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Traveller Found Dead, Possibly Murdered

M.O.T. News

Tampa, Florida -- The Traveller, defender of the 9 to 5 worker, was found dead yesterday outside a Circle K convenience store.  There is question as to whether The Traveller was murdered, or died accidentally.

A week before his death, The Traveller wrote a controversial editorial for this website, "Here's Why The Loyalist had to Die".  There is speculation that this may have lead to his untimely demise.

"The Loyalist was great!" stated one former Traveller employee who wished to remain anonymous. "[The Traveller] had no right to bash him.  I think the Working Men got him."

Tampa Bay Police disagree. "We believe his death was accidental," stated Deputy Perry. "It looks like a piano, or a heavy safe, fell on his body.  You know, like something out of the cartoons."

Then, there's the strange story of the first witness to arrive on the scene. "I drove up," said Craig Stokes, a local resident, "and saw four men standing in a circle.  They were spitting.

"Then, I saw one guy -- he was real short -- pick up a black, shiny, expensive-looking vase, and throw it on the ground.  That's when I saw the body.

"When I parked, the four guys ran off.  I don't know if they killed the guy, but it sure was mighty suspicious."

Deputy Perry refused to comment on Mr. Stokes story, except to say, "We're investigating all possible leads."

The body is scheduled to be sent to Georgia for cremation, following the completion of the autopsy and investigation.

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Traveller Found Alive -- Clone Still Dead

M.O.T. News Update

Fort Lauderdale -- Rumors of The Traveller's death were greatly exaggerated.

"I'm feeling great," said The Traveller from his winter home in South Florida, "and I'm still here."

The body found in Tampa earlier this week turned out to be a clone.  The Traveller hired the famous Working Men to catch, and if necessary, kill the clone.

"Yeah, he wrote that crazy editorial.  We were only happy to help out," stated J. Hustle, member of the Working Men. "We knew the real Traveller would never write anything that crazy."

Tampa Police have dropped their investigation because clones, technically speaking, do not have any rights. "Case closed," said Deputy Perry. "We don't care, because, as far as we're concerned, that clone never really lived."

In a surprise team-up, the ACLU and Family Research Council have both praised the Traveller for his actions.

"Clone flesh is not living flesh," stated Dr. James Dobson, on his weekly radio program. "Praise God the Working Men wiped that abomination off the face of the earth."

"In these times of endless legal battles, the last thing the courts need is a clone rights case," read a statement from the ACLU. "We're ill-equipped for this situation, and are glad that the issue is resolved."

No word on how the clone came to be, or how the clone got access to the DailySkew. "We are implementing tighter security measures to prevent a repeat of this unfortunate situation," stated Damian Hospital, co-owner of the website.