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poems and songs
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"FALLEN ANGEL By Michael Mattox, 2001 I HAVE NO HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW I FEEL DEPRESSED AND LONELY. ALL I WANT TO DO IS BRING EVERYONE DOWN TO THE PLACE I AM AT SO THEY CAN FEEL THE WAY I FEEL. I AM GOING TO BRING EVERYONE DOWN TO THE LEVEL OF NO HAPPINESS. I WANT TO WATCH ALL THE PEOPLE I BRING DOWN TO THIS LEVEL. I WANT TO WATCH THEM CRY AND TRY TO CLAW THEIR WAY OUT OF THE BLACK HOLE THEY HAVE FELL INTO. I HOPE EVENTUALLY THEY GET TO THE POINT WHERE THEY WANT TO DIE, WHEN THAT HAPPENS I WILL COME DOWN FROM THE SKY AND I WILL COLLECT THEIR SOULS AND TAKE THEM BACK TO HELL WITH ME SO THAT I CAN WATCH THEM SUFFER FOREVER. BECAUSE I AM THE FALLEN ANGEL AND SOON YOU WILL ALL JOIN ME. Mike can be e-mailed at DarkprinceMttxmj@aol.com.
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Ghost in the Shadows By Damian Hospital 3/21/00 Unseen, unheard, untouched. The ghost silently glides among the world of the living. It observes Beauty and Society. And it smiles at them- unnoticed by the Two. The phantasm is cursed for all of eternity- Cursed to see Beauty's most precious and warm women And never be permitted to even touch such energetic beings. Cursed to see Society's greatest injustices against innocents and nature- And float helplessly about. Cursed to be alone until this reality falls upon itself back into nothingness… From where it had arisen. The lonely spirit is not trapped in this place of existence. Nay, it chooses to remain here. It is a prisoner of its own accord. The apparition longs for the day it will be noticed by all of humanity. Animals and a few kindred people have the ability to look past the cloudy shimmer and perceive the undead's true form. Those beings fortunate enough to view the phantom- even for a moment- Are very pleased indeed. It is a kind and benign ghost. A ghost that wants to be of flesh and blood again- like they are. At times, it howls like a banshee. These ghastly moans instill fear within the heart of Society- And Beauty looks down upon such ugliness. When the banshee screams, it becomes even more dead- Especially when the Two's ears fall deaf again. The intangible entity never has intentions of causing harm. In fact, the ghost was a victim of Society. Yet, the ghost has forgiven and longs to be appreciated by Beauty and Society. Sadly, it realizes that it will be a shade in the darkness for eternity. But that cold prophesy does not prevent it from the desire.
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By Damian Hospital 2/23/2000 He is as fierce as a lion when angered, Tame as a sheep when loved. He is as strong as a black bear; And as dumb as an ox. He has a heart made of gold; And a wallet full of mothballs. Don't let his humility cloud your perceptions; He has a wealth of practical knowledge and wild opinions. He loves history documentaries. He is a great roofer and mechanic. He works with his hands. He is a man's man. Not an intellectual, condescending snob. Not an isolated computer nerd. Nay, he is a down to earth, friendly, family man. He is loyal to those he loves. He'll give his life up for his compatriots Because he's from the old school. He has your back because he's your brother. Beneath the macho exterior lies a sensitive soul. Rip away the Herculean façade and reveal his inner child That craves love and nurturing. He would be a Casanova if he wasn't so Committed and dedicated to his wife and daughters. He is handsome- not a fancy model. Nay, he is the epitome of machismo. An Italian Stallion that never gives up. Pity the fool who dares engage this man in fisticuffs- He would rather die than admit defeat. If he battles five men, he would be happy to get his brains Kicked in- as long as he took out one thug, he will be happy. Sweet-talking and charming, he can light up the coldest room With his bright spirit. Yet when he loses faith in himself, the ones that love him feel Pain as well. He can cause undue stress to himself by thinking too much. Sometimes he cannot stop thinking so he distracts his mind with Physical pleasures. If he is a reincarnated being, he was definitely an Athenian; Patriotic, warlike, physical, sexual, imperialistic, willing to die for What he believes in. Anyone who associates with him learns something. It can be positive or negative, But they will learn something that they will carry with them Until the maggots infest their empty brain cavity. Let him put his massive arms around your body. Let him give you a big, warm hug. (Especially if you're a pretty girl.) (Actually, only if you're a pretty girl.) He is James Foligno. “Jimmy” or “Jim” if you are friendly with him. “Fig” if you love him. 
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I can feel the anger burning in me like lava in a molten volcano My heart has hardened No remorse No mercy No surrender They must be destroyed The years of torment My struggle- mein kampf. They are ignorant, worthless, inferior, low-life trash They must be exterminated, And I have the desire, will, and means to accomplish my goal. I am the Dark Lord The One The Master of Evil The Unholy Father I am who I am. I have more intelligence and wisdom in my nostrils than they have in their frail, pathetic bodies I have more strength than 10, 000 men. More speed than their primitive transportation devices. My mind calculates faster than any computer or machine they can build. I am not just one step ahead of their simple little games, I am 10 moves ahead. My master strategies dwarf the methods of their foolish, obsolete generals. They will all pay, every single one of them With their insignificant lives No mere mortal will challenge me I am the Leader I answer to no one. There is no higher power because I am the Higher Power. Worship me and I will reward you with a quick and painless death. Reject me and you will suffer for eternity. For I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Do not underestimate the power of Prometheus because I guarantee you- you can not stop my anger and hatred. There is no force in this universe that can defeat my will No one, no idea, no revolution, no thought, no army, no myth, no belief, no thing Can stop me. I live to rule and rule to live. Humanity, listen to me: Your days are numbered. I will wipe them out. All of them. By Damian Hospital 9/26/99
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Like A Venus Fly Trap By Anthony Decarvalho The Venus fly trap looks delicious enough But in the end, it eats you up. Like a beautiful disaster A wanting master Life is beautiful But in the end We all must fail And live again Why must I fight? I feel so trite Who cares who's wrong or right Leave me alone She says for me In the end I am left lonely.
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If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is this: My love and appreciation for you is more powerful than any other force on the face of the earth. To put it simply: My life has little meaning without you. When you are not near me, I feel empty. When you are close to me, I feel whole. Through great times and rough times, there has been a constant in my life: My adoration and loyalty towards you. Through your caring grace and your acceptance of who I am I feel like a like a human being. I learned what it is to be a real man by being with you- Not a “macho” man, but a family man. And you have learned from me as well- Learned all about American society and different types of people. Our union produced two of the most wonderful children in the world; Our guidance will lead them to bright and productive futures. Together, we have tried our best to show our family love- To show them to respect and protect the animal kingdom With all of our cats and dogs that we provide for, To recognize the importance of education, And to learn from the wise members of our family. We have shared so much together, And we have survived it all. And do you know why? Because my love for you is eternal. If I had the power, I would steal the stars from the heavens and place them near your heart. You are divine, Nannette. You are truly a gift from the heavens. If Buddha were alive today, I doubt he could abstain from lusting after you, Nannette- Because that's the affect you have on me. You have an aura of beauty, love, and sexuality that is unmatched. I will always be there for you. Love, Joe
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Dead-end job No money No girlfriend- ever $40,000 in debt I'm bald Short Insanely thin And ugly Socially awkward Stuck in the cold dark, reality that I made for myself And I can't get out. Tired of fighting it every week. No longer have the desire to put any effort in anything I do Because the returns are not rewarding. So lonely and alone. I had so much to offer society and people. I do not want to be alone. There I go “wanting” something again. Desire does lead to suffering, but I finally thought of a plan to free myself. Oh, sure- I realize it is the most immoral thing to do- to kill oneself. And I probably will bet that since I do such a wrong act, the afterlife will be worse than this life. I say bring it: I'm ready to burn in Hell for eternity, or reincarnate into a nasty cockroach, or anything God or karma has to dish out- Even living this pathetic life over and over and over again. Bring it. How do you think I feel being alone all of the time? Answer me! How long could you be alone? A year? Maybe if you have a lot of will power. Six months? A month? A week? A day? Six hours? How about your whole, mother*&^%$S? Read it and eat it. Now you know. Anyone who knew me realized how intelligent, interesting, and deep I was. Anyone who considered me as a friend knew that I loved him or her with all of my heart. Anyone who knew me as a student or worker knew I put 110% effort in everything I did. Anyone who knew me as a family member knew the love was unconditional. So how do you think I felt to sleep in a single bed for my entire life? Waking up to the silent sound of the ceiling fan? To eat in restaurants by myself? Rarely hugged, caressed, or god-forbid, kissed? Never being validated as a man. Never to raise and teach A child? Always to be supporting myself with no help? My entire life, mother*&^%s. If you are a woman, put yourself in my shoes. Then look at yourself, and see what I see. Heaven knows I put on your shoes often. If you are a guy…then you know. I'd rather take the unknown hell than continue this one. Bring it! Bring it! no name - The century's biggest fool. April 1 19xx
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Abuse me Bang me like the slut I am Hurt me Hate me Insult me Disrespect me Lie to me Take my money Take my heart Corrupt my soul Order me to come down on you, and Yell at me when I do Hit me Piss on me Slap me Desecrate my body and mind Step on me Ruin me Soil me Twist the truth Mislead me Play with my emotions Punch the left side of my chest, and Rip my heart from my it- With your bloody hand. Make me lick the blood off of your fingers, and Then gag me with a dildo I love you, and you love to hate me Wake me up in the middle of the night- Order me to come over, and Then slam the door in my face. Please. Force me to beg, force me to get down on my knees, and Stick my tongue in your @$$&*%$, Then $hit on my face after I pleasure you. Please. Tell me you love me after you have sex with my best friends and total strangers. Please. Tell me you love me after you have a lesbian orgy fest. Please. Tell me you love me after you flirt and go out with other men. Please. Reward my obedience with hysterical rants and infidelity. Please. Whip me. Kick me. Devalue me. Do not appreciate me. I am not worthy. I do not deserve it. Order me to sodomize a man. Laugh at me when I do. Make me show you my penis And ridicule it when I do. Ask for roses and you shall receive. Ask for fine diners and you shall receive. Ask for attention and you shall receive. Ask for my body and you shall receive. Ask for the finest clothes and you shall receive. Ask for my loyalty and you shall receive. Ask for my unconditional love and you shall receive. Ask for my life and you shall receive. Take it all, and throw it all out on a whim. Please. Ignore me. Make me suffer. Cut my heart until the all of my blood flows. Please. Destroy me. Never give anything back to me. Never give thanks to my undying loyalty. Please. Show your appreciation to local losers, drug addicts, players, punks, idiots, bad guys, and convicts. Please. Please care about them. Spread your legs for them. Think about them. Call them and cry to them. Dream about them. Obsess about them. Be possessive of them, and envious of the women they bang. Be attracted to them, and not me. Please. Thank you, my dear. Thank you treating your slave how I should be treated. Please don't be angry and yell when I give my thanks. I'm sorry, my Mistress. I'm sorry. Let me kiss, lick and sick your toes. I didn't mean to hurt you, Mistress. I love when you hate me.
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I was named Damian, but it should have been Sorrow- For Sorrow is all I have ever known. The once vibrant and loving heart that energetically beat in my chest has now hardened, like cold granite- And the memories of being loved and giving love have been blown away like dust. When I look in the mirror, Despair looks back. The reflections of misery, madness, and melancholy look back at me. The songs of Sorrow fill the emptiness in my heart, agony runs through my veins, rejection blackens my blood, loneliness stiffens my body, defeat feels like a sharp icicle running through my temple. The crumbs of love still in my mind force me to weep silently in the darkness and taste the salt of my tears- For I am the Fool of Tears. The Pain of unfulfilled Desire has left deep, jagged scars across my spirit. So immeasurably deep are these wounds, so indescribable is this other-wordly pain in my essence, that I can no longer bear to speak. Once again I venture to the edge of the Abyss And I gaze down the endless hole-the bottomless pit of wretchedness and loathing. Once again, I journey to the Forest of Nightmares, where I become lost admits the black, leafless oak trees, the midnight, starless sky, where I stumble over stones cast away at me from the angry villagers, where I gaze upon the black lake, the pool of shadows-and see nothing. My smile is gone Whisked away from my once handsome face for all of eternity. All I ever see, all I ever hear, all I ever feel, all I ever taste, all I ever touch, all I ever Dream, all I ever think about, and all I have ever known is Sorrow. As you read this, you may see the grey, hopeless world through my eyes- I pray that if you do step into my shoes, quickly go back into your own. For no one should ever feel the pain that I do. No one who has ever lived deserves the eternal torture of a world so lonely and without love. There is no justice, romance, or happy endings. Just Sorrow. ~~Damian~~
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Yaaaaaaah! Whooooooo! Yeesssss! “Hello Joe, whadd'ya know?” “Need me to scan! Here I go!” Joe, Joe Anastas-io- We want you on ooooour siiiiide! He became Lorien's most productive worker, knocking the office on the floor But he's just a man, not a freak, he's Joe, Joe Anastas-io! He tied the record and sent other workers out the door Then he broke it by scanning 100,000 more! He's Joltin' Joe Anastas-io! From shift to shift that's all you'll hear Of Joe the one man show, He's glorified from here and fro, Joltin' Joe Anastas-io. He'll live in Lorien's hall of fame, He got there blow by blow, Our kids will say his name Joltin' Joe Anastas-io Joe, Joe Anastas-io, we want you on oooour siiiiide.
*** "OCEAN OF CHAOS"
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GUILT
The
Story of
The
Unknown Slave
Working
fingers to the bone, typing in parameters of the next jobs. To
make the profit for the upper- management slobs. It
seems that work is never appreciated from the upper crust. The
need for more money is their only lust. They
promise profit sharing for the more work you do. But
I don’t see Beamers for us slaves too. There
goes the profit sharing bit by bit, By
the time we get it, it won’t amount to shit. But
we keep plugging away at our meaningless job. To
reach the goals set out by Bob. Whether
it’s scanning, validated or QC’ing. If
our quotas not met a pink slip we’ll be seeing.
But a slave I am and a slave I’ll be,
Till,
someone comes along and fires me. The
work load gets harder, and the profit more great. We’re
promised a good quarter, so I guess we’ll just wait. And
when we don’t get it what we will do, Just
bitch and moan till our faces turn blue. But
I’m a slave to my work ethics and that how I’ll always be. But
soon I’ll tire and then you can kiss my ass goodbye. A
word to the wise as to whatever work you do, No mater how hard you work, you’ll only get screwed. ***
Love
Poem to Mistress Death
My mistress, I shall always have faith in you, It shall not be thrown away like a used shoe, My love for you has been proven to be true, And my heart skips a beat when I think of you. So there’s no need for me to cry, When I know you will be by my side It is going to be all right. You will be here to save the day It’s going to be okay. I want to visit the Dark Underworld Just to know where I can stay, I want to go where I can see How we will live in harmony Bah! Enough with my foolish schoolboy rhymes! When I was a child, You said that you’d walk with me, hand in hand, And promised me you’ll be with me forever- To swim in every water in Hades And to keep my love for you in motion. Night by night, heart to heart It will be you- and me, And our love will last forever Mistress Death, There is no other woman like you. You are the only woman who keeps her word The only woman that men should trust. You are the rock, the one constant in this world, You are not a castle in the sky, with nothing to support it- You are the foundation of life. You will keep the promise you whispered in my ear, When I was but a mere lad. Girls come and go; Yet you have been with me from the beginning, And shall never leave me. Mistress Death! Oh Dark One! My Beloved Black Beauty! How I love you so! How I long for your tender embrace! I know you have not forgotten your promise to come and get me! You are my savior! I know you have seen my outstretched hand Attempting to brush your fingers! Words can not accurately describe how my body Rejects this existence, And longs for the eternal slumber Next to you, my Dearest One. Your cold, frigid, frost-like skin Your blank, emotionless stare The few sentences you mutter in my direction. You are the sun that sets The dark moon that creates the night You are what paralyzes me When you need me, you know I will be there. You know I really care It is a love beyond compare. luv, Dami ***
the machine is grinding bones breaking through s t r e t c h I n g skin friction blackening the body a faint puff of smoke and on to the next vctim
by Agent Smith ***
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By Damian Hospital With
Special Thanks to Gigi
D'Agostino
To Sheila: I
don’t believe in your lies; And
won’t fly with you,
From Damian
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By Marie Anne Goldstein
It's dark
Where is the light? Why can't I see? I'm afraid Where has everyone gone? It's cold Where is the warmth? Why am I so alone? I'm trembling Where have you gone? It's empty Where is the fulfillment? Why can't I feel? I'm bitter Where have I gone?
*** DepravityI'm the one who steals panties from the condo laundry room. I'm the one who drives around aimlessly 2:30 in the morning on a Friday night. I'm the one who buys adult videos in the seedy neighborhoods. I'm the one who looks through his peep hole with all of the lights off in his apartment, hoping to glimpse at someone on the outside. I'm the one who ruffles through the garbage looking for discarded undergarments, maxi-pads, or tampons. I'm the one who drives around the block 2:45 PM on weekdays to watch the children leave school. I'm the one who sits in his parked car in front of a strip joint at 4:00 AM to see the dancers go into their cars. I'm the one who takes pictures of people in their swimsuits by the pool. I'm the one who goes to dance clubs to stake out young, lonely, easy prey. I'm the one who spends 20 minutes standing up in the public bathroom stall. I'm the one who hangs out in the restrooms by the beach, ready to help out a young boy or girl. I'm the one who gladly helps the elderly neighbor with her groceries; I even help her put away her food. I'm the one who goes to gay bars; you'll see me sitting alone in the back, with a shot of liquor. I'm the one who knows that dogs are man's best friends. I'm the one who drives to the ghetto, stopping my car to ask the black hookers how much they're charging. I'm the one who thinks about it- 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm the one who spends all of his time on the Internet, chatting with local people. I'm the one who puts quarters in the peep show slot. I'm the one who buys pantyhose and stockings at the supermarket. I'm the one who calls the escort service specializing in transvestites. I'm the one who has a video collection hidden in my closet. I’m the one who is in one of your classes at the local college. I'm the one who has a dark room where I develop photos. I'm the one who sits in the movie theater, alone in the back, wearing non-descript clothes. I'm the one who buys blow-up dolls at the local sex shop. I'm the one who orders 6-inch black dildos from the Internet. I'm the one who would be more than happy to sit next to you and chat at a sporting event. I'm the one who no one would ever expect. I'm the one who you find non-threatening. I'm the one who the authorities never catch. I'm the one who is reading this.
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