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Dear Daily Skew, I had the honor of meeting one of the greatest minds in the tri-county area, Mr. Hospital, co-founder of this masterpiece of a website. My name is Simon Delaghetto -- wannabe TV/movie critic and media mogul. Mr. Hospital so inspired me, that I am going to offer him the lead role in my upcoming series on WB. It's called "Tell it to the Torah!" Mr. Hospital would be cast as a former adult film star turned Brooklyn Orthodox Jew crime fighter! Dressed in traditional orthodox style and toting all books of the Torah -- bound in a leather covering -- easily weighing eight pounds.
Imagine -- the delightful banter of Seinfeld with the action of Dark Angel. Mr. Hospital (playing Rabbi Elijah Goldberg) captures the wicked -- then reads a passage, ala Samuel L. Jackson in pulp fiction, then proceeds to ask the evildoer why he committed the crime. The villain explains, then the Rabbi smirks and says, "Tell it to the Torah you gentile mongrel monkey scrotum!" and cracks the villain across the brow with the mighty Torah.
As great a hero the Rabbi is, he struggles to resist his former lecherous tendencies -- always impressing the ladies with, "Hey, did you know I got Moses' beeper number" and "baby, I'm gonna make you wail and grind your teeth!"
Costarring Jason Alexander as his informant/deli meat slicer, Denise Richards as his sidekick/bat mitzvah singer, Yaphet Koto as longtime confidant friend Joe, and Ron Jeremy as himself. Don't miss the pilot, as Mr.Hospital kicks it, Old Testament style!
In closing, here are a few of my personal recommendations for fine summer movie picks from your local video store: 1)any Cheech & Chong movie 2)Ladies Man 3)any Bruce Lee movie 4)Boogie Nights 5)Logan's Run 6)Black Caesar 7)The Legend of Dolomite 8)Leaving Las Vegas 9)TNT -- Superfly
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