So, Osama's in this giant, one million foot mountain.  Why is that so
awesome?

Hmph.

Todd Van Poppel, the first free agent in the year 2001 postseason, getting
resigned.

Okay.

Yep.  Aaaaah.



Allen Carpenter

Tony DeCarvalho!  You should be a little easier to get a hold of than this.
This is Allen.  I'm home tonight and I won't be playing around on the
internet tonight, so you can go ahead and give me a shout again.  I should
be here this time.  I'll talk to you later if you get me, man.  Bye bye.



Damian DS Exclusive

DailySkew exclusive (i.e. not Ministry of Truth) -- CEO, the President,
Treasurer, and CEO of Tashman Technologies has officially announced that,
for tax purposes, he will be distributing one check of 50% of the profit
sharing to the most dedicated worker on the roster of Tashman Technologies.
And that worker is no other -- we're talking 50% of the profit sharing --
how many thousands of dollars is that?  To be distributed before Christmas
to the one and only ------ [censored]



Damian's Joe A. blurb

CEO  officially forgets conversation with Joe Anastasio since Monday's
lunch.



Damian's I'll Fly With You Jam

[While "Fly With You" Playing]

Raise your hands, members of the audience!  I want everyone with a show of
hands!  Raise your hands if you really want to know that [censored], before and then after she calls me.

Come on, everyone!  Go ahead.  There you go.  There you go.

Wooooooh!

[Music playing]

Excellent!  Oh yeah, baby!  WoooooooooooooooOoOOOOooooh!



Damian's football rant

There's a football game on today?  Huh.

Which reminds me, uh, Miami, uh, right, Hurricanes -- they won, I mean,
they're going to the mythical National Championship.  Isn't that great?
That coach really cleaned up that team, didn't he?  [Yawn]  Bye.


Damian's Ric Flair rant

["Get Your Freak On" playing]

Jim Ross!  Jim Ross!  Good ole' J.R.!  When you are on top of the financial
empire, and your name is Ric Flair, you can do just about anything you want.

Jim Ross!  Jim Ross!  When you are the number one professional athlete of
all time ... the greatest, undisputed world champion, you can march into the
office of a CEO and say, "You turn over this company to me, or I'll leave
and I will buy you out."  And that's exactly what I did today, and he said,
"Bye.  We don't need ya!"

Woooooooh!

No, that's totally Daily Skew, but it sounds good, doesn't it?



Damian's reaction

[Hysterical laughing]

Woooooh!

So, how does it feel to be dead?  Uh....

I'll tell ya, it's not good to be dead and still be on the .... plane of
existence, sir!  I mean, if we're gonna be dead ... we might as well really
be dead, instead of being stuck ... what a phantasm, or a phantom, or an
apparition?  Are we a wraith?  Huh?

Aaaaaah!

Oh yeah, I really hate this!

Here comes big truck!  Maybe I get hit by big truck, huh?  Aaaaaah!  No.  No
such luck.  Uh, yeah.

[Sigh]



Jay Remembers

Heath Shuler:  that was the quarterback's name.  I remembered it this
morning, about 9:30.  Alright, talk to you later.  Bye.



Damian's Subway Story

Here's a little funny thing.  I'm at Border ... I mean, sorry, Subway.  I'm
bald with purple shirt, like Lex Luthor, silver age.  And there I am eating
and these two tall women come in.

They're Russian!  They can't fool me!  I know they're Russian, yet they say
they're from Venezuela.  Now, it's the same ... thing!  It's the best!

[driving]

It's the best ... some guy just did a 360 in front of me, that's all.

Yeah, you ain't foolin' me, you Soviet spies!  It's the best!  I knew they
were going to say they were from Venezuela.

And then this shorter and more proportionate woman comes in.  She has the
Russian nose.  She has the pale skin.  She has the TURTLENECK ... and she's
going to go ahead and say she's Venezuelan.  Now, I know their papers say
they're from Venezuela.  I know they can tell you about the Caracas and the
dictator there, but guess what?  We know better.