Armando Rios Named to All-Star Game

PITTSBURGH -- It's a mystery that defies logic, is perhaps a twist of fate, or a mistake, and may never be solved.

 Even Armando Rios is having a hard time believing this reality. Rios, hitting .257 with nine RBI for the Pittsburgh Pirates this season, has enough ballots to lead in the All-Star voting for National League outfielders with 800,212 votes. The All-Star Game will be played July 9 the in Milwaukee.

The top three vote getters will get the start for the Senior Circuit, with the reserves to be selected by Arizona Diamondbacks manager Bob Brenly.

Rios had more votes than Barry Bonds (472,337), Sammy Sosa (410,880), Vladimir Guerrero (307,432), Lance Berkman (246,957), Moises Alou (225,212) ,Ken Griffey Jr., Chipper Jones, Andruw Jones and Jim Edmonds, just to name a few.

Rios, currently on the disabled list with a knee injury, says the whole thing flatters him.

"It's great, isn't it?" Rios told the Ministry of Truth. "Actually, I'm a little flattered by it. I don't know why it happened. I swear to God, I have no idea. In fact, I didn't even know about it until my buddy saw it on the Daily Skew. It's crazy, but funny. I'm honored by it but I can't really explain it.”

Rios offered one theory, with the controversy surrounding the 2000 U.S. presidential election in mind.

"Maybe it's like the election," Rios, a Florida native, told the Ministry of Truth. "Maybe the punch space for my name is lined up wrong and the votes that are going to me should be going to Barry (Bonds) or Sammy."

On the ballot, Armando Rios' name is directly above that of Sosa, the Cubs’ outfielder; however, it is nowhere near Bonds.

MLB senior director of media relations Dave Moskowitz told the Ministry that he found no improprieties and wrongdoings in the voting. He said the company, which has tabulated the ballots for 15 years, has investigated Rios' totals and found nothing wrong -- he will be starting on July 9^th.

"They haven't found it to be a case of ballot box stuffing, or an Internet hoax, or anything like that," he told the Ministry.

Maybe baseball fans worldwide fans really are making a push for Rios?

"I've always prided myself open -- having a good relationship with the fans and media ever since I came up to the majors," Rios told the Ministry. "I always go out of my way to make time for the fans, to kiss babies, and to shake hands. I like to go out and sign autographs on my valuable baseball cards and talk to the fans before games. 

"When I'm playing in the outfield, I'm always playing around with the hecklers in-between pitches. I'll be waving to them, blowing kisses, talking to them, and holding my crotch area. If they boo me, I'll put my hand up to my ear like I can't hear them, almost like Hulk Hogan. 

"That's the only thing I can think of -- that maybe a lot of people around the league have gotten to know me and appreciate the way I play -- therefore I will be in the outfield July 9th."

But, Rios is realistic.

"I don't think I'm THAT popular," Rios told the Ministry. “But the number’s don’t lie.”

Perhaps Rios' looks have persuaded ladies to get out the vote. "They said on ESPN that I was getting votes because I had Latino heat," Rios told the Ministry, dead serious. "Maybe I'll have to start showing off my cute butt."