The bugle has sounded...

Why I Am Addicted To Techno Music

By Sidi Bombay II

First let me be up front- if you don’t like techno or dance music, stop reading and go read another article on the ‘Skew. They ain’t no way I can convince your sorry ass to like it, so I don’t want you wasting your valuable time. 

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let me share with you why I am addicted to techno music. In fact, I’ll list the ways since I now it’s very hard for you to read through paragraphs and long sentences.

1)      Imagination runs wild- Many techno/dance songs have no lyrics. Even the ones that do only contain a few repetitive sentences. Well, that gives me free reign to think or fantasize about ANYTHING I want to, without being attached to the true meaning (if there is one) of the song.

2)      Can’t get that tune out of my head. Good techno songs have one break beat that makes a lifelong impression. Also, the couple sentences they actually have in the songs are very simple and easy to remember. “I do both Jay and Jane”. “It’s a fine day.” “Do you think you’re better off alone?”

3)      Can fit any atmosphere. Again, techno music can be applied to any movie or tv scene. It can be played in the background of ANY fight scene. Heck, let’s get some funky beats in the next Star Wars flick.

4)      The Euro connexion- Many of you don’t know this, but the civilized world existed thousands of years before Plymouth Rock. Many of the cultures in America spawned from the motherland. Techno brings us back to the true roots. Germany and France pretty much popularized techno in its purest form. It’s nice to feel history at its finest.

5)      Strip clubs play it all of the time. The best thing happened to me a few weeks ago. While I was getting a lap dance from this fine Brasilian woman, PTK’s Resurrection played in the background. There’s nothing like walking into a dark strip club and hearing Jennifer Lopez’s Waiting For Tonight remix or I See Stars.

6)      The underground scene. Vampires are big techno fans.

7)      The video game music connection- Name something more repetitive and soulless than techno music. Yup. If you said video game music you actually read the bold words that came after the ‘7)’.

8)      Great drive away music. Nothing beats pumping up the radio in your car after you break up with your nagging, lying, cheating, good-for-nothing girlfriend. Picture yourself telling her off and then hopping in your car, putting on the radio, and have I’ll Fly With You blasting in her face. As you drive off, your tires screech and the song is still blasting. Yeah.

9)      Changes mood instantly. Need some energy? Put on some techno bass.