The bugle has sounded...

I Think It’s Time You Heard My Story

An editorial by B.D. GagSnot

I just want to take this opportunity to express my disappointment and anger that I felt when my manager, [censored- Daily Balance], laid me off -- no thanks to Luthor.

I thought he was my friend, you know? I mean, we used to be cool with each other, and I bailed his ass out several times before.

Anyway, I’m over the whole thing. I got my life straightened out. I’m better off now then I was at Tashman, definitely. But I want to set the record straight: I didn’t deserve to be let go from Tashman.

Let me tell you all the things I did -- I processed 200 tachyons a day, and I wasn’t even trying. One time when Luthor was absent, I totally took control of the quantum influctuators and density inhibitors.

I put in a lot of hard work at Tashman in their main headquarters at the edge of our solar system.

I got a raw deal. And I really think that my former manager [censored- Daily Balance] misled me, like he has misled many former employees in the past.

He told me that I would get an increase in credits if I learned new skills and increased my responsibilities. What kind of shit is that?

I worked there for three freakin’ years and I only got a 10% credit increase. I busted my ass off, and they didn’t even have the common courtesy to tell me what I was supposedly doing wrong, so I could correct myself.

Tashman just isn’t a professional place, and I am so glad I’m not there anymore. I feel sorry for anyone who is still working there, especially Son of Thor, Overmind, and Spanish Latka.

Anyway, I gotta go now, but it’s about time people heard that Luthor is a traitor. He didn’t even have the guts to tell it to my face.

But I really don’t have any hard feelings towards him anymore. I’m still straight with him. If I ever saw him in the street or at a party, I would be friendly, you know? It’s nice to keep grudges, and like I said, my life is 100% better since I left that place.

One person who I will not forgive is [censored- Daily Balance]. I may punch him in the face if I ever see him. Man, he is so messed up.

***

Shut Up Dillweed, I Think It’s Time You Heard My Story

An editorial by Lt. Bart Simpleton

B.D. GagSnot, nobody wants to hear your whining.

Dude, face it -- you were lazy, man. You goofed around all the time, and distracted almost everybody. You deserved what you got.

But still, you do have a point. I think that Luthor and [censored- Daily Balance] should have given you one more chance.

But that’s all the past now, so just move on with your life. You’re a pretty smart guy. (Well, okay, maybe not, but you have some common sense about certain things.)

Anyway, the real reason I am writing this is to get some goddamn recognition around here.

I have survived many Tashman layoffs. Heck, I went off to the far side of the galaxy to fight the Empire for many months and they let me back.

I work hard at Tashman -- always did. I’ve seen so much crazy shit there, you wouldn’t believe it.

I’m going to the University of Quantum Mechanics, I have military experience, and I am pretty intelligent.

I am SO TIRED of not being recognized at Tashman. No performace reviews. No salary credit increases. No pat on the back. Nothing.

Just work, work, work -- and switch your schedule around -- that’s how they treat me … how they treat everyone like that.

I seriously don’t think anyone realizes my potential. They don’t even notice me. I am the best Teleporter Quality Inspector there ever was. And I fix so many of the teleporter operator's mistakes all of the time -- and don’t say anything about it! I also train new inspectors and show them the ropes.

One day I will be laughing at all of the Founders.

Finally, on a less serious note -- I think I should be considered for an award on the Daily Skew. I should be in the Tashman Hall of Fame, or get a Rookie of the Year Award (for the year 2040, of course) or something like that. I have survived the losses of many great men that have worked at Tashman, and I preserve their memories in my heart.

As for Mister GagSnot -- he should be in the Tashman Hall of Shame. I could think of a couple of other people that belong in there too, but I’m not going to say whom right now. Maybe in the future, I’ll write suggestions.

Until then -- peace out.