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Ghost of Atta Allowed to Stay, says INS M.O.T. News March 13, 2002 -- In a move that sent chills through the survivors of 9/11, the Immigration and Naturalization Service announced that the ghost of Mohamed Atta would be free to haunt the U.S. This comes on the heels of Atta and Marwan Alshehhi, the pilots who flew the planes into the Twin Towers, receiving their student visas six months after the terrible attacks of September 11th. "We wanted to make it official," stated Rico Monteleone, an INS bureaucrat. "Before September 11th, Mr. Atta didn't commit any crimes, and was not known to be associated with any terrorist organizations. Therefore, Mr. Atta's ghost is allowed to stay in the United States." "Besides," Mr. Monteleone added during his news conference, "he's dead ... so who cares." Victims of 9/11 expressed outrage over the INS' decision. "They should deport his spirit to hell, or Egypt," stated Christy Carlysle, a beauty salon specialist whose brother died of a heart attack during the terrorist attacks. There is no actual proof that Mohamed Atta or any of the other hijackers are currently haunting America. Zen Buddhists around the world generally agree that if Atta's spirit did survive, he has most likely reincarnated into a cockroach, maggot or something worse. "His spirit suffers," stated one monk at O'Hare airport. "His cycle of torment may never end." Christian leaders agree with this assessment. "[Mohamed Atta's] in hell -- you can bet on that!" said Reverend Richard Wright of the Mt. Eloma Episcopal Church. "He's experiencing the second death right now. Praise God." |