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ATB ARRESTS THE MOST UGLY MAN ON THE FACE OF GOD’S GREEN EARTH
JULY 17 -- OSCAR SEANEZ, 30, was arrested today after a fight with ATB law enforcement agents in front of a Publix in Pompano Beach. Seanez physically resisted arrest by shoving a shopping cart at Special Agent Antonio Simone and scratched Agent Geoff Jeffries. The two officers became suspicious of Seanez after watching him walk out of Publix. “As soon as he came out of the supermarket, I knew something was up,” said Agent Jeffries. “I mean, look at this guy’s face. He is one ugly somnabitch.” Special Agent Simone agreed. “As you know, we continuously arrest guys that look like that. He has no business being anywhere in public. Kids got scared when they saw him coming out of the entrance to Publix.” Simone and Jeffries did not receive any serious injuries from Seanez’s attack. “He went berserk as soon as he saw us come out of the squad car,” Jeffries said. “He knew he was guilty as sin, no doubt about it. “He’s going away for a long time after trying to resist arrest,” Jeffries continued. “And no one is going to miss that ugly mug -- not even his mom.” Although Seanez may serve 30 years in jail if convicted, Agent Simone predicted a bright future for him in jail. “None of the other inmates are going to touch Oscar. He has nothing to worry about if he’s afraid of getting raped.”
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