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Yes, I Will Sign Up For That
Please call my house five times a night. Interrupt my dinner. I will buy whatever you’re selling over the telephone. Let it be the local newspaper, a satellite hook-up, a bumper sticker indicating that I support the police, or a subscription to a sports magazine -- I don’t care, I’m buying it. I really want to help you telemarketers out. I know the economy has been taking a hit since 9/11 so I’m doing my part to help this great, free-enterprise country by ordering all of your items. And don’t feel that you could only contact me via telephone! You are welcome to knock on my door at any hour of the night, and I will write you a check for your wonderful product. If you are selling religions, don’t be shy. I would love to have hour-long conversations with you, and I will definitely read your wonderful literature. Girl-scouts and boy-scouts -- my purchase goes without saying. Let’s not forget e-mail! Please send me daily messages describing your “work at home” business plan, a weight-loss program, or breast implants -- without surgery! You can also reach me via snail mail (the good old mailbox). I cannot describe the feeling of jubilation when I come home after a hard day’s work, open my mailbox, and read about new car insurance, new cars with no interest rates for the first year, coupons for my favorite restaurants, surveys for advertising agencies, etc. In conclusion, SIGN ME UP! I have a major credit card, a healthy checking account, and cold hard cash that I WANT TO GIVE TO YOU for your EXCELLENT PRODUCT! Sincerely, Ethel Horn |
