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Justice Department Puts Faith in Known Felons
 
Ministry of Truth Newswire NOVEMBER 5, 2001- Last Thursday, in a shocking move, the U.S. Justice Department ordered all felons under parole and probation to cease mailing their monthly supervision reports to their parole and probation officers, or make special visits to the offices to hand deliver the reports. In effect, according to experts, the federal government is admitting that they are incapable of tracking criminals serving out their sentence while conducting the fight against terrorism. "They can't do both," stated Will Jones, a former parole officer from Tampa. "It is physically impossible to search for illegal immigrants who may be terrorists and keep track of criminals who are almost done paying their debt to society."    "With today's announcements, these criminal masterminds and others are free to wreak havoc on our society" "We're just gonna have to trust them," stated an anonymous source within the Justice Department. "What other choice do we have?" Many are outraged by the change in policy. "This is ridiculous!" stated Richard Hoffman, president of NECO. "How do they expect us to feel safe, knowing their are felons running loose, with no one keeping tabs on them! It's a sad day for America." The United States Parole and Probation Office is blaming the change in policy to another threat to our national security: Anthrax in the mail. In a written statement released Thursday, the USPAPO said, "Due to the recent turmoil regarding the mail, [Felons on probation] are to complete the monthly supervision reports but hold them until ... otherwise instructed." "I guess we'll wait until another building falls on our heads, or worse," said Sal Afonci, a barber in downtown Lake Worth, upon hearing the news. "Instead of keeping up with the criminals, and preventing stuff, we're just going to let another 911 happen."
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