters so that's what this means. Do -----Original Message----- FROM: "Doris Ho" <[email protected]> Date: Fri, 2 Jul 2004 16:22:55 To:"Eduardo Manese" <[email protected]> Subject: Re: Fw: Fixing the Philippines Funny but sadly true. Do -----Original Message----- From: [email protected] Date: Fri, 2 Jul 2004 09:18:34 To:[email protected] Subject: Re: Fw: Fixing the Philippines Doris, Abaya's ship should not even move under the circumstances he related. It should stay put and practically be taken apart/dismantle if I may say , get our rustbusters in and do a 100 pct job of turning the ship upside down - then she can move. Eddie wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Dear Tony Reading this you make me miss �the good ole ERAP days� By the way, I ran into Teddy Boy the other day. I mentioned our concern about TODAY going out of business. His explanation is, from time to time, his distributors don�t remit their funds and he cuts them off until they remit. All it needs is one day! He apologized for the inconvenience but was delighted to hear about our ranking him the best paper in town. JayJay Calero [email protected] July 02, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww DEAR MR ABAYA......GREETINGS.............I LIKE YOUR HUMOR, AND THIS PIECE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES FROM YOUR PROLIFIC PEN. HOW BEAUTIFULLY AND HUMOROUSLY YOU EXPRESS THE TRUE STATE OF THE PHILIPPINES. MORE POWER TO YOU. PS. PLS DO A PARODY OF GMA'S 10-POINT PROGRAM OF PROMISES. THAT WOULD BE A BALL!!!!!!!!!! THANKS. Ed Valenciano [email protected] July 03, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww PGMA�s challenged legitimacy as it seems more doubtful than certain ensures our ship of state will be dead in the waters or, more likely, headed for shipwreck. She has no moral compass with which to steer the ship out of the treacherous shoals, the howling winds, and the hungry sea that is sure to devour our badly leaking ship. A mutiny at this stage will compound our problem. I think the solution may be found in the simple wisdom of a fisherfolks� adage: Catch a fish by its mouth. Capt.-Mrs. Jose Pidal made a campaign promise she would effect a shift to a parliamentary form of government under a federal system. She will do this within her new mandate, and will even cut short her 6-yr term. Let us take her at her word. (Before she completely backs out from it; she�s being quoted as already equivocating.) Let�s demand she redeem her promise at the shortest possible time, within two or three years, enough time for us to spot who in Congress and the Senate are right for us. As soon as the shift to a parliamentary system is made, let�s dump her. Vicente C. de Jesus [email protected] July 03, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Very appropriate analogy.... drawn with master strokes of wit and accuracy of perception .. a thoroughly enjoyable piece !! Magaling talaga. [email protected] July 03, 2004 Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww dear sir, i may not be a fan of your opinion pieces, and i think you are an old school reactionary mercenary, but that does not stop me from appreciating your creative re-imagining of Rizal's similar allegory in his description of Philippine society which you used in this article. raymond palatino [email protected] July 03, 2004 MY REPLY. Thank you for your left-handed compliment. I was not even aware that my fellow reactionary (he preferred education to revolution) and mercenary (he volunteered to serve in the Spanish Army n Cuba), Jose Rizal, used a similar allegory on Philippine society. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww hi tony: this is one of your best written columns. congratulations. cheers. am passing it to friends. Gil Santos [email protected] July 05, 2004 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww |
| Dear Tony: Your write-ups about the "S/S (for sinking ship)" with Capt. GMA as its skipper, is very vivid of said ship running aground very soon. How soon? I believe it is helpful if you can give us a time frame so we can prepare for the event: candles, matches, should there be power outages in order that the ship-of-state while floundering cannot be beamed to the world; and for those who have been flip-flapping, they can abandon the ship while there is still time and look for another ship less problematic, if available. Do you think there will be left in the sinking ship other than the captain thereof, given the sad state of affairs? I hope I will be around to count these opportunists! To your last question if there is anyone who can fix the Philippines? I believe there is NONE, except the Lord Jesus Christ, if we allow Him to fix our lamentable situation. However, we have already been FIXED, a long time ago by our bogus leaders, the Pharisees of modern times. Warmest regards, Dolly L. Espa�ol [email protected] July 12, 2004 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |