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After Fourteen Long Years, Damian Becomes Vegetarian
SEPTEMBER 21, 1991- Fourteen-year old teenager Damian Conrad Hospital has officially become a vegetarian today, his mother said. “My son never liked meat ever since he was a baby. He used to spit out the beef baby food that came in the jars; he always preferred the tapioca pudding,” Mz. Hospital revealed. “He never ate steak or pork,” she added. His grandmother, Dinah, did not like the news. “He needs to eat. He used to love Denny’s hamburgers and Chunky sirloin burger soup. And he used to eat sardines out of the can with his grandfather. He enjoyed them so. He’s already skinny,” she ranted. “From this moment forth, I shall not intentionally consume any former sentient being,” Damian said. “This includes, but is not limited to, beef, poultry, fish, or any creature that walks, swims, flies, or crawls on the face of this earth.” “In addition, my decision also infers that I shall not intentionally kill any animal, insect, fish, bird, or any other class of reptiles, amphibians, marsupials, etc.” When asked about exceptions, he said the following, “Microscopic organisms, bacteria, viruses, flukes, parasites, and other microorganisms that exist solely to cause harm to other living things are not covered by this belief. Besides, it’s downright impractical to include them.” “In addition, I will continue to consume milk. Cows are in pain if they don’t give milk. I have milked a cow in the past, and she did not mind.” As for the reasons why a teenager would form this belief system he replied, “All living things have an equal value in this universe. Species are not superior to other species. Animals have feelings. If I would continue to consume the flesh of dead animals, I would be, in a sense, promoting the enslavement and suffering of living things.” Finally, Damian said that he would not eat eggs, because “there is a small chance that a baby chick is the yolk”. It is unknown at this time if his decision has to do with any affects on his psyche after his grandfather died last year. Damian recently moved to Florida from New York and is going to be a freshman at Boyd Anderson High School, one of the county’s best educational centers.
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